Fighter :: RanxShinichiKazuhaxHeiji
by nothingworks321
Summary: A young girl's story is slowly revealed after she runs away and meets up with Edogawa Conan/Kudo Shinichi as well as the other characters of Detective Conan.
1. Chapter 1: Runaway

I had never been one to run away from problems. Before the turning point of my childhood, I always confronted the issues, sometimes I even pursued them. But after that one moment, my life was completely distorted. I didn't know where to turn. Was there a place to turn? Well yes, I guess there was, but I had to save him the trouble. Ichiro was the only thing I had after that incident, I wasn't about to put him in danger though. That is why I had to leave; the problem that was originally my own became much more than that. It affected essentially my life as I would know it from then on.

Though I was born in South Korea to two South Korean parents, we later moved to Osaka, Japan due to my father's work. He was a well-known scientist in the research field, mainly studying biological and environmental chemistry. He was a man that deserved respect, was never harsh or cruel, even through my biggest mistakes. He was serious, and then he wasn't. But no matter what, he was my Apa, and I hadn't realized how much I honestly loved him until he was gone.

My mother on the other hand, was the pure opposite of him in most ways. I never understood how they came to be married. There were times when I would leave my bed later in the night to use the bathroom or get some water, but my ultimate goal was to spy on my parents. My father would sit in front of the fire with the paper or some medical journal of some sort, his glasses set on his nose so carefully, while my mother would be rearranging things in an effort to somehow contain herself in the small home we lived in. She was never one to confine herself in such small spaces as this, but I guess that showed how much she loved my dad as well. Her personality didn't fit with her lifestyle, but she was willing to give it up anyway. These secret stolen moments were the only times I ever saw her smile, and every time I did witness the brief moments of happiness between my parents, my breath caught. Her smile lit up her face to the point where it would break someone's heart if that light were taken away. She was and still is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, but it wasn't the fake beauty you see in the stick-like super models that cover their faces with masks of make-up. It was completely natural, which is why the way she treated me was so unexpected to anyone that wasn't me. I was used to her harsh punishments, which didn't seem too harsh to anyone but myself. The only thing I ever strived for was her acceptance, which proved to be the only goal in my life that I couldn't reach to this day. I was never smart enough, beautiful enough, or worthy of respect for that matter.

My mother usually refuses to speak Japanese unless it is absolutely necessary. Her roots always lay in Korea, which is why I never understood why she didn't go home after Apa died. Maybe she couldn't stand the thought of returning to their real home, or the idea of starting over, something she never did. She stayed in that tiny house even after I left.

Even though I lived in that same house, I grew up outside of it. I met my childhood friend, Ogawa Ichiro, when I first arrived to Osaka. He lived only a street away, something we discovered as we were walking home from school, me about 7 feet behind him as I watched him turn down that first street before I continued onto my own. The next day he had asked me why I had followed him home, a characteristic I had come to love: his bluntness. I simply retorted that I was only trying to reach my street, and after that we walked home together, gradually becoming friends. I basically lived at his house during the day, sometimes at night when Apa was away and my mother couldn't stand the sight of me. When he asked questions, I answered. I began to realize that he didn't always ask such straight-forward questions to the other kids, and came to the conclusion that it was because I never offered up my thoughts. If someone needed to know, they would ask. And he asked. A lot.

I knew I would miss him most when I left, but I also knew that I would miss him more if he died because of me. Who knew what would happen if I stayed in contact with him? I certainly did. He would end up like my father, only this time the loss would be even greater, as Ichiro was all I had left. My life without him – I can't even picture it, which is why it's only fitting that I begin telling this story from when I left Osaka to start my tour around Japan. My first destination: Tokyo, Beika district.


	2. Chapter 2: Job Hunting

I glared up at my temporary home that I had just arranged a deal for with a shady man that couldn't care less if I was 7 or 17. I wasn't entirely sure if it was legal for me to be owning an apartment for myself in a completely different city than my legal guardian even though I was still in high school, but I could manage. All I needed was a job and I'd be all set. Sort of.

My mother didn't know where I had run off to, but then again neither did Ichiro. I didn't tell him – I couldn't, because he would ask too many questions that I wouldn't be able to answer truthfully, and I hated lying to him.

I'm sure he noticed the difference in me after I witnessed my father's death; he was an overall very observant person. What he wanted to know I couldn't tell him, especially if it meant putting his life in grave danger. I told myself constantly that it was okay to tell him that it was nothing, no big deal as we walked home or to school.

I'm sure he asked these questions mainly because he never saw me mourn for my father. In truth, I never really did. I was quite honestly filled with sorrow and hatred for the cause of his death, but I couldn't feel it the way you would expect people to. I never cried or wept, or even revisited his grave. He was just gone. I was the only witness, and even I could hardly explain what had happened. Part of me couldn't quite grasp how sudden it all was, but then it wasn't, as I had laid there, in peace and not in peace at the same time, waiting for someone to realize there was something wrong as I felt more blood soaking into my clothing. Eventually, Ichiro stopped asking.

I was never like other children in that way: I couldn't feel the way people generally felt in any given situation. I laughed, a lot more before the incident than after, and I cried, again, before the incident, and I got angry, but I was never a shockwave of emotion. Sometimes, there was nothing to feel. This cruel and unusual punishment was due in part to my father's murder, but I didn't figure that out until later.

As I thought through this, I walked along the street, looking for any place that could possibly have a job opening. There were no signs, and then again, there were hardly any shops, as this was more of a residential street than anything else. My apartment building was one of two on the street, the rest of the buildings were small homes that either contained shops within them or were completely empty. The first building that appeared to be a business had Mouri Detective Agency written across the large windows. I deliberated for a moment, as I was sort of partial to crime agencies of any kind, fearing that I would be asked too many questions once inside, but decided against my better judgment and lugged myself up the stairs.

I hadn't been sleeping much lately, instead walking around at night, or staying with Ichiro, watching him as we lay on the grass in his backyard on the nicer nights under the stars, his face peaceful and vulnerable to me as I continued to think through my plans of escape.

But that can't happen anymore, I thought, and suddenly my heart ached so much that I had to stop on the third stair to the door.

My heart literally ached though. The incident I had witnessed triggered one of those genetic conditions that sometimes go unnoticed throughout a person's life. It was due to trauma, as I was told by the somewhat heartless surgeon that saved my life, but couldn't save my father's. I now had a weak heart that was usually completely fine through physical activity, as I was able to master judo and tae-kwon-do despite it, but occasionally the emotion that I hid inside of me would contort my face into an expression of pain, as my heart literally hurt and burned in my chest, just struggling to keep me alive.

After this bout of pain ceased, I glanced up and caught a boy, no younger than the age of 8, looking at me with a look of concern, his glasses distinctly reminding me of the ones my father used to read with.

"Are you alright, Onee-san?" He asked with a boyish voice that sounded so innocent and yet fake at the same time, though I couldn't figure out why.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Do you know the man that runs this agency?" I replied stoically. His face became somewhat annoyed before he replied:

"Mhm! He's in here watching TV; would you like to see him?" I nodded before he led me up the steps and into the first doorway that led to what appeared to be a mix of a living room area and an office. There was a man screaming at the TV when we got inside, his face angry and violent as he pounded his fist on the desk, along with a girl around my age that was dusting the untouched bookshelves.

"I can't believe I just lost that bet. AGAIN." The man, presumably Mouri, yelled.

"Otou-san! How much did you lose this time?" The girl said in a disapproving tone that seemed out of character for a teenaged girl to be using with her father.

"Ahh…well…not that much.." He responded weakly, pulling at his collar.

"Honestly, Otou-san.." She shook her head and turned back to her work before realizing that I was there. "Oh, hello! Did you need a case solved by Mouri Kogoro?" She said hopefully, most likely because however much her father had bet was probably the amount of his last pay check.

"Er- no. I was wondering if there were any job openings here or anywhere else that you may know about."

"Oh..Otou-san?" She turned to him slowly, at first inquiring his opinion, but then questioning whether he was paying attention or not, "Otou-san!"

"…What?" He said slowly, bringing his beer to his lips, his eyes glued to the screen.

"I'm so sorry," the girl said sheepishly, "I don't think there are any jobs here.." She appeared to be concerned, looking at me as if I was about to bring out some form of punishment for not being able to help me.

"Oh, okay. No problem. Thanks anyway," I said without a specific tone before turning on my heels and shoving my hands into my pockets.

"Wait! Would you like to stay for a little while? You look cold. I could make some tea?" She questioned. I was starting to wonder if it was worth having a decent mother after all. I had to remind myself that she was just trying to be nice, and that she didn't know that I was always cold, always sick, due to my poor heart.

"No thanks, I really need to find a job and it's getting late, so I'll see you around. I assume that you go to that high school near here..?" I fished for the name of the school in my brain, but to no avail.

"Teitan High. Yep! Are you starting there tomorrow?" She said sweetly. I cringed.

"Yeah, I guess I am." I said a little dejectedly as I remembered Kaiho High School in Osaka. "So I guess I'll see you around, Mouri-san. Thanks kid," I glanced down before turning back to the door. For some reason, I wasn't able to look this kid in the eyes for long. He reminded me of Ichiro in that way: I knew he was capable of critical observation, would see it in my eyes if something was wrong.

"Wait! What's your name?" She called, causing me to stop again.

"Kokawa Kokone. You?" I said reluctantly. My father named me for his step father that he absolutely adored, keeping this last name and continuing to use it – he just happened to be Japanese. The name Kokone had always been ironic to me, and was my own little joke, as Kokone means sound of the heart.

Obviously, the sound of my heart is irregular and weak. Ha. Ha. Ha. What a bitter joke. It was almost as if my father knew.

"Mouri Ran. And this is Conan-kun," she replied delightedly, pulling me out of my distracted mind.

"Your little brother?" I assumed halfheartedly.

"No, I'm Edogawa Conan." He said cutely, looking up with an innocent smile. My eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Right..well I live right down the street in that apartment building," I kind of pointed, but there was no reason to perform this action as she could clearly not see the building I was pointing in the general direction of.

"Oh really? You and your family should come for dinner sometime!" She said excitedly. Oh boy, I thought, what did I get myself into? I hated to lie though, so I responded somewhat truthfully:

"Sorry, Mouri-san, I don't have a family for you to invite."

And with that, I turned away from her concerned face and headed home.


	3. Chapter 3: Suspicions

I awoke to the sound of someone knocking on my door. There were three knocks – pause – three knocks – "Kokawa-saaaan! It's time to go to school!" – followed by more knocks.

I recognized the tone of voice immediately: Mouri Ran. I flipped my head up in surprise; how had I fallen asleep this way? One of the papers I had been looking over was sticking to my face; I irately yanked it off and held it down on my desk with both hands as if it would leap back up and reattach itself. I looked it over to recall what I had been doing before I had fallen asleep at the desk that came with the crappy furniture of the apartment; It was one of the papers that had been the latest of my father's research. I had secretly collected all of his research, only because I had caught onto how it was related to my father's murder. When I had nothing to do at night, and if my insomnia chose to ensue as it usually did, I would ponder over his notes and experiments, trying to figure out how it was all related. I had taken all of his reference books with me, well, as many as I could anyway, and I had the knowledge that I had earned just so I could understand his workings, but even then, I was never able to figure out what he was trying to create. So I continued to study, striving to please my father, even though he was no longer there to witness it.

I rubbed my eyes sleepily and realized I was still wearing what I had worn yesterday. I decided to just change my shirt quickly, throwing a "Coming!" at the door as I pulled it over my head. I yanked my jacket back on, grabbed my book bag, and threw on my shoes before I opened the door.

"Good morning!" She said happily, with her books clasped to her chest, but her smile faded slightly as she looked me over. "Have you not gotten your uniform yet?" She inquired.

"Uniform? Crap. I didn't even think about going to pick it up." I rubbed my hand over my face, trying to make it somewhat lively before realizing there was another girl next to Ran with short, sharply cut brown hair pulled back with a headband.

"Oh, this is Suzuki Sonoko." Ran presented her with a wave of her hand.

"..Hello, Kokawa-san," she said rather unpleasantly. I raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, I'm Kokawa Kokone. What's your problem?" I got straight to the point. I heard a snicker beside me that didn't belong to Ran and realized the kid with the glasses was tagging along as well. Sonoko's eyes narrowed before she flipped around and started down the ramp to the sidewalk. I rolled my eyes; I already had this girl figured out. Then I realized:

"Wait a minute, how did you know that I live here?" I glanced at Ran curiously as we headed down the ramp a bit slower than Sonoko, my hands deep in my pockets.

She blushed slightly, "Sorry, it might seem a bit strange…I just wanted to walk you to school on your first day and I asked the man that was emptying the garbage outside if he knew which apartment you live in." She looked up cautiously, as if she expected me to be thoroughly creeped out.

"Huh. I didn't think that guy would actually remember that I had paid rent for one of his God awful apartments." I said calmly, looking up to the sky. It was a cloudy and cold day: one of my favorite kinds. I breathed in the chilly air and decided that snow was probably in the forecast.

"Did you ever call Hattori-kun back?" Ran said suddenly, making me jump slightly. How did she know that I knew Hattori Heiji? Now I was a bit freaked out.

"W-what? How did you-"

"Oh sorry, I was talking to Conan-kun. Did you?" She looked down at the small boy with care.

"Mhm! He said that he and Kazuha-neechan would be coming tomorrow." The boy said sweetly.

"Kazuha? Toyama Kazuha?" I inquired with curiosity. "How do you know Hattori and Toyama-san?"

"Eh? You know them too? That's such a coincidence.." Ran trailed off.

"Not really, I'm from Osaka." I said matter-of-factly.

"Oh! That explains the dialect." Ran said as if she had come to some sort of breakthrough.

"Well..I guess I speak Kansai-ben, but I think it's mainly because I'm Korean." I explained.

"Woww! You have such an interesting sounding history, Kokawa-san. But…why is your name Japanese?"

"My dad had a step-father that was Japanese. He admired him so much that he kept his name, and then gave me my Japanese name. I don't know why he named me Kokone though." I smiled sadly and tilted my head back to look up at the clouds. Ran looked at me curiously before realizing that Sonoko was still ahead of us.

"Sonoko! Wait for us! I apologize for Sonoko in advance, Kokawa-san. She can be…insecure sometimes." Ran said, somewhat embarrassed.

"It doesn't matter, Mouri-san, I'll be gone soon anyway," I responded dully.

"What do you mean?" Ran said sort of sadly, which kind of bothered me, as I had only been in town for a day.

"…I just. I can't stay here for too long Ran-san. That's all."

The whole time we had been talking, I noticed that there was a strange feeling that I recognized: the feeling that I was being watched. I reflexively looked down at the kid, and he was indeed looking at me with an intelligent expression that shouldn't have belonged to a small child.

I narrowed my eyes at him suspiciously, thinking, what does this kid have on me? No, stop thinking that, he's just a kid. Get a grip, you're in Tokyo.

But the feeling persisted until he looked away and started to jog ahead of us, waving behind him.

"Byeee, Ran-neechan!" He called.

"Have a good day, Conan-kun!" Ran waved. We had caught up to Sonoko in the meantime.

"Does he live with you?" I asked.

"Mhm, he's been living with us for a while now. His parents are in a completely different country and left him here with us." She explained as if she had rehearsed this statement. I nodded in reply.

"Sooooo Ran-san…have you talked to your husband lately?" Sonoko teased. Ran blushed and furiously turned to Sonoko, her fists tight by her side.

"Hush, Sonoko, it's not like that!"

"Don't worry Ran-san, I'm sure that Kudo will propose when he comes back." She continued. This girl was getting even more on my nerves, and I wasn't even the victim of this teasing. I knew how it felt though, and it only came from people that didn't have that kind of person in their life already. It wasn't as bad though, because after the incident with my father, hardly anyone had the guts to say anything to my face. That didn't mean that I didn't know about it, but there was one kid who would tease Ichiro and me occasionally, and his name was Hattori Heiji.

Though we weren't exactly childhood friends, we kind of were. Before the incident, Hattori, Kazuha, Ichiro and I played numerous childish games. Afterwards however, I saw Heiji and Kazuha occasionally, exchanged a few words before passing them by. I knew that they had wondered what had happened, but at the time I didn't care. I didn't need anybody.

"Kokawa-san? We're here? Do you need me to take you to get your uniform?" I heard Ran distantly through my thoughts. I blinked, and realized that my feet had carried me to what I assumed was Teitan High.


	4. Chapter 4: First Day

My day at school was rather dull and uninteresting. The only problem was that I was completely alone. My heart ached at the thought of Ichiro, alone, wondering where I had disappeared to. I constantly wondered what he did without me. After the incident, he gave up a year of his childhood to be with me, to help me recover from the injury to my heart. I hadn't even asked him, but he thought it was absolutely necessary. What does he do when he isn't taking care of me? I thought. Who does he eat lunch with? Though he had his tennis teammates, he wasn't the kid that had friends waiting to sit by him. Maybe he had already gone to the police, talked to my mom – though she couldn't care less – or maybe…

Maybe he had spoken to Hattori Heiji. Since he was known for being the Detective of the West, it's understandable that he would use a reliable source such as Hattori to find me. The majority of my mind hoped that Hattori wasn't that skilled, but a small voice that called for help in my times of weakness wished he would seek me out and bring me back to my home, to Ichiro.

I spent my lunch time in the school library, where there were some chemistry books I could look through to waste the lunch hour away. I hardly ate anymore. I truthfully knew that I was only making it harder on my heart to keep itself beating, but for some odd reason I didn't attempt to fix my insomnia or my aversion to too much food. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't anorexic or anything, I still ate, but sometimes it wasn't enough.

In fact, my lifestyle was generally good. For the most part, anyway. Aside from not sleeping well due to dreams, I ate occasionally, and what I ate was usually good, healthy food. I had never smoked a cigarette or anything of the sort in my life, and will never give in to that disgusting habit. I haven't had an alcoholic drink or anything like that either, and refused to let myself stoop to that level.

If only my emotional lifestyle was similar to my physical lifestyle.

Thinking this, I looked up instinctively when I heard my name called by Ran. It was after school, and I was already walking home in my new uniform, my other clothes in my book bag. The skirt made me uncomfortable, as anything that short usually did, especially since all of the guys were stealing glances of my legs the whole day. I was the new girl, plus I was well built. Fantastic combination.

Not.

I'm not being egotistical. It is simply a fact that the majority of my body is muscle. I had snuck into a boys' judo camp one year during middle school, pretending to be a boy so I could get the same amount of training all of the "tough guys" had. If I had anything to say about it, I wasn't about to let anything take me down. I had to be prepared for the next time, so I took every action necessary. I also was trained in tae-kwon-do, had earned my black belt before I was 12.

So I was scared into training myself. No big deal.

As Ran approached me, she began to talk, saying "I didn't see you today! I was going to wait for you at lunch..but you didn't come." She said, with questioning in her eyes.

"I had some stuff to take care of," I sort of lied. I needed that safe haven in the library. Too many people surrounding me at once was never a good thing for my heart. We turned to begin walking home.

Soon we came across Conan, who abandoned his group of friends to join us. I looked over the 4 other children that were saying goodbye to Conan in their own ways, feeling somewhat nostalgic until I came across the steely eyed girl in the back of the group. Her hair was a short, light brown that framed her face perfectly. She had the same aura as Conan: too intelligent of a face to be that young. What stood out to me was that I recognized her from somewhere. My eyebrows pulled together in an effort to retrieve this memory. She was staring at me cautiously, as if she suspected me of something. When Conan looked back at her, he had a concerned look on his face, as if he too suspected something was wrong.

"Wait up for me, Ran-neechan, I have to tell Haibara-san something," he said in a sickly innocent voice that had to be fake. It was too nice. Ran nodded and smiled as he turned and jogged back to the alleged Haibara. He whispered something in her ear quickly before turning back around, but no luck, one of his friends had overheard.

"Conan-kun, why are you telling Haibara to go home so soon? We were all going to Genta's house to watch the new Kamen Yaiba episode!" The boy with freckles said.

"Is something wrong with Ai-chan?" The little girl said with cute concern.

"No no no! Shh. It's nothing, I just remembered that the Professor wanted her home early tonight, that's all," he recovered quickly, glancing at me to see if I bought it. I didn't. And he could tell.

I sighed and turned to keep going home.

"Kokawa-san, wait! Where are you going?" Ran called after me.

"I need to find a job. I'll see you tomorrow, Ran-san," I surprised myself by actually feeling a bit sad about my current situation. Why had those children affected me so much? I hadn't done anything wrong. How could they feel threatened by me? Was I really that strange of a person?

And so, I, the child threatener, began to make my way home.


	5. Chapter 5: Found

Again, I was awakened by someone knocking on my door. My first thought was that I had somehow miraculously slept through the afternoon and the night, all the way until school the next morning. But then I remembered that today was Friday, and when I checked the beat up clock on the wall, it was only 6 o'clock. I had been sleeping for a little over 3 hours.

"Kokawa-san? Are you home?" Ran called after knocking a few more times. What did this girl want? I thought harshly. I groaned and rolled out of my crappy bed, right onto the crappy floor, which caused a loud thunk that made Ran question me further: "Kokawa-san?"

I made my way towards the door, my hair still in a messy ponytail. I realized I was wearing an old t-shirt and shorts, and that it would be very cold when I opened the door, but too late, I had already started to open it. The first face I saw was Conan's.

"Good evening, Kokawa-neechan!" he said cheerfully.

"…Hey. Uh, listen, I was just-"

"We wanted to invite you to dinner at our home, Kokawa-san. Right, Conan-kun?" Ran looked down happily at the child. My features softened as I immediately felt bad for my thoughts.

"Oh…I don't..I don't think I should," I said, because I felt like I had to reject before we became friends.

"Would you please? Conan-kun wanted you to come because he said he thought you would be lonely eating by yourself." Ran added cautiously, not wanting to bring up the subject of my nonexistent family.

My eyes narrowed towards Conan, as I knew he was only trying to study me further. The smaller part of my mind said this, but the larger part told me to shut up, he was a kid. No big deal. Just go eat with them.

"…Okay. I guess I'll come. Hang on one second."

I quickly shut the door and searched the dark for my pants and jacket, deciding to keep my t-shirt on since I was probably going to crash once I got back home.

We quietly walked towards the Detective Agency and passed the door I had entered when I first came to Tokyo. The higher floor was homier, and I could smell something warm and welcoming cooking in the kitchen, though I couldn't place my finger on what it was. My mother never cooked for me.

"Dinner will be ready soon. Conan-kun, will you set the table and keep Kokawa-san company?" Ran inquired delightedly. How can someone seem so damn happy all the time? I thought to myself. Ran left for the kitchen to finish up the food while Conan began to set out napkins on the small table. Suddenly, the phone rang, shrill and loud in the silence.

"Hello? Ohhh, Heiji-niichan!" Conan answered, looking up at me, "What? You can't come tomorrow? Why?" At that moment, Ran came into the room with various bowls of food, a concerned look on her face.

"Is that Hattori-kun? Let me talk to him, Conan-kun," Ran said as she set the bowls onto the table. There was some sort of rice and beef combination. Something told me there was more food in the kitchen waiting to be brought out. But Conan kept the phone to himself.

"Someone missing? Who?" I felt my heart awkwardly leap in my chest. Conan looked at me suspiciously. This was one smart kid.

"Oh, don't worry Heiji-niichan, she's right here!" Conan said in his innocent voice as he handed me the phone. I glared at it as if there was some sort of disease attached to it. After a minute, I grabbed it and turned away from Ran and Conan's curious gazes.

"…Hello?" I said cautiously.

"Kokone? What are you doing in Tokyo? Ogawa-san was really worried."

"Was? Did you tell him I was here?"

"No, but as soon as you hang up-"

"No. You can't tell him. Okay? Please don't. Don't tell anyone."

He paused. "Why?"

"Just…you need to come to Tokyo and discuss this. I can't tell you right now. But please do NOT tell Ichiro. Please don't," I said in a way that surprised me. My heart started to ache a bit.

"What about your mother?" He questioned.

"Hattori, don't be stupid, you know as well as I do that she isn't the one that asked you where I was."

"I guess you're right."

"Anyway, come to Tokyo. I need to talk to you."

"So it's okay if Kazuha knows?"

"As long as she keeps her big mouth shut." I said sharply. Kazuha was a bit of a loud mouth sometimes.

He laughed at me and I could hear Kazuha in the background saying "What? What did she say about me?" Well that's nice, I thought, Kazuha already knew anyway. Of course.

"Okay, we'll come to Tokyo as planned." He finally answered.

"Alright. I guess I'll see you then." I said, about to hang up.

"Kokone." He stated simply.

"…yes?" I responded carefully.

"What am I supposed to tell Ichiro?" He said, a bit more on the serious side than I would have liked.

"…Tell him you're going to Tokyo to visit your friends. They live in a Detective Agency anyway, right? Tell him you're getting help to find me or something." As much as I hated lying, I wasn't bad at it.

"..I guess. Okay, I'll see you tomorrow." He paused, but I could tell he was going to say something else, so I waited.

"Are..are you okay? This sudden get away plan is kind of…sketchy." He said suspiciously.

"Look, I'll tell you everything when you get here." Lie. I couldn't tell him everything if his life was on the line. He didn't respond, unsatisfied with this answer, so I paused for a minute, willing myself to tell the biggest lie of all:

"I'm fine."

"If you say so. See you then."

"Yeah, see you." I said before hanging up for good. I held the phone in my hand for a minute before turning back to see Ran and Conan staring at me, already seated at the table.

"I uhm.." I started awkwardly, handing Conan the phone. "Something happened in Osaka. A case, if you will."

"Heiji-niichan said you were missing. He said someone was really worried and that he couldn't come because it was his friend." I looked down at my plate, where Ran had generously served some of the food.

"Well his friend doesn't have to worry anymore," I said quietly. My heart started to ache at the thought of Ichiro actually worrying about me. He always worried. My heart started to beat a bit faster and burn a bit hotter. I winced and pushed my palm against my chest in an effort to stop it.

"Kokawa-san? Are you okay?" Ran said worriedly, getting up to check on my condition. The pain eased a little until I was able to hide it with my poker face.

"I'm fine," I lied, "I'm fine."


	6. Chapter 6: Suspicions Confirmed

Dinner was a bit awkward and silent for the first few minutes until I decided that some sort of conversation was necessary. I started off a bit suddenly, making Ran shift a little before looking up at me as I said:

"Where's your father?"

"He's out drinking most likely. He said he would only be gone for a little while helping the police with recent case files, but it's been a few hours.." She trailed off, rolling her eyes at his absurdity.

"Oh." I said simply, which only brought more awkwardness into the situation. It was silent for a few minutes as we all ate the well prepared food. I absently thought of how long it had been since I had had a home cooked meal like this. Then I remembered something Sonoko had said earlier that girls seemed to like to talk about, and tried again.

"So who is this Kudo guy?" I said, trying to sound as blasé as possible. I looked up because there hadn't been an answer after a few seconds to see Conan's somewhat panic-stricken face and Ran's deliberative one.

"Sorry. I just overheard you and Sonoko – never mind." I said quietly, wishing myself into thin air.

"No no, it's fine. His name is Kudo Shinichi. He's a childhood friend of mine. Have you heard of him? The High School Detective of the East," She said proudly, popping a piece of beef into her mouth. Her response made me stop chewing. Kudo Shinichi…where had I heard that name before?

"…Was he the one that disappeared a while ago?" I said thoughtfully, trying not to show my concern. For some reason this name put me on edge.

"Well, I guess that's one way to put it. He's off solving a bunch of cases, the detective nerd.." She said scornfully, but in a way that a mother might speak of her child that wants to learn to become a doctor.

"When did he disappear? Err, I mean leave?"

"Hmm..I guess last year some time," She responded. Finally it clicked.

Kudo Shinichi was what started my plans of escape. Though they later established that he was just away from home, he was gone for a long time from school, which had to be reported to various major police stations in case of truancy. I knew he was known for his sharp deduction skills; that wasn't suspicious to me, it was perfectly plausible that he was off solving some sort of case. But what made me suspicious was that I knew where they had left to search for me.

Who? Well, none other than the Black Organization.

"Do you have a picture?" I asked suddenly, getting up from the table to search for myself. I held myself back before I actually starting going through things.

"Uhm..yeah sure." Ran said worriedly, getting up to find it. She disappeared into a room and came back with a picture of her and Kudo at some sort of amusement park, Kudo making a peace sign behind Ran's head, both of their expressions relaxed and joyful. I took it from her hand and stared at him. I slowly turned to Conan, who quickly turned his head down to his food. I slinked over towards him and knelt down, the picture frame still in my left hand. After turning Conan's head to face me, I took off his glasses and held up the picture.

So something had happened to him. I was pretty sure it had something to do with what my father had been recruited to create:

APTX 4869.


	7. Chapter 7: Black Organization

Before you assume that my father was a murderer, remember that you still don't know the whole story.

My father was well known for his specialty in science: chemistry in particular. When the Black Organization caught up with him, I was about 8 years old. I had still been stealing those secret moments in the middle of the night, but now it was to see what my father was really up to. My mother had been gone for an extensive period of time, had left for Korea to care for her father before he passed. It was just me and my father, and that scared me. Something was happening to him, I didn't know what. But he was my Apa, and I had to know.

Most of the situation I was unable to grasp until the day of his murder. Before then, I had no idea that he was being used to create a drug that would kill people almost painlessly – though the Black Organization didn't know of the painless part. Those heartless murderers only wanted something that would destroy their victims without leaving a mess behind.

A bit ironic actually, considering the mess they left behind between me and my father.

My father was not the man that would willingly agree to this. In fact, that's how he was killed. The Black Organization knew that he had a daughter, and that that daughter was me. They used a father's love to create a cruel weapon of evil. I didn't know that I was silently being threatened to keep my father in line. One night though, I heard my father almost shouting on the phone that he couldn't do it anymore, and that he would call the police.

Before he could though, he was murdered, and I was almost brought down with him.

There was some sort of trouble my father was having with actually creating the drug; to be honest, I don't think he ever really did. He got pretty close, by the looks of his research, but how did he test it? That must have been what stopped him.

As I thought this through while staring at the boy without his glasses, looking a bit frightened and determined at the same time, I knew Shinichi and Conan were the same person. It was a pretty broad hunch, but there was something so obvious about the way Conan held my gaze. Too adult-like, I thought.

"Ah, yeah, Conan-kun looks just like Shinichi did when he was a kid," Ran finally butted in, "Sometimes I'm almost positive that it's him," She said ashamedly, as if it were just so silly. Not silly enough, Ran-san, I thought.

"Really," I responded tonelessly, not really paying attention. I was looking the kid in the eye. I handed his glasses back to him before standing up and turning to Ran, handing her the picture frame. She took it and headed back into her room.

"We need to talk," I said almost silently.

"Tomorrow with Hattori?" He questioned, though it sounded more like a statement.

"Good enough for me, Kudo Shinichi," My mentioning of his name made him almost drop his chopsticks.

Tomorrow was going to be fun.


	8. Chapter 8: Hattori Heiji Gets Involved

I laid in my haystack of a bed for about thirty minutes before deciding that I was not going to be sleeping that night, and should probably find something useful to do in the meantime.

I rolled out of my bed and turned on the light, slipping on some warmer pants over my shorts. Steadily, I made my way to my desk and found the papers that I had left this morning still there, untouched. Organization wasn't always my thing, but I was going to come up with a unique system that was difficult to copy so I could figure out if anyone had been through my papers. As I was going through the stack of papers still unpacked, a picture fluttered to the floor. It was a picture of my father; he had looked up after I called for him, and I had snapped the picture with my mother's camera, something that would later get me into a heap of trouble. His hands were poised over his work, which was comprised of various petri dishes with various pills and ingredients. He must have been working on the APTX 4869, as he had scolded me after he smiled at my hopeful face, a late reaction due to the fact that he was not a harsh man.

I ran my fingers over his face, thinking of how much better life was then, and then how it wasn't. My mother had still been cruel, and I'm sure my father was under a great deal of stress. I absently wished that I could go back to that time anyway though, because as a child, life was so much simpler and understandable. Until the day of his death, there weren't any outstanding questions that I absolutely needed the answers to. I was a curious child, don't get me wrong, but at that time, children don't need to know the answers to be happy.

This made me think of Conan. How did he feel, trapped in that kid's body? Maybe he didn't feel trapped. He was living with the girl he liked, seemed to have a pretty satisfying life as a child yet again. Maybe I didn't know, but at that moment I envied him.

I continued to organize until I was sure everything was in its place. From a distance, my desk appeared very unorganized, as I had left some papers out on my desk, but I did that on purpose. Even though the Black Organization has a history of being thorough, I somehow thought that if they were to find where I lived, they wouldn't be able to place these papers exactly back where they had found them. I had the angles and measurements memorized. Preparation was my thing. If I honestly thought about it, no amount of preparation could keep me or Ichiro safe from those heartless killers. Somehow though, I felt a strange comfort in the fact that I had mastered judo, tae-kwon-do, chemistry, and the necessary math that went along with everything else.

I noticed there was one small binder left to unpack next to my desk and debated whether I should try to sleep or continue organizing. Continue organizing, I decided. I sauntered back over to the binder with a sigh and opened it up.

I had forgotten that I had packed my sheet music with me. Piano, violin, ukulele. Some of the music had been my father's, the majority of which was piano. I learned piano from him, learned violin through school, and taught myself the ukulele after my father said that he loved the sound of the strings pulling together. Even then, I wanted to please him. My strengths however, were piano and singing. I had written a few songs lyrically with the piano, but no one besides Ichiro had ever heard them, and even he by accident. I smiled as I remembered Ichiro peaking around the corner at me as I sang one of the songs I had written about my father's death. I guess that was my form of grief.

My heart began to hurt suddenly, and I gripped my chest as if I could rip the pain away, but with no luck. I fell to my knees, holding my breath, my teeth clenched, just waiting for the pain to cease. After about 4 minutes, my breathing slowed and my heart rate returned to normal, or as normal as it had ever been. Feeling weak and tired, I crawled to my bed and fell onto the covers, not even bothering to cover myself with them. It was about 4 in the morning.

I had no idea when Hattori would be coming, so when he came knocking on my door at about noon, I realized I hadn't prepared how much I would tell him yet.

"Oi, Kokone-san. Open the door!" Hattori called, pounding on the door. I wrenched my head up from my pseudo-pillow before scrambling out of my bed.

"Shit," I hissed to myself, trying to find my pants yet again along with my jacket. As I struggled to pull them on, I tripped and fell on my backside, my pants hanging around my ankles. I grumbled until I fastened the button on the pants and continued to search for a sweater that covered the scar on my chest that I earned from both surgery and being attacked by the Black Organization. It started near the base of my neck on the left side, and jaggedly ran down my chest towards the center until it stopped abruptly between my breasts. The t-shirt I was wearing revealed the beginnings of it, so I found my black turtleneck and pulled it over my head before pulling my hair back up into its high ponytail. Finally, I responded to Hattori's pounding.

"Okay, okay. I get it, I'm here. Give me a second," I scolded him, rubbing a hand over my face in an attempt to wake up.

"Jeez, did you even sleep last night? What have you been doing?" He said in his nosy way.

"No, I didn't," No use lying, I thought as his eyes widened at my truthful response, "So where is everyone? Why are you here by yourself?"

"I'm not. Conan-kun's here too," Hattori said, looking down at the boy I just took notice of.

"Oh. Hey…Conan," I said suspiciously, remembering my discovery. It was a bit quiet for a minute before I thought of inviting them inside, "Oh right. You guys want to come in?"

"Sure." Hattori responded. Conan just nodded slightly and followed Heiji inside.

Somehow, I felt responsible for what had happened to him. Though I envied his position, he was probably being hunted by the Black Organization as well, and it couldn't have been easy to be living with the ones he loved while this was going on. I remembered how my father had protected me until his last breath, how he had gotten involved in this mess because of me. Since he had refused to create the drug, they must have hired someone else to finish what he started. If my father hadn't needed to protect me, who knows, that drug may not even exist.

He could be dead, I thought, and then immediately wanted to take it back. I hated the idea of causing someone's death.

"What are you thinking about?" Hattori asked me suspiciously; he had noticed my face.

"What? Oh, nothing. Let's just get this over with," It was a bit chilly inside because of the crappy heater, but it would have to do.

"Uh..I don't really have anywhere for you guys to sit or anything.." I said helplessly. I hadn't even thought of that.

"It's fine," Heiji said before sitting himself on my God awful bed. Conan followed his example. I sat myself down into the chair that belonged to my desk.

"Okay…" I started slowly, "What do you need to know?"

"What are you doing here?" Hattori asked before Conan could ask his inevitable question.

"I'm…don't judge me okay?" I looked up at him, pleading, but he just continued to look at me, his brows pulled together, "I felt like I was being watched. And if I was being watched, whoever was watching me would see the people that I'm associated with." I hinted, not wanting to admit that I had basically done this for Ichiro.

"Ah. Your mother and Ogawa-san, right?" I surprised myself by laughing one sharp laugh: HA!

"Please. My mother probably wants to be killed by my fault. Then she could really blame me even in her afterlife." I said critically, thinking of how she had always openly blamed me for Apa's death.

"So Ogawa-san then?" Hattori fished. I looked up at him for a moment before I nodded.

"How do you know about the Black Organization?" Conan said suddenly.

"How..I never mentioned the Black Organization," I stated, a bit afraid to know how he had figured it out. I knew this detective was sharp, which made me all the more cautious. How much had he figured out already?

"How else would you know about my identity?" He responded readily. Damn, I thought.

I got up and went to my desk to find the picture. I handed the picture to Hattori, who showed it to Conan. "That's him – my dad. He was developing the APTX 4869 when I took that picture." I sighed before continuing, "He was being threatened by the Black Organization to create a drug that would kill people quickly and quietly. They were using him." I looked down at my hands as I sat up in my chair.

"Why'd he do it?" It was as if he had a list of questions. I looked up at him.

"Because…he loved me. I guess." Conan looked like he was attempting to understand. Or maybe he was just trying to think ahead. Before they could ask me to explain further though, I countered Kudo with my own question.

"What about you, Kudo? How did you end up in this situation?" I looked at him sadly, feeling more at fault than before.

"Those men in black drugged me while I was at Tropical Land with Ran." He explained shortly and casually. "I had spotted them there and found them suspicious, so I followed them."

"It's a good thing my dad wasn't the one to complete the drug then," I said, mainly to myself.

"What do you mean by that?" He seemed to be a bit surprised by my statement. I got up to attempt to relieve some stress, i.e. make some tea before I responded.

"Well. Whoever finished my dad's job didn't accomplish the goal. Am I right? My dad would have been able to figure out the right formula if he hadn't quit." I moved the pot with water in it to the only stove burner that worked while stashing a used pan in the sink.

"I believe that the woman who helped create the drug would have been able to do it. I also believe that she didn't subconsciously," He said matter-of-factly.

"So you know her," I stated, searching the cupboard for that loan box of tea bags I had bought, "It was that girl right? Did she try to kill herself?"

"…Yes. She was being held by the men in black. After she found out about her sister's death, she wanted to escape,"

"What did you say to her yesterday? About me?" I asked.

"Ahh, well.." He said, sounding sheepish, "I was telling her to go home because I suspected you as being a part of the Organization.." He sounded regretful.

"Ah. So she unknowingly brought herself into this mess of suspicion," I said thoughtfully, then sighed, "How old is she?"

"I have a feeling she's around my age, but she won't tell me," I looked over to see Conan shaking his head. I had forgotten Hattori was sitting here listening the whole time.

"Oi, Hattori, cat got your tongue?" I slightly smiled over my shoulder.

"A-Ah, no. Just didn't want to interrupt. But.." he started before trailing off.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"..What do I tell Ichiro?" I had been expecting this, but it still surprised me that he had asked.

"I..I don't know. But I need you to make sure he doesn't get into trouble. Will you do that?" I asked unwillingly. I hated to ask for help.

"Yeah, of course. But how am I supposed to explain that his girlfriend is just..gone?" I winced at his words, a toil of anger beginning to boil in my stomach.

"I am NOT. His girlfriend. But I am his best friend. I don't know if it's smart to risk telling him that I'm okay."

"So what, am I supposed to tell him that you died or something? That you're in trouble and I can't do anything about it?"

"Are you REALLY going to make this about your ego right now?" I rolled my eyes, tapping my fingers on the counter. Why wouldn't the water boil already?

"I'm not making it about my ego, I'm wondering what I should tell to the only person that is honestly worried about you." I sighed. This was true. What could he say?

"Kudo." I stated.

"Yeah?" He responded.

"What should I do?" I said without any feeling at all.

"I don't really know who this Ichiro guy is-"

"You've been in this position for a while, right? Do you think it would be dangerous to tell him where I am? To communicate by phone?" He deliberated for a moment.

"…You probably shouldn't tell him your exact location. But I talk to Ran sometimes..you should at least call him," he said helpfully. I was still uneasy. Ichiro knew me too well; he would be able to tell within a second of hearing my voice whether something was wrong or not. I hadn't realized that the water was boiling in front of me until Heiji came from behind to take it off the stove. I handed him the tea bags and pointed to the plastic cups stacked to the side of the stove that I had bought cheap from a convenience store, still looking down at my hands hopelessly.

"I, for one, think you are worrying too much," Hattori tried to say hopefully. I scoffed at him.

"Heiji, I've been in this situation for basically my whole entire life in Japan. This isn't something I can just hide from," I said, before I could stop myself.

"So why did you?" He retorted.

"I didn't mean it like that. I'm not hiding, I'm-"

"You ran away, Kone-san," He surprised me by bringing out my nickname.

"So? I needed a change of scenery anyway."

"Excuses, excuses.." He said. Either he was trying to push my buttons, or he was just stupid.

"Hattori…" Kudo cautioned. But it was too late. With my voice raised, I gripped Heiji's collar with my fist and shoved him up against the wall. His expression was somewhat uncomfortable.

"I didn't run away for my sake. I was attacked and I was ALMOST killed, but that does NOT matter because I know what it is like, and I have grown up and prepared since then, so don't accuse me of being a coward when all I want is for the only person I have to be safe, because he doesn't-" I cut myself off before it got too bad and turned myself around to face the kitchenette again, my hands holding me up against the counter. It was silent.

"He doesn't know what it's like to be near death. And I don't want him to go through that. Does that make sense?" I said cynically.

"…I guess we should be going. Come on, Kudo." Hattori said quietly. I heard Conan get up, the small weight of his footsteps across the floor. They got closer, so I turned around.

"You should call him, Kokone-neechan," He said in his fake, boyish voice before smiling up at me. As he turned, I called after him.

"Kudo." He looked over his shoulder as I continued: "I'll find an antidote." I said so simply and randomly that it didn't appear to belong in the conversation at all. His eyes widened and his eyebrows drew together in confusion. "I promise." I finished.

"Don't worry about Ogawa-san. Kazuha and I will take him along with us all the time until you come back," Heiji said, trying to make up for pushing me earlier.

"Thank you. I…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine. For the record, I hope you don't have to go through that either," He added, before adding a goodbye as he shut the door.

"Too late," I whispered to myself, thinking back to that night so long ago…


	9. Chapter 9: Phonecall

As the memories came flooding back, I attempted to shove them away, having to instead endure a bout of pain before it was possible. Weak and shaky, I got back up to my feet using the counter as support. Realizing that the tea I had made had basically gone to waste, I attempted to drink some and ended up downing all of it in an effort to calm my racing heart. Then I thought about him.

I had every intention of following Conan's advice – until I realized I had nothing to contact Ichiro with. "Dammit," I cussed to myself, thinking of how I had no change for a pay phone. I thought of going to the Mouri Detective Agency, but it would be too awkward to use the phone in front of everyone. I decided against this deliberation anyway however, and flung my jacket and shoes on in a quick motion before stepping outside the door. Remembering something quickly, I turned back and grabbed the spare key that wasn't even really hiding from underneath the scratchy and unwelcoming welcome mat with the intention of giving it to Kudo.

My hands deep in my pockets, I quickly walked down the street and arrived at the Agency in a matter of minutes. It was getting colder outside by the second, as it was at that time of day when everything turns from light to dark so suddenly that if you blinked, you'd miss it.

I knocked a bit hurriedly in an effort to at least get inside, but no one answered. Thinking that maybe they were upstairs instead, I went and knocked on that door as well. No answer.

Well, it was around dinner time, I reasoned. They were probably all going out to eat or something for Heiji and Kazuha. For some reason this thought comforted me; it was reasonable, and made complete sense. There was no trouble here.

However, it WAS pretty cold…and it was at least a 6 minute walk back to my apartment…

I held my hands up to my head and patted it down, searching for a bobby pin of some sort. Luckily, I came up with one, and went back to the lower level door to pick the lock. In about a minute, I was in.

I know, I know. I'm a delinquent.

After flipping on the light switch, I rubbed my hands together in an effort to bring some warmth to my hands. There really was no use though, as I was always cold. I looked around me after shutting the door and locking it, and quickly spotted the phone sitting on Mouri Kogoro's desk, where his TV also sat. I absently wondered if he went out with them – wouldn't it have been awkward to break in only to find him watching TV? I thought to myself. I snickered, he probably wouldn't have even noticed.

I proceeded to the phone, but hesitated before I picked it up, my hand poised over it cautiously. Was this the right thing? Honestly? What if he just knew where I was, by the tone of my voice?

Nah, not even he could do that…could he?

Stop being stupid, I told myself. Just call him. I snatched the phone like a lifeline and began to dial his cell phone number.

"Hello?" He said breathlessly, picking up on the first ring. I blinked and looked at the phone before responding carefully.

"…'Chiro?" I said tentatively.

"Kokone!" He sighed with relief before proceeding with: "Where the hell have you BEEN?" He said, though he wasn't as angry as his connotation might have revealed.

"I had to leave, Chiro. I'm sorry I didn't tell you…" I couldn't think of what I wanted to say. Everything just melted when I heard his homey voice filling my ear.

"What's going on?" He said sensitively. He already knew something was up.

"I just…I needed to get away for a while. That's all. How's-"

"You could have just stayed at my house," he scolded lightly, like the mother I never had, "We've got plenty of room. Why don't you come here to stay? My mom WANTS you to." He emphasized. I sighed.

"I'm not in town Ichiro. I won't be home for a while. But I'll call you every once and a while, okay? I'm fine. Don't worry about me," I added, knowing he would ask.

"I sent Hattori to look for you. He's in Tokyo at the Mouri Detective Agency. You know that famous detective, Mouri Kogoro or whatever, right?" I flinched when he mentioned basically the exact location I was at.

"Y-yeah. But wait, you didn't need to do that, I'm perfectly fine." I said with false hope in an effort to satisfy him. He just sighed.

"Kone." He stated. My heart skipped a beat at the sound of my nickname coming from his voice.

"Yeah."

"Don't do anything stupid, okay?" He said a bit sadly. I had the sudden urge to tell him everything right then and there, shutting my eyes to keep from doing so. I hesitated.

"You too," I decided was a decent response, "I…" I started.

"Yeah?" He wondered.

"I…I miss you, Chiro. I'll be home - whenever I can be." He didn't respond for a minute, making me nervous as hell.

"Well, whatever you're doing, don't kid yourself. I…miss you too." We had never before said something so sensitive to each other. Our basis was best friends, nothing more. Not that I didn't want anything more anyway…

"Okay. So what have you been up to?" I said lightly, trying to create a happier mood. He seemed open to that idea.

"Oh, well, just school, guitar, piano. The usual." I didn't mention that 'the usual' usually involved me.

"Any new pieces coming up?" I asked, interested. He wrote breathtakingly beautiful piano pieces, though he didn't sing with the piano like I did. He mainly sang and played guitar in his free time, as he didn't actually own a piano.

"Ah, well. Not really. I started to write a really stupid song with my guitar, but it's worth absolutely nothing so I threw that away about a minute after I wrote it," He chuckled to himself. I smiled in response. I yawned audibly. I guess I hadn't slept much that day, huh?

"Oi, you're not sleeping again, are you?" He said sternly before I could think of stifling my yawn.

"…I guess not." I responded, wanting to tell as much of the truth as I could.

"Go lay down then. I'll keep you company until you fall asleep," He offered.

"…Fine," I relented, and made my way towards the couch, trying to stifle another yawn.

"Alright then. Should I get my guitar?" He said more quietly.

"Mhm," I mumbled, curled up on the couch. There was silence while he did this, and then suddenly I heard the low hum of the strings pulled by his fingers, until he began to sing. I didn't need to pay attention to the lyrics, because just the sound of his voice was enough to lull me into one of the best sleeps I'd been in for years.


	10. Chapter 10: Camera Man

The origin of my insomnia began after my dad's death, obviously, because of the horrid dreams that followed suit. For once though, my mind was quiet, free of disturbing memories distorted into even worse images, if that was possible. I kept Ichiro's voice with me even in my sleep, as if I was aware and at the same time completely not. The only reason I came back to the surface was because of a loud interruption coming from my right side.

In my dream, I turned to my right, and saw Ichiro and I sitting on the roof of my house, his guitar in his ready hands. We were singing together, laughing and simply enjoying another night away from my mother, nothing unusual. I cocked my head to the side as I witnessed this, confused, as there was no sound, though I could clearly see myself laugh as he came up with some odd lyrics, could see him strumming his guitar effortlessly. I could hear something though, and it slowly got louder and louder until I turned, frustrated by this disturbance, to figure out who exactly it was.

"Kokone! Oiiiiii! Kokone-san!" Of course, I thought as I broke through the surface, Hattori Heiji. I was about to snap at him until I realized how this must look. After all, I was curled up on the couch inside of the Mouri Detective Agency, the phone clutched in my right hand. I squeezed my eyes shut even more, as if I could shut out the light and sound collectively, before opening them slowly to find uh, four people hovering over me.

"Kokone-san," Kazuha said slowly in disbelief, "what are you doing here?" I became even more aware of my appearance and sat up quickly. I sighed and rubbed a hand over my face before beginning my pathetic explanation of what the hell I was doing lying on their couch while they were out.

"Ahh..well….sorry, I needed to use the phone and I didn't have change, so-"

"How did you get inside?" Heiji asked in disbelief.

"…I was getting to that," I said through my teeth. I yawned before getting up to put the phone back on the receiver. "I picked the lock," I stated simply. "Well, I guess I'd better go now. Sorry about…this." I muttered before making my way towards the door. Someone grabbed my arm. I turned to find Ran with a worried expression holding onto my arm.

"Wait, Kokawa-san. Stay here with us. I'll make you some tea." She said before I could protest.

"I'll help you, Ran-san." Kazuha said happily. They left to head upstairs. I decided I had to turn and face Hattori and Kudo after watching them leave, and said:

"…Did you guys go out to eat or something?" I started.

"Uh, yeah. We were going to invite you, but it seemed like you wanted to stay in your apartment…by the way, how are you paying for that?" Heiji countered. I sighed, remembering that I still hadn't found a job. Before answering, I shut the door and went to sit back on the couch, leaning back and covering my eyes with my arm.

"I honestly don't know," I said wearily. My head was starting to ache as well as the rest of my body. Fantastic, I thought, I'm getting sick again.

"Do you need money?" Hattori asked again.

"No." I said sharply. Heiji was quiet for a moment.

"Oh, I got a call from Ichiro-san. He said he had gotten a call from you and that I didn't need to look for you anymore," He said curiously.

"What about it?" I asked.

"He seemed really worried still, but he told me not to search for you anyway. Just seemed a bit strange to me."

"That's Chiro." I said before I could stop myself, "Sometimes he doesn't trust my judgment of how I am, but this happened to be one of the only times he listened."

"Oi, do you have a fever?" Conan piped up. Before I could stop him, I felt one of his little hands plant onto my cheek. I lifted my arm slightly to look at him before replacing it over my eyes.

"Maybe. It doesn't matter though, I'm always sick," I said slowly. He removed his hand.

"I'll ask Ran-neechan to get some medicine as well," I heard him open the door and shut it, leaving Heiji and I alone.

"Stupid." I heard Heiji mutter.

"Excuse me?" I said, lifting my arm up to stare him in the face. He didn't leave my gaze.

"Are you really going to try to live by yourself in Tokyo until all of this blows over?" He asked as if he were scolding me.

"What else am I supposed to do, Hattori? If you have a better solution, I'm open to suggestions." I said sourly.

"You could come back to Osaka and I'd help look after Ogawa-san?" He said as if it were obvious. I sighed.

"Heiji. Don't start this now. Please." I begged, suddenly tired of my life.

"I don't think you can handle this by yourself, idiot. I'm trying to help." I glanced at his look of concern.

"I can handle myself. If I don't have to worry about Ichiro, then all I have to worry about is myself so that THEY can't get to HIM."

"So you're still worried about him. You need to relax! We were going to go do karaoke later, you should come with us. Tonight there's some sort of American music night." I had to admit, that appealed to me, if only because American music was what Ichiro and I sang all the time. We both spoke English pretty well, as we had visited America with his parents on business for 2 months.

"I'm not going to lie, that actually sounds better than the alternative right now." Heiji flashed me a smile.

"But I wonder…if you have a fever like this, is it better for you to stay here?" He said, coming over to feel my forehead to see just how warm I was. I swatted his hand away.

"I'm fine. It's just a low-grade fever," I tried to smile, "I really do like American music, so even if I had a high fever I'd go." I admitted.

"Hey Heiji, how often do you come here?" I asked him tentatively after a minute of silence.

"Well…I guess every month or two. Maybe. I don't know. Why?"

"Do you think…do you think you could come once a month? I don't care if Kazuha comes, but if you do…just to update, you know." I hinted.

"Ah, Ogawa-san." He said with a devilish smile. I wanted to slap that grin right off his face.

"Ah, Kazuha-chan." I countered, only I said it in a sick way, as if I were planning on killing her or something.

"Shut up, ahou." He said, his grin sort of disappearing.

"You too, jerk." I replied easily, before smiling slightly. This is why I had always liked Heiji; we were like siblings for the most part. My father had gotten help from his mom a lot when we were younger – mainly with raising me. Thinking this, I decided to ask another question.

"Do you remember that one time when we were in first grade when my dad had to take lessons from your mom on how to cook basic things like noodles?" I said before snickering to myself. In all honesty, this had been the first time that I had actually somewhat laughed in a while. After a few seconds I caught my breath in surprise, placing a hand over my heart, feeling the lighter, unfamiliar feeling of a steady heartbeat underneath. Heiji was laughing as I did this.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure he took notes over it all. But that's how he was, right? He was a studious note taker." I should have known that even as a child, Heiji was observant.

"He was indeed." I responded, smiling to myself while looking at the ground with my hand still placed over my chest.

"What are you doing?" He asked. I looked up at him.

"Oh uh. Nothing, just remembering I guess." I replied uncomfortably. No one other than Ichiro really knew that I had a heart condition. I silently wondered how long it took to make tea…

"Oi, Kokone-san."

"Yeah."

"When are you going to tell me what happened the night your dad died?" He said it so abruptly that it knocked the wind right out of me. He waited patiently.

"I…I don't think I should. I mean, I know you've seen crime scenes and dead bodies but- I just don't know." Before he could respond, Ran, Kazuha and Conan were entering the room with a tray that held a teapot, cups, and a few pills.

"I hope this tea helps your fever, Kokawa-san." Ran said sweetly, cocking her head to the side before setting the tray on the coffee table in front of me, filling me a cup.

"Thanks, Ran-chan." I said gratefully before taking a sip. I could feel the warm liquid slithering into my stomach, like an internal heat source.

"This medicine is for your fever, you should take it, okay?" She handed me the pills before turning to sit across from me by Kazuha and Heiji. Conan was sitting next to me, his legs too short to reach the ground. I looked down at the medicine in my hand to see what kind it was.

"What kind of medicine is this?" I asked cautiously, not wanting to raise suspicion.

"Just some fever reducer." She replied, handing Kazuha and Heiji some tea. I decided not to take my chances, slipping the pills into my pocket when I thought no one was looking. There was no way to tell if they would harm my heart or not. As I continued to drink the tea, I began to warm up and decided to take off my leather jacket, leaving my somewhat thin black turtleneck underneath. I listened to their small talk politely, the frequent mini arguments between Kazuha and Heiji. When everyone finished their tea, we decided to head to the karaoke place. As everyone was getting up to grab their jackets, I turned to grab mine, glancing out the window just in time to witness something that made my heart falter. I froze, my jacket falling to the floor.

"Kokone-neechan? What's wrong?" Conan asked thoughtfully, looking in the direction of where I was looking. There wasn't enough time to explain though as I rushed through the door to follow the man that had been taking pictures of me from across the street. The only reason I spotted him was because his camera lens had reflected the street lamp's light as it flashed on at the scheduled time. I pushed past Kazuha to get out, successfully making her fall onto Heiji before hearing her call, "Oi, Kokone! Let go of me, ahou!" in a frustrated tone, trying to get out of Heiji's grasp.

My breath and heart rate already rapid, I jumped off the steps and out onto the sidewalk, first looking left, then right before spotting a figure in all black sprinting in that direction.

"Kone-san, what is it?" I heard Heiji coming up behind me. I wasn't paying attention though, as I was only thinking about how they could have found me so quickly, and even worse:

How had I not felt them watching me? Before I could think through these questions though, I felt my feet begin to fly from under me. I kept my eyes on that guy, who kept looking behind him, knowing he was unable to escape me if he just relied on running. He turned sharply into a dumpster area before realizing it was too late to turn around and run the other way. I skidded to a stop in front of him, narrowing my eyes and clenching my fists and teeth as I approached him. I heard footsteps distantly, but instead focused on what was in front of me.

"You. Who the hell are you, and what in the HELL are you doing with that camera of yours?" I was trying to catch my breath, but managed to make myself sound menacing. The guy seemed only slightly nervous. Here we go, I thought, time for him to learn the hard way. I reached for the camera, knowing he would most likely snap at me or take it away, and indeed he did. He made a swing for my face, which I lithely dodged before swinging my leg out and around to knock him off his feet. "OOF" he grunted, attempting to get up. I stepped on his chest though, grabbing at the camera, which was hanging around his neck. He attempted to yank it back, but that only made me even madder.

"Did they send you? You sick bastard, I ought to beat the crap out of you right now." I said sickly, staring down at him. For a moment he seemed terrified before he thrust himself up, knocking me a little to the side in the process. I quickly regained my balance and got ready to do just as I said.

"Give. Me. The CAMERA!" I shouted before going all out on him. I made multiple swings from all directions, all with different destinations. Two hit his face, one hit his gut, and with a round-about kick I had him clutching his shin like a baby, hopping up and down, before attempting to take a few swings at me.

"Kokone!" I heard from behind me in urgency, and I turned slightly to see Heiji and Conan caught up, taking in the situation. The man took this split second to make contact with my face; a solid, hard punch that made me see stars before I regained my balance once more, finally taking the man down when he tried to hit me again by flipping him over me onto the cold, hard concrete. I slid the camera from around his neck and checked the digital images. There was a picture of me sleeping on the couch from hours before, and another of me talking with Hattori Heiji. Before I could think twice, I took the strap of the camera into my hands, whipping it around and into the brick building with a sickening smack. Heiji and Conan were approaching me quickly.

"Shit, are you okay? What the hell is going on?" Hattori said looking at my face strangely. I didn't respond, was just trying to get the film out of the camera for good measure. I let the film drop to the ground and stomped on the canister before flinging the pieces into the dumpster. Just to be safe, I checked the unconscious man's ears for listening devices, in which he could have told the Black Organization that I had been with Hattori Heiji, or that I was in the Mouri Detective Agency at all, but there was nothing. I checked his pockets and the inside of his jacket for any kind of identification.

"I don't think he's with the men in black," Conan said quietly, already catching on to what I was searching for.

"That's what I was thinking; he doesn't have any weapons on him." I mentioned, still searching, "But then again, there's no identity or anything. Maybe they thought he wouldn't have been caught?" I wondered aloud.

"They wouldn't take that chance, I don't think." He replied. Heiji just looked down at the man, his cell phone to his ear.

"But who would follow me like this if it isn't the Organization?" I asked him, hoping either of the great detectives could give me an answer.

"I don't know." Conan said, pulling his eyebrows together and putting his hand to his chin. Suddenly we heard the girls' voices.

"Heiji!" Kazuha called.

"Conan-kun!" Ran yelled.

"We're over here!" Heiji responded loudly, his phone still pressed to his ear, "Hello? Yeah, this is Hattori Heiji, we have a man unconscious here that has – err – had a camera with a bunch of pictures of a girl he just tried to assault." He explained as the girls found us.

"Heiji, what's going on?" Kazuha said in her huffy way. She spotted me and frowned, "And what's your problem? Pushing me into Heiji like that, karaoke isn't THAT exciting." She said before she spotted the body lying next to me.

"That man – he isn't dead, is he?" Ran said worriedly.

"Nah, I only hit him hard enough to knock him out for a while," I said nonchalantly, turning to face them while brushing off my pants as I stood up. The girls gasped.

"Kokawa-san, what happened!" Ran exclaimed, reaching up to touch my face. I winced, having forgotten about it until she made it known. Suddenly my face began to sting like I had been attacked by a bunch of bees. I felt it myself, and figured it was starting to swell pretty bad.

"Did this man attack you? I should have been here to defend you!" Kazuha said defensively, taking a fighting stance as if the man was about to jump up and start swinging again. I snorted.

"Don't worry Kazuha, the only reason he got a punch in is because Heiji-kun yelled my name," I said the last part harshly, glaring at him. He shrugged sheepishly, still on the phone as I continued, "So I got distracted. But I'm fine, I can take care of myself."

"But…why did you chase after that man?" Kazuha asked, cocking her head to the side.

"Well, I saw him taking pictures of me from inside, so I just..you know.." I said, feeling a little tired all of a sudden. Ran covered her mouth in surprise.

"Let's get you back home. You'll need some ice on that. You've called the police, right Hattori-kun?" Ran said, linking her arm with mine, which I realized was really cold as I didn't have a jacket on and it was 7 in the evening already.

"Yeah, you girls head back. Conan and I will stay here and wait for the police to come by." Hattori said, looking at the guy in disgust.

"Okay…" Ran said uncertainly, "Be careful. Come on, Kazuha-chan." We all headed back to the Detective Agency. It was silent before Kazuha spoke.

"Hey Kokone-san…why am I not allowed to tell Ogawa-san that you're in Tokyo?" She asked thoughtfully.

"Ah well…I just rather you didn't. I'll return soon though, just tell him that. But don't tell him I told you to say that." I added. She still looked confused and suspicious.

"Are you trying to get away from him?" She prodded.

"No," I sighed, "I just needed a break from everything, that's all." I sort of lied.

"Eh?" Ran said distantly, "Maybe that's what Shinichi is doing…" she trailed off, looking up at the empty sky.

"Ran-chan," Kazuha chided, "Don't think like that, I'm sure he's just as busy as he says he is." Ran turned to her friend and smiled sadly, tilting her head to the side.

"Thanks, Kazuha-chan. I'm worried about him though. What if he's in trouble and can't ever come back?" She wondered aloud. I felt so sad for her at that moment that my heart almost started to hurt. Knowing the truth is hard, I thought, and knowing that you're doing the exact same thing to someone else is even worse.

"Kudo-kun knows how to take care of himself, Ran-san. He'll come back soon, right Kokone-chan?" She leaned forward so she could make eye contact. I was skeptical for a second, but her eyes pleaded that I go along with it, so I did.

"Y-yeah. He'll come back. He's your childhood friend right? Those kinds of friendships don't end just like that, especially when it's someone like Kudo Shinichi." I smiled encouragingly.

"Mhm! See?" Kazuha looked back to Ran hopefully, who seemed to be a bit happier with my encouragement.

We made our way back to the Detective Agency and headed upstairs so that Ran could get some ice for my jaw, which was red and plenty swollen when we got back. I sat at the table and waited for my ice pack, watching TV with Kazuha.

"Here you go, Kokone-chan." Ran said cheerfully, handing me the homemade ice pack. I looked up at her and took the ice carefully, setting it on my face once before recoiling, then resetting it on my jaw despite the pain of the cold.

"Thank you, Ran-san. You know, you'd be a really good mother," Just at that moment, the boys came in.

"Do you think so? I love kids," Ran said dreamily, sitting herself across from me. I noticed Conan blush slightly from the corner of my eye. "Kazuha-chan would be a good mother too, wouldn't you?" She turned her attention to Kazuha. Kazuha's face reddened furiously.

"Maybe…" she trailed off, uncomfortable, "What about Kokawa-san?" She tried to get the attention off of herself.

"Err- I don't think so." I said quietly, rearranging the ice packet.

"Really? Why not?" Kazuha asked in honest interest.

"I don't think that would be best for the…kid." I had a hard time spitting out the word. The thought of me being a mother seemed so absurd to me that I could hardly stand to think of it. Why would I want my heart disease to be passed down? Why would I want to have this Black Organization crap still going on with a kid in my hands?

Apparently the idea seemed absolutely hilarious to Heiji, as he burst out laughing once he caught up with the conversation.

"Kokone – being – a mother!" He managed to spit out between bouts of laughter.

"Shut up, ahou!" I shot at him. After a minute he managed to calm back down. Kazuha scolded him.

"Don't be so rude, Heiji, I'm sure Kokone would be a great mother. It's all based on instinct, right?" She asked me.

"…How would I know?" I asked her with wide eyes. Did she honestly expect me to know the answers to these questions?

"Well you instinctively went and took out that guy that was threatening you, right? I bet you'd be able to protect a child from anything." She said with a smile, cupping her chin in her hands as she looked at me.

"I don't know about that." I said uncertainly.

"Ne, Ran-neechan, are we still going to do karaoke?" Conan piped up, obviously trying to help me out of this awkward situation. I sent him a silent thank you through telepathy.

"I don't think so, Conan-kun. We should stay here with Kokawa-san, since she's still running a fever and has a swollen cheek." She explained kindly.

"Eh..?" Conan said in false disappointment.

"We should still go." I said immediately.

"No no, Kokawa-san, you need to stay here and rest." Ran said in her motherly way. I continued to protest.

"I'm completely fine. It's only 7:15. Let's go! I really wanted to listen to American music." I said hopefully. She looked at me disapprovingly.

"Well…if everyone else still wants to go…by the way, how did arresting that man go, Hattori-kun?"

"Oh right, they picked him up just as he was waking up. They said they would get back to me about who he is after they interrogate him." He said distantly, looking at the TV.

"See? Perfectly fine. Let's go!" I pleaded.

"Okay…everyone still wants to go then?" Ran checked. Kazuha nodded enthusiastically while Hattori and Conan merely said "yeah," and we were on our way out the door.

The swelling in my cheek had gone down some, but was still red and beginning to take the form of a bruise. Regardless, I was going to do something that would bring me closer to Ichiro, no matter how far away we physically were.


	11. Chapter 11: Karaoke Time

"Ne, Hattori, isn't there a karaoke club like this in Osaka as well?" I asked, finally figuring out where I had seen this familiar sign before.

"..Yeah, I guess it is." He said, as if realizing it for the first time. This only made me more excited. I tried to conceal my ecstasy though, as it seemed a bit strange to be so dull up until the moment we were about to hear American music.

Ichiro and I had gone to the karaoke club in Osaka pretty often, winning the contests frequently with are humorous duets and/or solos. It was fun AND it provided some sort of competition, something that I grew hungry for over the years for some reason. As we entered the darkened room, there was a group of girls already singing, having one of those girls' nights out I guess. We took a booth off to the left side of the room and watched the girls have fun, but make complete fools of themselves at the same time. I kind of envied them at that moment.

"Are you going to sing, Conan-kun?" I winked at him and elbowed him slightly, as he was sitting right next to me. He looked up at me with a what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-you face. He didn't have to verbally respond.

"Well geez, let loose a little, would you? Karaoke is fun. I'll sing with you.." I offered, knowing he wouldn't take it. He crossed his arms and muttered in a pouty way:

"..you're one to talk.." Hattori laughed.

"What about you Heiji-kun?" I asked, knowing he wouldn't do it either, especially with me. When he responded with a "don't be stupid," I thought to myself, see, this is why I love Ichiro. I froze, my hands rigid.

Did I just…think that? I stared at my hands in alarm.

"Kone-san?" Hattori waved a hand in front of my face. I looked up with a crazy look on my face, a direct result from suddenly missing Ichiro so much that I could have run all the way back to Osaka if it was my only choice.

"Kazuha-chan and I will go, right?" Ran offered, already pulling Kazuha out of the booth with her. "Conan-kun, you should come with us!" She said excitedly, deciding to pull him with her as well. Conan protested, but was eventually dragged onto the stage. Kazuha didn't look too excited either. They sang some peppy, upbeat song that I hadn't heard before, but I may not have recognized it due to Conan's…for lack of better words, awful pitch.

Before they had even started singing, I noticed Heiji was having a hard time keeping himself in his seat.

"..Do you need to pee or something?" I asked after a few minutes of his uncomfortable shifting.

"Just watch. YOU will need to pee after you see this." Heiji responded, a contagious grin spreading across his face.

Indeed, he was right. I was glad we were sitting in the back; otherwise I would have felt bad about our outbursts. I thought I was going to cry, it was that funny. When they returned, Conan had a sour and defeated expression on his face.

"That was – really good -" Hattori tried to say, but couldn't finish his sentence. I followed his choppy statement with a snort before we both burst into laughter again.

"Hey! Leave Conan-kun alone, he had the guts to go up there in the first place, unlike YOU two!" Kazuha scolded, her hands placed firmly on her hips. Heiji started to quiet down, as this was true for him.

But not for me. I placed my palms on the table and lifted myself to a standing position. Kazuha looked at me in surprise.

"I've got more than enough guts to get myself up there, Kazuha-chan." I teased. My eyes were narrowed and my mouth was in a half-smile, a sort of sick looking face I guessed, as Kazuha drew back for a second, looking at me like I was insane.

I might have been, but who knew. I started my way up there, feeling more confidence in myself than I had in a while.

"Who's next? We still have a competition going on up here, come on now! One of the biggest of the year!" The announcer called into the microphone.

"I'll go. Choose this song." I said confidently, leaning in to whisper the name of the song and my name, which in turn caused the guy to blush at our closeness. This only fed my hunger for competition, as I calmly made my way onto the middle of the small stage, pulling the microphone apart from the stand as I waited for the music to start. After hearing the first couple of measures filled with piano, I began to sing The Story, originally by Brandi Carlile.

_All of these lines across my face_  
><em>Tell you the story of who I am<em>  
><em>So many stories of where I've been<em>  
><em>And how I got to where I am<em>  
><em>But these stories don't mean anything<em>  
><em>When you've got no one to tell them to<em>  
><em>It's true...I was made for you<em>

I had always found this song inspiring, often playing it in my head when I thought of Ichiro. For the brief period this song took up, I felt light, almost as if Ichiro was sitting right in front, watching, that proud smile spread across his face. We would have been competing tonight, had we not been so far apart. We would have battled all night long until the announcers declared a tie just so we would leave.

After the song was over, however, was a completely different story. I felt empty, almost as if all I had had left was taken by the breath I used to form this beautiful song. This was a mistake, I thought, what am I doing here? Dazed and disoriented, I handed the mic off to the next person that I had inspired to take the stage with a small, joyless smile before returning to our table. After a few minutes of silence, I looked up to see wide eyes staring at me in amazement. Kazuha finally broke the silence.

"Kokone-chan, I completely forgot that you were so involved in music." She said in wonder. I offered a small smile.

"Music is good." I said stupidly, and literally made a face at my own response. Kazuha looked at me weirdly before turning to see who was about to go next. I heard the person do pretty well with Lady Gaga's Bad Romance, not exactly pronouncing the words correctly, but that was fine. We stayed to see who would win the competition, deciding we would definitely leave after that.

"Well we have some pretty talented people in the club tonight!" The announcer started, "And since we're competing between this club and the one in Osaka, we need to choose our winner for tonight before setting them up against the winner in Osaka!" He said cheerfully, looking around for approval. There was sparse clapping; people were mainly waiting to hear who had won.

"Alright then…our top three are as follows!" He said, looking down at his podium to read the names off. "Fukino-san, Yokoni-san, and Kokawa-san. Clap for the one you want, alright? Fukino-san!" There was a mass of clapping, mainly from the right side of the room where that person's friends probably were. "Yokoni-san!" Not as much clapping, I hadn't heard this person sing so there wasn't anything I could judge based off of the amount of clapping alone. "and finally, my personal favorite, Kokawa-san!" He said, winking in my direction. I narrowed my eyes; was this guy really going to hit on me from across the room? I regretted my boastful confidence from earlier. Big time.

But I only focused on this for a mere second, as all of a sudden the club erupted into applause, mainly from our table, but it was enough to cause me to jump.

"Looks like we found our winner! Now, let's play the video I just received from Osaka and decide who the overall winner is between the two clubs. Osaka is currently reviewing the video that won here, and is going to let us know who they want from that side of Japan!" He called excitedly, waving his hands around. I blanched immediately. Film? There was FILM?

"Shit," I hissed under my breath, getting up to confront the guy. I was halfway across the room, hearing the girls call my name from behind, when I stopped abruptly, not believing my eyes.

The screen had been lowered, the projector originally used to display the words in front of the performer turned around to display the winner from Osaka. It was none other than Ichiro. Of course, I thought to myself, of course he would enter this kind of contest. He was like me: competitive with nothing better to do. He was standing on the stage confidently, the microphone ready in his head. He smiled out to the crowd, which was probably made up of people he didn't know, as he never went to these things with anyone but me. The music started and I recognized it immediately: Drops of Jupiter.

Ichiro had a knack for choosing songs that went along the lines of what he was thinking. One time, when he lost his judo match to a cocky, self-centered jerk from some school from southern Osaka, we went to his house to grab some dinner before I had to go home and instead, he picked up his guitar and started to sing a song filled with profanities.

Needless to say, he wasn't one to hide his feelings.

I heard his unique and tender voice slide over the notes and words effortlessly, melting my brain and my heart at the same time. I took in a sharp breath, feeling my heart thudding inside of my chest uncomfortably. Ichiro, I thought, I miss your voice so much.

_Now that she's back in the atmosphere_

_With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey_

_She acts like summer and walks like rain_

_Reminds me that there's a time to change, hey, hey_

_Since the return from her stay on the moon_

_She listens like spring and talks like June, hey, hey_

_Tell me, did you sail across the sun_

_Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded_

_And that heaven is overrated_

_Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star_

_One without a permanent scar_

_And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?_

Yes, I answered silently. I turned back around slowly and headed to my table, thinking that it was too late to stop Ichiro from seeing my performance, but then that small, weak voice in the back of my head told me that I had wanted him to find me this whole time. As I approached my table, I composed myself.

"Do you guys want to sing anymore?" I asked nicely.

"Hey, that's Ichiro-san!" Kazuha pointed, as if I hadn't noticed.

"Duh, Kazuha. Shut up." Hattori said as he rolled his eyes.

"Ran-neechan, there's a TV show I wanted to watch, can we leave?" Conan said helpfully.

"I guess if everyone is ready to?" She looked around the table to see if anyone disapproved.

"Ogawa-san sings so well! I don't really know what he's saying…without the translations it's kind of difficult to understand." She trailed off before she gasped, "Doesn't this mean that Ogawa-san knows where you are?" She looked at me frightfully.

"Yeah, but it doesn't matter." I said, feeling a bit more carefree than I probably should have. "Let's leave." I said definitely as I turned and headed toward the door. They followed suit.

On our way home, I stayed slightly ahead of everyone so that no questions would be asked. At least, I hoped that would be how it worked out. For the most part it did.

"Kokawa-chan," Ran addressed me from behind, Conan walking to the right of her, Kazuha and Heiji walking right behind them. I looked over my shoulder slightly in response. "That song you sang was so beautiful! I'm glad there were translations." She offered as a means of destroying the awkward silence.

"Yeah, it's a nice song." I responded halfheartedly, turning my attention in front of my once again. After a few minutes, Ran tried again.

"Were you singing about Ogawa-san?" She asked. My hands flinched in my pockets.

"..It's just a song, Ran-san." I responded barely audibly.

"I think that a song like that can only be sung for one person, right Conan-kun?" I could see her looking down at the small child, not even knowing that the one person she was talking about was him. He made a noise of approval.

"That one person would be Kudo-kun, right Ran-san?" Kazuha said suggestively. I rolled my eyes.

"Ugh, Kazuha-chan…" was all Ran could come up with. I glanced behind me to see Ran sadly looking at the ground. Kazuha had guessed right. My eyebrows pulled together as I asked her:

"Ran-chan, are you alright?" she looked up, surprised, before composing herself and waving me off.

"Oh! Yeah, I'm fine." She said too happily. I wasn't satisfied with this answer, and hadn't realized that I had slowed my pace a bit so that I was walking by her side. Heiji and Kazuha were a bit further back now, arguing about something. After a few minutes of silence between our little group, I glanced down at Conan to see him looking at the ground as well, as if he were disappointed in himself. Now this is just sad, I thought to myself.

"The moon looks so beautiful tonight, doesn't it Ran-chan?" I asked her in an effort to cheer her up. She looked up at it and gasped slightly. Conan looked too. This sparked an idea.

"It is." She agreed quietly, as if too much noise would destroy the image.

"You know what's so great about the moon?" I asked.

"No. What?" She looked at me for an answer.

"It's the same no matter where you are. It's always just that: the moon." I said, smiling slightly at the full moon. A little more softly, I added "Kudo-kun is probably looking at the same moon just as you are at this moment." Ran blushed a tiny bit before looking back at the moon, which guided us home on that cold and lonely night.


	12. Chapter 12: Heart Burn

Author's note: In case you didn't see, I changed one of Kokone's specialties to kendo instead of judo, as I got the two confused while I was writing this. Sorry!

"You girls go on ahead, we'll take Kokone-san to her apartment," Hattori said over his shoulder as Conan and I walked past the detective agency towards my apartment. Heiji jogged to catch up with us.

"Bye, Kokone-chan!" Kazuha called, "Come back to Osaka soon!" She waved. I waved back halfheartedly.

"See you tomorrow, Kokawa-san!" Ran said, waving more calmly as they started up the steps. Heiji and Kazuha were leaving tomorrow, most likely before I would be awake. It was silent as we walked; I waited for one of them to bring up the situation at the karaoke club. Heiji was the first to break.

"So now that Ichiro-san knows where you are…" he started, hoping I would finish.

"I'm going to hope he doesn't, and that if he does, he chooses to ignore it." I stated simply.

"But what if he doesn't?" He prodded.

"I don't know, just keep him from coming here." I said, getting frustrated. Heiji sighed.

"I guess this means Kazuha and I will be going to a lot of karaoke clubs then." He seemed to shudder at the thought. I smiled slightly.

"I guess so." Was my response. "I could leave Tokyo…" I said, looking down at Conan for his input.

"You would be able to, but I don't think it would make you any safer." He said.

"Or you." I muttered.

"Me?" Dammit, I thought, why did I say that out loud?

"Stupid, I told you that I'm going to figure out an antidote for you, didn't I?" He was silent for a moment.

"Haibara-san is working on it already. I don't think you should worry about that." He said dully, looking at the ground.

"Ah, so her name is Haibara? Funny, I don't recognize that name." I said casually.

"You wouldn't. Her real name is Miyano Shiho." He said reluctantly. I froze.

"…Miyano. Miyano?" I said, hysterics creeping into my voice. I reached up and pinched the bridge of my nose. Then I realized. "She…she wasn't killed? Miyano AKEMI was killed?" I said in a shrill yet quiet voice. Hattori looked at me as if I was possessed.

"…Let's talk about this inside…" Heiji said as he came up behind me and grabbed my shoulders, gently pushing me up the ramp to my apartment. Once we were inside, I continued.

"Why didn't you tell me this? Akemi. AKEMI. Of all people, SHE was killed! She was killed by Gin right? That sick, cold-blooded bastard." I was starting yell, my arms at first waving at Conan, blaming him for what clearly had nothing to do with him in the first place. Towards the end of my rant, my hands began to clutch my head, my eyes shutting in a sudden desperate need for everything to be over. This is too much, I thought, way too much for me to handle.

"Do we need to see Haibara to explain this?" Conan offered softly.

"No!" I snapped at him, "I can't – I can't see her. What could I say? What would I say? She didn't recognize me right? What of her parents? What happened to them?" I threw questions at him like darts.

"They're dead too." He said unwillingly. I moaned and grunted at the same time, falling into a sitting position on my bed before putting my head between my knees, my hands still clutching at my hair.

"They're dead. They're dead…too. They died. How long ago did they die?" Conan apparently thought I was still talking to myself, as he rushed to answer after a minute.

"Uh – I don't know how long ago exactly; it must have been when Haibara was young…" He said, unsure.

"Dammit. Dammit, dammit, dammit, DAMMIT." I yelled suddenly, getting up. I had to do something with my hands; there had to be SOMETHING to do.

"Oi, calm down! What the hell is wrong with you?" Hattori stopped me from walking, steadily gripping my shoulders and trying to look me in the eyes. I felt crazed, as if I wasn't in my right mind. For some reason, my heart was beating strong and fast in my chest; there was no pain – yet.

It's all my fault, I thought. If I hadn't have been born, none of this would have happened. They wouldn't have threatened my father, or killed him. They wouldn't have sought for new biochemists. They wouldn't have FOUND new biochemists. I squeezed my eyes shut, wanting to disappear more than anything, to escape to another dimension with Ichiro where we could sing and laugh all day like we used to.

"I think we need to know the whole story, Kokawa." Conan said darkly. I whipped my head around, my eyes glaring.

"All that you need to know – is that I – am the cause of all these deaths. And that I – am going to die as well – and no one will know – or be able to do anything – because that's how they work." I said between deep breaths through my teeth. If they had gotten to Akemi, and supposedly killed Shiho AND her parents…I was next on the list. Definitely.

"You can't get by with those answers anymore. You need to tell us what happened." He persisted.

"NO. I CAN'T DO THAT TO -" I broke off, feeling the burning beginning in my chest. Hattori was still holding me steady, as if he expected me to rage around like a tornado, which was actually quite plausible. I gasped, clutching my chest with my right hand while placing my left hand on Heiji's chest, willing him to keep me standing. Not here, I thought, not now, especially in front of them. I gritted my teeth, slightly whimpering as I tried to breathe.

"Oi, Kokone, what – are you okay? I think we need to call an ambulance.." Hattori said hurriedly. I shook my head slowly, as it was the only action I could perform at the moment.

"Something's wrong with her heart. It could be cardio myopathy or a type of arrhythmia." Conan said urgently, running over to dig Heiji's cell phone out of his pocket. The pain was starting to ease a little; enough so that I could resist the urge to grip my chest. I snatched the phone out of his hand and placed it over my heart again, trying to make the process finish faster.

"Kudo, go and get Kazuha and Ran - " Hattori began.

"No. No, it's fine. It's fine now." I said, defeated. My muscles felt like they had been flexing for a week rather than just a few minutes. I kept my palm on his chest for balance, but soon lost it as I began to sink to the floor. Heiji caught my elbows though, lifting me up before he swung my legs out from under me, carrying me like a damsel in distress.

Which, I guess at that moment, I kind of was, but it was still demeaning.

"Should we take her to the hospital?" He said worriedly, watching my face. It was all I could do to keep my eyes open.

"Don't. It's unnecessary. This happens often. Just…put me to…put me.." I said sluggishly, losing control over my voice. My lips tried to form words, but there wasn't enough energy to provide sound.

"Let's take her back to the Agency. She can stay there for the night." Conan decided, opening the door for Hattori. I had nothing in me to protest the fact that he was carrying me. Once we reached the agency, I heard urgent and distraught voices, the girls I guessed, but wasn't able to define words. I was slipping away, wanting more than anything for Ichiro to be here with me as I came to terms with the meaning of my existence.

At some point, I was laid on some sort of cushioned surface; a couch or a bed, I couldn't tell. My eyes had been closed this whole time, but I was hardly sleeping. I guess it was a form of rest, but all I was doing was laying there, my eyes closed. Every once and a while, I dull light would come on, making the back of my eyelids appear red. The light would go off after a few minutes, and this continued, as well as I knew, throughout the night.

It was impossible to be this cursed of a human being. I hated myself and everything I had caused. My mother was right:

I should have never been born.


	13. Chapter 13: Recovery

My restless sleep was interrupted by a distant voice off to the side of my mind. I felt as if I was listening from underwater, drowning, with no hope of reaching the surface. I struggled to grasp some sort of life preserver with no luck. I had to escape my mind on my own.

I was able to make out that it was Hattori's voice I was hearing, and I realized that that dull light was on again. The first time I opened my eyes I couldn't make out any images, just darkness. I tried again, squeezing them shut before opening them to a world of dark color. It must have been around 2 or 3 in the morning, as I knew I had been laying here for at least a few hours…hadn't I?

I turned towards the direction of the voice and realized I was on the couch in the agency once again, a layer of blankets tucked around me, a soft pillow underneath my head. Looking wearily at Hattori, he just stared back at me, as if for an answer, but I had nothing to say, as I hadn't heard anything he had said.

"…Did you hear me? Kazuha and I are leaving soon. I wanted you to have this." He was kneeling beside my head, a cell phone in his hand. I looked at it like it was a foreign object.

"I…wha…?" I managed. He sighed.

"Just take this cell phone, okay? You can use it to call Ogawa-san or me or whoever it is you need to talk to. Speaking of which, why don't you talk to me about what happened last night." He said, more like a statement than a question. I was becoming more aware by the second. He waited impatiently, shifting his kneeling position every few seconds.

"I have a heart condition." I finally replied, hoping that was enough. He continued to wait. I sighed, "I have a heart condition…that was caused by watching my father's murder." I said almost inaudibly.

"So that situation was a bit too stressful then." He thought aloud. "Would you mind explaining…that situation?" He persisted.

"Heiji, I – I don't - "

"You can't keep this hiding of valuable information up forever, you know. The only way we can help you is if you tell us what exactly happened."

"Us? Who is 'us?'" I said, looking around for Conan. He pushed my shoulders back down.

"Relax. He isn't here right now, it's just me. But he needs to know too."

"The Miyano family is basically dead - because of me." My voice cracked on the last part.

"How so?" He was only looking at me with interest, nothing disapproving so far.

"If my mom had had the choice, I would not be here. But my dad said that he wanted me. If I hadn't - " I broke off, reaching up to pinch the bridge of my nose.

"Ahou. You can't be blaming yourself just for being born. It isn't your fault that you're alive." Hattori said disapprovingly.

"But it IS my fault. It's my fault my dad is dead. If they hadn't killed my dad, then they wouldn't need to find new biochemists and then they wouldn't have FOUND new biochemists. They wouldn't have killed them -" my speech was starting to speed up. I was getting hysterical again.

"Oi, oi, calm down, calm down." Hattori said as soothingly as his demeanor would let him. "It isn't your fault." He said quietly.

"And now Shiho is in a child's body – because my father didn't make the drug. Her family would probably still be alive and well if my father hadn't died…If I hadn't let him die." It was hard to stay calm, and Heiji could see that.

"You shouldn't have to go through all of this. This isn't normal, you understand that, right? You can't blame yourself for all of this because that just makes it worse." He tried to reason with me. I just shook my head.

"If it's possible, I'd like to know what happened the night your father died." He said, looking away. I guess he felt ashamed for asking.

"Can I tell you some other time? While Kudo is listening, of course. I just – I can't think about that right now. I have never said it out loud since it happened." I said distantly, looking at the ceiling.

"…Not even to Ichiro-san?" He said in astonishment.

"Are you kidding? If I had told him…he would be just as big of a target as I am."

"So the plan is to keep him busy while you're gone, come back once a month…anything else?" Heiji asked.

"No. I've asked way too much of you, Hattori. Thank you." I said dully, feeling bad for asking him to do so much.

"It's no problem. How could I turn down my sort-of-sister?" He winked at me, getting up from his kneeling position. I smiled wearily at him.

"Tell Kazuha-chan that I said bye."

"Yeah. See you in a month, Kone-san." He waved once before opening the door and taking his leave.

I continued to lie there, staring at the ceiling for at least an hour until I heard the door open. The dull light that I hadn't even noticed was off was turned back on, some lamp off in the corner of the room. I saw Ran appear from behind the couch; she was making her way around with a tray that held a small bowl and a rag. She noticed I was wide awake.

"Oh! Kokawa-san! Did I wake you?" She said worriedly, setting the tray down on the coffee table, her hands fluttering to somehow take care of me.

"No, no, I've been awake. Honestly." I explained. She visibly calmed down a bit before turning her attention to the tray, picking up the rag and dipping it into what I assumed was water. She rung the rag out before folding it, then carefully placed it on my forehead.

"Ran-san, why are you doing all of this for me?" I reached up and touched the rag, feeling its cool, rough texture.

"You still have a slight fever," She said as if it were obvious.

"Well yeah, but -"

"Just rest, Kokawa-san." She smiled sweetly. She noticed something and reached down. "Is this Hattori-kun's?" She asked, holding a cell phone out.

"No, it's mine." I said, reaching for it. She let me have it. I inspected it, checking out the list of contacts, which only consisted of 5 people: Heiji, Conan, Ichiro, the Detective Agency… and my mother.

My mother? I thought. I scoffed internally.

"Are you feeling better, Kokawa-san?" Ran asked hopefully.

"Yes, much better, thanks." I replied.

"That's good," she said so happily that it made me feel bad for worrying her at all, "I was sure we were going to have to call an ambulance for a while there…you really scared us, Kokone-chan."

"…Have you been up all night?" I asked in disbelief.

"Well, Kazuha, Hattori and I have been switching shifts, so I slept a little bit." She tried to comfort me. I groaned.

"You really didn't need to do that…"

"It's nothing, don't be ridiculous. I was surprised though…Conan seemed to know everything that was wrong, even when you weren't able to speak for yourself. That kid never ceases to amaze me." She shook her head as if she wasn't able to comprehend him.

"..What exactly did he know?" I asked, curious.

"He said that he knew you had a heart condition of some sort, probably Takotsubo syndrome based on a few of your actions. He's so observant sometimes; it reminds me of Shinichi." Ha, I thought, well isn't that a coincidence.

"He…he knew which kind of cardiomyopathy I have?" I was in obvious disbelief; most people wouldn't even know that there were multiple types.

"Mhm! He's pretty smart, isn't he?" I didn't even have to agree though, as she picked up the tray and headed out of the room.

It was going to be hard hiding things from this kid. I guess he seemed like he could handle this kind of stuff easily, as I had heard about the various murder cases he'd solved…and given that he was already being hunted by the Black Organization…I tried to reason with myself, but still felt uncomfortable with the idea. I was already responsible for all these deaths. One more murder would be all it would take to kill me, I thought.

And what about Heiji? He already knew about Kudo's situation…but it was obvious the Black Organization didn't know about that. Was he in any real danger? If they found out he knew, then yeah he probably would be, but how would they find out?

They had sources, I thought. Remember that guy that was freaking taking pictures of you? _Come on, get your head in the game!_ I shouted inwardly at myself.

So would telling him everything only increase his danger? It didn't seem like they knew that Conan was Kudo…yet. So they probably weren't following HIM around with a camera, let alone Heiji.

I came to the conclusion that I would tell them. The next time Hattori would come, I would tell them everything that had happened on that awful night.


	14. Chapter 14: Request

Around six in the morning, I decided to get off of the couch as quietly as I could, though it was unnecessary to take such caution as everyone else was on the second floor. I folded the blankets as nicely as was possible for me and placed the pillow on top, retrieving the cell phone Hattori had given me before sticking it in my back pocket. I felt better – honestly – but I was still a bit weak.

I picked up my leather jacket that was lying on the other couch across from me and started for the door. I stopped short though, realizing that I needed to do something before I left. I dug through my jacket pocket and found what I was looking for – my spare apartment key. Looking around the room for something I could write with as well as something I could write on, I spotted the desk with the TV and phone on its surface, and headed over there.

After digging through the drawers, I found a scrap piece of paper and a pen, and commenced with my message:

_Conan and Ran ~_

_Thanks for everything, Ran-san! I really appreciate it. I'm giving you the spare key to my apartment – don't lose it, I don't have enough money to get a new one done. I have my phone; Conan should have the number._

_Thanks again, see you at school._

_Kokone_

I placed the note on the coffee table in front of the pile of blankets, the key right next to it. I felt bad about just leaving, unable to show just how grateful I really was, but decided there wasn't much I could do in the time I had.

As I headed to my apartment, I thought about calling my mother. I knew she didn't miss me; didn't wonder where I was. She never cared, just as long as I didn't do something shameful, more along the lines of getting married to a Japanese man or getting pregnant than running away. I had to wonder though – there must have been SOME question as to whether I was okay or not…right? I asked myself.

I decided I needed an excuse to call her – something that would appear to seem completely blasé and uncaring. Within seconds I was able to think of the perfect reason: Appa's supplies.

I had thought about how I was going to be able to conduct my research without any equipment. My dad's stuff was only packed away; none of it completely gone. I had taken his research papers, but what I really needed was his actual equipment and some sort of large surface just to conduct the beginnings of my father's experiments.

My apartment was chilly, as always, so I left my jacket on as I went to my desk to see if anything had changed. I got out my ruler and protractor, measuring the angles and lengths to the exact numbers I had memorized. I was thoroughly prepared, if nothing else. There was no change.

I sat myself down and started to think about what I would say to her. After numerous beginnings in my head, I decided the best thing to do was wing it, and dialed her number. It rang about 4 times, and I was so nervous that I almost hung up because it took so long. Finally though, she answered:

"Hello, Kokawa residence." She said tonelessly. She was speaking Japanese at the moment, but I automatically changed my thought processing to Korean.

"Omma?" I asked her, trying to convey the same tone. There was a long pause.

"…I knew you wouldn't be able to do it. So when are you coming home?" She sighed, sounding tired, as if I had always pulled stunts like this.

"I'm not. I was wondering if you could send the boxes with Appa's stuff in it to a friend's address. Or maybe just the post office near where I am. I can give you the address –"

"No!" She said sharply, as if it was an absolutely absurd request. "What in God's name is wrong with you? You wouldn't be able to distinguish the difference between all of his equipment anyway." She chided. Why had I expected so much of her? I asked silently, internally kicking myself.

"It's not like you use it or anything. I need it. It's important," I tried. No luck.

"Don't be stupid. I thought you were gone because you were trying to do something useful with yourself, but I was completely wrong."

"How would you know that?" I shot back, "I want to use his equipment for good, Omma. That's all I want."

"For good," she scoffed, "You are so absurd. That man wasn't doing anything great with that equipment. I'm willing to bet that that's why he's dead. But I wouldn't know, because you couldn't keep him alive, and YOU still can't explain it, even to the police. Why am I talking to you? I'm wasting whatever breath I have left." She said harshly. I narrowed my eyes and felt my right hand grip the desk.

"Don't start with me about that. Just send me the damn equipment and I'll never talk to you again," I offered.

"Is that any way to treat the woman that had to raise you?" She said, as if it had been so hard on her to basically let me live at someone else's house.

"You didn't raise me." I stated, my voice sick with poison.

"Try again, my dear," she said sarcastically, "You are exactly like me."

"I am NOT like you. I don't even know why Appa married a coldhearted spawn of Satan such as yourself. Forget I even called you, I'm never coming home and I hope I never have to see your sick face again." I spat into the phone, my voice dripping in cruelty. It didn't phase her though, she just laughed that twisted laugh for a moment before responding:

"You poor, oblivious girl. You'll see my face until the day you die, unless you don't own any mirrors. I have more important things to do now. Don't come home." She said in a false sense of cheer before hanging up. My hand shook with anger; I almost snapped the phone in half before I realized I would need it to carry out my plan B. I dialed the number, and waited, praying he would pick up.

"Hattori Heiji here." Heiji said in his overly confident way.

"I'm not a client, Hattori, but I need you to do something else for me after all."

"Ah, Kokone. What do you need?"

"I need you to visit my mother."

"..Are you worried about her?"

"HA. As if. No, I just spoke with her on the phone," I gritted my teeth, "and that was rather unsuccessful, so I need you to go with Ichiro to have dinner with my mother at her house. If you ask Ichiro, he should know where my father's supplies are packed. Now, I don't know how you could get the boxes out of the house unnoticed, but if you have to beg for them, please do. She liked you, didn't she?" I spoke quickly, trying to get through everything without having to explain why I couldn't ask her to send the equipment herself.

"..I guess she did…is this for the antidote thing?" He said, completely clueless. Oh Hattori, I thought, you always have a way with words.

"Yeah. I just really need the equipment. Ichiro can help you find a way to get it out. Send it to this address…" I said, taking my phone away from my ear so I could send him a text message with the address of the post office nearby. "I'll pay you back the next time you come." I said, hoping that would suffice. I waited for his answer as patiently as I could.

"…Idiot."

"What?" I said, appalled.

"You don't have to pay me back. You can barely pay for yourself as it is." He scolded.

"Shut up, I'm going to find a job before you come. I'll have the money to pay you." He sighed, knowing well enough that I wasn't going to give up my side of the argument no matter what.

"Alright, alright. But don't worry about that, I'll send everything. We'll figure something out over here." He said lightly.

"Thank you SO much, Heiji, you're really saving me the trouble of my mother." I snarled the last part.

"Okay…" he said uncertainly. "Kazuha and I are about to go invite Ichiro-san to go to the park, so I'll let you go. Bye!" He ended the phone call before I could thank him again.

Okay, that's one major thing down, I thought. Now what else…

Oh yeah, a job. I sighed wearily as I covered my eyes with my hand and rubbed my temples. I'll worry about that later, I decided. Gazing down at my desk, I picked up one of my father's papers. I glanced over it, slightly dazed from all the information, but it seemed necessary to start here.

So I did. Sorting through the papers one by one, I marked connections lightly with a jagged pencil, not wanting to soil his work while at the same time trying to enlighten myself with it.

That's how I spent my night.


	15. Chapter 15: Request Granted

_Ogawa Ichiro's POV:_

It was only 6:30 in the morning. And yet I was awake, on a Sunday. This is absolutely ridiculous, I thought. Why can't I sleep? I got about 3 hours on average every night since she left.

I knew why I wasn't sleeping, but I wasn't going to admit it to myself, wasn't going to admit how she could be getting into trouble with anyone, herself included. If I didn't think about it, it wasn't true…right?

Wrong.

That's how Kokone always was though. It was like she purposely searched for trouble, as if she wanted to get into it to prove she could get out of it. More often than not, she did, but lately, it seemed I had to help her. She also never understood that in order to stay alive she needed to take proper measures: sufficient amounts of sleep, food, water, rest. But she could never sit still, so I always tagged along to make sure she wasn't going to get herself killed.

Her broken heart syndrome was more serious than she ever thought it was. After feeling a sharp pang in my chest that told me to pay her a visit that one day so many years ago, after seeing her there, covered in blood, her body limp next to her father's lifeless corpse, I knew the consequences would be extreme. Something told me she always blamed herself for what had happened to her father; her left hand was still lying loosely on her father's torn chest, as if she had tried to revive him as young as she was. So much responsibility lay on her shoulders, but I could never ask her directly what she was feeling. She either told me on her own or kept quiet. Now that I think about it, I wish I had asked her. Maybe then, she would still be here.

I constantly wondered when she would come back. She told me she would call…and yet, there had only been that one call since then. I pondered what she could be doing, all by herself. Maybe she wasn't by herself. I thought to myself. Who's the guy? The back of my mind asked. Shut up, the more rational part said.

I sighed, dragging myself out of my bed. I didn't bother to make it. My mom was out at some exhibition for her restaurant while my dad was probably on another business trip. I loved him, I honestly did, but it really didn't matter if he lived in our house or not; he was gone so often.

I lumbered down the stairs and into the kitchen, opening the fridge to see what I could make. My mother had been teaching me to cook since I was young, so I wasn't a lazy cereal and milk person. Then I realized I wasn't hungry, shut the fridge and sat at the kitchen table instead, looking out the window into my backyard. The blanket, our blanket, was folded on the wooden rocking chair, untouched, from the night only days ago when we lay beneath the stars. She was so stubborn, refusing to stay inside my house even though it was perfectly moral to sleep in my bed while I slept on the couch, but not for the first time she refused to go home, saying her mother was only there to bathe her in cruelty. I understood though, as I knew what her mother was capable of. I remembered what she said, and mentally kicked myself for not catching on…

_"Chiro?" She asked, gazing at the stars, her hands resting behind her head. I looked over at her. "Do you think hiding is cowardly?"_

_ "Hiding? What do you mean?" I said, puzzled._

_ "You know, like running away from something." She suggested somewhat subtly._

_ "…No. It's not. Not always," I said simply. She didn't answer, satisfied with this, all the while staring above her, past the stars and into another world entirely._

It was as if she had disappeared into outer space. Well, if that's where Tokyo was. I had never been there, had lived in Osaka my whole life. I knew she was in Tokyo, or at least had been, because of that friendly competition between the similar karaoke clubs. When we were shown the video of her singing, I thought I was going to end up hijacking an airplane myself just to get there as soon as possible. I knew where she was, but something told me to let her be, just this once. If she had gone so far as to run away, she must have been trying to find herself, or something that was missing. So instead, I watched her sing, so confidently and beautifully, her breathtaking eyes providing just as much entertainment to the crowd as her voice. Her eyes were unique – one of the only inherited characteristics from her father. The perfect orbs changed from blue to grey – depending on her mood, believe it or not. Any time she sang, they were always that shining, shimmering blue that I had no name for.

I noticed her hair was different, tied up with a ratty looking blue ribbon instead of its usual braid. She had stuck to wearing her hair that way since she had started tae-kwon-do, claiming it always got in her face and that if it was necessary, could be used as a weapon. It was a shock to see her that way, even though it would only seem like a subtle difference to anyone else. Stop thinking about this, I told myself harshly, you'll only make it worse.

Getting up to find something useful to do, I decided to go for a walk, heading upstairs to change into my clothes for the day. On my way out I grabbed my Hanshin Tigers baseball cap and slapped it on my head proudly. It had been a gift, from none other than Kokone. We both shared a love for the sport; as kids, we would pitch and hit to each other until the sun went too far over the horizon for us to find the ball anymore. I rubbed the bill of my hat between my fingers before heading out and onto the walkway.

As I took my first few steps, I stared down at my feet, my hands in my pockets. It was still cold outside: around 45 degrees Fahrenheit. I wondered distantly if Kokone was able to keep herself warm, as it was a bit colder in Tokyo. That got me thinking about where she could be living. She was prone to getting sick as a result of her weak immune system and heart, so she usually had at least a low-grade fever. It was always strange though, only her face ever felt warm; the rest of her body always felt like metal, as if ice was running through her veins. Kokone always needed some sort of blanket or jacket, even though she protested often, wearing tank tops and shorts just to prove that she could withstand just about anything.

As we grew up together, I began to think this was true. Through everything – her mother, father, perverted men, training at my kendo camp in secret that one summer – she only got stronger. Occasionally I would stop and stare in disbelief, to which she'd reply while fidgeting, as if she were trying to fix herself: "Quit looking at me like that." She also maintained her pride no matter what, hated losing, and when she lost her temper, it might as well have been World War III. Only a few of the many traits that I admired, all belonging to my best friend, my first love.

It was no secret: I loved her. True, I didn't admit it out loud, but I had already come to terms with it after that one moment when we were younger. After she was released from the hospital, I was able to see her, though she wasn't able to do much for a while other than walk around her house. When I first saw her, healed for the most part physically, I felt a huge sense of relief build in my chest. I had brought her some daffodils, which were her favorite. She loved flowers, even though she wasn't a girly girl, which is why when I showed the cheerful bouquet to her with slight embarrassment, I knew something else was wrong. She wasn't healed; she didn't even appear to be healing. She took the flowers slowly, and looked at them with empty, grey eyes, as if there was nothing there.

She didn't speak for days. It was only 9 days later that I sat at her desk, doing my homework while she lay in bed staring blankly at the ceiling, that she finally spoke. It was so startling that I ended up making a random squiggle in the middle of my paper. I didn't think she was ever going to speak again.

_"Chiro." She stated. I heard a patting noise after I nearly ripped a hole in my paper, and turned to answer her. She was tapping the spot she made on her bed next to her, inviting me to join her. I got up slowly and headed over. After situating myself next to her, cross-legged, I responded._

_ "What?" She surprised me by leaning on my shoulder, her small body barely making an impact on me. She had always been small. I felt a slight blush creep across my face._

_ "Thank you for the daffodils." She whispered before snuggling a bit closer, soon falling asleep as she clutched at the fabric of my clothes for warmth._

I sighed, turning left automatically off of my walkway and onto the normal sidewalk, still looking down at my feet in somewhat remorse. I was abruptly stopped when I collided with something that sent me straight onto my backside.

"Oi, watch it!" I heard a familiar voice say.

"Ouch…" I hissed, hoisting myself up. "Sorry, I wasn't paying-" I stopped when I saw Hattori getting up as well, his face wearing a somewhat irritated expression. He brushed himself off before addressing me.

"Hattori? Back so soon?" I said, knowing he had been in Tokyo at the same time Kokone. I couldn't find it in myself to accuse him of hiding it from me. He was an honest detective after all, the best there was. That, and I had known him since we started school together.

"Heiji, watch where YOU'RE going, you idiot!" I heard Kazuha scold him, and saw her pop up from behind.

"Shut up, ahou, I was about to turn the corner, how was I supposed to know he would be right there?" He started. I knew this could be awhile. Instead though, Kazuha rolled her eyes and turned to look at me.

"Heiji and I are going to the park, come with us Ichiro-san!" she said cheerfully. I was quiet for a moment before I realized I should probably respond.

"Oh- right. Uh, sure. I was just walking around anyway." I said sheepishly, starting to walk in the direction of the park I knew they were talking about. Kazuha followed along my right side while Hattori followed on the left.

"So how was Tokyo?" I said suspiciously. I couldn't help myself.

"You know where she is, don't you?" Hattori answered.

"Heiji.." Kazuha said quietly.

"No no, if he knows he knows. It isn't our fault. So, do you?"

"..yeah?" I said, looking at him quizzically. Hattori sighed.

"Well. I'm going to visit her once a month until she comes back. I bought her a cell phone too, so I can give you the number." My heartbeat faltered at the chance of contact. Then I realized..

"Wait, what? _You're_ going to visit her? Why _you_?" I said in disbelief, then backtracked. "I err- I mean…why does she want you to see her?" No good, it still sounded the same way. Hattori chuckled.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to steal your bride or anything." I flushed before giving him a solid punch in the shoulder, muttering "shut up, ahou.." Kazuha giggled.

"So Kokone-san needs us to do something for her." Hattori said, willing me to ask what it was.

"What does she need?" I responded.

"She told me to get you to set up a dinner date with her mom at her house. She needs us to get her father's boxes of equipment out of the house so we can send them to her. She said you would know where they were..?" He looked at me, waiting for me to say yes.

"Well, yeah, but…I mean, her mom doesn't exactly _like_ me…she doesn't mind me, but I don't know if I can get her to have dinner with us…" I said uncertainly.

"Don't even worry about that part, as long as you tell her that I want to see her after all this time, she should say yes." Hattori said proudly. Always the problem solver, he was.

"Heiji, cut it out." Kazuha rolled her eyes. He shot her an I-don't-care look.

"Well…I mean. I _guess_ we could go see her right now…" I stopped walking, looking to my left. We were just about to pass Kokone's street. "Let's go." I offered, starting down the street before they could protest.

"Wait! Right now?" Hattori asked uncertainly.

"Yeah, right now." I said as if it were obvious. We continued down the street until I turned automatically after the 54 steps it took to reach her walkway – we had counted as kids. When we arrived on the doorstep, I held my fist up, prepared to knock, but hesitated, my hand poised in front of the door.

"…This isn't for anything…immoral. Is it?" I nearly whispered.

"I'm sorry, Ichiro-san. I can't tell you why-" Hattori started before I cut him off.

"I don't want to know why. I just want to know. Will this get her into deeper trouble?" Hattori seemed surprised by my reply. Kazuha just stood by silently, watching us cautiously.

"…It might." Hattori admitted. "But she knows more about this than I do." I took a deep breath, as satisfied with this response as I could be, before I knocked on the door assertively. After a few moments of awkward silence, I heard the numerous locks clicking, gears turning, as her mother began to unlock the series of locks that had been installed after her husband's murder.

"Don't talk at first, okay?" I whispered. They only nodded before the door slowly opened to reveal a woman of 46 years, the only sign of aging in her eyes. She was a remarkably beautiful woman – no doubt where Kokone's good looks had come from. She took in the three random people standing at her door, not saying anything, waiting for one of us to speak.

"Hello, Ms. Lee." I said in Korean, remembering that she went by her Korean family name rather than Kokawa. I had picked up Korean after all the time I spent with Kokone, helping her get better. "Hattori Heiji and Toyama Kazuha are here – they wanted to see you, especially Hattori." I said kindly, hoping she wouldn't find any fault with my pronunciations. To my surprise, her face changed into something I had never seen – a small smile.

"Ah, Hattori-kun, how are you doing? It's been so long!" She responded in Japanese. I had never seen her this way, and as a result my jaw dropped for a second before I remembered it was impolite. "Come inside, I was just making some morning tea." She opened the door wider, and we headed inside. So much for dinner, I thought.

"Thank you, ma'am. I'm doing well. How are you?" Hattori asked politely. I wondered what Ms. Lee liked about Hattori so much. Perhaps it was his skin tone – it more resembled a Korean's than someone of Japanese origin.

"It's touch and go." She said, heading into the kitchen. "Have a seat, I'll be right out."

We sat ourselves along the elegant sofa, which was more uncomfortable than a stack of hay.

"I'll go get the boxes and take them through the back way. Tell her I'm returning something to Kokone's room." I said under my breath, getting up to head down the hallway that led to her room. Across from her room was where her father's office was, where all his boxes were kept. No one went in there since those boxes were packed as far as I knew. There was no way Kokone could go in there without having some sort of panic attack. I gripped the doorknob in my hand and turned the rusted metal, willing the door to open. It was stuck – not locked – so I had to lean against it, causing it to rub against the door frame in protest, finally revealing the untouched room.

I was just as it had been that day that I found her. Kokone didn't know I was the one that had called the ambulances and the police, didn't know that I was the one that wrapped my jacket around her chest to keep her from bleeding out, applying pressure until the ambulances arrived. I thought it would be best to keep that from her. She always complained and joked that I always looked out for her too much, that she could handle herself. There were a few things she didn't know that if said aloud, would probably send her either into a fit of rage or bout of misery and guilt.

Her father always told me to look out for his daughter. When I came to get her from her house, she was always the first to leave, expecting me to follow. I always did, but before I could, every time, her father would stop me and say "Take care of my daughter, okay?" to which I would responded with a sure nod and a "yes sir," because I never knew what else to say.

As I surveyed the room, I could easily pinpoint the exact spot she and her father had been, but I chose not to look in that direction, instead focusing on the boxes. I spotted the two in the corner that were labeled "Lab Equipment" and made my way over to them, the ceramic floor echoing beneath my feet slightly. I lifted one box effortlessly, heading towards the exit of the room before I paused to make sure her mom wasn't coming down this hallway. Quickly and stealthily, I reached the back door that was to the left of Kokone's room and opened it gingerly, placing the box carefully on the grass around the corner of the house, completely out of sight. Repeating the same process with the second box, I was done in about 10 minutes, closing the office door behind me as quietly as I could before I stared at Kokone's door. I don't know what came over me, but I opened the door before I could stop myself.

Her room consisted of a bed, a desk, and a dresser, none of which had any signs of life within them. After her father's death, Kokone had taken to a more nomadic lifestyle, staying at my house more often than not, and as a result her room always appeared to be uninhabited, as if nothing but the furniture had ever existed.

Looking over my shoulder before closing her door, I headed to the dresser and opened a drawer. There were still some clothes folded haphazardly, more than I would have liked. If she was going to leave for an extended period of time, she could at least prepare correctly, I thought as if I could scold her from this far away. Her bed was neatly made - as neatly as she could make it anyway, she sucked at that kind of stuff – as if waiting for some kind of guest to take her place.

As I returned to the living room, I realized the conversation wasn't as vibrant as before, though it was more than I ever got out of her mother. I sat next to Kazuha on the sofa, my hands in my pockets, ready to leave.

"Ichiro, what did you return to Kokone exactly?" She questioned me, cocking her head to the side. This only accentuated her prominent, high cheekbones, her jawline tight as she judged my appearance.

"She left her sweater at my house." I responded immediately, which was true, except I hadn't brought it over. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously, but didn't say anything more. It was quiet for a few moments.

"Well, we should be going then." I said, lifting myself off the couch. "Thank you for your time, ma'am." I bowed slightly before leading the way out of the room. Hattori and Kazuha made their thank yous and goodbyes as they followed me.

"Yes, well. I shall see you whenever my delinquent of a daughter comes home. She told me that she would never return or see me again the last time we talked, but she's too weak to stay away for long. Especially from you, Ichiro." She said in a poisonous voice that made me cringe.

"Right. Goodbye, Ms. Lee." I responded, unable to say more as we made our way out the door.


	16. Chapter 16: Friends Again

_Ogawa Ichiro's POV:_

After we had successfully retrieved the two boxes from the backyard and shipped them off to the address of a postal office apparently near where Kokone was staying, we started walking in no general direction in complete silence. It was getting colder for some reason, even though it was only about 1 in the afternoon.

"Where are we going?" I finally asked, raising an eyebrow at Hattori.

"Ah..where would you like to go?" Hattori said in a cooperative tone. That only made me more suspicious.

"Why are you guys hanging around me all of a sudden? Did Kokone tell you to?"

"…You could say that," was his only reply.

"So now we're back to being best buds?" I said cynically. We hadn't talked much since middle school; I was busy watching over Kokone, so naturally I went along with her change in lifestyle. She had no desire to see anyone, only exchanged a few words with Hattori and Kazuha when addressed.

"Why not? We used to be close, right Heiji?" Kazuha said, smiling at me.

"I just thought…I mean, we haven't really talked in a while." I hinted.

"Oh, nevermind that," Kazuha brushed it off with a wave of her hand, "we missed you and Kokone-san!" I didn't really have anything to add, so I came up with an excuse.

"Well…I was just trying to take care of Kokone first," Was my pathetic attempt.

"You really care about her, don't you." Hattori stated quietly. I didn't hesitate.

"Yes." I wasn't worried about being embarrassed. It's not like I just admitted I loved her or anything. I knew Hattori would probably end up teasing me, but the truth is the truth.

"And you don't want to know why she left."

"Nope. Not unless she wants to tell me." I will admit, there was an itch to know what she was doing, but if she wasn't willing, I wasn't going to push it.

"I would want to know," Hattori said mostly to himself.

"Ah, but that's because you are impatient, Hattori," I teased lightly. "That, and Kokone and I aren't like you and Kazuha." I said suggestively, raising my eyebrows. I received a blow to both shoulders and an "AHOU" in unison, which only made me laugh.

We continued down the street, arguing playfully all the way.


	17. Chapter 17: New Job

_Kokawa Kokone's POV_

The next day of school was relatively the same as my first; boys stared at my chest, my legs, my ass, I went and slept in the library during lunch, and I met up with Ran after school. We walked to meet Conan at what seemed to be their usual corner.

"Conan-kun!" Ran called as we spotted the small child standing at the corner before we had arrived. He turned at waved, that innocent smile paired with that innocent voice responding:

"Ran-neechan!" As we got closer, Ran asked him standard questions such as how his day was, etc. I continued to look straight ahead, just focusing on walking, idly listening to their conversation.

Absently, I thought of Ichiro. Did he know that I was here? Would he try to find me? The smarter part of my mind demanded that he wouldn't, but the weaker part silently wished he would come.

I hadn't even realized I wasn't paying any attention until I collided with someone of a slightly gangly frame. "Oof!" I fell back, but caught myself before I could actually fall down.

"Hey, watch where you're – oh. I was going to look you up!" I heard a guy's voice that I didn't recognize, and looked up after I had steadied myself to see someone wearing the same school uniform I had seen the other boys wearing, his black hair a bit wild and shaggy. He had a sort of mischievous grin on his face, his brown fiery eyes looking me over. I narrowed mine in response.

"Mind your eyes, creep. Do me a favor and don't look for me," I spat, before meandering around him to rejoin Conan and Ran, whose eyes were curious and wide. But the guy followed me anyway, casually swinging his thin briefcase over his shoulder as he fell into step beside me, as if we were suddenly best friends. I shot him a look.

"Uh..Kokone-san? Do you know him?" Ran asked, trying not to sound surprised.

"No. I don't know why he's following me, but he'd better stop before I -"

"Calm down, cutie, I just wanted to talk to you. I'm Tanaka Hachiro. I saw you at the karaoke club this past weekend. Actually, my dad and I did. He wants to know if you'll work for him," I sneered at the 'cutie' comment before I grasped what he was offering me: a job. Immediately I tried my best to behave.

"Oh uh – like a job?" I stammered.

"Yeah, as entertainment for his club type deal." He said offhand.

"What kind of club?" I wondered.

"..I don't really know to be honest. It's not like I care what my father's doing with his money." He said darkly, looking away.

"Tell him I'll do it. What's the address?" I said surely.

"W-what? Are you serious?" He said in astonishment.

"I'll get paid, right?" I checked.

"Well yeah, but -"

"Then yeah, I'll do it. The address?" Soon the guy's expression switched back to its original flirtatious look, and his demeanor returned as well.

"Ahh, well. Just turn right off of this street and you should see the ugly neon sign sticking out of the building. I guess I'll be seeing you around, cutie," He winked, thinking so highly of himself, before turning around and heading in the other direction. I rolled my eyes before looking at Ran's expression of disbelief.

"What?" I said quizzically.

"You don't..know him.." Ran trailed off, I guess suggesting that it was somehow dangerous. Which it could have been, but I'd be damned if I didn't gather some sort of income soon. I waved it off easily.

"Oh, don't worry about it. He couldn't do anything to me. He's just some idiot that likes to flirt. You know, your typical guy." This was more commentary than necessary, I noticed offhand, but continued anyway. "You worry too much, Ran-chan." She didn't say anything, but kept sneaking glances of me as we walked, her eyes cautious. I turned right as instructed and left Conan and Ran to return to our street without me, telling them that we'd meet up later. Not knowing what I was getting myself into made me uneasy, but I felt myself embrace the challenge and soon found that the pay was pretty good, but it had its price. A rather short hemmed, strappy, revealing price, to be exact.

Tanaka-san's father was one of those old, grisly men that you could tell spent most of his time drinking and hanging around women that weren't his wife, even though he wore a wedding band on his left ring finger. He was a bit chubby, wore a nasty cologne, and sported a sort of 70s type suit, a cigar always present in his hand from what I could tell. He handed me my uniform, of which had belonged to a girl of similar size that had just quit, and asked me to try it on to see if 'things would work out' before he officially hired me. I stumbled into his very small, disgusting bathroom and attempted to slip into the dress in some classy way, but the truth of the matter was that it was impossible to do so.

The dress was very, VERY short, and very black, so at least it wasn't see-through. It was however, very low cut, and had so many straps I almost ripped the damn thing trying to get it on, but there was a hole. A very large, purposeful hole that showed my entire back below the numerous thin straps. Altogether, I felt very naked. I slipped on the strappy black heels that went along with it before making my appearance for the disgusting club owner, who eagerly looked me up and down before licking his lips. I threw up in my mouth before I even began to ask:

"..Uhm. So. Do I get the job? I just have to sing right?" I said awkwardly, trying to pull the hem of the skirt down at least past uh, my ass.

"Yeah, yeah. Can you do anything else? For instance…dance?" He said suggestively in his gravelly voice, raising his eyebrows at me.

"..I play piano and I sing. That's it." I said sternly.

"Aw come on, you have to be able to dance with THAT body…" His eyes widened as he circled around me. I fought the urge to pummel him into the cheap, cement flooring.

"Fine. I can dance. Whatever. But if the pay sucks, I'm out of here." He narrowed his eyes at this barter, preparing to protest.

"You do what your boss tells you to, no exceptions. I can find another girl."

"Please. You know damn well that I'm one of the hottest ones you've ever seen, AND I have talent. I don't come cheap." I suddenly realized I was basically trading my dignity for a paycheck, which seemed to closely resemble prostitution. I felt disgusted with myself; my stomach churned and threatened to explode.

"..Alright, alright. Fine. Here's your paycheck. You work from 5 to 12 every Wednesday, Friday and Saturday night." I nodded and stepped into the small bathroom without a reply, quickly stripping myself of the repulsive fabric before leaving as soon as possible, the dress bunched into my fist with the heels hanging off my fingers.

After I successfully made it back to my apartment before anyone could spot me with such a disastrous outfit in my hands, I breathed a sigh of relief and decided to call Heiji for a report on my dad's supplies.

I flung the dress under my pathetic excuse for a bed along with the heels, pulling out my cell phone in the process. It rang two, three times before he finally picked up.

"Hattori Heiji here," He said impressively. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"It's just me, you egomaniac,"

"Ah, Kokone-san. What's up?" He said casually.

"Are you with Ichiro?" I asked without thinking. That's not where my mind is supposed to be, I thought tiredly.

"Yeah, he's right here. Wanna talk to him?" He offered.

"Nonono. I just wanted to know. Did you guys get the boxes?"

"Yeah. We shipped them off yesterday. They should get there in a few days. Anything else?"

"..Have you gotten any news on that guy that was stalking me?" I said cynically, feeling the slight bruise on my face.

"Well…they called me and told me that they didn't get much out of him. They just know that he was hired by a beautiful woman, according to him."

"That could be anyone.." I groaned.

"Yeah…but don't worry, he's in jail for assaulting you. Anything else?" He repeated willingly.

"I got a job." I said pathetically, without meaning to.

"Oh really? What's the job?" He said suspiciously.

"..Singing. At a club." I offered only the sparest of details. There was silence as he waited for me to elaborate. "..and dancing." I said reluctantly.

"Singing..at a club. And dancing. What kind of a club is this? Does your boss know how old you are?" He started to fire off questions, and I could swear I heard Ichiro say "WHAT? GIVE ME THE PHONE" in the background.

"..No. But it doesn't matter, it's not a big deal." I said casually, hoping he'd buy it. He didn't.

"What's the uniform like?" He said dully. I winced. Crap.

"..Well…it's…kind of formal.."

"Formal as in slutty, or formal as in classy?" I cringed at his casual use of the word 'slut.'

"It's all I could get, okay? I'm not REALLY a slut or anything so it doesn't matter." Heiji sighed.

"Alright, whatever you say. Don't do anything TOO stupid though."

"Okay, I – hey, wait a minute -" I said, responding to the comment about stupidity.

"Don't you want to talk to Ichiro-san?" He said, a bit irritated.

"I…I shouldn't. I'll see you in a few weeks, Hattori." I said sadly, hanging up the phone before he could respond. I tossed the phone onto my bed before deciding that I should probably head over to the Agency for dinner as I had promised.

Once I arrived, I was surprised to find that Conan was the only one home.

"Hello, Kokone-neechan!" He said loudly and innocently as he opened the door for me. Once the door was shut he, was all business.

"Ran went to buy groceries. You're here early."

"Yeah well…I got the job that guy offered me. Or, the guy's dad I guess. But it pays pretty well. I'll be able to pay Hattori back for shipping those boxes." I sighed, sitting myself down at the small table in front of the TV.

"Boxes?" He asked, sitting across from me.

"There are two boxes that have my dad's supplies in them. I need all of it to figure out the whole antidote thing." I placed my elbow on the table and rubbed my face with my hand.

"I told you, you really don't need to do that. Haibara -"

"Ugh, Shiho. That's not fair." I said quietly. He didn't say anything for a moment.

"..How do you know her?" He finally said.

"Everyone involved in the Black Organization is intertwined. You should know that. My dad had his circle of geniuses. That's probably how they contacted her family. I can't believe this happened to her. And Akemi? I knew Akemi. Shiho, I didn't really associate myself with. But Akemi…she was my friend. I looked up to her," I admittied, drawing random shapes with my fingers on the table.

"I'm sorry.." He said slowly. I looked up to meet his gaze.

"That, and Ran. Ran needs you. I can help fix that." He was shaking his head before I had finished my argument. "Come on, I have to fix SOMETHING." I said desperately.

"What do you mean?" He asked curiously.

"I have to do something…something good. If I can do this, then I can help the people that have suffered because of…because of me." I whispered. He stared at me hopelessly.

"It is NOT your fault." He said surely.

"Kudo, do you think I'm doing the wrong thing? I mean…you and Ran were best friends. Even though you're with her all the time, she doesn't know that. I've seen what she feels like…what if Ichiro…?" I willed him to finish my statement.

"I think…that if you are protecting someone you love, it doesn't matter so much." My jaw dropped.

"I do NOT love him." I said fiercely. He just gave me a look. "At least…not like that. He definitely doesn't feel that way -"

"How would you know?" He interrupted.

"I…I just do."

"You haven't asked him, have you?" He countered.

"Have you asked Ran?" I shot back.

"No, and now I regret it." He said readily, as if he knew I was going to ask that question. I just stared at him. We were silent for a moment.

"If you're going to work on the antidote, you should do it with Haibara. She lives with Professor Agase. I already talked to him, and he told me to tell you to come by whenever you like." I was at a loss for words.

"How do I do that though? What would I say…" I trailed off, referring to Shiho.

"Haibara doesn't hate you. She doesn't even dislike you. True, she's not always nice, but she says she has no reason to resent you in any way." He tried to reason with me.

"..Should I mention her sister?" I wondered aloud.

"..If it comes up, you can convey your sympathy, but otherwise, I wouldn't. Are you going to work with her?"

"I don't really have a lab in my apartment, nor do I have room or money to come up with one, so I guess so. As soon as I get my equipment anyway."

"Good." Was all he said, all he could say, before Ran entered the room, her groceries in her hands. Conan and I helped her get everything settled as she apologized endlessly for not having her ingredients ready soon enough, but eventually, we centered ourselves around that little table, simply enjoying each other's company as the sun went down, slowly but surely, to reveal a clear, cold night.


	18. Chapter 18: Downhill From Here

A month had already flown by; Heiji was supposed to be here, in Tokyo, by 8, which was right in the middle of my shift at what was basically a whorehouse in which I was the star whore. The pay is great though, I told myself constantly, you can get your dignity back when all of this is over.

As I headed to the club, my uniform in my hands - I refused to wear it where anyone less than disgusting could see me - I thought about everything that had happened in the past month, which was to say, not very much. I reunited (sort of) with Haibara, or Miyano Shiho, and though it was very awkward at first, eventually we worked in synchronization; it was nice to have someone that spoke my language for once. I spent a fair amount of my time at the Professor's house with my research after I successfully retrieved my father's equipment; Shiho and I worked towards a solution for her and Conan's pathetic situation.

I usually ate dinner at the Mouri place, of which Kogoro complained a lot about at first, much to Ran's dismay, but eventually got used to it. The only time I didn't see them was when I was working; those nights, I didn't eat at all.

Ran introduced me to the training gym she used for her karate, which is also where I spent a large portion of my time. I needed to keep myself busy, to keep myself from thinking of Ichiro or anything Osaka-related, and found solace in all of these things – most of the time. Even as I threw everything I had into the training dummies, or sometimes when I was sparring with random people, I could still hear Ichiro cautioning me. He was my conscience, it was clear by the increased amount of warnings I was getting from him in my head every time I pushed myself a little harder, or didn't eat. I told myself he wasn't really there, I was just imagining things, and continued with my dangerous habits.

That night at the club was one of the worst – a completely drunk, smelly man made grabs at me, most of which I safely dodged; I wouldn't let him get a grip. If he touched me, it would only be a brush against my skin that sent sick goose bumps across the surface. It was particularly cold that night. I was sure it had been raining outside, it may have even been snowing, but something was happening weather wise to the point that even though it was hot and musty inside, I was shivering. Maybe it was just because of the atmosphere.

As I continued to sing another raunchy, requested song with everything I had, I glanced over at the man who had hired me. He was watching with narrowed eyes, and when I made eye contact, he reached up and patted his head, obviously signifying that I was out of uniform. When I arrived for my first shift, he informed me that I also had to let my hair loose, as it apparently only added to 'the look.' I refused at first, but he threatened me with my job, and so I yanked the ribbon out of my hair, letting it fall loosely around my shoulders.

I had what Ichiro always called 'the hair.' It was the loose, wavy curls that only caused me trouble; I always hated having it in my face, especially when I worked or sparred in tae-kwon-do, but overall my hair was extremely noticeable when let down. When it was up, it would hang in one, soft curl that I always felt bouncing against the back of my head and my back. The only reason I wore it up however, was so that hopefully no one would recognize me. I had always braided my hair; it was my trademark. Using just a ribbon to hold it up was an attempt to change my identity, as I didn't have it in me to change my name, the name my father had chosen, had loved while he was alive.

I cringed inwardly as I let my hair down, causing the grimy men below the runway-like stage to whoop and holler as if I had intentionally done it at that moment to please them. All I wanted at the moment was to escape, to find a deserted island that contained Ichiro and nothing else. The small, weak part of my mind whispered something that, for the first time in a long time, made me want to cry.

I wish I could die already, it said. I pushed it aside quickly. I wasn't suicidal; this wasn't me. Somehow I was still singing this god forsaken song, and as it reached the climax, I noticed someone poking their head in the door, his eyes widening in shock as his mouth dropped.

Of course, I thought, it was already 11:54. Of course Heiji was here, and looking for me. He looked upset by the disturbing image I knew he was seeing. I didn't want him, or anyone for that matter, to see me this way. It wasn't fair, I thought, I'm not really like this! I wanted to shout. This isn't me…

I was distracted by Hattori's angry, disbelieving face, and so didn't notice the man that was as drunk as drunk could be when he attempted to grab my thigh. He was successful in his attempt, and I stopped singing immediately, gasping out loud before looking down. Though he was drunk, he didn't waste any time as he moved his hand higher and higher towards the hem of my skirt where there was hardly any leg left to show. I grunted, "AH!" as I swung my right hand over and gripped his wrist. I lifted him straight out of his chair – he wasn't very big surprisingly – and flipped him over the runway, successfully snapping the legs of one of the cheap wooden tables that had leftover beer glasses on top of it. There was a thunderous clamor of noise when this happened, but I didn't care. I was done for that night, I decided, and I jumped off the stage and walked quickly to the small, disgusting bathroom to quickly change into my slacks and my black turtleneck. I was putting my shoes on as I left the bathroom, wanting nothing more than to leave as I looked up to see Heiji's disapproving and appalled glare. Not even bothering to throw my jacket on, even in this weather, I pushed past him and started out onto the street.

It hadn't been raining, but there was some sign of sleet on the ground. I was thankful there wasn't anything falling from the sky as I began to hurry my way home.

"KOKONE." Heiji yelled after me, trying to catch up. I instinctively let him. He seemed furious. "WHAT are you DOING here? I didn't know it was this bad, you are coming home with me NOW." He grabbed my arm, as if he could have pulled me all the way back to Osaka, but stopped as I did, his face softening slightly. I was looking at the ground; my eyes burned and the familiar feeling of sickness was settling in my stomach.

"Are you alright?" He asked me, trying to maintain his angry bravado. I was glad it was midnight, and that no one was around, as I turned, covering my mouth, to the small alleyway that was to our left. In a matter of seconds, I had my palm pressed against the wall, my other hand gripping my stomach as I puked what seemed to be every feeling that had resurfaced that night behind a garbage bag. There wasn't anything to throw up though, and it showed, but I still wretched and coughed until the convulsions stopped. I was in a cold sweat, shivering with the chilly wind, and hadn't even noticed that Heiji was standing awkwardly over me, holding my hair back. I wasn't sure what else to do at that point, so I wiped my mouth and took my hair from his grasp, pulling the ribbon out of my pocket and tying my hair back before stepping back onto the street. I slipped my jacket on and began to walk home, my hands shoved in my pockets, as if nothing had happened. Heiji quickly caught up with me. He didn't say anything the whole way back.

He opened my apartment door for me and followed me inside, flicking on lights as he went. I felt my forehead to see if my fever had gotten any worse, and headed to the small bathroom to get the only safe fever reducer I could find in the general store that I bought everything at. He stood there, his hands in his pockets, surveying the area.

After I swallowed the pill, I looked in the mirror, my hands placed on the sink in a determined position. This wasn't me, I thought. Why am I doing all of this? All for Ichiro? No, he would never allow this.

I abandoned these thoughts as I went to rejoin Heiji in the bedroom/kitchen/basically-everything-BUT-the-bath room. He had his phone pressed to his ear.

"You can get out right? Without getting caught? Well hurry up. See you in a few minutes." He snapped the phone shut and placed it in his pocket. "Kudo's sneaking out. It's time you told us what happened." He said carefully, observing my reaction. I had completely forgotten that I had agreed to this, but sighed, accepting the fact that no amount of preparation could influence how this would turn out, as I had never spoken the story out loud.

I remembered the nasty vomit taste in my mouth and made a face before going to the bathroom and brushing my teeth. When I came out, Heiji was opening the door for Conan. The cold air reached my skin, even under the turtleneck I was wearing. Nothing ever seemed to be enough to keep me warm, but I decided to change anyway. I grabbed my sweat pants and sweatshirt and flung them onto my bed, about to lift up my turtleneck before I realized there were two teenaged boys in my room. When I glanced at them, my sweater already halfway up my torso, they were looking in opposite directions, slight blushes of embarrassment on their faces.

"Turn around, it'll take like 2 seconds." I said impatiently. The boys willingly turned themselves to face the wall. This seemed somewhat amusing as I quickly slipped off my sweater and my pants before sliding my sweatshirt and sweatpants into place. "Okay," I said, "I guess I'll tell you now."

REVIEWS PLEASE :]


	19. Chapter 19: The Murder

The boys turned around slowly to meet my determined gaze; I was ready to get this out in the open. All of a sudden, it seemed like I couldn't hold it back any longer – I needed to spill, and I needed to spill fast. Heiji approached it cautiously.

"You only need to say the absolutely necessary parts. So don't…freak yourself out again, okay?" I gave him a dull look.

"Shut up. I'll tell you guys, but you need to promise nothing will happen because of it. Okay? Don't be…surprised? I don't really know, just don't make a big deal out of it." I knew this was an impossible goal, but I made them promise anyway.

"Okay, you might want to get comfortable." I sighed, folding my legs underneath me on my bed…

_It was one of those nights that I had decided to stay up just to watch my father work. The only problem was he didn't know I was watching. He was sorting through assorted pills and ingredients with all of his shiny, silver tools that seemed to dance in his hands. I loved to watch him conduct experiments._

_ Increasingly though, he was getting angrier and angrier with himself, sometimes losing it to the point that some of the experimental pills would fly across the room with a whip of his shaking hand. I was spying from a crack in the door as usual, my eyes wide as I observed his fury that I never would have seen had he known I was there. He started towards the door as he sometimes did when he was going to take a break, so I made a dash for my room right across the hall and listened closely through the thin barrier of a door. It sounded as if he was heading down the hall, his footsteps heavier than normal. I listened for any other indication that he was returning when suddenly, I heard his voice._

_ I immediately came to the conclusion that he was on the phone, and that it was with the person who had hired him, as he continuously said "I can't do this anymore. Find someone else!" His voice was so far out of its calm realm that it scared me, even though it was directed towards someone else completely._

_ This argument lasted for about 15 minutes, of which he finally said in the loudest and most stern voice I had ever heard escape his lips: "You will NOT lay a finger on my daughter. I'm calling the police."_

_ I assumed he hung up the phone, and was redialing, as I heard him mumbling some kind of explanation into the phone that I couldn't make out completely. I heard his footsteps coming closer, and flew to my bed immediately, for fear of him peaking in to find that I was eavesdropping the whole time instead of sleeping. Just as I was situated in my bed, I heard the door open slightly before I saw my dad peak in. Seeing that my eyes were open, he opened it a bit wider and started to speak in that calm, soothing voice that I longed to hear after that phone call._

_ "Kokone…you should be asleep, love. Do you need me to sing you a song again?" He offered. I shook my head, as I didn't want to stress him out any more than he already seemed to be. He just looked at me for a few moments in silence before saying something he didn't normally say._

_ "I love you, Kokone. I love you more than anything." I wasn't able to respond though, as he came over and gave my shoulders a squeeze before planting a light, airy kiss on my forehead. I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent of rubbing alcohol and cleanliness, a smell I had come to love, and tried to enjoy this brief moment while it lasted, as I knew something was wrong._

_ My dad didn't speak about his affection, he just showed it through his actions. Something was definitely wrong; I didn't have to be older than 8 years old to pick up on his odd behavior. He still didn't let me respond before he left the room, closing the door quietly before reentering his office. I counted to thirty before I decided it was safe to spy on him once again. As I began to turn the knob of my door though, I heard something._

_ It wasn't my father. Someone was coming down the hallway. Someone with heavy shoes. Someone that wasn't my father. I froze and waited to see if the unknown person would come into my room or not._

_ Whoever it was didn't; the person opened the door to my father's office and immediately I heard his panicked reaction:_

_ "W-what are you doing here? I told you, I'm done with this. You need to leave now, or the police will find you!" He said in a tone that shook my spine. I hated to hear my father sounding this way, and without thinking, I opened my bedroom door to see his office door slightly ajar, though I wasn't able to see anyone inside. I pushed the door open slowly, and took in the scene from across the room._

_ There was a man dressed in all black, his hair long, blond, and flowing. He had a gun, and he had it pointed at the forehead of my father, who was backing up slowly with his hands raised. He spotted me and emitted a small gasp, quickly turning his attention back to his murderer so as not to draw attention to me. Too late though - the man turned his head sharply and with eyes like knives, glared into my soul._

_ I shivered involuntarily and waited to see what would happened, all the while thinking that that man was going to kill my father, and that I needed some way to stop him. I thought of my options, but there didn't appear to be any present._

_ "Well, it looks like I don't even have to search for her after all." The man said in a chilling, icy voice._

_ "You leave her alone. Kill me, but leave her. Leave her with her mother!" My dad tried his best to save me, and all I wanted to shout was for him to stop selling himself for someone as weak as me._

_ "What a loving, generous soul. I admire you, Kokawa-san. It's a pity you have to die tonight." I heard the gun click, and assumed that my dad's death was soon approaching. I made a step forward, which caused the man to look at me curiously again. My father took this opportunity to attempt to at least knock the gun out of his hands, if not steal it completely. He made a swing at the man's hand, to which the man easily responded with a few earsplitting gun shots that shattered my mind and my eardrums at the same time._

_ I couldn't comprehend what I was seeing. My dad's horrified expression as his hands felt his torso, trying to cover all of the holes. His white gloves and white lab coat were staining fast with a deep red that created ice cubes in my stomach._

_ "APPA!" I shrieked, reaching forward, as if I could reach him from that far away. I heard the man chuckle. To my right I spotted the metal-handled broom that remained in the corner of the room, and quickly grabbed it, making a run for the man and smacking the hand that held the gun with all my might. To my surprise, the gun fell out of his hand and into a bucket filled with water that my dad kept around in case of small lab equipment fires. The man grunted angrily and reached into his long, black trench coat pocket, pulling out a sharp, cold knife._

_ What am I supposed to do? I thought. I reflexively ran to my father's side, who was now lying on the floor on his back, blood pooling all about him. The smell stung my nose, and my heart longed for the clean smell of rubbing alcohol that normally surrounded him. His color was draining, and his eyes were no longer open. I touched his arm frantically, shaking him, willing him to get up. But he didn't move. I screamed for him and cried out in exasperation, but there was nothing. More blood surrounded me as I kept trying. I looked up at the man with fear filled eyes – surprisingly, there were no tears – and wondered what he was going to do to me. Glancing back down, I noticed there were 5 bullet wounds in my father's chest that I could see, but it was almost indistinguishable as the blood continued to pool._

_ "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY APPA?" I squealed helplessly. This couldn't be happening._

_ "This is what happens when you don't learn to listen, Kokone-chan." He said in a sick, twistedly calm voice. "And now that you've seen my face, you'll need to die as well." He sneered before he rushed at me. I gasped, covering my face, not knowing what he was going to do until he was up against me, at my short level. I felt it: the pain of the jagged stab wound on my chest that I had later found out just missed my heart. The sheer force of the blow knocked me over into the large pool of blood that was my father's, and I felt sick as I felt the warm liquid that I knew wasn't water. I remembered I had screamed, but it seemed like it had happened so long ago. I didn't know what was happening – was I even alive? Was this hell?_

_ My vision was losing focus, but I forced myself to stay awake for a little while longer, just so I could try to save my father. I felt warm thickness pulsing from my chest – though it wasn't as bad as a bullet wound, there was enough blood to fool anyone. This wouldn't stop me though; I rolled myself over after realizing that the man was already gone and dragged myself onto my father's chest slightly, raising my hands with all the strength I had and placing them where his heart would be, putting pressure down every time I counted a new number. It was all I could do, all I was ever taught to do by my father. I pushed a little harder each time, saying "Appa. Appa. Appa," quietly as I counted "1, 2, 3" in my head._

_ That was the first chest pain I ever felt in my life. My father wasn't breathing, my feeble attempts to save his life weren't working, and worse, I hadn't responded when he told me he loved me. He would never know how much I truly loved him back. The pain in my heart engulfed me, and I could feel the abnormal rhythm of it as I began to drift and fall backwards into the pool of blood. I kept my hand on my father's heart, as if that could somehow save him, and attempted to cover my stab wound with my hand, pushing down to keep the blood from coming out so quickly while also trying to extinguish the flame that was building in my now broken heart._

_ After that, I don't remember much. I just remember that someone had found me, though the nurses didn't tell me who, and that that someone had saved my life by wrapping their jacket around my wound and applying pressure to stop the bleeding. I distantly heard ambulance and police sirens in the back of my mind as I felt my body being jostled, presumably being lifted into and out of the ambulance to be treated at a nearby hospital. I had needed surgery, and afterwards, I awoke days later to an aching body that didn't feel like mine. My mother was talking in Korean to her then alive father, explaining what had happened in as much detail as she could. When she saw that I was awake, she called out in Japanese, and soon there were police detectives surrounding my bed, asking me to explain the situation, in detail please, so they could find the murderer. They had found the gun, though not the knife that had been used to stab me, but even the gun didn't give them any leads, as my efforts to knock the gun out of the vile man's hands had also washed the fingerprints right off. I couldn't speak, couldn't even explain that I couldn't explain, and wished that Ichiro would come and fix everything just as he always did._

_ I wouldn't speak, much to my mother's anger, but I didn't care. What was there to care about anymore? My father was dead – and it was my fault. I had taken that step too soon, had simply arrived at the scene. That was all it took._

_ I didn't speak for a long time; instead, I just silently watched others do their work in the hospital. Once my 'incision' was completely checked out, I was sent home with some antibiotics and heart medicine, where I stayed in bed and continued to watch as Ichiro worked. The first two days he just sat by my bed, that bouquet of daffodils in his hands helplessly. He watched me, and I just looked at my door, seeing nothing but that man open it as if I had been in my father's point of view at that time. Eventually, Ichiro decided to work at my desk on anything – sometimes I was sure he was just doodling on a piece of paper, but it was clear that he knew he couldn't do much else. I watched the bouquet of flowers die as they lay on my dresser, which only made it harder for me to speak._

_ My mother increasingly blamed me for my father's death. I couldn't respond._

_ When I was finally admitted back to school, Hattori and Kazuha asked me what had happened, told me that they had seen police cars and ambulances driving to my street the night before I stopped coming to school. I couldn't respond._

_ When we went to my father's funeral and burial, I watched my mother touch my father's coffin with one hand while covering her eyes with the other, and I watched as his coffin was lowered into the ground to be sealed away forever. I couldn't respond._

_ I frequently awoke from nightmares and began to not sleep at night. I couldn't respond to that either._

_ I went along with whatever current had begun to drag me since that night. Eventually though, I talked to Ichiro, and I started to really focus on different forms of martial arts as well as academics and music, just to keep myself busy. I couldn't think of those literally heart-wrenching images._

_ All the while, Ichiro quietly observed, but didn't intrude. He knew somehow, that what I needed wasn't to talk about it, but to keep from talking about it. He supplied me with new sheet music or a new katana. Somehow, he knew just what to do when I needed something, but couldn't say it out loud…_

As I told this story, I never once looked Kudo or Heiji in the face. I couldn't bring myself to. Once I was finished, I slowly moved from my cross-legged position to one that was on my side. I hugged my knees into my chest and continued to look at the floor, waiting for some sort of response. I felt so tired all of a sudden, and I was pretty sure that I could sleep all night and all the next day if I wanted to. Finally, Conan spoke.

"It was Gin." He said quietly. I looked up at him without any feeling whatsoever. "Gin killed your father," he clarified, "He also killed Akemi." Somehow that made complete sense to me. I looked at Heiji's face; he seemed a bit paler than usual, and had a look of guilt in his eyes. I had never responded to Conan's comment. It was completely silent, and I absently thought about what Ichiro could be doing with Kazuha right now. After about 10 minutes of deliberation and dull silence, Heiji finally spoke.

"I…I don't even know what to say, Kone-chan. I am so sorry." He looked at me guiltily, his hand rubbing the back of his head in a classic apologetic-Heiji position. Conan nodded in agreement, suddenly at a loss for words.

"It's okay. I'm pretty tired now. You guys go home and get some rest, I'll see you tomorrow."

And with that, my story was released into the world for the first time.


	20. Chapter 20: Time Passes

Time was passing. Though time is relative, I could almost feel myself aging, could feel my skin tightening against the environment around me. It had been 4 months since I had told my story to Heiji and Kudo. Increasingly, I felt more tired and weak as I continued this life without Ichiro. I never called him, couldn't even begin to think about how much that would hurt me later. Heiji would still come once a month, telling me what they had done together since the last time he had come. There was nothing to hold on to though; I was slipping away slowly, could feel myself _dying._

Feeling like death didn't involve much though. I slept – sometimes – I ate – sometimes – and I studied and practiced tae-kwon-do among other things – all the time. The only problem was I couldn't feel anything. I felt tired, but it didn't matter, I would stay awake anyway. I felt hungry, but it hardly bothered me anymore. I sometimes realized that these were bad signs, but I reassured myself by saying that it would be over soon.

It wasn't over soon, obviously. 5 months altogether of being away from home? Away from Ichiro? For the most part, I inwardly scolded myself for leaving in the first place, but then I would get angry at my selfish wanting behavior. This wasn't for me; it was for Ichiro.

I spent a lot of time at the training gym, at the Mouri place, or at the Professor's house with Shiho. In the training gym, I destroyed dummies and scared the life out of potential sparring partners. At the Mouri place, Ran would try to take care of me, all the while asking me if I was alright, if I would rather stay with them rather than by myself. She always glanced at me worriedly, as if looking at me for too long would cause her to do something rash. Conan reproached me carefully as well; he would look at me with that serious stare, as if watching to see if I would do what he expected me to do next. I tagged along on murder cases, and watched Conan as he worked quickly to reveal the culprit. I hardly spoke, only responded to Ran's questions, which only made Kogoro happier that I wasn't some talkative, idiotic kid that almost lived at their house. At the Professor's house, I would work late into the night when Shiho would retire. She continuously checked up on me though, but I never paid any attention to it. She never said anything, only occasionally telling me that I should probably sleep or at least eat, but I waved her off and continued with my experiments. The Professor was more outspoken; he would come in and directly tell me that what I was doing wasn't good for me, that I needed to sleep, and that he wouldn't mind if I slept at his place for at least a few hours. I pushed his offers away too, and continued to watch my hands use my father's tools to divide experimental pills, or create new mixtures.

My job somehow remained intact after that night, as Tanaka-san told me that because of me, the police had to come and investigate to see what kind of place he was running if there were people being hurled onto tables. Because of this, he was in a place where he couldn't go around asking for a different girl, so he kept me, and told me to play it safe.

I resented my life; what was the point? I was a shell of a carcass with nothing inside. There was nothing left in me.

Should Heiji be in the next chapter? There will be a murder case.

As for whether Conan will turn into Shinichi in the next chapter: No. But don't feel cheated until I finish the story ;]


	21. Chapter 21: Another Murder?

On another cold, clear night, Ran, Conan, Kogoro, Heiji and I were walking back from dinner out, as Heiji had just come back to visit me for the 6th month in a row. I barely pretended to eat, something I was pretty good at doing until I decided it didn't matter what they thought of me anymore; I looked like walking death anyway. Ran and Heiji urged me to eat while Conan sat quietly observing and Kogoro checked out the nice waitress that probably didn't know she was being ogled.

I started to not hide things very well after I looked in the mirror in my crappy bathroom one day. I had just brushed my teeth, and usually I would turn off the light and leave before I could get a good look at myself, but this time I willed myself to stare into my own eyes. What I saw surprised me, and even made me feel pity and sympathy for the one person that had never felt the same towards me: my mother.

I observed my features carefully. After 6 months, I had lost what I had estimated to be about 25 pounds, though it was more noticeable in my face than where I had muscle. My skin was tight against my cheekbones, only emphasizing the haunting beauty that my mother had. I was extremely pale; my skin almost seemed translucent. But what I saw in my eyes is what made my breath catch.

Emptiness. Grey, hard, pure emptiness, as if there was nothing I could care about. For a moment, I thought I had gone insane and was having hallucinations, because what appeared to be my reflection was my mother in every essence.

So this is what happened to her, I thought. My father's loss is paralleled to not having Ichiro.

I didn't bother to keep these thoughts of Ichiro at bay anymore – it seemed unnecessary. It was easier to admit to myself that I loved him more than anything when I never saw him. 6 months. Where had the time gone? What had he been doing with it?

"Oi, Kokone, are you listening?" Heiji waved a hand in front of my face, his expression frustrated.

"I am now. What?" I said tonelessly. His eye twitched.

"You should come back to Osaka with me when I leave – just for a visit." He suggested as casually as he could. I turned my attention elsewhere without responding. He took that as a no.

"Oh come on, Ichiro-san and Kazuha miss you! You could pay a visit to your mother-"

"Don't _even_ mention my _mother_." I said listlessly. As usual, he didn't plan his response carefully.

"Your _mother_," he emphasized, "is actually worried about you. Ichiro caught her in your room, just lookin' around." He had the air of someone that was proud of himself - until I snorted. "What?" He said, irritated.

"She was thinking about what she's going to replace my furniture with. Probably a library." I thought aloud. She had been looking for a place to put my father's books other than that horrid crime scene of a room. "Why was he in my house?"

"How should I know? You should ask him yourself." Heiji taunted. I ignored him and we continued to walk. Kogoro was a bit further ahead, Ran and Conan behind him, holding hands, and Heiji and I were in the back.

The silence was shattered by what sounded like gunshots – and a lot of them. Everyone turned towards the sound while Ran gasped – everyone seemed to determine that the sounds had come from the house we were passing by. After the gunshots however, there was nothing - no sounds, no chaos or yelling for anyone to call the police - so we decided to inspect it ourselves.

Kogoro knocked on the door, calling "OIII, OPEN THE DOOR" and after a few minutes, a woman opened it carefully, calm as you please. The only thing that seemed a bit crazed about her was her eyes, but they only contained the insanity that comes from fear.

"Is everything alright, ma'am? We thought we heard gunshots -" Heiji said as he intrusively peaked over the woman's head.

"Ahh, yes everything's fine. I didn't hear anything; it must have been the neighbor's television, right Kazumi-chan?" The woman said sweetly to the baby in her arms that I had just taken note of. The woman opened the doorway a bit more, as if presenting just how harmonious and in balance everything really was. The baby gurgled.

"How cute!" Ran said, stepping up to get a closer look.

"Can my younger brother and I use your bathroom?" I said without thinking, surprising not only myself but everyone else, as I hadn't spoken voluntarily in months. I stepped up behind Conan, placing my hands on his shoulders, signifying our forged relationship. He looked up at me, puzzled. The woman hesitated, but soon found a flaw in my statement.

"He's your brother?" She said in a disbelieving tone.

"He's not your-" Kogoro started before I swung my hand back, semi-casually, right into his gut.

"We only have the same mother, so I guess he's only my half-brother." I said easily. The woman hesitated once again before saying:

"Well, I suppose…but my daughters and I were just about to leave for dinner with our family friends." She opened the door to let all of us in, and I led Conan a little further inside, waiting to be shown the direction of the bathroom.

"So you have two daughters? How old is the other one?" Ran asked eagerly.

"She's 5 years old now," the proud mother said knowingly. "She'll be starting school next year."

"What's her name?" Ran asked as she made sweet faces at the baby.

"Kazuko. This is Kazumi." The woman smiled, rocking the baby gently. "Oh, yes – the bathroom is…this way." She deliberated, as if she was choosing a different route than the one we would normally take – if she wasn't hiding something. She led me and Conan down a narrow hallway with many doors and took us to the last one on the left, which was what seemed to be the master bedroom.

"Sorry, our toilet in the guest bathroom is in need of repair," she chuckled nervously. "You can use my husband's and my bathroom."

"Thank you, we'll be out in a few minutes." I said. The woman nodded and left the room, making cooing noises to the bubbling baby.

"You check the bathroom and the rooms on the left side, I'll take the right side." I said in a low voice. Conan nodded before heading towards the master bathroom. I peeked my head out of the room to make sure she wasn't in the hallway before crossing to the first door on the right side. I found a light switch quickly and saw that it was most likely the baby's room. After closing the door, I hit the next one, and opened it to pitch darkness. Already something didn't feel right, and the rustic smell of blood stung my nose – just like that night. I felt for a light switch along the wall, but there was no luck. I entered the room carefully, not knowing what I could possibly step on, and continued to feel along the wall. All of a sudden, my feet flew out from under me and I landed on something that was warm and thick – what I presumed to be a human body. Scrambling to get up, my breathing and heart rate increased, and I felt blood and my shirt as I struggled to lift myself off the ground, only succeeding in falling on my backside before I finally got back onto my feet. I ran towards the wall and found the light switch, flicking it on so I could take in the situation.

My clothes were stained with blood, as were my hands. I looked up and found there was a man that had to be the woman's husband lying on the ground with numerous gunshot wounds. He was pale already, and he was lying in his own blood.

This can't be happening, I thought, not again! I dug the gloves that I had stored in my pocket for my night of experimenting and put them on my hands as quickly as I could, hurrying towards the body to check for a pulse. As I felt for one, praying that I could feel just one heartbeat, I started to scream.

"CALL AN AMBULANCE! CALL 110 RIGHT! _NOW!_" I heard the door opening behind me followed by gasps as everyone surveyed the scene. Just then, I was able to find a faint pulse, and noticed that the man was breathing very shallowly. It wasn't too late, I thought, I can still save him. I looked up at the shocked faces, noticing that the woman only had a look of fear rather than surprise, and grew more exasperated.

"DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME? CALL FOR AN AMBULANCE!" I shrieked at them. They seemed to snap out of it and the guys entered the room hurriedly.

"Ran!" Kogoro snapped. Ran turned and ran away from the room after throwing a "yes!" over her shoulder. I began to observe the man with all the medical knowledge I knew.

I lifted up his shirt and counted. "5 GSW's to the chest," I said, determined. "We need some type of gauze!" I said loudly, though I wasn't asking anyone to magically find some; I was thinking of a replacement. I lifted my sweater over my head, leaving only my tank top underneath. I began to rip the sleeves off, grunting in frustration, and began to rip the torso of the sweater apart as well to create long strips of gauze-like material. The man didn't seem to be too heavy as I lifted him up, placing the strips underneath him; they began to soak up the blood he was lying in. Heiji helped me, throwing a "When will the ambulance be here?" over his shoulder to Ran.

"I think I hear the sirens!" Ran said as she left yet again to meet the paramedics at the door. I grunted as I tied the strips of my sweater securely around the bullet wounds, applying pressure to them with my arms so that I was basically laying on top the body for the second time that night. There wasn't as much blood as there had been when my father was killed, so that either meant that none of the bullets went through, or that he hadn't been lying there for long.

"You're not dying tonight, do you hear me? You had better keep. Breathing." I chanted, mostly to myself as I struggled to cover all the wounds. Heiji took care of two while I had the other three under one of my forearms and my hand. I heard the man moan in response, which gave me a glimmer of hope.

"They're in here!" I heard Ran shout, and soon the paramedics were in the room with a gurney, their eyes wide.

"He has 5 gunshot wounds to the chest, I don't think any of them went all the way through, but he's still breathing and he has a weak heartbeat," the words came out of my mouth like a waterfall. The paramedics nodded, listening as they got on either side of the man, preparing to lift him. Once the man was on the gurney, they checked his pulse and gasped.

"We lost his pulse!" One of them cried.

"NO." I refused to believe this, and jumped onto the gurney, straddling the man's legs as I started to perform CPR. "Hurry and take us to the ambulance!" I persisted. They hesitated before they started to take us out of the house. Once we reached the ambulance, they asked me to get off, but before I did so I checked the man's pulse once again.

"He's back!" I said with conviction. The men thanked me fervently before they started to climb into the vehicle and drove away. It all happened so fast that once the ambulance was gone, I felt my vision get fuzzy, and knew that there was either going to be puke or some sort of cardiac event as a result.

"Kokone!" Heiji said breathlessly, Conan following behind him. "Are you hurt? You have blood ALL over you! There's another ambulance over here, come on." He gripped my shoulders and pushed me towards what I could make out as the second ambulance he must have been talking about. I felt like I was underwater; I wasn't breathing.

How does this happen twice? I thought. What is_ wrong_ with my life?

"I'm not – I'm not - " I managed to squeak out when we had approached the ambulance. The paramedics were preparing to check me out, but I waved them off, closing my eyes as I began to breathe faster, heaving breaths.

"Oi, let's get the oxygen mask over here." One paramedic said. There was a fumbling of instruments as they began to do so.

"Kokone-neechan, is it your heart? She has a heart problem -" Conan said as helpfully as he could in a childlike way.

"Her heart? What's wrong with your heart?" The man asked. I groaned before I began to keel over, my hand pressing down on my pounding chest. I could hardly breathe.

"The oxygen, Daisuke-san!" The man said, frustrated. I heard a distant "Hai!" and soon the oxygen mask was placed over my face. I tried to breathe, even as I felt the pure, good air clearing the scent of blood out of my nose. My heart began to calm down with the excellent source of oxygen, and I was able to somewhat breathe better. Only then did I realize that Heiji was supporting me completely, his arm snaked around my back, lifting my shoulders up. I closed my eyes, pressing the oxygen mask deeper into my face as if that would help.

"What's all this blood from?" The man asked, observing my pants and my hands. I opened my eyes to see a bloody, gloved hand holding the mask and immediately let go to rip the smelly things off.

"I fell." I stated. This sounded more like I injured myself though, so I added "I fell on top of the body, and then fell backwards into the blood." I shuddered inwardly, picking up the oxygen mask and placing it over my nose to prevent another heart attack of sorts.

"It's pretty cold out; do we have a blanket in there?" The man asked his partner. Soon enough there was fabric wrapped around my shoulders by Heiji, who had somehow situated me to be sitting on the back of the ambulance without me noticing.

"You did really well with this, so I heard from our partners. They radioed us just now and told us that the man was sent into surgery, and is only alive because of you. They told us to thank you." The paramedic said, kneeling down to be at eye level with me. I stared heartlessly into his eyes. "Are you a medical student?" I shook my head and looked at the ground. The paramedic awkwardly sat there for a second before getting back up to go talk with his partner.

"How…how did you know what you were doing, Kokone-chan?" I heard Ran say. I looked up to see her distraught face. I pulled the oxygen mask away from my face to respond.

"I've been studying," was all I could come up with. She continued to watch me worriedly.

"Where's that woman? We need to figure this out. Now." Heiji said in a bit of an angry tone before getting up to confront what seemed to be the source of the problem.


	22. Chapter 22: Investigation Solution

I watched as Heiji and Conan left me behind to join the police and Kogoro as they interrogated the woman that supposedly had caused all of this. The oxygen mask was still pressed to my face, and I took deep breaths to ensure that my heart would stop attempting to kill me; I was still having a hard time believing that what had just happened, well, happened.

Heiji and Conan had their serious, down-to-business faces on. They were speaking low and what appeared to be menacingly as the police watched with their notepads in their hands. Something bothered me, but I didn't know what it was. Then I remembered:

She had two daughters…where was the other one? The woman had steered us away from her normal guest bathroom…

Oh my God, I thought, what if she –

But I didn't bother to finish that thought before I dropped the oxygen mask and started to throw myself towards the entrance of the house. I pushed my way through the policemen and Heiji and Conan in an effort to get there as soon as possible.

"Oi, Kokone, what is it?" Heiji said, following behind me. I didn't answer as I made it inside the house, looking around, trying to find the hallway again. Once I had it located, I ran into its ominous pathway and started flinging open the doors I hadn't inspected before I found the victim. One of the doors was locked, and somehow I knew that was the bathroom door. I yanked on the doorknob as if that would somehow open it.

"Dammit. Dammitdammitdammit." I said, searching my hair for a bobby pin; there were none. "Is anyone in there? Open the door!" I shouted, having to hold back some of my strength so I wouldn't break the door down. The light in the bathroom was on. I heard a voice that made me stop pounding.

"Mommy told me not to open the door. I have to listen to Mommy, she said I was in big trouble!" The little girl, Kazuko presumably, whined.

"Well your _mom_ is in big trouble, so I need you to open the door, okay?" I said as pleadingly as I could; I wasn't very good at this, which was only made more evident by Heiji's don't-even-try face.

"..I won't get in trouble?" the girl asked hopefully.

"No, you'll be just fine, now come on out." I begged. After a minute, I heard the door unlock, and the girl opened it slowly, peeking out and up at me.

This child was supposedly 5 years old, but she had to have been 3. She was so small, and looked even more miniscule when she was standing next to Heiji. For some reason, this young girl made me think of myself. I had always been tiny; even now, as a 17 year old, I was below the average weight and height percentile for girls my age. The girl had wide, blue eyes that somehow seemed hopeful, even as she apparently had just heard her father get shot 5 times in a row. I kneeled down to be at her level.

"Are you alright?" I asked. I wasn't sure if I should check her for wounds of any sort. I looked up at Heiji, who was watching me carefully, then back at the girl, who just nodded.

"You're Kazuko-chan, right?" I said in as friendly of a tone as I could muster. "I'm Kokone." I stuck out my hand, and the girl slowly placed hers in mine. I shook her hand painstakingly, reaching my fingers a bit farther past her wrist so that I could feel her pulse; it was a bit fast.

"I'll take care of her, Heiji, she seems fine. You go deal with the police." I shooed him off. He seemed hesitant to leave me with the child at first, which I had to admit kind of offended me, before I shot him a death glare that made him hurry his way out of there.

"Do you know what happened to your dad?" I asked Kazuko carefully. She seemed adamant.

"Of course I do. Did he die?" She asked hopefully. I was taken aback, unsure how to answer.

"He's…he's in surgery right now. I don't know if he'll die." I replied cautiously.

"How come?" She responded instantly. This girl was so straight forward…

"..how come what?"

"How come he didn't die?" She asked in honest curiosity. Something was definitely wrong here. Though the girl reminded me of myself, she obviously didn't care much for her father.

"Well. I…I don't know," was all I could come up with. The girl appeared to be thinking deeply about this response.

"Let's go out into the living room, okay?" I said, guiding her with my hand. She followed obediently.

"Where's Mommy?" Kazuko asked, reaching for my hand. I took it in surprise.

"She's talking with the police right now."

"Why?"

"She's…your Mom's in trouble." I didn't have the heart to tell her that her mom murdered her dad, but then I realized it probably wouldn't have mattered due to the girl's overall attitude of the situation.

"What did Mommy do? Did she tell on Daddy?" She asked innocently.

"Tell on...Daddy? What's there to tell?" I said suspiciously.

"N-nothing. Will you tell me a -" she said before a few policemen and Heiji and Conan came into the room from outside.

"Is this her daughter, Conan-kun?" an officer asked.

"Mhm, Takagi-keiji." Conan said in his fake, childlike way.

"She's not hurt, right?" Takagi-keiji said to me. It took me a moment to respond.

"..I guess she's not."

"You guess?" A female officer came over to inspect the child. Kazuko hid behind my legs in an effort to get away from her.

"Well…she doesn't seem too upset about the given situation.." I worded cautiously. I guess that was a good enough answer for them, because they began to talk about the murder weapon being found in the corner of the room the victim was shot in. I looked behind me nervously; even if this girl didn't care too much for whatever reason, I didn't want her to be around this kind of stuff. After all, look how I turned out. Just then, another officer led Kazuko's mother in; she had on handcuffs and still had fear in her eyes.

"Takagi-keiji, here she is." The officer said.

"Ahh, right. Do we need to take you down to the station and interrogate you, or do you admit to your crime?" Takagi said a bit nervously – he seemed too nice for this job.

"No, I admit that I…I killed my husband." The woman whispered, looking worriedly towards Kazuko for some reason, as if she didn't want her daughter to hear. "Can I hold my baby one more time before I go to jail?" The woman began to cry.

"I don't think so, Sasaki-san." The female officer said disapprovingly. "This is the weapon you used, correct? How did you obtain it?" She held out a plastic bag that had a gun in it.

"I-it was my husband's. He bought it illegally." She said reluctantly, looking again at Kazuko. Something didn't feel right.

"Let her hold her child." I said definitively. The officers looked at me like I was psycho. "There's no way she'd kill her children. Just let her hold her baby one last time before she goes."

I was all for the woman saying goodbye to her kids, but what I really wanted was to observe her behavior. This woman did not seem to have any motive for killing anyone; she seemed too frail.

"Ah, fine then. Ran-san, the baby?" A rather plump looking officer said in a deep, gravelly voice. Ran broke through the group of people and held out the baby to the now uncuffed woman that was being watched extremely carefully. The woman reached out for her baby and took it gratefully, her face full of love and admiration towards the gurgling thing.

"Why did you do that?" I heard Heiji whisper from beside me. I pretended I didn't hear him.

"Goodbye, Kazumi-chan. I love you," the woman said tearfully, kissing the baby's little hands. There was no way, I thought. No way in hell did this woman kill her husband. So who did?

"Oi, Hattori. Something's not right." Conan said from behind us in a low, ominous tone.

"Yeah." Heiji agreed.

"How long will Mommy be gone? Will Daddy have to take care of us?" I had forgotten that Kazuko was right behind me temporarily. I turned and knelt down to her level.

"I don't know, Kazuko-chan. Can you tell me why you were locked in the bathroom?"

"I got in trouble." The girl said reluctantly, "I'm not supposed to tell…"

"You can tell me, Kazuko-chan. You need to tell me." I persisted. The young girl looked at me with warm, trusting eyes before leaning in to whisper in my ear:

"Can I show you somewhere else?" She asked. I nodded, and she took my hand to lead me back down the hallway. There were medical examiners and detectives all over the place. She took me into the bathroom she had been locked in, and locked the door before turning to me, wringing her hands.

"What is it?" I asked. The girl stayed silent. "Did your mom get mad at your dad?"

"No…Mommy never gets mad at Daddy…Daddy always gets mad at Mommy." She corrected me.

"Then why did your mom shoot your dad?"

"Mommy shot Daddy?" She said, confused. Something was definitely wrong. The girl kept pulling at her long sleeves nervously, as if hiding something. I took one of her hands and rolled her sleeve up.

"Oh no…oh Kazuko-chan…" I said quietly, covering my mouth in surprise. The girl started to cry.

"Daddy wouldn't stop. He was hurting Mommy! I had to -" Kazuko tried to explain. And at that moment, I got so gut-wrenchingly mad that when I swung the door open, the knob made a hole in the wall. They were just about to cart the woman away, telling her to give the baby back to Ran.

"Call a social worker." I said in a loud voice above everyone else. They all turned to look at me.

"..Who is this girl?" The female officer asked.

"Ahh, she's our friend. She saved her husband's life." Heiji explained, trying to get me some brownie points. But I was beyond angry – so irritated that I could feel my face getting hot and my hands were balled into tight, relentless fists.

"You _coward_." I spat. The woman looked at me fearfully.

"Excuse me?" She said helplessly.

"I can't believe a mother would let something like this happen. You are a COWARD." I pointed an angry finger at her.

"Oi, wait a minute, what are you -" one of the officers said.

"Kokone-neechan, don't tell Mommy!" I heard the girl say from behind me; she was hugging my legs, begging me to not get her into trouble.

"I have to tell, Kazuko-chan. This was entirely avoidable if your mother knew how to take care of her children." The woman appeared to be getting upset.

"Wait a minute, I take care of -"

"Give me your baby!" I shouted, stalking over and effortlessly lifting the baby out of her hands. I lifted up the blanket to inspect her; luckily there was nothing out of the ordinary.

"Here Ran." I said, handing the baby off carefully before returning to Kazuko. I knelt down and reassured her, "I need to show everyone, Kazuko-chan. You won't get in trouble, I promise." She nodded, tears in her eyes. I took her arm carefully and rolled up the sleeve, then did the same to the other, revealing the numerous black, blue and yellow bruises along her skinny arms.. Gasps were heard around the room.

"Are you saying -"

"Your mother abuses you?" The officers started. I shook my head.

"The father did the abusing, while the mother let the abusing continue, which led to her daughter SHOOTING her husband in an effort to save her pathetic excuse for a mother!" I said venomously. The woman looked down in shame; there was no way to avoid it. Silence reigned

"…Is this true?" One officer asked her gently. The woman only nodded once, looking away.

"You have absolutely no right to call yourself a mother. I can't believe you – you COWARD!" I continued; I had no words to explain just how mad I was.

"Stop calling me that!" The woman answered shrilly.

"What else can I call you? How can a mother stand by and let some awful, twisted man ABUSE her family, so that her own DAUGHTER is braver than she is. Your daughter quite literally saved your life, as well as her sister's and her own. Your FIVE. YEAR. OLD. DAUGHTER is smarter than you!" I countered. I was blazing mad. The woman didn't know what to say.

"And now your daughter has to live with the fact that she SHOT her father when she was five years old. She has to live with the fact that her mother is afraid to protect her, and has to live knowing that her mother is in JAIL because she was unable to stand up for her own family. You make me sick." I continued to spit poisonous words at the woman, who was now tearing up. I couldn't say anymore though without starting a full on fight, so I turned to pick up Kazuko and took her outside to the still waiting ambulance, just to be sure she was safe.


	23. Chapter 23: Kazuko

"You'll be alright here, Kazuko-chan. This man will take care of you, he took care of me." I comforted the young girl before I turned to head back into the house, where they were finishing last minute calls before they took Sasaki-san away. Before I could take a step, the girl had a vice grip on my wrist. I looked down at her, surprised.

"Don't leave me, Kokone-neechan!" she pleaded, her eyes filling with tears. I panicked.

"Uh, wait a minute, don't start crying, I'm not -" Too late, the tears began to fall. I sighed before I knelt down to her level.

"Kazuko-chan, you're a very brave girl. Do you know that?" I asked her. She looked up at me with sad, blue eyes. "Look -" I said, looking around to make sure no one was listening. "I am actually very proud of you for doing what you did. Now that doesn't mean you should go around shooting people or anything, in fact, don't harm anyone unless you or someone you love is in danger, you got that? But I am still proud of you. You're so brave. SO brave. So right now, I'm going to go take care of something while you are helped by this nice paramedic, but I will be back. Okay? I promise." I had my hands on her shoulders, looking straight into her suddenly hopeful eyes. She only nodded in response, but turned back to the ambulance by herself and walked right up to the paramedic, who smiled at her and helped her up into the vehicle to examine her. I smiled in spite of myself before getting back to business. As I got up though, there appeared to be no business to get back to, as they were taking Sasaki-san to the police car, her hands cuffed behind her back. Ran held the baby inside the house, watching as the mother left, and then I noticed…

Heiji was standing right behind me. I jumped. He didn't look too happy.

"W-what?" I said adamantly.

"I think you went a little too far, Kokone. I mean, I'm all for standing against something, but that was a little bit too much. The woman's suicidal now!" I scoffed at this statement.

"She was always suicidal. Only people that are afraid are suicidal." I didn't even take into account what I had said until it was out in the open. Chuckling darkly to myself, I thought, _so I'm afraid? Alright then_, as if I were confronting some sort of challenge in my head.

"You didn't need to take her kid away from her. You also didn't need to outright confront her when both of her daughters were in the room -"

"Oh, you're one to talk!" I said loudly. "Heiji, you would have done the same thing if you had found out before I did. If no one had found out, then this woman would be taking the blame for something she didn't do, and then at the same time not taking the blame for something she DID do. Don't start this with me, Heiji. Don't." I cautioned him strongly, trying to pass him to find Conan. I didn't feel like dealing with Heiji at the moment.

"It's because no one advocated for you, right?" He said from behind me. I stopped in my tracks.

"…what?" I hissed.

"No one stood up for you. No one helped you. So you had to take it out on that mother that was being abused this whole time. Don't you think you could have handled it better than starting a verbal showdown?" He started to fire these comments and questions that made my blood boil.

"Don't talk about me. This is not about me." I said under my breath, trying not to yell at him. I noticed Conan and Ran coming up to join us.

"Otou-san has to go to the police station with Takagi-keiji. Should we start to…" Ran trailed off, noticing the atmosphere.

"Oh, but it IS about you Kokone. It is, but you won't let anyone know that. You didn't have anyone to stand up for you after your father's death. This girl shouldn't have had such an impact on you, since you hate kids and all."

"Who said I hate kids? And what impact? What are you talking about?"

"You haven't spoken voluntarily in MONTHS. MONTHS! We've all been watching you waste away until tonight, when that girl came into the picture. After that girl's gone, what's next? You'll go back to abusing yourself? You need to come back with me to Osaka, because frankly, I think you're going to die soon. Are you a coward, like that woman you attacked?" I looked around, glad that most of the policemen had cleared out. Distantly, I wondered what they had done with the baby, and wondered if Kazuko shared the same fate. But the center of my mind was focused on his last question. Was I afraid? If I was, what was I afraid of exactly?

"Shut. Up. Just SHUT UP." I said, my hands squeezed into fists. I felt Ran's hand on my shoulder.

"Heiji-niichan, cut it out." Conan said seriously.

"She's going to die!" Heiji reasoned.

"I am not going to DIE. Give me more credit than THAT." I said, more frustrated than angry now.

"Look at you! Your eyes are GREY. Your face is EMACIATED." He emphasized. I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever," was all I said before I turned to look for the female officer from before. I spotted her about to get into her squad car, and jogged over, all of sudden realizing that it was about 30 degrees and I was only wearing a tank top and bloody pants.

"Excuse me, officer…?" I got her attention.

"Satou," she said. "What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering where the children will be going."

"We have a social worker here now. She's going to take them to stay at her agency until they can find parents."

"What? Like…foster care?" My voice cracked with remorse.

"Well yes, how else would they take care of them?"

"I just…I wish I could do something for them. You know?" I don't know why I chose this moment to soften up, but the officer responded gently.

"You're only in high school, though, correct?" She asked.

"…yes. But that girl – Kazuko. She doesn't want me to leave her." I looked over and saw her sitting in the back of the ambulance, swinging her legs back and forth happily.

"She seems to be attached to you. Maybe I can set something up, have you look after her during the day." She suggested.

"Maybe. I don't know if I should though. I'll be able to visit her, won't I?"

"I'll arrange that." The officer smiled at me before saying goodbye and sitting herself in her squad car as she prepared to leave. I waved lazily as I turned and headed back to the ambulance, where Ran and the others were also grouped.

As I approached though, another female officer was heading towards Kazuko.

"Okay, Kazuko-chan, you want to come with me and your sister?" She asked in a child-like way, her voice high. Kazuko's eyes widened.

"No!" she said, looking around, presumably for me. Once she spotted me, she hopped off the back of the ambulance and ran over, embracing my legs as soon as she was close enough. I noticed there was a bandage around her arm. "I have to go with Kokone-neechan!"

"Uhh, Kazuko-chan, you have to go with your sister, right? You can't leave your sister alone…" I reasoned with her the way most parents would with an argumentative child.

"Why can't Zumi-chan come with me?" She asked reasonably. This kid was going to be a great debater.

"Because this young lady is a bit too young to be taking care of you, Kazuko-chan. I bet you'll be able to see her a lot though!" the female officer said sweetly, coming over to retrieve the girl.

"Nooo! Kokone-neechaaaan!" She whined, gripping my legs tighter. I almost fell over, which caused Heiji to snicker. I glowered at him in response.

"Kazuko-chan, what if I left you alone?" I somewhat threatened, but I was more trying to get a certain meaning across. The girl started to tear up, looking dejected, slowly releasing her vise around my legs. "Nono, not like that, that's not what I meant!" I pleaded, kneeling down and turning her back towards me. "What I meant was, you would feel alone if I left you, right?"

She looked up at me cautiously. I took that as a yes before continuing.

"So…you need to stay with your sister. She needs you to take care of her now, okay? I'll come to see you soon, I promise." I didn't take into consideration that I may not even be allowed to do so, but it didn't matter; I was going to see her one way or another no matter what. The seemingly terrified young girl didn't respond with words; instead, she threw her arms around my neck and held on tight. I could feel her small, scrawny body close against mine, and for the first time in a long time, I felt huge. Not exactly sure what to do, I carefully placed my arms around her; it felt so awkward and new to me that I almost felt ashamed of myself. She seemed so breakable, but I knew I had to let her go before she wanted me to. I stood up and said: "I'll see you soon, Kazuko-chan," patting her slightly on the head before I started home, passing Heiji and Ran without looking into their eyes.

It wasn't long before they caught up though, after discussing a few last minute things with the police. I heard them calling my name, but I didn't turn or respond really; I just kept walking, my hands in Heiji's jacket pockets, which I had just then realized he had sneakily placed on my shoulders, my heart back to its raw and empty feeling.

"Kokone-san!" Ran said called from behind me. For some reason, I expected Heiji to be the first to speak, but he wasn't. For once, he was being quiet. When Ran caught up, she spoke a bit more gently. "Kokone-san…?" I looked at her in response.

"You lied." She stated so simply, smiling. I gave her a weird look and she continued. "You would be an excellent mother." She seemed pleased with this idea. I just looked down and pretended I hadn't heard her.

"What's wrong?" She asked worriedly.

"I'm fine." I responded automatically. How had I relapsed so quickly? It was like my mind didn't belong to me anymore. Ran piped down as she usually did at this point.

"You're coming back to Osaka with me in two days." Heiji muttered. I didn't respond, hoping he would see that as an okay, as we headed home, tiny flurries of snow beginning to escape from the sky.


	24. Chapter 24: Back Home

The next day seemed like an eternity. After I was walked home by Ran, Conan and Heiji, I went and stood in front of my mirror for about ten minutes, willing something in my face to change. Wishing didn't do me any good however, so I just continued to stare, as if that would somehow change the color of my eyes, or make me fatter.

I wasn't entirely sure if I wanted anything to change. The only reason I was begging for a variation other than what became my normal expression was because I knew that if I went back to Osaka looking like this, I'd never hear the end of it from Ichiro. At the same time, I wanted to look like I was doing well, so that maybe Heiji wouldn't take me home.

After the staring contest with my blank, hard eyes, I decided it would be a good idea to take off my bloody pants, quite possibly throwing them away. For the moment, they lay in the corner of the room, where I stared while sitting on my bed for the next 4 hours. I guess I had slightly dozed off at some point. The only thing that stirred me was a knock at my door, and even then, I only turned my head slightly towards the sound. I knew he'd come in, so I waited patiently, like I had all night long.

"Kokone, are you – of course not. You wouldn't sleep, I must be losing my mind," Heiji said cynically, taking in my position on my bed, my knees curled into my chest. "Why won't you sleep?" He asked. I wasn't sure how to answer, but for once, he seemed to be waiting patiently. After I didn't respond for a minute, he let himself completely in, shutting the door behind him as he rubbed his arms with his hands in an effort to stay warm. I didn't know if I was cold or not. I felt nothing.

"Are you going to answer me or not?" He finally said, his impatience triumphing once again. I was still trying to compose an answer. Slowly, I stretched my legs out and stood up a bit unsteadily. He regarded me carefully. "I'll take you to Osaka now if you don't tell me what's going on." He semi-threatened.

"Mm." I kind of responded, going to find another pair of pants. He didn't even seem to notice that I was wearing the shortest shorts I owned; they were the only clean pair at the moment. Since they fit so tightly, I slipped on a random pair of pants over them out of laziness. This seemed to be a bit awkward for him, but he kept persisting anyway.

"Kokone. I…It's not like I've told Ichiro what's happening to you." He said quietly.

"What's happening to me?" I asked him. It sounded accusatory, but I honestly wanted to know.

"Ah! I knew that would get you to talk." He grinned smugly. I narrowed my eyes. "Okay, okay I'm kidding. But seriously, I don't really want to tell him what's wrong with you. Are you…are you going to tell him yourself?"

"I shouldn't have to," I sighed, considering what I was going to say next, eventually going against my better judgment. "I have these…dreams." I admitted.

"…Dreams." He repeated, willing me to go on.

"Dreams…that have a dead Ichiro, or my dead Appa. Dreams where I have no reason to live." I sounded so monotone, even to myself, but I couldn't change it if my life depended on it at that moment.

"Kone-chan…" he whispered. He stepped forward, but then hesitated. I reached down, grabbing a now baggy sweater, slipping it over my head.

"I'm dying." I stated, as if it were no big deal.

"What? What do you mean you're -" his voice was rising, but I held out a hand to stop him.

"We're all dying, Heiji-kun." He sighed, shaking his head. "I just feel like I'm dying a lot slower. Or a lot faster, depending on the point of view I guess." I felt light and airy, as if I was a floating book of philosophy. Nothing seemed to matter. "Are we going?"

"Don't say things like that. Think about…I don't know. Just think about better things than death. You don't need to be worrying about things like that."

"Ah, on the contrary Heiji. I do." I gathered a few simple things, but wasn't really concerned about packing anything other than my jacket, as we were only going back to my home, back to Osaka.

Heiji and I agreed that this was only a visit (I insisted while he argued against it was more like it) and that I would return in 4 days. Heiji was concerned that that would in no way be enough time to recover from anything, but I waved him off, saying there wasn't really anything to recover from, I just needed a little pick-me-up.

Once we arrived, Kazuha was waiting for us excitedly, her hair bouncing as she hopped up and down. When we approached her, Kazuha practically leapt on top of me with a fierce bear hug of which I didn't return. Looking slightly hurt, she pulled away, looking at me as if I was some foreign alien from Pluto. She shot a look at Heiji that I didn't miss before saying: "Let's go! I told Ichiro-san that we would be back by 2." She checked her watch as we started walking towards the exit of the airport.

"Hmmm..I could have sworn there was a bus at this time…" Kazuha appeared to be thinking deeply as she regarded the bus schedule Heiji and I looked on, him more annoyed than I was. Truth be told, I was nervous about meeting Ichiro. What would he say? What would he ask? It was impossible to lie to him, which is why I hadn't told him I was leaving in the first place.

"Ahou, can't you do anything right?" Heiji said curtly. She whirled around, both hands planted firmly on her hips as she prepared to argue.

"Don't call me an ahou, you're the one that only told me you were returning today last night!"

"I didn't know we were coming back so soon! It isn't that hard to read a bus schedule is it?"

"Then why didn't YOU read it!" Kazuha shouted indignantly. I sighed lightly, looking around me. For some reason, it surprised me that I actually recognized certain aspects of my home.

"I was too busy trying to drag her home with me!" He pointed at me, not even noticing I was there. Which I guess was plausible, as lately people had talked about me while I was only inches away because it appeared that I was incapable of hearing things.

"You're such an ungrateful jerk!" Kazuha resorted to the name calling, and a whole new section of arguing ensued.

"I'll see you guys later." I said quietly, not checking to see if they had heard me. It sounded like they hadn't, but I continued the way I knew anyway.

The first place I went was Ichiro's house. I was prepared to check other places, but even though the door was locked and no one appeared to be home, I decided to find my way inside anyway. Almost as if it was built into me, I searched the lone, suspicious flower pot off to the side of the front door, and after successfully finding a key, I opened the door to a spotless, noiseless house. Closing the door behind me, I decided to lock it, just in case Ichiro's mom came home before he did. I inhaled hugely, breathing in the familiar scent of what I imagined to be love and good food in the perfect combination. The surroundings were the same, except it was cleaner, if that was possible. He must have had a lot of time on his hands without me dragging him around, I thought guiltily. Without deep consideration, I headed upstairs to his room.

It seemed a bit odd to be doing this after being gone for so long, but I figured routine was essential if I wanted to look my best for Ichiro. I opened a dresser drawer and pulled out a pair of his pajama bottoms, slipping my pants off and replacing them with his warm and worn ones. Suddenly I felt so tired and so safe that I instinctively turned to his bed. Not wanting to mess up what appeared to be extremely unnecessary hard work, I didn't move the pillow or the blankets, and instead curled up in the middle of the bed, facing the wall. After only minutes, I was in a deep, dreamless sleep.


	25. Chapter 25: Reunited

_Ogawa Ichiro's POV:_

"What are you two doing? How was Kokone?" I asked, trying to get Heiji's attention. He kept covering the mouthpiece of the phone as he continued to argue with Kazuha. After no answer for 2 minutes, I shouted "HATTORI."

"WHAT." He yelled back.

"Did you even hear me? Quit flirting and pay attention." I scolded.

"This is hardly flirting, idiot. This is me trying to get this stubborn ahou to FREAKING GET A BRAIN." I could just see him turning to her with this loud comment, willing her to respond. And of course, she did, but all I heard was her raised voice.

"Forget it, I'll see you guys when you get home." I hung up with a frustrated snap of my phone before I focused on getting to my own home as well.

Oka-san wouldn't be home until tomorrow evening, and I didn't even know where my dad was. I sighed, thinking of the quiet emptiness of my house that had absolutely nothing left to distract me from the lonely setting. Despite Hattori and Kazuha's efforts, I was still bored as heck without Kokone. Thinking this, I looked up at the cloudy sky. Looks like snow, I thought.

I continued down this street that I knew all too well; it was the road that led to my street and eventually Kokone's. Absently, I wondered what she was doing at that moment.

After that one phone call that Hattori had received about her new job…I thought I was going to disintegrate as a result of my boiling anger. That wasn't Kokone, she wouldn't give up her dignity, even if it were for singing. That's not who my Kokone was. My Kokone was defensive, powerful, full of brute strength. Now however, she didn't seem to be my Kokone anymore from what I had heard.

She was never MY Kokone, I reminded myself.

By this time I had reached my house, so I lightly hopped up the steps, searching for my house key in the potted plant off to the side of the door. I was stumped to find that it wasn't there.

Huh…maybe I took it with me…? Nothing turned up though when I searched my pockets. I looked inside the fogged windows for any sign that my mother had come home early, or maybe even my dad, but the house seemed just as lifeless as I had left it.

Alright well, here goes nothing, I thought, looking around to make sure no one was passing by. It would be really sad if someone called the police when I was trying to break into my own house…

Luckily, I didn't have to break anything. The window opened easily – I made a mental note to fix that – and I ducked inside before closing it tightly. It was pretty chilly inside, so I went to turn on the heat before I took my jacket off and got myself a glass of water. What to do now…I thought.

Something didn't feel quite right, as if I were forgetting something. I need to turn on the heat upstairs, that's all it is, I thought to myself, grabbing my jacket to put it away neatly in my room. I clunked up the stairs and realized I was kind of tired, even though it was only about 2:30. When I reached the top of the stairs, something seemed off.

My door was slightly ajar. I distinctly remembered I had closed it, though I didn't know why, and here it was, open just slightly. I regarded the door carefully before deciding it was nothing. The room was dark, there was no noise. Then again, that could be a bad thing…

I went for it anyway though, cautiously reaching up to push it open a little farther so that I was still in the light of the hallway. What I found left me with hardly any oxygen.

"Kokone…" I whispered, taking in her small, curled up body on my bed. She was turned away from me, towards the wall, but somehow I knew she was asleep. A part of me noted that she was wearing my pants, and I looked to the floor immediately to find hers in a heap next to the bed, feeling my cheeks burn slightly. That would be awkward to find if I were anyone else, I thought.

I walked inside quietly and picked up her pair of pants, folding them carefully before placing them on my desk. Then I turned to the task at hand. It was pretty cold, as I hadn't turned on the heat upstairs yet. No wonder she had to find some of my clothes, I thought. I went to turn on the heat, making sure I didn't let too much light into the room. Once I was back inside the room, I hesitated. Regardless, I gently scooped her up into my arms so that I could pull the blankets back. She didn't stir. Painstakingly, I replaced her on the bed and folded the blankets over her. She immediately responded in her sleep, curling back up as if it were 30 below.

I watched her face for a few moments, taking in its tired, sick look. I hoped to God that what I was seeing wasn't what was happening, hoped that she hadn't regressed so far as those first few weeks after her father's death when she couldn't even speak. Her skin was tight across her face, and I remembered that for the brief moment I had been holding her, she seemed awfully light, despite her naturally small frame. Even though this was the case, she was still the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. Her loosely curled rich brown hair was tied up into a ponytail with a ratty ribbon, like a careless version of Kazuha, while her high, defined cheek bones showed under her pale, perfect skin. Her face was perfectly symmetrical; not a single characteristic seemed out of place or anything but lovely.

I sighed, and decided that I would wait downstairs for her to wake up, maybe prepare something with a lot of calories for her to eat. As I was about to open the door though, I heard her speak.

"Chiro…Chiro, don't leave…me…" She said groggily. I panicked, trying to think of how I could respond as I turned to face her guiltily. When I turned to her though, she was still asleep. I could feel my face flaming. She was just dreaming…about me.

So, I rolled up the sleeves of my dress shirt and sat myself down at my desk, grabbing a book from the small shelf above.

"I won't," I whispered, though I knew she couldn't hear me. "I promise."

…..

I must have dozed off at my desk, because all of a sudden I shot straight up after hearing pounding on my front door. I began to scramble before I remembered Kokone was sleeping in close proximity. After 5 minutes of hurried quietness, I made it downstairs. Distantly, I could hear Hattori's voice yelling as he pounded.

"OIII, OGAWA-SAN, OPEN THE DOOR!"

"Heiji, you're going to get us into trouble! Let's go look for him somewhere else!" Kazuha demanded.

"AHOU! We have to find Kokone too! If both of them are missing, then -"

"Would you calm down? I won't let you in unless you can shut up." I said a little crankily as I opened the door, glancing upstairs to make sure Kokone hadn't woken up.

"Oh. Ichiro-san. Haha…uh. Whatcha doin?" Hattori asked, a little sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his head with his hand.

"Well I WAS sleeping…" I trailed off.

"Oh. Ahem. Well…I guess we should go, Kazuha." He finished awkwardly, turning to leave.

"Wait! What if -" She started before he cut her off.

"Hush, let's go already. Taku, why are women so slow…" He was shaking his head, already bounding down the steps.

"Hattori, did you know that Kokone was coming back?" I asked, suspicious. He froze.

"Uh…well…" I sighed.

"Hattori, you suck at lying. You don't have to go looking for her, she's sleeping upstairs." I gestured over my shoulder. Now Hattori turned to face me.

"Are you serious? Have I got a thing or two to say to HER, she just LEFT without even-"

"Actually, I DID tell you guys I was leaving, you were just too busy flirting." I heard from behind me. My eyes widened before I turned slowly to face her.

"K-Kone." I said quietly. She reproached me cautiously.

"What?" she snapped. It was quiet for a moment. I had no idea what to say. Then I had an idea.

"Ah..Hattori-kun, Kazuha-chan, you guys should come in for dinner. I'll make something worthy of your approval especially, Hattori." I teased him before leaving the door open for them to follow as I walked past Kokone, who was watching me carefully. Once I reached the kitchen, I began looking for ingredients and started to cook. I was joined a few minutes later by everyone else, who took their seats at the small table, talking idly. I noticed Kokone wasn't speaking, but when I glanced in her direction, she would catch me.

"Have you been here this whole time, Kokone-san?" Hattori asked a little disapprovingly. She nodded, looking out the window into my backyard.

"We were worried, Kokone-chan, why did you leave?" Kazuha asked. I watched Kokone closely, observing the all too familiar behavior from her past. She turned to face Kazuha slowly with blank, harsh eyes. I dropped the spoon I was using when I noticed that her eyes were back to that grey, listless color I knew all too well. They all turned to look at me. Awkwardly, I picked up the spoon and went to wash it in the sink, trying to sort out what I was seeing.

"You and Heiji were arguing," was her simple answer. It was quiet for a moment as I went back to stirring ingredients into the stew I had been making.

"Ahh, it smells really good. I'm starving," Heiji sighed, leaning back in his chair. "What about you, Kokone? What have you been doing this whole time, hmm?" He asked suggestively. I shot him a look.

"I was sleeping, idiot." She said cynically.

"BOTH of you were sleeping?" Hattori continued.

"Not like that, stupid. Quit thinking such idiotic things." I said, not even looking up from the pot of ingredients.

"Anyway, I'm not hungry." Kokone said, trying to change the subject. Her cheeks were a rosy pink.

"Be quiet. You're eating this stew whether you like it or not," I objected, already beginning to spoon some of the mixture into separate bowls. She didn't say anything as I placed one of them in front of her. I went to retrieve the other two bowls for Kazuha and I, as Hattori was already chowing down on the food, a look of approval on his face. When I turned to head back to the table, there was Kokone, right behind me. She moved around me deftly to get under the cupboard for a glass. Bending over slightly, her sweater rose up to reveal a part of her back, which was partly because the pants she was wearing, my pants, were practically falling off of her. I blushed, but then I noticed.

"Oi, what the hell happened to you?" I asked, setting the bowls down on the table before turning back to get a better look at the big, black and blue bruise on the higher part of her hip.

"Ahou! Look somewhere else!" She said heatedly. Fearing the threat of a slap, I looked at her face instead, which was a mixture of annoyance and guardedness.

"Why do you have that bruise?" I persisted. She hesitated.

"I fell."

"Yeah, she fell onto a dead body." Hattori added, spooning more food into his mouth.

"A dead body?" I asked in disbelief.

"..Yeah. As I said, I fell." She said curtly, pulling up her pants slightly, tying them with the drawstring before sitting down with her newly filled glass of water.

"Why didn't you tell me there was a murder case, Heiji?" Kazuha asked worriedly. Hattori rolled his eyes.

"It happened last night. Why does it matter?"

"Last night? What happened?" I asked, completely absorbed.

"A man was shot by -"

"His wife." Kokone interrupted Hattori as she looked down at her food, gripping her water glass. Hattori looked a bit mystified.

"Are you sick or something? You're the one that figured it out." He responded. She took a deep breath before answering.

"It doesn't matter what I figured out. It was her mother's fault." She chose to look at the wall above our heads.

"…whose mother?" I asked after a moment of silence.

"This little girl named Kazuko. She really took to Kokone-san, didn't she?" He asked her. She didn't answer.

What is going on? I thought. This wasn't Kokone. Something was very, very wrong.

"I'm going to sleep." She suddenly said, pushing back her chair noisily.

"Wait, you need to at least eat SOMETHING," I persisted, prepared to get up and stop her.

"Quit your worrying, Ichiro. I'll eat some later, I promise." She turned back for a second before she went back upstairs. Once I was sure she couldn't here, I started with the questions.

"Why didn't you _tell_ me is was this bad? Have you even been checking on her? Or has this been the first time?" Hattori held up his hands in defense.

"Calm down, I have been checking on her, I swear! But you know Kokone…it took a lot of arguing just to get her to come back for a visit!" I shook my head.

"You should have told me. She hasn't been like this since…" I sighed, getting up to put the empty bowls in the sink.

"Since…?" Hattori pried.

"Since her dad died." I finished, turning on the water to wash the dishes.

"In that case, I think you need to do something." He said quietly, as if he were afraid she would overhear. Kazuha just sat quietly, observing all of this.

"Do something? What do you mean?"

"She…she's not doing so well. You've helped her before, right? So I think she should stay with you to get help." He suggested. He sounded awfully mature for someone that was…well, usually not.

"I'll try. But Kokone…" I turned off the water and set the dishes onto a drying rack. "She's her own person."


	26. Chapter 26: Flowery Cure

_Ogawa Ichiro's POV (cont):_

After Kazuha and Hattori took their leave, I cleaned up the kitchen more thoroughly than necessary, but that was my habit. When I finished that, I glanced at the clock. It was only 10:00. I decided to check on Kokone.

As I headed up the stairs, I noticed that the bathroom light was on, and wondered if Kokone had left if on accidentally. The door was slightly ajar.

"Kokone?" I asked timidly, not wanting to awkwardly interrupt anything. When she didn't answer, I pushed the door open carefully and found her leaning on the bathroom counter, looking at herself in the mirror. She was scrutinizing her own face as if it were completely new to her.

"Hey, I thought you were -"

"I don't know what's happening." She said, her eyes unmoving from her face.

"…What do you mean?" I asked her carefully.

"I don't know," she huffed, "how I ended up this way. What's happening? Why am I -" she reached up and covered her face with one of her hands. I wasn't sure what to do, so I waited. She took a deep breath before looking back up into her own eyes.

"You left. You ran away. I…I don't really know what happened while you were gone, but you came back, and that's all that matters." I wasn't quite sure what kind of answer she wanted, but she responded by turning to look at me, a hint of fear behind her dull, grey eyes.

"I can't stay. I have to leave soon. Thank you for…for letting me stay here today. I need to go find Omma." She started to push past me, but I stopped her.

"No no no, wait a minute. What do you mean you're not staying?" She seemed to be avoiding something.

"…I have to leave again. Soon. But I promise, I'll…I'll come back sometime." I felt like she was lying.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I need to. I'll tell you when I can." This time she was telling the truth, and she grabbed my arm in sincerity. "Just not now. Okay? I think…I think I'll just go to sleep on the couch. I don't want to bother Omma just yet." I nodded, not entirely sure how to respond. Then it registered after she passed me.

"Wait wait, sleep in my bed. I'll sleep on the couch." I pushed her towards my room as she objected. "Shut up, just go to sleep." I left her standing in front of my door and headed towards the stairs.

"Chiro." She stated. I turned to look at her, my hand on the banister. "Thanks." Her hand on the doorknob, she opened the door and entered the room before leaving it open just slightly. I smiled to myself and went to sleep on the couch.

The next morning, I awoke to find Kokone sitting at the kitchen table, a glass of orange juice in her hand as she read the paper. When I shifted myself off of the couch, she looked up, taking a sip from her glass.

"Morning." I said groggily. I went to the fridge and looked for some eggs. Damn, I thought, there aren't any left. What's she going to eat?

"Good morning." She responded. I settled for some cereal, with obvious distaste, as Kokone snorted at my expression when I sat down with my mediocre bowl of processed food.

"No eggs, huh?" She asked. She knew me too well.

"I guess I forgot to go pick some up."

"That's odd," she commented. I looked at her quizzically. "Well it's just that, you know, you don't forget things like that." She explained.

"I've had better things to think about." I responded, looking down at my bowl. She didn't say anything. Once I had finished my cereal, I went and washed my bowl before I put everything away. "Did you sleep well?" I asked.

"No." She said truthfully, turning the page of the newspaper in her hands.

"Any particular reason?" This conversation seemed extremely casual to me, probably because we had had it so many times in the past.

"I don't like to sleep."

"Restless as usual, huh?"

"I guess. That and I'm afraid to."

"And why is that?"

"Those damn dreams. You know." It wasn't something she openly spoke about, so I just nodded.

"They're just dreams, though. You need to sleep. It's not good for you to stay up all night." She answered with a tired sigh. I looked at the clock. Now, it was about 10:00 in the morning. How had I slept so long? Just as I was thinking this, there was a knock at the door.

"Coming," I called. When I opened the door, I wasn't surprised to find Hattori and Kazuha on the other side, all dressed for the cold. "Come on in, guys." I left the door open for them to follow and headed back to the kitchen as I always did.

"Hey, everybody!" Hattori called. Kokone glanced up from her paper. "What are we doing today?" He looked at me hopefully. "Any ideas?" He prodded. Then I remembered what he had said the day before, and at the same time, recalled an idea I had conjured up before I had fallen asleep the night before.

"Oh right. Kone-chan, will you go grab our jackets from upstairs? I have a surprise." She raised an eyebrow suspiciously.

"..okay…" she responded, setting the paper down before heading upstairs.

"What's the big surprise, ehhh?" Hattori said, elbowing me slightly. I ignored his jeering.

"Two words: Indoor garden,"

"Indoor garden?" Kazuha wondered.

"Yep."

"…Kokone likes plants?" Hattori said skeptically. I nodded. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Just…didn't think that was her thing." He stopped talking after we heard Kokone start back down the stairs.

"Here." She handed me my coat, slipping hers on easily. I put mine on and we left the house. I hoped the flowers would do the same thing they had done so long ago as we started to walk down the street.

"Ichiro…where are we going?" Kokone finally asked. I knew she wouldn't be able to keep her curiosity contained for long.

"You'll see." I said, raising my eyebrows at her. She cocked her head to the side in confusion before looking straight ahead. We walked in silence until I noticed we were getting close, so I decided to begin my explanation.

"There's this Oba-sama that I met a few months ago when I was at the market," I checked to see if Kokone was listening before I continued, "You know, the one with all the flowers? She was looking at all of them, and she decided to tell me about a project she was starting." We were only a few steps away now. "She invited me to see it when she finished. I got a call from her just yesterday, actually."

"So we're going to go see this Oba-sama's collection of…?" She pried. I shook my head.

"I told you, you'll see."

When we reached the door of the quaint cottage-like home this Oba-sama was staying in, I knocked on the door steadily, and soon enough the sweet, tiny Oba-sama named Fujihara Ayame came to answer with a kind and expectant look on her face.

"Ahh, Ogawa-san! I'm so glad you could come. And look, you even brought friends! Come in, come in!" She ushered us inside and began introductions.

"I'm Fujihara Ayame, why don't you introduce yourselves while I prepare some tea?" We followed her into the kitchen.

"I'm Hattori Heiji, and this is Toyama Kazuha." Hattori pointed. Kazuha waved sweetly.

"Oh, the great detective of the West! Why would a fellow such as yourself come to visit an old woman like me?"

"We're just here with our friends. Apparently, Ogawa-san here has a surprise for us all." Hattori raised his eyebrows at me with humor in his eyes.

"This is Kokawa Kokone. She'll most likely be the most pleased with your project." I hinted, smiling slightly. Kokone only looked more confused.

"Oh, fantastic! I'm excited for you to see it. I've been working on it for a while now. I got these nice men to build the structure of it for me just so I could create this wonderful -"

"Wait wait! We have to show her, not tell her." I interrupted. The Oba-sama just seemed pleased by my eagerness.

"How sweet. Okay then, how about we go see it right now?" She gestured for us to follow to a back door, and opened it to reveal what seemed like a green house. It was absolutely enormous, as this old woman lived by herself in this part of town, so there was nothing behind her home to hinder her project. "Right this way!" She said hurriedly, heading over to the door of the greenhouse. She opened it, but then closed it and turned to our expectant faces. "You need to close your eyes." She said to Kokone.

"…Why?" Kokone asked a bit suspiciously.

"If you are to truly appreciate it, you need to close your eyes and take it all in at the same time." The Oba-sama answered excitedly. Kokone obeyed, closing her eyes slowly. "I'm going to go finish up that tea, you children enjoy this and come back when you're done, alright?" She hurried away to the safety of her warm home.

"…Okay. Here we go, Kone." I said, placing my hands on her shoulders. She jumped, then relaxed. I pushed her forward towards the door, reaching over with my other hand to open it. When I pushed her in, Hattori and Kazuha followed. Kazuha had to hold in her gasp by placing a hand over her mouth. Even Hattori seemed a bit fascinated. I shoved Kokone farther forward, where she was more in the middle of it all.

"It's…warm in here." She said.

"Mhm. Okay. Are you ready? Open your eyes." I stood back to watch her face. She opened her eyes slowly, and gasped, placing a hand over her throat, then her mouth.

"Oh my…Oh my God," was all she could say, as she took in the fantastic scenery that was a combination of all the flowers you couldn't grow yet because of the unseasonably cold spring we were having. They were all blooming at this time in colorful patterns, just as if it were summer or spring, as the Oba-sama had recreated the season indoors. Roses, lotus flowers, peonies, morning glories, chrysanthemums, there was even a sakura tree behind it all, though I had no idea how it was there in the midst of it all. There were more, of course, and Kokone knew that, as she started to walk around to study every kind of flower.

"This is so beautiful!" Kazuha said, joining Kokone, who nodded in agreement, still in awe as she gazed at a particular type of iris. Then she happened upon the assorted colors of daffodils, and gasped slightly as she leaned down to get a good look. I followed behind her.

"I tried to help the Oba-sama find orange ones, but they only had the pink, white, yellow and hybrid ones." I said quietly from behind her, watching her carefully. She reached out and touched a bright yellow one, leaning forward to sniff it. She closed her eyes as she breathed in its flowery scent. At that moment I felt my heart ache for her, and all I wanted to do was take her into my arms and tell her everything would be okay. Off to the side, Kazuha and Hattori were arguing about the different types of flowers, how they were grown in here, etcetera. Kokone stood up and turned to me with a fierce look in her eyes that I had to admit intimidated me a little bit. What she did next surprised me the most.

She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around my neck, her cheek against my flaming ear. I had my hands out to the side, completely unsure what to do, as this had never happened before. Soon enough, instinct took over though, and I snaked my arms around her thin, muscular torso, slightly pulling her closer.

"I can't believe you." She whispered before pulling away to look at my face.

"What?" I asked, afraid of what she might say next.

"Whoever you marry will most likely not be worthy of you. How do you come up with these things? You're such a stud." She joked, nudging my arm with her fist. I snorted. Then I realized: she was joking.

"..Why are you looking at me like that? I was kidding." She said defensively.

"I know you were." I said suspiciously, worried she might relapse at any moment

"I wonder if she'll let me pick some of them…" She said in wonder, looking around the large, heated room with her wide, newly cerulean eyes.

"I bet she will, she seems like a nice Oba-sama." Hattori said from behind us, a teasing look on his face. Kazuha was off to the side, smiling slightly.

"Mhm. She's one of the kindest old ladies I've ever met." I agreed. We all stopped speaking and continued to gaze around the room. I felt Kokone grab my arm with her hand and looked up, but she wasn't facing me; she was still looking at those daffodils.

"What is it?" I asked her, not sure if I should shake her off or not. I stood still.

"You remember when you gave me those daffodils after I got out of the hospital?" She asked.

"…Vaguely." I admitted unwillingly.

"I was really surprised when you gave them to me. I didn't think you knew that they were my favorite." She said, still holding onto my arm. I wasn't sure how to respond, but she continued. "I just…I love them _so_ much." With this statement, she turned to me, her face breaking into a wide grin. I was stunned into silence; her face immediately lit up like a full moon. Other girls were always jealous and spiteful, usually cruel to her, because of how beautiful she was. She never admitted it out loud, but how could she not know? Her eyes were warm and so blue that I wasn't sure if that color even existed in the color spectrum, and her defined, pale cheeks were made even more perfect by her adoring smile. Everything in my mind was lost until Hattori nudged me.

"Oi, quit dreaming, Ichiro-san. You can think about Kokone-san after we get something to eat. I'm starving!" He exclaimed, heading for the door. I scowled

"Heiji, you're always hungry. Just enjoy the garden while we're here!" Kazuha scolded him. He turned to face her, a "shut up, ahou" poised on his lips.

"Why don't you guys go ahead? Kazuha and I will stay behind and look around for a little longer." Kokone suggested. Kazuha agreed.

"Fine, whatever, don't stay too late though. We'll see you later. Come on, Ogawa-san." Hattori said impatiently.

"O-oh. Right." I said, snapping back to reality as I hurried to catch up with Hattori.

After we thanked the Oba-sama and left, we headed towards a ramen shop that Hattori wanted to go to.

"If I had known this would have helped Kokone so much, I would have tied her up and dragged her back here a while ago." Hattori laughed. "You really know how to make your girl happy." That deserves a punch in the shoulder, I thought. "_Ow_, what?"

"She's not my _girl_. God."

"She isn't _yet_. I bet you she will be though…sooner or later." He seemed to think he was pretty freakin' hilarious.

"Do I need to hit you again? I've done Kendo for a while too, ya know." I said, looking somewhere else to hide my reddening face.

"You don't need to hit me again, I'm just saying," He defended himself innocently. "…You do care about her a lot though, don't you." He said it more as a statement than a question.

"I thought we already established this." I sighed.

"Do you love her?" He asked, out of the blue. I was quiet for a moment.

"In more than one way, yes." He processed this answer for a moment.

"You should tell her."

"I can't." I said immediately, as I had thought this through many times.

"Why not?"

"Telling her that could quite possibly ruin her."

"..what do you mean?"

"She's…a bit claustrophobic, both physically and mentally. Which is why I didn't go to Tokyo to drag her back here, because if I did she would probably have some sort of catastrophic meltdown. Let's just say, restricting the freedom that she does have isn't a good idea."

"…It could make things better though. Knowing that you love her? It might make her stay." I honestly couldn't believe I was having this conversation with Hattori of all people.

"I've thought of that…but that's just it. I don't want to _make_ her do anything."

"You make her eat? And you make her sleep, right? How is this any different?"

"She can survive without knowing that I love her, but she would most definitely be dead by now if I hadn't made her eat and sleep all those times. You know, she was suicidal for a brief period of time. That's the only time I have ever seen her cry. Her mom had told her that…" I glanced around, as if Kokone could be lurking in the bushes, before I continued more quietly. "Her mom told her that she wished Kokone had died instead of her father. After that, she came crying to me, and refused to eat or do anything. A few times I caught her looking over that bridge, you know, the one kind of near the school? I just…that was for her own good, me making her do all those things." Hattori looked a bit shocked by this explanation, and looked down at his feet for a few minutes in silence.

"So that's why she asked us to get the boxes from her house." Hattori said quietly.

"Most likely, yes."

"I still think you should tell her. You never know. Tomorrow could be too late." He said a bit ominously. I rolled my eyes.

"You're so dramatic. Why don't you go tell Kazuha before I make it too late for you." I threatened.

"Shut up, why would I love an ahou like her?" He was getting heated, which made me laugh. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing really, I just find it hilarious that I've come to terms with my feelings even though I never intend to tell her, while you can't even accept yours. Kazuha's right, you _are_ childish." I was laughing to myself up until I got smacked on the back of my head.

"Ahou! Don't be stupid. I'm going to eat. You coming?" He was holding the door to the restaurant open, but I hesitated.

"Nah. I think I'll wait out here, look around. Just come find me when you finish…if you ever do." I added under my breath so he wouldn't hear.

"Alright, whatever you say, but you're missing out." Hattori said as he entered the small shop, leaving me to stew about my thoughts as I walked along the street.


	27. Chapter 27: Crisis

_Kokawa Kokone's POV:_

After the guys had left Kazuha and I to further observe the garden, I was still in complete and utter disbelief. Ichiro always knew. He knew _everything. _I could not even fathom the idea that he had done this for me; I knew it hadn't been for Heiji or Kazuha.

More often than any other flower, I would gaze at the daffodils. I loved them so much, more than I loved other flowers, which was saying something, as I adored plants and flowers of all kinds. They were always so expectant and happy, even in a dreary setting. Everything always seemed so much better when there were daffodils present.

"I wish Heiji would do something nice for me," Kazuha pouted. She was looking at a colorful rose with a kind of frustrated expression.

"He's always with you, isn't he?" I suggested. She looked up and blushed slightly.

"I guess…but not for my benefit." She sighed again, turning back to the flower.

"Oh please. He looks out for you. Even if he doesn't realize it, he loves you. Don't even try to deny it," I pointed a finger at her to shush her approaching objections and continued. "I'm almost positive that he loves you more than a friend, but if not, he most definitely loves you as a friend. That's one of the best kinds of love, right? Friends take care of you. So don't mope around about it. He'll approach you when he's ready. Or when he finally figures it out." I muttered the last part. She didn't seem to hear me.

"I guess you're right…well, should we go?" She stood up and headed towards the exit.

"Yeah…I guess so. Can we go somewhere before we meet up with the guys?" I asked timidly. It wasn't like Kazuha and I were especially close, so this next plan of mine seemed a bit odd to do with someone that didn't even know what exactly had happened to me, IF Heiji had kept his mouth shut.

"Sure. Where to?" Kazuha asked curiously, watching as I bent over the daffodils once again. I picked one of the bright yellow ones before I stood back up and headed to the door as well.

"The cemetery." Kazuha only nodded, and followed me.

We didn't speak much on the way to the cemetery. She told me about what was happening at school, who had tried to put the moves on Heiji and what she did about it, while I listened and made comments like "are you serious?" and "No way!" She grew quiet the closer we got to the cemetery.

Once we entered the ironically charming gates, I looked around, trying to remember where my father had been buried. Some natural instinct took over as I unknowingly followed a sidewalk that went to the right. I could feel Kazuha's silent presence behind me until I found my father's grave. It looked like every other one around him, only it had a different name on it. I stared at it in silence; I hadn't been here since the funeral, and at that time it seemed extremely inappropriate to be having a ceremony for him after his body had been taken by the police to be examined for so long. I had felt dead inside as I watched them lower my father's casket into the ground. It seemed so long ago, and then it didn't, as I was able to replay the memory in my mind as if I were watching a movie while I stared at his grave. Taking a deep breath, I knelt down and placed the daffodil gingerly onto the ground below his name. As I placed a hand on the gravestone, I whispered: "I love you, Appa."

I had finally said it: those four words that I never got to say in return before he was killed.

"Okay, let's go find Heiji and Ichiro." I said contentedly, standing up and passing Kazuha to get back to the thin walkway that had led us here.

"A-alright…" Kazuha said as if she were unsure.

"So where do you think the guys are?" I asked Kazuha, trying to lighten the mood. She was watching me carefully, as if I were about to explode into some sort of emotional tear fest.

"Hmm…I know Heiji mentioned this one Ramen place. I think I know the way…" She trailed off. We didn't change our direction, but I was following her lead.

"Kazuha-chan…are we friends?" I asked timidly.

"Y-yes…? Why?" She answered in surprise.

"I was just wondering…I don't have any friends that are girls. Other than Ran-chan. Actually, I don't really have that many friends that are guys either. More guys than girls though. Does that sound bad?" I realized I was talking entirely too much, and shut my trap, looking away in shame. Since when had I had so much to say? Kazuha giggled cautiously.

"I've never heard you speak so much, Kokone-chan. To be honest, after we stopped being close friends, I thought it was because you were being self-centered. I feel bad about that now…You're such a nice person at heart." I snorted. At heart. Which mean that I wasn't exactly the most emotionally attractive person in the world.

"Why would you think that?" I asked her, giving her a humorous look.

"Because, you're so much prettier than everyone else. I just thought…well, everyone is jealous of you, even me…" She attempted to explain.

"Ha! What's there to be jealous about? I'm not THAT attractive…" I scoffed. Kazuha gaped at me. "…what?"

"You seriously don't know? Kokone-chan, I'm not alone when I say that you are probably the most naturally beautiful girl in this city. Maybe even this country! Or this WORLD!" She kept getting bigger with every sentence, and I glanced around and shushed her. "You're so smart and musically talented, not to mention good at martial arts. You're good at _everything._" Well, I thought to myself, that's what happens when you need distractions.

"Cut it out, you're plenty beautiful. At least, Heiji-kun seems to think so…" I suggested, giving her a daring look. She crossed her arms and turned her nose to the sky.

"Hmph! Don't be stupid." She said it so seriously, but then opened one of her eyes, a witty look behind her emerald orbs. Then she started to laugh. I smiled in response; laughter didn't seem right yet.

Before I had realized it we had reached our destination. Once inside the tiny Ramen shop, we spotted Heiji stuffing his face contentedly, offering compliments to the cook in between mouthfuls. Kazuha sighed.

"Heiji, you eat too much. Where's Ichiro-san?" she asked. Heiji looked up at the sound of her voice.

"I'm hungry!" He protested. "Ogawa-san should be right outside…that's where I left him anyway." He said, not necessarily caring. He slurped up the last of his Ramen, thanked the lady behind the counter and got up to join us as we left. I was ahead of them; something itched inside of me…where was Ichiro?

We walked up and down the street, calling his name occasionally, but there was no answer. The more we searched, the more I worried.

"Heiji…you don't think -"

"He's fine, Kone-chan, relax. He's just wandering around somewhere." Heiji answered me surely. This didn't comfort me in the slightest. I looked down at the ground in deep thought.

I had only been here for a day…could the men in black move that fast? Was it possible?

Well, they _did_ murder your dad within a few hours of him quitting the organization…my mind told me. I told it to shut up before freezing in my tracks at the sight of a red stain on the ground.

"Huh? What is it Kokone-ch – Holy crap." Heiji said quietly. My head snapped up. Time to figure this out, I thought as I broke into a run, glancing every which way.

"_Ichiro!_" I yelled with all that I had, receiving a few weird looks from the surrounding shoppers. Looking down the dark alleyways for any sign of him, I couldn't turn up anything. I wasn't sure if Heiji or Kazuha were following close behind me; my mind was only focused on one thing: killing the person that killed Ichiro.

Woah, I told myself, calm down. He's not dead. You can't murder anyone until you have nothing to lose, and even then…just keep looking.

I searched and searched, but there was absolutely no other trace of him. Then I heard it: his voice. It sounded pretty happy for someone that supposedly had been attacked…

If he had been attacked.

"Ichiro?" I called out, stopping to listen for the direction his voice was coming from. "ICHIRO!"

"What?" He said from right behind me. I jumped. My heart was pounding furiously in my chest, starting to hurt slightly. I winced. "I went to go buy eggs and stuff…what's wrong with you?" He asked. I noted the grocery bag in his hand. Soon enough Heiji and Kazuha had caught up.

"Oh my _God_. Don't scare me like that, you jerk!" I retorted, smacking his shoulder. He cringed.

"Not so hard, jeez. What's going on? Why were you running?" I struggled to calm down.

"Don't go anywhere by yourself, got it? Or I'll make sure you can't go anywhere _at all_." I threatened darkly. He reproached me like he was looking at a psychopath.

"What? Why?"

"Just. Promise." I was still trying to catch my breath. My heart was hurting. I stared him straight in the eyes for a response; he returned the look with caution. I had to break the eye contact though, as my heart started to burn at the thought of him being in trouble just because I had come back to visit. Wincing, I gripped my chest and leaned over slightly, feeling a hand on my shoulder.

"Oi, okay okay, I promise. Can we get some water please?" He had turned to ask someone. "Drink this. Come on, sit down right here. Just calm down…" He said soothingly. I took a sip of the water before handing it back to him, sticking my head between my legs to breathe better. That's when I realized we had somehow found a bench.

"Is she going to be okay?" Kazuha asked worriedly. Already, the pain was ceasing slightly, the fire extinguishing as quickly as it had begun.

"She should be. This happens sometimes. Which is _why_ she needs to be more _careful_…" He said in an accusing tone.

"Shut…up…" I panted. I took a deep breath before sitting back up, steadying myself as I rose to my feet. "Let's go home." I sighed, turning to my group of cautious caretakers. I rolled my eyes. "I'm fine now, let's just go. Please? I'm starving." I lied, hoping that would get Ichiro to leave with me.

"Alright, alright. Sheesh," Ichiro got up lazily, following behind me at a snail's pace.

"Heiji-kun, what was that stain on the ground?" I asked curiously.

"Oh, right. There was a meat shop pretty close by…apparently, transporting various types of meat can get messy," He added, rolling his eyes. I snorted. So that's what I was so worried about?

"What stain?" Ichiro asked.

"It's nothing," I waved him off in a friendly way, hoping he'd forget it.

"No seriously. What got you so worked up in the first place?"

"Nothing! Let's just get home!" I insisted.

"Kone-chaaan…" He whined. My façade faltered for a moment. He took notice and continued. "Just tell me!"

"No." I said curtly.

"Kokone?" He tried again.

"No means _no_." I was starting to get frustrated.

"Why not?" He asked bluntly.

"Because it doesn't…concern you." Yes it does, I replied in my head. He sighed in exasperation.

"You're so stubborn." He grumbled. "Aw, man! It's starting to rain!" He pouted, looking up at the clouded sky. We all followed his example. The rain was freezing cold, but it was only a slight drizzle. "Let's hurry." We broke into a slight jog in the direction of Ichiro's house.

Once on the porch, Ichiro searched for his house key, mumbling to himself.

"Dammit! Where's the key?" He asked himself.

"Oi, don't tell me you _lost_ it…" Heiji said, a bit disgruntled by the rain.

"Well…uh…" Ichiro fumbled around, trying to think of a place he could have put it. By now I was able to feel the nearly frozen water as it seeped through my sweater to my bare skin. "Crap…" He muttered after spotting me as I shivered involuntarily. "Guess I'll have to use the window again…" He reached over to find that the window was indeed stuck. Of all the times, I thought.

"Auuugh, Ogawa-san…this rain is so freakin' cold!" Heiji started to dance lightly on his feet in an attempt to warm himself up. Mud splashed around his feet as if started to outright downpour.

"God Almighty, can I please break a window?" I asked, heading over to the nearest one. Ichiro grabbed my wrist.

"So not worth it." He tried to explain.

"Ichiro, it's _freezing_. Kazuha's turning into a popsicle." I tried to reason with him to no avail. "Fine," I sighed, "We can go to my house really quick." Everyone turned to get back to the sidewalk when suddenly Kazuha found something in her bag.

"I forgot I packed this…but it looks like it's too small for all of us…" She seemed a bit regretful, holding the single, small umbrella in her hand. I took it from her hands and opened it, handing it back hurriedly, then pushed Heiji to join her. Kazuha blushed at the close proximity.

"Chiro, come on let's go." I said over my shoulder. He was still standing on his porch, looking around for a solution so we wouldn't have to visit my mother. Finally, he made it down the steps, landing in the mud with the slight smack of his feet. His first step proved to be his last across that yard, as his feet flew out from under him and he ended up right on his ass, mud all over him, some specks on his adorably bewildered face. It took me a moment to register what had just happened, but once it sunk in, the shocked expression combined with the mere incident in itself made me laugh – for the first time since I left – and I leaned over, gasping for air. Ichiro still looked a bit surprised, but he finally came to his senses, a look of defensiveness crossing his face.

"O-oi! Shut up!" He tried to get up, but only slipped once again, this time onto his stomach. This only made me laugh harder. I heard chuckles from behind me. Absently, I noticed that the rain had stopped as quickly as it had started, and that we were only left with a yard of mud as evidence that a rain had occurred in the first place. Ichiro grunted, trying to lift himself up. He seemed annoyed, but when he looked up, he was smiling at me mischievously. Uh oh, I thought.

Too late. So quickly that I didn't have to time to realize what was happening until it had already happened, Ichiro scooped up a fistful of mud and chucked it at my face. I felt the slimy coolness slide down one of my cheeks, my mouth open in surprise. No one was laughing now; the atmosphere seemed a bit tense.

"Oh, it is SO on." I taunted, bending down to grab some ammunition.

"No, no, no!" Ichiro pleaded, trying to guard his face. He was still lying on the ground.

"Ohhh, yes." I replied sadistically, walking over slowly. Lifting him up slightly with one of his arms, I gained access to his facial area and smeared my rather large handful of mud all over his face, making sure I didn't miss a single spot. His eyes opened wide as I let him go, but he quickly gripped my shoulder, staring me straight in the face with his deep, brown eyes. I hesitated, a bit mystified at this sudden closeness, his face only inches from mine. This ended up being a slight distraction, as he used this opportunity to yank me down into the mud. I squealed, but my protests were useless as I landed, _smack!_ into the muddy pond. I heard Ichiro laughing, and looked up in time to see him about to get up. Hurling myself onto his back, he oofed from the impact and fell back down again, all the time laughing and complaining to me in a lighthearted way.

"What's wrong with you, get off me!" He snickered, trying to pry my death grip off of his shoulders so he could get up to defend himself.

"I can't, you brought this upon yourself, Chiro. Eat some more mud pie, why don't you?" I teased lightly, successfully getting him onto the ground once again. I felt as if my clothes were made of mud.

"Ahou! You're being absolutely ridiculous!" He was still laughing, now clutching his ribs instead of trying to resist me.

"Hey, you were the one that decided to start the mud throwing. You have only yourself to blame!" I giggled insanely at that moment, suddenly realizing how weird this situation must have seemed to Heiji and Kazuha, let alone the neighbors. But I didn't care; I was having fun with my best friend.

Eventually we just ended up on our backs, rolling around with laughter, the mud caked into our hair and our clothing. Still chuckling to myself, I started to peel the already hardening mud off of my face, which only put more on, as my hands were covered in the stuff. With this, I threw my hands out to the side and started to laugh again.

"You see – what you – did?" I said between fits of laughter. Ichiro was sitting up casually now, snickering as he watched me. Suddenly though, he was above me, holding out a hand to help me up. How did he get up so easily? I asked myself.

"Come on, you're going to get sick." He said, a humorous, but with a hint of worried, look on his face. I took his hand and pulled myself up with his help.

"…Where are Heiji and Kazuha?" I asked, looking around the yard for an answer.

"Dunno. I guess they left." Ichiro shrugged. "Let's just get inside." I stopped him from going back up the steps though as I remembered the situation that had gotten us involved with the mud in the first place.

"You don't have a key, remember?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"…Oh yeah. I don't exactly have…clothes that you can borrow anyway…" he trailed off, deeming the situation as officially awkward. I hadn't thought about that either. He and I both knew that I could have worn his actual clothes if I had to – the only problem was the…underwear.

"…Right. I guess I need to visit my mom then, huh." I sighed. "Well, let's go." I looked up at him. He had a cautious and concerned look in his eyes. "What?"

"Are you sure? We could call Kazuha or something…" He offered. I shook my head.

"Even though she couldn't care less, I should probably let her know that I didn't marry a Japanese man." I tried to joke, but he didn't laugh. "Come on." We headed towards my house in our completely mud-caked clothes as if it were completely normal. Well, for us, it pretty much was. We always got into weird and sometimes gross situations, even if we were being serious the whole time. For example, at one of Ichiro's dad's dinner parties, there was a rather large and extravagant cake off to the side, waiting to me cut into after the actual dinner. But as long as Ichiro and I were within a mile radius, that cake wasn't going to last – at least in one piece. Somehow, I can't even remember how, but one of us had knocked into the table, causing the cake to rock slightly. In an effort to stop it from falling, which it really wasn't, Ichiro held out his hands and leaned forward, as if he was going to give the cake a bear hug.

That ended up being exactly what happened. Once he was covered in cake, he tried to rub some onto me as I laughed at him. This turned into a full-scale cake war, even though we were at a formal business party. Needless to say, his father was pissed. I started to giggle to myself.

"What?" Ichiro asked, a funny expression on his mud-smeared face.

"Remember when you jumped into that cake?" I asked as I snickered.

"I didn't _jump_ into the cake, the cake fell on top of me!" He protested. Obviously, this was a recurring argument between us.

"Whatever you say…I think your dad still hates me for that." His father never liked the idea of me. When we were younger, I was adventurous and always embraced dangerous situations. I wasn't afraid of anything - other than my mother.

"Nah, he doesn't hate you…he might hate me, though." He said quietly. I looked over to see him staring down at the sidewalk.

"How often do you see him?" Suddenly our conversation was more serious.

"What kind of 'see him?' 'See him' as in talk to him? Or 'see him' as in…literally."

"How often do you talk to him?" I clarified.

"…I don't. He's busy. I don't think he talks to my mom either." I nodded in understanding. His father had always been distant.

"Oh crap." I whispered. We stopped walking and looked over at my house.

"You sure you want to do this?" He prodded again.

"Nope." I responded. But I walked up to that house anyway.


	28. Chapter 28: True Tears

_Just. Keep. Going, _I told myself numerous times as I demolished the training dummy with my various punches and kicks. _Don't stop, don't stop._

I knew I was behaving like a coward, having run away from my home after a quick rinse off in the shower. It was all I could do though, if I were going to keep from smashing in another wall.

Sounds a bit absurd, right? But it's true. At one point, my mother had made me so mad that I swung around and threw my fist into the wall, not expecting the drywall to actually crumble to pieces. Whoops.

My mother knew just how to push my buttons. Maybe it was because we were practically identical, though I would never admit it aloud, that she knew what got me going. Her words were like a tank of gasoline, adding more to the heat until there was a spark, and I was all ablaze in fury.

Why does she always do this? I thought. There didn't seem to be any logical explanation for her torture. It was always the worst kind of torture though: the kind that only involved twisted words that made my stomach burn and churn until I was sure I was going to explode. She never tested anyone else like this, it was only me. Just my luck.

Though my mother never really liked Ichiro, always telling me that I wasn't under any circumstances allowed to marry him, she was never this cruel. Before today, when I was forced into making an appearance in order to gather some clothes and a quick shower, it could get pretty bad. But today, it was worse than usual, like she had been saving up her hatred for me. No matter what though, I either ended up at Ichiro's house or at the training gym only a few blocks away. I didn't want to bother Ichiro though, as I had sent him home to shower and change while I was dealing with my mother, so I headed to the gym and pretended that the training dummy I was using was Omma. It sort of worked, except every time I thought back to those sinister words of hers, I had to fight to keep in my screams of rage.

It became increasingly difficult though, and eventually I was grunting and hollering at the dummy – no definite words, just sounds – as I bluntly destroyed the poor, innocent training device. With one forceful, finishing kick, I broke the dummy, its sad, slightly cushioned head rolling across the floor as I struggled to catch my breath. I was as calm as I could ever be at that point, so I decided to head back to Ichiro's. It had been a few hours anyway, so he was probably expecting me.

I tossed my tae-kwon-do bag over my shoulder and tightened my black belt around my waist; my uniform was bigger on me now than it was before I left. Turning around the corner, it only took me about 10 minutes to reach his house.

"Baka, she's probably all the way to Tokyo by now. I'll bet you a bowl of Ramen!" I heard Heiji say as I opened the door quietly, not knowing what I was going to encounter. Obviously, I was about to walk right into a full-fledged argument.

"Don't be stupid! She probably just…went to see somebody." Kazuha tried to reason. They were seated in the kitchen, but Ichiro, as always, was at the stove, stirring something in a big pot.

"You two sound like idiots. She just went to the training gym a couple of blocks that way. She'll be back." Ichiro said tiredly, though he sounded unsure.

"Quit betting Ramen over me, Heiji. Am I really worth a bowl of noodles?" I interrupted, walking right into the middle of everyone as I set my bag into my chair. They stared at me with awed expressions while Ichiro continued to stir whatever he was heating, with a not surprised by relieved look on his face.

"I told you." Kazuha said childishly, sticking her tongue out at him as she crossed her arms in defiance.

"Shut up." Heiji muttered, looking away. "So you were really at that training gym?" I gave him a dumb look.

"Really, Heiji, what gave it away," I stated dully. He returned the look.

"Why'd you go there? You could have missed out on the good food!" I felt my eye twitch as I tried to focus on something else.

"So why'd you guys come back?" My question was strained.

"We wanted food," he said like I was stupid, "obviously. Don't avoid my question!" He scolded.

"Hattori…" Ichiro cautioned under his breath. Either Heiji didn't hear or he ignored it. I could feel my anger starting to boil in my toes as I remembered everything she had said only hours earlier.

_I opened the door cautiously after I sent Ichiro home, not wanting him to see what was about to happen. As I walked inside tentatively, I slipped on my pair of slippers, trying my best to not get mud all over the wood floor. Right on schedule, my mom walked in to see who had come in. Her face completely composed and unsurprised, she had her arms folded across her chest, her traditional slacks and button down shirt as her clothing. She always wore the same thing, only different colors. Her eyes narrowed as she took in my full appearance._

_ "You," she seethed in Korean. I felt myself flinch in spite of myself. "are getting mud on my floor. What is wrong with you? Coming back this way. Why did you even come back? You could have done it in a way that I could at least retain an ounce of respect for you. I thought you were finally going to make something of yourself, finally being independent. But no, you disappoint me once again." I was used to this statement of disappointment; nothing was ever good enough. Even if I had developed a cure for cancer and came back 20 years later, she'd still say the same thing._

_ "Why are you so dirty? And I'm talking about your appearance, not you yourself." She clarified. I didn't respond for a moment._

_ "It was raining," was my pathetic excuse. Her eyes narrowed even more._

_ "Go rinse off before I throw you out." She threatened. I turned without a word and waded over to the bathroom. It took me about 40 minutes to actually get all of the mud off of myself, and I still had to wash. After about 50 minutes, I was done, and I quickly fled to my bedroom to put on some new clothes. By the time I had returned to clean up my mess, she had already stormed through like a tornado, only she was one that reduced damage. Thinking I could use some water, I headed to the kitchen. Big mistake._

_ She was cooking a small serving of one of my favorite Korean dishes. Most likely only for herself._

_ "Did you meet anyone significant while you were off being a delinquent?" If someone like Ichiro had said this, I probably would have laughed, but she was completely serious._

_ "…What do you mean?" I responded._

_ "You didn't run off to get pregnant with some Japanese freeloader, did you? I swear, if you disgrace this family anymore -" she was getting started, and I felt my heart throb in protest._

_ "Omma, relax. I only went to Tokyo…the schools…the schools are pretty good there." I tried. She didn't buy I completely._

_ "I shouldn't be surprised. What am I saying?" She said. I was taken aback. She was…agreeing with me? "You can't even have children." Her cold, heartless glare penetrated me. I gasped slightly at her statement, not able to believe how far she had crossed the line._

_ "Oh I'm sorry, is that a touchy subject? Well, even if you survived the pregnancy, it's not like your child would. You'd kill it, just like you killed your -"_

_ "SHUT. UP." I spat. My hands were shaking. I'd like to say I was being defiant, but really, I was quivering in fear._

_ "Don't speak to your mother in that way. You break tradition so many times, I swear…" she trailed off. "But don't worry, it's better this way. You won't have to deal with what I'm dealing with at this moment." She looked me up and down with those eyes that were so similar to mine, as if my very presence was a huge annoyance. "It's your own fault though. You should have died instead of your father. I don't know why you didn't. And now you have this stubborn heart problem that causes all these other issues…such as a defective -"_

_ "ENOUGH." She raised her eyebrows at me._

_ "Is the yelling really necessary?" She said icily. _

_ "Apparently so." I struggled to contain myself, but was losing the fight with every passing second._

_ "If only you could pass on the family line," she sighed wearily, stirring her concoction. "Your father will never have a legacy to be proud of, all because you can't be a mother. It's a shame." Her tone grew more grave and condescending by the second._

_ "I can't stand you. I'm going to go marry a Japanese man, maybe even Ichiro. And you're right, if I had a child, it would have a terrible Halmoni that I would have to shelter it from," I whispered venomously. She turned to me in defiance._

_ "You can't even give me grandchildren, and you DARE say such things? You ungrateful brat! Get OUT of my house. GET OUT. Your father does not want you here!" She threw the dishtowel at me, which I dodged easily, and then the lid for the pot she was using, which I didn't dodge so easily as it clocked me on the left forearm in my attempt to shield myself. I looked at her once more before I took my leave, yanking my gym bag out of its corner as I stalked out of the house._

Thinking about all of this made me quiver. I had really said those things to my mother, and she had really said those things to me. _I don't hate her, I don't hate her, _I tried to tell myself, if only because she was the sole living family member left that I knew of. I was only brought back to reality when I felt someone touching my hand, trying to pry it off of what I realized was the chair I had been about to sit in. He was having difficulty though, grunting as he desperately tried to remove my fingers.

"Kokone, come on, how would I explain another broken chair to my mom?" Ichiro said, still trying to take them off. I felt rage in my heart, the burn not painful but strengthening for once. One look at his face though, and my hand was released. I clenched my hands into fists and walked jerkily to the cabinet to get a water glass. I was silent as I deliberately extended this simplest of processes, carefully selecting one that didn't look expensive, just in case. My hands were still shaking now, as her harsh words corrupted my head. I wasn't in control anymore.

"Uhh…do you want to -" Ichiro asked cautiously, approaching me as if I were a rapid dog.

"She had the NERVE to point out that I am a disgrace to my family." The words flew out of my mouth with a seething rage supporting them. I was looking Ichiro straight in the face, as if for an answer as to why my mother was so impossible. He watched me like he always had before, just listening patiently while I got it out of my system. Heiji and Kazuha looked genuinely frightened.

"I can't…I can't even BELIEVE her. She made me LEAVE because apparently Appa doesn't want me there. SHE THREW A DAMN POT LID AT ME." I was making wild gestures that were out of my control, still talking (screaming) to Ichiro, who just nodded and continued to listen in response.

"And then," I chuckled darkly to myself at first, then burst into a sinister bout of laughter that made Kazuha jump. "You won't BELIEVE this part. She -" I broke off again, holding up a finger as I looked down at the floor, my own symbol for them to wait for it. At the same time, I was preparing myself for what was about to come out of my mouth. Did Ichiro really need to hear this? It was hard enough to think about as it was. I continued anyway. "She blames me for my medical condition. As if I had a CHOICE in the matter of whether or not I can have kids. Her DAUGHTER IS ALMOST MURDERED. And all she can think about is me not being able to continue the family line. Oh, and apparently I should be dead in my father's place. Unbelievable." I snickered to myself again, as if it were just so funny. To be honest, I wasn't entirely sure why I was laughing. I took a deep breath to steady myself, turning the round, empty water glass in my hand as I, not so carefully, thought out my next move from there.

With a determined posture, I strutted to the back door that was beside Kazuha's chair. She flinched, as if I were about to come at her, but I continued on to open the door and stalk outside. Aiming for my house, which was across the street from the house behind Ichiro's, I took one last look at the water glass in my hand before I full out chucked it across the street. The arc was perfect, and there was so much force behind it that it might have gone past my house if there wasn't any wind. I didn't see it land, but I heard it come to a crashing halt. Somewhat satisfied, I returned to the kitchen, calm as you please, feeling cautious gazes penetrating me from all sides.

"Sorry about the glass. I'm starving. What's for dinner?" I asked. Ichiro was standing there in surprise - either from the statement about my inability to have kids or from me throwing the glass, I couldn't tell – his stirring utensil still in his hand hovering near the pot. He snapped back though with a slight shake of his head, and turned to hand me a bowl, which I gratefully accepted as he scooped some noodles out for my serving. Once we were all seated around the table once again, I thought of something.

"Ichiro, where's your mom?" He looked up at me with tired eyes.

"Probably at some convention again. Or she's with my dad. I don't really know, to be honest." I raised my eyebrows at this, but decided to eat instead of question further. An awkward silence ensued. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Kazuha was staring down at her noodles, genuinely concerned, as if she would hurt their feelings if she ate them.

"Is something bothering you, Kazuha-chan?" I asked, only because Heiji was busy shoveling food down his throat. She looked up, surprised; I continued to wait for an answer. She swallowed once before opening her mouth hesitantly.

"Kokone-chan…" She started. I cocked my head to the side in confusion. "You must be sad." I could barely make out what she was saying.

"…Why would I be sad?" I said in a slightly perkier voice.

"I…" she seemed embarrassed, and kept glancing over at Heiji nervously, who was sort of watching her between bites. "I know that I want to have a baby -" at this, Heiji nearly choked on his current mouthful. Kazuha flushed a deep red.

"What are you talking about, you're 17!" Heiji protested between coughs. Kazuha shot him a look.

"Not NOW, ahou! Jeez. What I meant was…you must be sad, because a part of your possible future was taken away…" she trailed off, choosing to have another staring contest with her noodles. I wasn't sure what to say.

"Kazuha-chan, I don't want kids." I finally said, trying to make her feel better. Why was I the one comforting her in this situation? Every time I glanced at Heiji he was blushing just barely under his dark skin. Ichiro just sat and observed, thoughtfully chewing his food.

"But…but Heiji said -" I immediately glared at him.

"Ahhh, right, isn't it time for us to be leaving?" Suddenly he wasn't so hungry, and was pushing himself up from his chair while simultaneously shrugging on his jacket. He knocked his knee against the leg of the table as he turned towards the general direction of the entryway, emitting a few curses in the process. "Come on, Kazuha, your mom's waiting." Kazuha looked confused.

"H-Heiji…?" she said quizzically. I shook my head. So childish.

"You guys should probably go anyway, you've only been with us the whole entire time we were here…" I said, giving Heiji the go-ahead to leave. He got a break – this time, anyway.

"If you say so…" Kazuha said, unsure. She got up slowly, carefully putting her coat on. Heiji stood by, watching her with impatience.

"Hurry up, already!" He finally said. She shot him a narrow eyed look.

"I'm coming, I'm coming. Sheesh." She said. "Bye Kokone, Ichiro! Thank you for dinner!" She called cheerfully as she headed to the front. We both waved halfheartedly. And then, we were alone.

Ichiro picked up the other bowls and started for the sink to do his normal routine dishwashing. I volunteered to help, but he waved me off as if I'd just be another inconvenience in the process. I frowned at him, but turned my gaze out the window.

It was a surprisingly clear night, crisp and cold, though it was almost spring. I wondered what my mother was doing, what she had occupied herself with while I was gone. It wasn't like she would do anything different other than not torture me with her words. Truth be told, I wouldn't be able to tell you the things she did. I knew that she cooked – for herself – every once and a while. Sometimes she would try to speak with distant family members in Korea. Other than that, I had no idea what she spent her time doing.

At the moment, I regretted everything I had said, despite how often she ridiculed me outright, no apologies or anything close. She had lost her soul mate, even if she never admitted it. Something told me this wasn't an excuse for her to mistreat me, but then again, I felt like I owed myself to her anyway. She was a difficult woman, but if taking everything out on me was helpful, then by all means. Sure, I hated it, but I hated a lot of things. Maybe if she was better to me my life would have been so much easier. Or maybe it wouldn't have been. I'd never know.

She had to love me in some way, I always told myself. There has to be something within all those hideous statements.

Then I remembered though: _You should have died instead of your father._ Did she mean that? She said it often enough that it wouldn't surprise me if she did.

If I had died, I thought, she'd be happy. She'd be with my dad, or she'd be back in Korea where she belonged. She wouldn't have to give herself up, or feel so much hatred for me. She may have even honored me if I had died in my father's place.

My eyes stung. What? Was I about to cry? I couldn't remember the last time I had cried, but I knew it was before my father's death. I blinked several times in an effort to stop the tears from surfacing.

Is that what it would take then? My death would make her happy? Is that normal for any mother that gives a small infinitesimal care for her child? Surely not. She wanted me dead, and at that moment, that was what I wanted as well.

I flinched slightly when I felt something icy cold touch my left forearm. It throbbed slightly as the ice began to settle in. I looked up to see Ichiro there, a chair pulled up to my side as he observed the spot where the pot lid had hit. The tears were getting closer, and I knew this was going to be one of those cries that would rattle my whole diaphragm, even though I hadn't experience one in years. This boy – this sweet, thoughtful, protective boy – was my caregiver. He filled the spaces my mother never could. I'm lucky to have him, I thought, but it's depressing to think that that's what he has had to do for me: replace my mother.

I felt a tear fall from my eye and watched as it landed on Ichiro's hand while he was pressing the ice pack to my hand. His eyebrows knit together in confusion before he looked up at me. Suddenly I felt so ashamed as his face melted into sympathy and concern, preparing to shelter me or at least pick up the broken pieces. I covered my mouth with my other hand and squeezed my eyes shut, but the tears continued to fall, as if it only took one drop to start the waterfall.

"Hey," he said with concern. I felt his hand brush my cheek, wiping a stray tear away. "Hey, Kokone, it's okay." He assured me quietly. "It's okay to cry." He whispered. Out of nowhere I could feel his breath on the top of my head as I unconsciously leaned into his chest, hiding myself from the bitter world that surrounded me.


	29. Chapter 29: Comfort

_Hey guys, sorry I haven't posted any chapters in a while. I've been gone for most of my summer. But no fear, the story must go on! ^^_

_Ogawa Ichiro's POV:_

What I did came naturally, though I'd never encountered this situation with Kokone before. Sure, she occasionally cried when we were kids, but never at this level. I held her for a long 43 minutes before I decided I should take her to bed.

Though she was lying in my bed, the covers up to her neck, she still cried. I had no idea what to do, but I felt like I shouldn't try to make her stop, just because she had probably been holding this in since her father's death. After 2 hours though, my thoughts wavered – was this good for her?

I sat and watched her, occasionally touching her in some way – her hand, the top of her head, her face – in an effort to help somehow. At certain points I shushed her quietly in a soothing tone, but nothing was able to halt her tears.

It was about 12:30 AM when she was reduced to just sniffling and a few silently escaping tears. Just then, the phone rang, making me jump up in surprise, since it was in the middle of the night. Was it my mother? My father? Who would call so late? As I turned to find the phone somewhere in the house though, I felt a sudden grip on my shirt, pulling me back. Confused, I looked behind me and sure enough, Kokone's hand was clutching at the fabric of my shirt in distress, her knuckles white from squeezing so hard. She wasn't looking at me though; just straight ahead as she had all night, stray tears making their way down her cheeks.

I guess I'll be staying here for a while, I thought. I distantly heard the machine pick up the call, and was pretty sure I knew who was talking…

"Is anyone there? Hello? It's the freakin' middle of the night, where else would you guys be? Kokoneeeee, wake UP," the voice demanded in an irritated tone. It had to be Hattori. I couldn't tell if Kokone was aware that it was him; she didn't let on.

Soon enough, the phone rang again, and though the machine picked up, Hattori didn't leave a message, instead calling yet again. And again, and again, until finally I decided something had to be done. I placed my hand on Kokone's arm, willing her to look at me, but she didn't. I sighed, and continued anyway.

"I'll be back, I promise. Just…wait here." _Wait here?_ I thought. _Where else would she go?_

It seemed like she was going to protest by grabbing me again, but then she just moved slightly under my touch, as if accepting my short disappearance.

I headed to the kitchen to pick up the phone, already planning the series of curses I'd sling at Hattori over the speaker. Having caught the phone in the middle of what seemed like an eternal ring, I held it to my ear and waited.

"Hattori, this had better be important." I seethed.

"Oh it is," he promised, "Why didn't you pick up earlier? This is the twelfth time I've called in the past 10 minutes!" He seemed bewildered, as if it was perfectly normal for someone to be waiting by the phone just in case he called at one in the morning.

"Yeah, I'm aware. Can't this wait until tomorrow? Er…I guess later today?" I corrected myself.

"No! Why would I still be awake at this time, CALLING YOU, if it wasn't important?" He made it sound like_ I_ was the idiot in this situation.

"Gee, I dunno Hattori. Maybe because you're insane?" I thought I heard a sort of growling response.

"Just get Kokone. I need to talk to her. NOW." He seemed genuinely urgent, but I had no idea what I was supposed to do. Kokone was definitely not in the right place to talk – especially with someone that sounded like he was about to burn his house down in all of his urgency.

"Uh…now isn't the best time…" I wasn't sure how to explain, and was pretty sure Kokone wouldn't want me to – at least, not in detail.

"I don't care if she's sleeping, this is an emergency!" His voice was rising with every syllable.

"An emergency? What kind of emergency? Is everything alright?" I was kind of worried at this point. What was he getting at?

"Well, okay, it's not like a serious emergency, all my limbs are still attached and everything, but it is EXTREMELY important. If you don't let me talk to her, I'll come to your house and kick in the door if I have to!" He threatened.

"Geez, Hattori. What's the big deal? This should wait until later, Kokone…" I sighed, trying to find the words to explain. For once, Hattori was actually listening.

"What's wrong with her? Is she awake?"

"Yeah, she's been awake, but she just…" I glanced toward the staircase to make sure she wasn't anywhere within hearing range and dropped my voice to just above a whisper. "After you guys left, she kinda…she got upset. Let's just say that. So can't this wait until -"

"Woah, upset? You don't mean…" he trailed off, sounding amazed at the fact that someone like Kokone could possibly be crying. I guess I didn't blame him, if I had been anywhere else at that moment I wouldn't have been able to believe it myself.

"Yeah. So is there any way -"

"Hand me the phone." I jumped about 3 feet off the ground after I heard Kokone's small but sure voice from behind me. The tears had made it a little shaky, but she seemed determined as she reached out and took the phone from my fear-stricken hand.

"What is it, Heiji?" She asked dully, turning to face away from me and towards the kitchen window as he responded. She sighed, irritated. "Crap. Make sure he doesn't try it yet. What do you mean, 'why?' Because I said so! Look," she glanced behind her at me before continuing in a lower voice, "until I get back, he can't use it. I'm not sure if it's entirely safe yet. Plus, we should wait until…you know. _They're_ in custody. It'd be safer for him. Is that really the only reason you called?" She scolded him. After his response though, her body language turned rigid. "…I'm fine. Seriously, it's nothing. I'm hanging up now. Bye." She pushed the end button decisively and stood still for a minute before turning to face me. "Here. I'll sleep on the couch tonight." She handed me the phone before she started for the living room. I caught her by the wrist though, and she twisted around with a questioning look.

"Don't be stupid. You're sleeping upstairs. Goodnight." I said diplomatically in a way that she couldn't argue with. Her responding expression seemed pained, and after a second she reached up and covered her face, slowly kneeling to the floor as she took deep, steady breaths.

"Woah, hey. Are you okay? Come on, let's get you to bed." I was about to lift her up, but she smacked my hand away. What was I supposed to do now? Leave her here? I knelt down to her level, willing her to look at me, but she kept her hand over her eyes.

"Kokone," I said softly, "what's wrong?" She peeked at me through her fingers, and I saw tears had formed in her eyes once again. "Hey," I tried again, reaching out to pat her head carefully. "Hey, shhh. It's alright."

"No, it is NOT alright!" She retorted. I have to admit, I jumped a bit, not expecting her to respond at all. "You're too…too…" she struggled to find words, but then she stood up and started to pace around the kitchen. I stood back and watched her, listening patiently. "Too…you know!" She insisted, though I really didn't. "And I just…" She slowed down and stood in front of me, looking at me helplessly as she crossed her arms tightly. "I've done nothing for you. And I probably won't be able to do anything for you for a while…" she trailed off, her eyes seeing farther than the kitchen wall.

"That's not true." I said quietly, knowing she'd argue her point anyway.

"Of course it is! Why am I like this? Why does my LIFE have to BE like this?" She was starting to freak out, I could tell.

"Okay, okay, okay. Calm down. I'll let you know if there's something you can do for me, alright? But seriously, you've done more than you know. I'm just glad that we're…" I wasn't sure how to phrase it…were we friends? Best friends? Family practically? Or were we something else entirely…

She stepped a bit closer to me. "That we're what?" Her beautiful blue eyes seemed lost and unreal behind the tears. All I wanted to do at that moment was wipe the tears away so that I could see them better.

"That we're…close." I finished. There, I thought, that kind of defines it. She sighed a tiny bit in a disappointed way, but then she nodded.

"I am too." We stood there in silence for a moment, not breaking eye contact the whole time. It may have seemed awkward to anyone else, but I felt comfortable and could probably stare at her all night if given the opportunity.

"Now…do you want to tell me what's wrong before you go to bed? Might help you sleep better." I reasoned. She glanced away nervously, but then she looked back up at me, taking a deep breath.

"I think…if I were dead. If I were dead, my mom would be happy." She closed her eyes for a minute, as if willing herself to go on without tears. I resisted the urge to take her into my arms. If only I could shelter her from this kind of stuff, I thought. I can only help with so much. "She wouldn't have to spend all her time hating me, and she could do so much better…And I wonder if that will be me. If…if I have a true love, and I, you know, marry him," she seemed embarrassed about something, but I stood patiently and waited. "And then if he were to die, even in old age…"

"You're afraid that you're just like your mother in every way." I finished for her. She looked at me gratefully.

"I guess so." For some reason, I had the feeling that this wasn't all that was bothering her.

"Anything else?" I asked, stepping closer. I thought she was going to take a step back for a minute, but she didn't, instead taking a step towards me. We were only about 2 feet apart. She hesitated in her response though.

"Yes…well, I don't know. I don't know why it's bothering me now…it never really has before…" I had a feeling I knew what 'it' was, but I chose to keep quiet. She was looking away, her cheeks a light pink in embarrassment. "I guess…ever since she said that I was a failure for not being able to have kids?" She glanced up at me slightly, as if to make sure I wasn't accusing her of anything. "I kind of wish I were able to." She whispered, looking down.

"I…I didn't know that you couldn't." _What the hell?_ I mentally kicked myself. _Why would you say something so stupid?_ She sighed, not bothered by the assumption.

"Well I mean…there's a very slim chance that I can. And even if I could…it'd probably kill me. And the baby." She added as an afterthought. I looked at her sympathetically. Her mother was so unfair to her sometimes. She took a resounding breath, as if to steady herself before continuing. "But I guess it's for the best, you know?" I raised my eyebrows in response.

"What…what do you mean?"

"I'm not fit to be a mother. I mean come on, if I am like my mom, how am I supposed to raise a kid the way I was raised? I couldn't do that to someone, especially someone directly related to me…" She looked out the window, her eyes far away.

"Kone-chan." I waited for her to face me again. "The fact that you even thought about that – about how you don't want your child to be raised like you were – that right there shows that you have the ability to…" I wasn't sure how to phrase this…to do it? That just seemed too awkward…

"You think so?" She responded instead, saving me the embarrassment.

"Would I lie to you?" I asked, smiling slightly. Her face seemed sad at this response, but she tried to smile too.

"I guess not, huh? Well, I'll see you in the morning. Or…afternoon, maybe." She headed for the stairs.

"Kokone?" I hesitated before continuing. "You will tell me…right? Before you leave again?" I was afraid to look her in the eyes, and could tell she felt the same way. I knew she hated lying, hated hiding things, but it just happened to be something she did best – from everyone else, anyway.

"…I guess it couldn't hurt, huh. I think…I think I'm leaving the day after…today I guess." One day, I thought. I can deal with that.

"Okay. I guess…I guess I'll see you later. Night." I smiled slightly before exiting the kitchen as quickly as possible. How could I allow her to see this? I had to get out of there, before she realized just how much it was killing me that she had to leave.


	30. Chapter 30: Shopping for Amends

_Kokawa Kokone's POV:_

Though my eyes stung from crying so much, I was unable to sleep for the rest of the night. Every thought I had brought me back to Heiji's call. Shiho had figured out that I had developed a potential antidote in secret, and decided it would have been a good idea to share with Kudo. It was during a long night of my regular experimenting, but even now it hadn't felt like I had come up with this great cure for Conan and Haibara. Maybe it was because I was so tired and disoriented, only going through the motions, but what I had developed hardly seemed great. I hoped and prayed that neither of them had taken it. Who knew what could happen? And since the Organization was still around and possibly stalking the area, that could only lead to more danger…

At one point, my mind went back to only hours ago, when I had been sobbing and gasping for air. _Hopefully Ichiro didn't mind TOO much_, I thought. That must have been so awkward to witness…Especially after I told him about my infertility problems. _Oh, God_, I thought, _why the hell did I tell him that?_

It was around 7:15 when I decided I couldn't take the insanity that was my mind any longer. I threw the sheets off in frustration, sitting on the mattress, my feet barely reaching the ground. I leaned over and grabbed my head, trying to come up with something that made sense so that I wouldn't lose it. Without even realizing it, I began to pull at my hair, desperate for a normal thought, anything that would prove that I was a regular teenager like everyone else.

"Kone-chan!" I heard Ichiro say. The next thing I knew, he was next to me pulling my hands away from my head. "What are you doing? Did you even sleep? Look at me." He commanded. I raised my head warily.

"Not…really. No. I need to see my mom. What if things don't get better? Even though we aren't…close…I can't leave like this. Right?" I looked at him for approval. He seemed cautious in his approach.

"Well…I mean, sure. It's good to make amends. Do you…do you want me to come with you this time…?" He seemed nervous, and looked away slightly. I deliberated for a moment.

"…Yes. Yes, I do."

"Alright, then you should get dressed and eat breakfast, and we'll head over there in…an hour?" He stood up and went to his drawer to pick out some new clothes. I watched him for a moment, thinking about how I could have possibly met someone so forgiving and agreeable. Then I remembered I was supposed to answer.

"Oh – uh. Yeah, sure." I fumbled before getting up to retrieve my tae-kwon-do bag containing my normal clothing, leaving him to change in his room.

After we were finished eating, we started to walk over to my house. It was still so unseasonably cold – or was it just because I was always freezing? Once we were in front of my house, yet again, I stopped and took a deep breath. After a minute of silence, Ichiro approached the situation awkwardly.

"Uh…we can go…back to my house if you want…"

"No, no. I can do this. Just…I hope it's easy. Come on." I led him up the steps to my house and knocked on the door, rather than walking right in like I did the last time. After about 3 minutes of waiting, I felt ashamed for having even come over, sure that she had seen who it was and chose not to answer, but then she did. I heard the unlocking of the various locks that had been installed after that vicious murder, and soon enough, the door was open just a crack to where I could see her tired, unforgiving face. The same one I had seen in the mirror only weeks ago.

"…what do you want now?" She seethed in Korean. She noticed Ichiro, but was used to his presence by now.

"I…I came to uh…make amends?" I swallowed loudly, sure this seemed completely uneducated to say out loud.

"…Amends?" she opened the door a little wider, a look of disapproval on her face. "What are you talking about?"

"From last night. I plan on leaving tomorrow, so I was wondering if…" I couldn't believe I was even offering anything at this point. Usually, when it comes to me and my mother, I would just ignore the problems, and would never apologize. She never apologized either, so that just made things even more difficult. "If you needed anything. Er, needed me to do anything…" She narrowed her eyes at me in response.

"You know what you can do? I have a meeting tonight with the Jeoungs and the Hans. They don't want me to come alone to these…get-togethers anymore. Show up in something nice, stay until I leave." She didn't even ask if this was acceptable, but I let that slide for the time being.

"…Fine. What would 'something nice' be?" This was more like a domestic agreement than an invite to a party, which I had to admit, kind of saddened me.

"Nothing too…" she looked me up and down, as if suggesting that what I was wearing presently was unacceptable. "Skimpy. But nothing shabby. Try to make it a dress, there's someone I'd like you to meet there." I flinched. Someone she'd like me to meet? That didn't sound good.

"Now, I need to go shopping for this occasion. You should too. Don't forget to come to the Hans' house at 6. You know where it is, right?" All I could do was nod. "Alright. Here. Go on." She shooed me after handing me some money, then closed the door that was always between us. As soon as I was sure she was gone, I let out the breath that I hadn't realized I had been holding.

"…I guess I need to go…shopping." I said quietly, mostly to myself.

"We could call Kazuha?" Ichiro suggested. I sighed, thinking about all the girly things she could potentially pick out for me.

"Yeah…I guess."

"Hey, at least that went…okay…" Ichiro tried. I snorted.

"The best it's ever been, which is pretty pathetic." He kept quiet.

Soon enough, we were yet again paired up with Kazuha and Heiji, who had been dragged along with her against his will.

"Ungh, Kazuhaaa, I have better things to do than _shop_." He whined.

"Hush! It won't take that long. Besides, we can get lunch afterwards…?" She suggested, knowing well enough that he would probably accept that offer. He sighed in frustration though.

"What is this for again?"

"A party - formal one. Right, Kokone-chan?" Kazuha smiled over at me. I grimaced in response.

"…Unfortunately."

"Ale? What party?" Heiji said, mildly interested.

"My mom is having one of her little meetings with the only other Korean families she knows in this district." I explained dully, looking straight ahead. It had been awhile since I had seen these families, but I couldn't imagine who my mom wanted me to meet that I hadn't already.

Once we were in a little boutique that Kazuha absolutely adored, she whirled around the store picking up dress after dress for me to try on, a blur of colors whizzing by every time she passed by. After about 10 minutes, she waddled over to me with a pile of dresses, handing them off and shoving me into a dressing room.

"Hurry! They're all so beautiful, we have to judge each and every one!" She sounded so excited, I almost felt bad for hating the occasion we were preparing for. Off to the side, I heard Heiji mumble and grumble in response. Ichiro had been politely standing by, always so patient and knowing, a complete opposite of Heiji in most ways.

The first dress on the pile was a strapless, formfitting red one. _Oh God_, I thought, _what have I gotten myself into?_

I stepped out of the dressing room nervously, immediately feeling goosebumps rise on my arms and legs in response to hardly wearing anything.

"Oh! This one fits so well on you, Kokone-san! What do you think Heiji?" She turned to him expectantly, but he was facing the other direction.

"Huh? Oh – uh. It's fine. A bit short though." He commented, glancing down before looking away. _This is beyond awkward_, I thought. Then I glanced up at Ichiro, whose cheeks were a slight pink as he stared hard towards the other side of the room. Before I knew it, Kazuha was pushing me back into the dressing room.

With each dress, my cheeks got redder, and so did Ichiro's, which didn't help either of our situations. I felt like my head was spinning with every different color, style and fit. _What am I doing here? _I thought repeatedly.

The last dress, a cranberry colored floor-length one with a beaded waist that showed off every curve imaginable, appealed to me, even though I could never imagine liking any of these dresses. I decided this was it, after this, I'd be done. I was freezing, embarrassed, and more than anything wanting this evening to just be over.

When I stepped out of the dressing room, Kazuha gasped, her hands flying to her mouth. This prompted Heiji and Ichiro to look over from their slouched positions on a tiny waiting couch. Ichiro's eyes popped open wide, as Heiji raised his eyebrows as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Then, he busted up at the sight of my face. I felt my cheeks redden even more, if that were possible.

"Oi, Hattori, what's so funny." I grumbled, my eye twitching. He tried to hold in his laughter, but it was pretty much impossible for him.

"This poor – girl." He said in between laughs. "She hates – this – so much. You – are NOT – a dressy – person!" He clutched his stomach as I clenched my fists. Ichiro elbowed him in the gut, hard. "OOF. What the –"

"Cut it out. She's doing it for her mom, and she looks…fine." He stumbled over the words, his cheeks flaming. _This needs to end. NOW._

"Alright, alright. You know what? I'm buying this one. Sorry, Kazuha, I really don't -"

"No, no! Don't apologize, you look so…_beautiful_, Kokone-chan!" _Jeez_, I thought, _you'd expect to see tears in her eyes or something. _"And I have some shoes that would go great with this, we can go pick them up from my house after we eat! What about your hair…let's see." She posed as a thinker, trying to picture hairstyles, I imagined.

"…Great. Let's just get out of here." I hurried into the dressing room, stripping the dress off as fast as possible. Once we paid, we were on our way to some sort of okonomiyaki place that Heiji apparently loved. I picked at my food, occasionally sliding some of it onto Heiji's plate when no one was looking. It's not like he noticed, or cared for that matter. Whatever was in front of him, he'd eat.

We went to pick up the shoes, and Kazuha even offered to do my hair, but I refused.

"Ahh…no thanks, Kazuha-chan." She looked dejected at this statement, so I added "It's – it's just that I know what my mother is expecting and uh…" I fished for an appropriate explanation other than that I didn't want her messing with my hair. "You've already done enough as it is anyway so…thanks! I'll catch up with you guys later. Chiro, do you mind if I go ahead and get ready at your place?" I knew he wouldn't, but it felt customary to ask.

"Nope. I'll walk you back. See you, guys." He waved over his shoulder as he turned to join me.

On the way back, I told him about how nervous I was, truly, while he listened patiently as he always did. I really wasn't sure what this evening would hold, and was mostly worried about how my mother would treat me in front of her friends. Normally, she was nice, kind, but I could see right through it. Her fakeness was sickening, and it scared me, as I knew it could only get worse from there.

I showered and dried my hair, putting the dress on last. Then I stared at myself in the mirror, trying to decide if I should braid my hair or not. After a few minutes, I determined that my hair was annoying enough to pull back into my normal braid, something I hadn't pulled off in months. With a few last finishing touches, the dangling earrings Kazuha lent me along with her black strappy shoes, I was finished. I stepped back and looked at myself, my stomach churning for what was to come.

When I got downstairs, Ichiro was sitting at the table, a paper in his hand. With my final step on the wood floor, he looked up expectantly, and nearly choked on the water he had been sipping. He wiped his mouth as calmly as possible before speaking.

"Uh – wow. I mean, y-you ready to go?" His face was pink. _So cute_, I thought inwardly.

"Mhm. I'll just head over there now. It's only a street away. Wait up for me, okay?" I nervously smoothed my hair as I headed for the door.

"You sure you don't want me to walk you over?" He offered, getting up to walk me to the door.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. You just wait here. When's your mom coming home?" I asked at random.

"I think she said in two days? My dad's supposed to come home sometime tonight but…it's not like that matters." He shrugged. I nodded.

"Alright…wish me luck…" I said uncertainly, stepping out the door.

"Everything will be fine." He muttered from behind me. I stopped and turned back to him.

"…What?" He asked, uncomfortable under my scrutiny.

"Nothing. It's nothing. I'll see you later."

And with that, I headed to what I was sure would be my social death.


	31. Chapter 31: Setup

As I stood on the front porch that belonged to the Han family, my mind was racing. I kept smoothing my hair down and adjusting the skirt of my dress as thoughts of who would be waiting inside kept jumping into my mind. Finally, I decided it was time to make my presence known.

Only seconds after I knocked did the door open, and there stood the short, agreeable woman I had only met once: Mrs. Han.

"Annyeounghaseyo, Han-ajumeoni." I said in Korean.

"Oh! Kokone, it has been so long! Your Omma is already here, come on in." She seemed so happy, for whatever reason. Then I remembered randomly that she was a nice woman in that way. "Everyone, Kokone is here!"

"Ah -" I was about to say, but suddenly the person I was looking for appeared right in front of me. "Omma. I…I came?" Suddenly I was at a loss for words. Through our difficult relationship, I had somehow forgotten how beautiful she was. At the same time though, I was scared. _Should I ask about the person I'm supposed to be meeting?_

"…Yes, I realize that. Come this way where everyone is enjoying each other's company." She said it in a way that made my skin crawl; this wasn't how she spoke to me – ever. She guided me into a living area where there were 3 people turned towards a piano, away from me, and then Mr. and Mrs. Han seated on a couch nearby.

"Everybody, you may have already met my daughter, but in case you don't remember, this is Kokone." My mother said it so brightly, as if I were the light of her life. _Yeah, right._ "Oh!" She said suddenly. "I almost forgot, Kokone, I'd like you to meet the nephew of Han-ajeossi."

Before I knew what was happening, a rather sharp, tall Korean man, maybe a year or two older than me, stepped out from behind Mr. and Mrs. Han. _Oh, no, _I thought, _what have I gotten myself into?_

"My name is Han Hyo Yeoung." He said in this voice that slid through my ears like silk.

"Ah…uh – Kokawa Kokone." I suddenly remembered my name, but was elbowed by my mother anyway as a result of being so informal. "I-I mean, I'm Kokawa Kokone. It's nice to meet you." I bowed slightly as he did. He seemed confused.

"…Your name…? Is not Lee…?" He cocked his head to the side, causing his perfectly chiseled cheekbones to become more apparent.

"Ah – no. Her father chose to keep her name as his was. It was his Japanese step-father's name. I'm not entirely sure why she hasn't changed it yet, but -"

"I've lived in Japan – Osaka – for a long time. It's only fitting that I have a Japanese name, right Omma?" I turned to her, slightly annoyed that she would bring up such a subject in front of everybody.

"I see…" Hyo Yeoung answered awkwardly.

"Kokone, dear, have you decided on what you're going to do with yourself in a few years? Are you going back to Korea?" Mrs. Jeoung asked, politely taking a sip from her teacup. My mind went blank.

"N-not in particular. I've been studying chemistry and biology though, so -"

"She is looking for someone to marry, first and foremost. You need a man to support someone as primitive as yourself." She laughed along with everyone else while I glared at her, appalled.

"I am NOT looking for anyone, Omma. Honestly, I haven't even been here for the past few months. I've been studying in Tokyo." I corrected her, even though it wasn't entirely true.

"Nonsense, we all know you were off chasing some Japanese boy. Though it must not have been the one you thought it was, right Hana?" Mrs. Han asked my mother. They giggled and exchanged looks, and suddenly I felt like my mother spent a lot of time talking about my apparently primitive habits. My cheeks flamed.

"I'm not – no! It's not like that. I went to study in Tokyo. There are…better opportunities there for me." I insisted.

"We're just having a little fun with you, dear." My mother said. I flinched at her last word – so unnatural coming from her mouth. "In any case, you and Hyo Yeoung-ah should get to know each other, hmmm?" She said, pushing me towards Hyo Yeoung, who was the only one standing next to the piano now as the Jeoungs and the Hans were sitting in a close circle of seats, starting their own conversations.

"Ah, wait -" I protested, but too late, I was already in front of him. My mother walked away, but I could tell she was going to be keeping a close eye on me. We stood there in awkward silence for a moment.

"So…you plan on staying here in Osaka for the rest of your life?" He continued what used to be the subject of conversation.

"Maybe not Osaka in particular…unless it's absolutely necessary, I'd like to stay here." Immediately, I thought of Ichiro, but I pushed that thought aside.

"What would be an absolutely necessary reason?" He smiled wryly at me, making me nervous all over again.

"I…I'm not sure." I said, though I knew.

"You seem to be partial on a lot of things…" he hinted, raising one of his eyebrows.

"…I guess so." Was all I could come up with. "So are you visiting from Korea?"

"No, actually, I'm visiting from Kyoto. My parents moved there when I was 5. Soon after, my aunt and uncle followed them, but ended up staying in Osaka." He explained.

"Really? My family moved here when I was 6. You know Japanese then, I'm assuming?" I shifted uncomfortably, feeling goosebumps rise on my arms as I was yet again struck with a low-grade fever without a sweater or jacket of any kind. Hyo Yeoung straightened slightly before removing his suit jacket, placing it over my shoulders before I could say anything.

"Yes, I know Japanese. I feel as if I might be a bit older than you…are you…16?" He guessed, as if he hadn't just made a move on me.

"Close. I'm 17. How old are you?"

"I'm only 18. Huh, you seemed much younger than 17 to me for some reason. I mean, I can obviously see the maturity you have, but with a face like that…" He shook his head, as if unable to come up with words. I raised one of my eyebrows suspiciously.

"…A face like what." I said flatly.

"How can I say…your beauty seems like that of a young child…though at the same time," he looked me up and down casually, causing me to cross my arms stubbornly. "you're a fine example of a woman."

"Let me guess, my mother set us up then?" I sighed, my suspicions confirmed.

"Actually, I didn't know you were coming until you showed up. Honestly, I didn't know who you were, or that you even existed for that matter. Maybe it's YOU that's been set up." He joked, a playful grin on his face. I couldn't help but smile slightly in response.

"That's a high possibility."

"Well, regardless, I do hope to see you again anyway. You're very…peculiar." He noted, his eyes narrowing as he inspected me again.

"Gee, thanks." I muttered sarcastically. He chuckled before responding.

"Not in that way. You intrigue me. Definitely different from other Korean-raised girls. I bet you're stubborn, hm?"

"What do you mean, Korean-raised? I'm full Korean." I said indignantly. If he was about to tell me that my father hadn't raised me right, then I was going to have to set him straight.

"Well yes, but…you and your mother seem to be farther apart in your opinions than the distance from here to the moon…or is that just me?" I sighed.

"No, you're completely right. I've never been close to my mother. Truthfully, she didn't raise me. My father did, for the most part, up until he died -" I paused, taken aback by my own explanation. "Up until…he died…but I guess, maybe because he was partially raised by a Japanese man, that might have rubbed off…except, I'm not entirely sure if there are that many differences in the raising of children between Korea and Japan…" Why was I talking so much? _Shut up,_ I told myself.

"I see. When did your father die, then?" He asked carefully, holding my gaze. I looked away before speaking again.

"When I was…10. I think."

"I'm sorry. You've had to grow up a lot by yourself then…" he suggested quietly.

"I…well, I have my…my friend. I spent a lot of time at his house after the whole ordeal."

"Your friend? Would he by any chance be the guy they were talking about earlier…?" I flinched. Ichiro somehow did not fit into this situation. Then I remembered: how was I going to discuss this with him? How do you tell your best friend – especially if he could have been something more – about some Korean guy that your own mother set you up with?

"Possibly…my mother seems to think that I'm the type to run around and get pregnant – oh, but even worse, if it was with a Japanese man -"

"That would definitely lead to execution." He finished for me. "I understand completely. There are a few girls that I have met -"

"That aren't Korean?" I asked. He nodded.

"That seemed like they could have been the one. My parents never approve of my judgment though, especially when it comes to choosing the Japanese over the Koreans. Sometimes I wonder why they even moved here, if their ultimate goal was to keep me away from Japanese girls." He laughed slightly at his own joke. I didn't want to say it, but I felt the exact same way.

"Hmm…how many girls exactly? You make it seem like you've had a pretty adventurous life." I said suggestively, hoping he'd think of it as a friendly jeer.

"Well…there was one girl. She's a year younger than me, like you. She hangs out a lot with that really tan guy, the detective? I think her name was -"

"Kazuha?" I said in surprise, my mouth dropping open. He blinked, astonished.

"Uh…yeah. And then there was another girl that was my age, who later died in a car accident -"

"You had a thing with Kazuha?" I still couldn't get this through my head.

"No, no! Not like…that. We were friends, I guess. I mean, if I ever pass her by we exchange hellos and goodbyes, but other than that…I've only observed her from afar, really, on my visits to Osaka. I've always admired how stubborn and protective she is, even though it's over that Hattori character. Someday, I'd like to find someone like that, you know? Hm, maybe you're similar to her, I've already established one of those traits for you…" He trailed off, smiling at me in a flirty way. _Uh oh_, I thought, _this is heading in the wrong direction_.

"Uh – like I said, I have a f-friend." I started to take his jacket off of me, ready to hand it back, but he shook his head.

"You're already taken, then?" He seemed to be a bit hurt by this, but I wasn't able to grasp why. We had only known each other for the past 20 minutes.

"Well, not officially…" I clarified, not wanting anything to stir up in the gossip department.

"So…would I be able to take you to dinner sometime?" He was looking down at the piano, unable to meet my eyes.

"I…I don't think that's such a good idea. You see, I'm leaving tomorrow, and -"

"I'm returning to Tokyo soon." He said quietly.

"R-returning?"

"I haven't been living with my parents all this time. I live with a Japanese family that my parents are close with – in Tokyo." He explained.

"I-I see…" my hands were shaking. "Look, you don't want to get involved with me -"

"And why not? Shouldn't I be able to choose who I want to get involved with?"

"Shouldn't I?" I countered, before I could stop myself. "I mean…! I'm so sorry…I don't…okay, actually, I'm usually like this so that excuse can't apply here…" I placed my hand on top of my head, closing my eyes in frustration. Why couldn't I ever be the kind, gentle girl everyone wanted? Before he could respond though, we were interrupted by my mother.

"Kokone, dear, it's time for you to be heading back home, don't you think? Why doesn't Hyo Yeoung walk you home?" She suggested, guiding us towards the door. Before we knew it, we were basically locked outside.

"You don't have to walk me home, I can take care of -" suddenly he was walking in front of me, as if leading the way. He turned back when he noticed I wasn't following.

"Are you coming? It's pretty cold, you should hurry." I nodded, because that's the only response I could conjure up.

"Look, what I said in there -" I started, breaking the silence.

"Don't worry about it, I understand. It's fine, really." He insisted, giving me an earnest look. "I'd still be pretty happy if you'd join me for dinner sometime though…" He suggested. I didn't say anything.

"I go to Teitan High." I finally responded quietly.

"…What?" He said, confused.

"I'm giving you a way to contact me. Honestly, can't you pick up on these things?" I teased. He shrugged, feigning dejection.

"I guess not. After all, I'm a lonely, hopeless romantic." We laughed together at this comment, and then I realized that we were standing in front of my house.

"Oh…thanks. I'll see you sometime." I said, trying not to give him any ideas, but at the same time not wanting to hurt him. "Oh yeah, here." I slipped his jacket off, handing it to him. He took it from me and casually slung it over his shoulder, bowing before he turned to walk back.

"See you soon…Kokone."


	32. Chapter 32: Camera Man 2

I stood outside my house for a few moments after Hyo left, completely dazed. This was my mother's ultimate plan? To have me marry a Korean – before I graduate? The worst part was that said Korean wasn't a bad guy at all. Maybe a little insistent, but he was completely out of character for someone I would think my mother would pick for me. Maybe…

_No_, I stopped myself, _she doesn't care that much._ I sighed warily and turned towards my house, sauntering up the steps. I decided I would change and leave this dress, hopefully to never be used again, in my closet, then head back to Ichiro's house, where he was hopefully waiting for me.

The house was dark and uninviting, as it always was at night. I fished for the spare key that was usually in the dirt of one of my mother's potted plants, but it seemed to have gone missing. _That's strange_, I thought, _maybe she moved the key after I left…_

I continued to search for the key for a few more minutes, but nothing turned up. I huffed, frustrated, thinking about what I should do next. But then, I heard a noise from inside my house, and automatically froze in response. _Who would be in my house right now? It definitely wouldn't be Ichiro…_

My heart started to thump awkwardly in my chest. _What if it was…? No, that couldn't be possible…could it? Should I call someone? Heiji? Ichiro? No, I can't bring them into this…_

After only seconds of deliberation, I reached for the door handle and stealthily turned it. Whoever was inside must have used the key, as the door was still unlocked…

I gently pushed the door open, careful to stop it before it could make a creaking noise. Before stepping inside, I slipped my shoes off, so as to not make any noise. Upon my entry, I noticed there was a faint light from my mother's room, and began to tiptoe towards it. The door was slightly ajar as I peeked in, catching a glimpse of someone holding a heavy duty camera, loading canisters of film into it from a bulky camera bag. He wore all black, and was distinctly familiar.

As I took a step forward to get a closer look at what he was doing, the worst thing resulted: the wood plank underneath my foot let out a low whine, and I immediately pulled my foot back, ready to either turn and run or fight. Just as I suspected, the man flinched and was so suddenly at the door that I knew I wouldn't have time to run, so instead, I got ready to defend myself.

"Oi, you're not Hana-sama -" that was all the man could get out before I managed to swing my foot into his face with everything I had. He smacked right into the doorframe and shrunk down a little bit, holding his jaw.

"Just who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my mother's room." I spat harshly at him, ready to deal another blow. He held up his hands in defense.

"Waitwaitwait! I was hired!" He had his eyes squeezed shut, and I took that opportunity to hop over him in order to get to his camera. While I was in midair, he grabbed my ankle and yanked me downward, causing me to smack onto the wood floor with such force that I couldn't breathe. I gasped, trying to turn myself around to take him down, but he was already hovering over me. He pulled me by my legs out of the room and into the main entryway, where the door was still open from my entering. _What do I do? Yell for help? This would be the only opportunity…_

"I didn't come here to get smacked in the face by some _bitch_, I came here to get my PAYMENT." He said in a sinister tone. He reached behind him, causing me to officially start freaking out, as I was almost positive he was about to pull out a knife or a gun. I let out a hair-raising, raspy scream before he whipped his hand in front of me again. He wasn't holding anything, but only seconds later his hand was wrapped around my throat, pulling me upwards into the air. I kicked him with everything I had, pulling at his hand with all my strength, but he wasn't about to give. My vision was starting to pulse and fade in and out from the lack of oxygen.

"You never saw me, got it Princess?" He whispered in a gravelly voice. I coughed and sputtered in response, and then was immediately let go as he dashed back into my mother's room to retrieve his gear. As I hacked and gasped for breath, feeling my full weight on the floor, I waited for the man to come back out and make his escape, but he never came back. I heaved and wheezed as I lay on the floor, willing myself to get up and beat the crap out of him, even though my vision was still fuzzy, causing me to fall back to the ground every time I tried to get up. Just as I thought I had the strength, I heard the front door swing open farther and looked up to see none other than Ichiro. He was breathing pretty hard, and a part of me wondered how he had known to come before I remembered my scream.

"KOKONE. Kokone, what happened? I heard you all the way from my kitchen! What -" He was helping me as I struggled to stand up, still coughing and gagging as if there was still a chokehold around my throat. "Who did this to you?" He asked wildly, barely touching my throat. I reached up to feel my neck as well before I ran to the nearest mirror to get a better look. Sure enough, there were red welt marks in the shape of big, husky hands wrapping around my neck, almost as if there were a ghost still applying pressure there. Then I remembered – was the man still in my mother's room? I turned immediately and sprinted for the bedroom, throwing the door open – only to find an empty room with the window open wide.

"This…this man." I tried to explain, as I could feel Ichiro's presence behind me. "H-he was in my mom's room, with a camera, and film, and he -" I hadn't imagined this right? Surely not, there was physical proof…

"I'll call the police. What did he look like?" Ichiro responded seriously, all business.

"It's no use. He's been gone too long. I feel like I've seen him before…Let's just forget it, okay? I'll go change and then we can go back to your place -"

"Kone. This is serious, we can't just forget it." He semi-scolded me. I turned to face him.

"Chiro. We can. It's fine, I'm fine, let's just – please, can we just get out of here?" I started to beg, suddenly desperate to leave the place that I had almost been killed in – possibly twice, now. His expression softened slightly.

"…Fine. If anything happens like this again though, I'm reporting it to the police. And hey – you're not coming back here by yourself anymore, okay? Let me know if you need to come here for any reason, and I'll come with you." He sat himself on a nearby chair, ready to wait for me to change. All I could do was nod as I felt my cheeks blaze, and silently thanked the darkness for concealing my behavior.

After I had changed, Ichiro and I headed back to his house and sat ourselves onto his back porch, where we watched the stars if it was chilly – that way, we could get more heat. He handed me a thick blanket, a cup of warm tea, and a cool, damp towel to wrap around my neck before sitting beside me. Sipping his tea every once and a while, I watched him as he looked up at the stars without breaking his gaze once, most likely thinking about what had happened tonight.

"Ahem." I cleared my throat, hoping he'd look at me. He did, his eyebrows raised slightly. "I didn't get the chance to tell you about my evening filled with Korean heritage." I said wryly. He snorted before leaning back so he could make full eye contact.

"Alright. How was your evening filled with Korean heritage, Kokawa Kokone?" He teased.

"It wasn't as bad as I thought…I guess…except…" I hesitated. _Should I tell him about Hyo?_

"Except…?" He willed me to continue.

"My mother…" I sighed before continuing. "My mother set me up with one of her friend's nephews. His name is Jeoung Hyo." Ichiro stiffened for a moment, then turned to look at the sky as he tried to relax.

"I see. And how did that go?" He tried his best to stay casual, but I could tell it was eating him inside.

"He's very…nice." I stated simply. There really was no other way to describe him.

"Nice. Was he really?"

"Yes. Which only makes me feel bad…" I trailed off.

"Why would that make you feel bad? Did you tell him off or something?" He said with humor, obviously enjoying this image.

"Well, I did say something that was…kind of rude, but what I meant was…He's too nice. He tried really hard, and I don't…want him, in that way." I explained cautiously. This was a bit awkward to say out loud, as I hadn't really thought it through in my mind yet…

"Well, your mom must have good intentions then." He responded, obviously satisfied with my previous statement.

"That's what I thought…but she knows I don't plan on marrying him. There's no way she could possibly think that…We're too similar." I heard myself say. It was true but…that didn't mean I wanted it to be. He kept quiet, watching the stars. "He's also got a thing for Kazuha."

"A thing? How come I've never heard of this guy?"

"Well, he doesn't live here, but he has the same problem I do."

"…What would that problem be?"

"He'd rather marry someone from the country he lives in." I responded, before I could stop myself. _Crap, I basically just spilled one of the many secrets I have. And I'm leaving tomorrow. Fantastic._ He shifted slightly, but only responded with a small "Ah" before going back to his previous stature.

"I-I mean…He just doesn't want to be forced to marry a Korean girl. I guess, more likely, he doesn't want to be forced to be married to anyone, he'd rather marry because he wants to." I hurried to explain. Ichiro grunted.

"Huh. Are you not good enough for his standards or something?" He asked, switching the focus away from my slipup. We never addressed these kinds of accidents.

"How should I know? You'd have to ask him." He breathed deeply as he turned his head back to the sky.

His casual position, leaned back with his arms behind his head, made it that much harder to look away. In order to do so, I wrapped my blanket tighter around myself before I curled into a tight ball, then extended my torso forward to lay on his lap.

This may seem pretty awkward to anyone else, but it was honestly one of the most casual movements in the world. I could feel the warmth of his stomach and his legs even through my blanket, and shivered slightly at the change of temperature before it settled in. He was usually warm, while I was always cold, the perfect balance to my abnormalities. I felt him stiffen in surprise at first, but then he relaxed. There was always something so safe about him, an aura if you will. When I was near him, could feel his warmth, it took everything in me to not attempt to absorb every bit of it. Suddenly, the world wasn't so harsh and cruel, as if his presence alone could bring peace to my mind at any given time.

I could feel myself drifting, and just before I was below the surface, I could have sworn that I felt his hand smooth over my head. The only awake part left of my brain told me it was just me dreaming, but I accepted it either way and felt myself take on a deep, happy sleep.


	33. Chapter 33: Gone

"How cuuuute! Have you guys been here all night? Chiro-kun, Kokone-chan, wake up! You have visitors!" I heard a cheerful voice pull me out of my deep and comfortable sleep. The voice seemed so familiar, but my position made me shut my eyes tighter in an effort to assume that it was all a dream. I curled closer into myself, and nuzzled my cheek against a soft, warm surface that was below me. As I became more awake though, I realized who was speaking, and shot up from Ichiro's lap in surprise. The blanket around me loosened, as well as the towel that was around my neck the night before, and I turned my head slightly to find Ichiro's mom in a formal business suit, presumably from just arriving home. Behind her stood Heiji and Kazuha, both of them with huge, Cheshire cat smiles on their faces.

"I…Ogawa-sama…" I muttered in surprise. What is everyone smiling about? I thought. Then my cheeks flooded with heat as I remembered where I had fallen asleep. I turned my head slowly to find Ichiro, who had just woken up, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

"Oi, what's everyone – Oka-san?" He said in sleepy surprise. Then his eyes widened as he too recalled where he was.

"I just got home." His mother explained, her smile so kind and friendly. "Hattori-kun and Toyama-san showed up only a few minutes after I made it inside. I'm so glad you came back safely, Kone-chan! Chiro-kun and I were so worried!"

"Oka-san!" Ichiro hissed, rubbing a hand over his face.

"Well then, I was just about to make some breakfast, would you two like to stay as well?" She turned to Heiji and Kazuha, completely oblivious.

"Sure." Heiji responded brightly. Kazuha smiled in response.

"Alright then, I'll get started!" Ichiro's mom was always so happy to please people. She turned to us once more, ushering us to get up. I reached up and rubbed my neck, which was still sore from last night and winced. As the towel completely fell off, Ichiro's mom did a double take, gasping as she reached forward to inspect.

"Kokone-chan! What on earth happened to you, dear?" She seemed genuinely concerned, but I leaned back a little, out of her reach.

"N-nothing. It's nothing."

"It…it looks like someone…_strangled_ you!" Kazuha said as she too caught a glimpse, leaning in to check it out. Heiji loomed over them, getting a look as well. I instinctively covered my throat with my hands, embarrassed by the attention.

"It was just a misunderstanding." I said, hoping they'd back off.

"…Chiro-kun…?" His mother guessed, her eyes widening at her assumption. Ichiro and I both reacted immediately.

"Nonono!" Ichiro defended himself.

"I went to a c-crazy party last night -"

"Yeah, she came here immediately after. I even treated it, see?" He held up the towel for proof. His mother seemed relieved, but wary at the same time.

"Alright…well, if it's not that big of a deal…I guess I'll get breakfast started…" She was watching me cautiously as she headed back into the kitchen.

"I'll be right back." I muttered, getting up to go upstairs and put on the turtleneck that I had left here, somewhere in Ichiro's room. As soon as I had pulled it over my head, straightening the neck to make sure the strangle marks weren't visible, Heiji burst into the room.

"Don't you knock? I could have been completely undressed, you idiot!" I got ready to slap him on his shoulder as I tried to leave the room, but he grabbed my wrist, shutting the door.

"What really happened." He stated coldly, giving me a hard stare. I glared back stubbornly before finally giving in.

"…I went back to my house after that party thing my mom had…"

"And?"

"And…there was a man. He was in my mother's room, with a camera and film. He told me…he was waiting for his payment, and was surprised because I wasn't my mother." Heiji reached up and pulled the neck of my sweater down slightly to examine the markings.

"How long did he have this hold on you exactly?" He reached up to feel the welts, but I slapped his hand away, rearranging the neck once again.

"I don't know, maybe a minute? Why does it matter?"

"Well I don't know, Kokone, maybe because you could have died?" His voice was rising, but he stopped himself short with a sigh. "Did you report it to the police?"

"N-no. He looked…he looked an awful lot like that guy in Tokyo. You know, the one that was arrested because he assaulted me? I think they might be working for the same person…" I trailed off.

"Based off of Kudo's descriptions, I don't think this would be from that Organization. Aren't they more careful than this?"

"Well, depends on how you define careful I guess…I agree though, I don't think they work for the Organization, but…he was in my _house_."

"How did he get inside?"

"I'm pretty sure he used the only spare key we have, which is usually hidden in the dirt of one of my mom's potted plants…but the door was unlocked when I tried it, so I went inside and…he was there. After he, well, you know, attacked me, he escaped out of my mother's window."

"So he probably knows your mother…and he was asking for payment?"

"Uh…not really…"

"What do you mean, 'not really?'"

"Well, he told me he wasn't there 'to get smacked by some bitch,' he was there to get his payment…"

"Get smacked? You smacked him?" He looked taken aback, his eyebrows raised.

"Well yeah, I kicked him, how else would you react if some stranger with a camera was waiting for payment in your mother's bedroom?" I defended myself, exasperated. Then I realized what I said sounded awfully…dirty.

"A-alright, alright. Maybe you should ask your mom who he is?"

"I'm not going to do that now. We're going to the airport after breakfast. Got it?"

"Not until you sort this out with your mom! That guy could have killed you, Kokone!" He insisted.

"Oh, shut up, he couldn't have killed me…he didn't even have any weapons."

"Except for his _hands_, obviously!" Heiji was getting more and more frustrated by the second.

"Shh, they'll hear you." I smacked him lightly on his shoulder, listening for any sign that anyone was within earshot of us.

"Well, why can't you ask your mom about it?" He asked irritably.

"Because I already had to deal with her last night, Heiji. She freakin' set me up with this Korean guy that she is probably expecting me to marry sometime in the near future, and the worst part is that he's not a bad person!" The words came rushing out before I could stop them. I sighed tiredly and sat myself onto Ichiro's bed.

"…Woah." Heiji said, blinking.

"Yeah, and he apparently has a thing for Kazuha, so you should ask her if she knows a Jeoung Hyo, because if she doesn't, she may have a potential stalker." I said under my breath. Heiji stiffened.

"…A thing for Kazuha?" He grumbled.

"Yep. Watch out, Heiji-kun, you've got competition." I teased, and he flushed slightly before responding angrily.

"AHOU. Your assumptions are insane. I'm going to go eat." He mumbled, leaving the room. I chuckled before following behind him.

After breakfast, Heiji, Kazuha, Ichiro and I left the house. Before I was allowed to go to the airport though, Ichiro made me return to my house to retrieve a few other belongings. When I asked him how he knew I didn't bring much with me to Tokyo, he flushed and grumbled something I couldn't make out.

So here we were, in my house once again. I let everyone in, even though I had to pick the lock because my mother wasn't home, and the spare key still wasn't back in its place. I shuddered at the thought of where it could be. Something made me wonder where my mother was, but I decided not to dwell on that fact, instead focusing on leaving without hesitation.

"I guess I'll be right back…" I said awkwardly, leaving them to stand in my entry way. As I started down the hall though, Heiji stopped me.

"Oi, Kokone?" I turned expectantly.

"What?"

"…This may be out of the question…and I know you told me everything already but…do you think I could see the er – crime scene?" He was obviously uncomfortable about this. I stood there in shock for a moment.

"Uhhh, Hattori, I'm not so sure -" Ichiro interjected, but I waved him off.

"No, it's fine. I…I guess I could. Show you, I mean." I felt jumpy just at the thought; I hadn't been in that room since the murder, hadn't touched the door handle, or come anywhere near it.

"It's probably going to seem just like a normal room to you…" I said, hoping he'd forget it and decide not to look. Truthfully, I didn't know what he was looking for or what he would see. I knew what I would see though, so I decided ahead of time that I'd just show him the door.

"It might help. You know, for future…plans. If I can get a setting, I can probably -"

"Yeah, yeah whatever. It's…it's…" I couldn't find words as I reached out with a trembling hand to open the door. I stopped myself though, my hand hovering a few inches from the handle.

"You don't have to go in if you don't want to. This will only take a few minutes. You can go get your stuff and -"

"No." I said firmly, something building inside of me. I could feel myself embracing this challenge, like I would have if I were back to that fiery 8 year old girl I used to be. "I can handle this. I have to do it sometime." I wasn't sure if I was saying this more to myself or to Heiji, but the more I thought about it, the more I talked myself into it. I closed my hand around the handle, slowly turning it before trying to push it open. No luck.

"Ale?" I said, surprised. The door was stuck. I pushed a bit harder, and finally the door gave, causing me to nearly fling myself right into the middle of the room. I felt my breath catch as I observed my surroundings, every memory coming back at that moment in a flash before my eyes.

There were boxes of my father's things, packed by my mother, as she couldn't get me to help her. The wood floor was a different color than I remembered, and my stomach churned at the thought. Did the blood change the color of the floor? Was there really that much? Then I reminded myself that a few weeks after the incident, my mother had had the floor stained…so that meant…there was probably solid evidence under this new oaky color. I lifted my eyes to the spot that I knew would have been the pool of blood I had laid in, desperately trying to stay awake to save my father. There were terrible memories that came flooding back, causing my heart to ache, but then…

There were good ones. Or, as good as they got anyway. I could see my father bent over one of his chemicals, working studiously and carefully as I peeked in through a crack in the door. There was his smiling face when he would catch me, and chase me playfully out of the room. I swallowed hard and turned to find Heiji. He was surveying the room – and me – carefully. Intending to show him the actual spot where the massacre occurred, I stepped cautiously to the farther part of the room, feeling my heart thump uncomfortably inside me. Once I reached the spot, I knelt down carefully and deliberately, reaching out with my hand to feel the floor as if there would be a difference in how this section felt in comparison to the rest of it.

"So…this is it?" Heiji asked quietly. I nodded and took a deep breath.

"This is it." After a minute, I stood up. "I'll go get my stuff." I headed to my room, grabbing a small carry on to stuff some random clothes in, and soon after that, we were on our way to the airport.

"Calling all passengers to flight 174, destination Tokyo." A polite sounding lady called over the intercom.

"Well…I guess this is it. I'll see you guys…later." I decided would work best. Who knew when later could be?

Kazuha was the first to step up by basically ambushing me.

"Oh, Kokone-chan! Why do you have to leave? Come back soon, okay? Or I'll be forced to visit you in Tokyo like this guy does." She grumbled the last part, jerking her thumb at Heiji, who rolled his eyes and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"I'll see you sometime, don't worry." She hugged me once more, then stepped back.

"Are you sure you don't want me to fly there with you?" Heiji asked, feigning unconcerned. I shook my head.

"Nahhh, I'll be fine. I'll see you the next time you visit. Thanks, Heiji-kun." I said gratefully, waving to him. I didn't really plan on hugging anybody; that would only make the pain worse later. Next, I turned to Ichiro.

"Chiro…thank you. Watch out for my mom, would you?" I said casually. He seemed to be deliberating something, a concentrated look on his face. A spur of the moment feeling made me step forward, as if my body was no longer under my control, and reach up to hug him. He responded cautiously, wrapping his hands around my high waist, respectfully. I pulled back and gave him a full look, hopefully pulling off the playful look I was trying to show.

"I mean it. Thanks so much. You know, I'd probably be dead if you weren't there to keep me in line." I joked, hoping he'd show some sort of sign that everything would be fine. I needed his encouragement; otherwise, I wasn't so sure if I was going to be able to leave. Just as I was about to pull all the way away, he slid his arms up and gripped my elbows, holding me there so he could stare me straight in this face, a determined and at the same time hopeless look overcoming him.

"I thought of something you can do." He said urgently.

"W-what?" I said, confused. I could feel my cheeks burning because of the close proximity.

"Something you can do for me. Remember?" He asked, his hands still holding on tight. I was still befuddled, but then a few seconds later I caught on.

"Oh…Ichiro, I -"

"Stay here. You can stay here. For me." He pleaded. I glanced around me to see Heiji and Kazuha a few feet away, watching us carefully while mumbling to each other.

"No…" I sighed. "No, Ichiro, I really can't -"

"Yes, you can." He insisted. "You can stay at my house – even until we graduate."

"I-it's not about that." I corrected him. He must have thought I was running away from my mother.

"Then what _is_ it?" He asked pleadingly. "What is making you leave? I can help you with whatever it is if you would just tell me!" He shook me a little for emphasis.

"No, it doesn't…it doesn't concern you." I lied, trying to make my voice sound cold.

"It does too! Please, just do this for me. You told me to ask if I needed you to do anything for me, and now I really do. This would make up for everything, you wouldn't have to worry about…I don't know, saving my ass or whatever -"

"Chiro -"

"No, Kokone, please stay. Please." He begged, his eyes wide, boring down into mine. I was in complete shock – he normally wasn't so…expressive. I looked away towards my feet guiltily.

"But…this is for you." I muttered, barely audible.

"What? What are you talking about?"

"I'm leaving," I looked up to meet his desperate gaze. "Because I'm trying to save you. From me." Though it wasn't a complete explanation, it was better than nothing. He looked appalled.

"Are you insane? You can't save me by leaving me behind. Save me from what? The only thing you're doing here is running away from something. Is it from me? Are you running away from me?" I shook my head furiously.

"No! Don't be ridiculous. I'm leaving, and you can't do anything about it." I said harshly. His eye twitched, then he let me go a bit roughly, turning around. "Ch-chiro. Come on." I pleaded.

"No. I can't do this anymore, Kone. I cut you slack because of your dad and everything, and you know I'm always here but…I can only be patient for so long. I changed my mind, running away _is_ cowardly, and I don't know what you are _now_, but…" He turned back to face me, already at least 5 feet away. "My Kokone is not cowardly. Have fun hiding in Tokyo." He waved casually, a kind of sick sneer on his face as if he hadn't just said what he had said, and turned to walk away. I felt my stomach boil; did he just call me a coward?

"I. Am not. A coward. And I'm not HIDING." I almost yelled. He stopped, but didn't turn back around. "You don't even KNOW, Chiro. If I were doing anything for _my_ benefit, I'd be staying here, with you. But this isn't for me, and I can't tell you why because that would defeat the purpose of this whole thing. I promise I'll tell you someday, but now is NOT the time. I _know_ you, Ichiro. Don't tell me you want me to stay to make up for all the times you've covered my ass; you can't use that against me. I never asked for your help, not ONCE. Don't call me a coward when _you_ can't even tell me the real reason you want me to stay." I spat angrily, watching him stiffen as he heard each and every word. I turned to grab my bag from Kazuha, who had been holding it this whole time, her face frozen in shock and disbelief. Heiji looked more or less the same.

"I-I'll see you guys later." I huffed.

"Y-yeah." Kazuha mumbled as I turned towards the gate to board my plane, feeling what Ichiro and I had crash down around me as I left – maybe even for good.


	34. Chapter 34: Moving Out

As soon as I stepped on the plane, the growing feeling of impending guilt overwhelmed me. What had I just done? Who knew when – or if – I'd ever see him again? Sometimes we had our petty arguments, but this was beyond any of those. This, as far as I could remember, had never happened before.

And it was all because I never think before I speak. That's me, the one that acts, the one who _does_. The one who doesn't think, the one who regrets nearly every action that isn't thought out carefully, which is basically all of them.

How could I apologize? How could I explain myself? Worse…how did I know what I had finished with was true? He had never told me that he loved me in that way. It's true, I'm observant for the most part, but what if it wasn't true? What if I had deduced wrong? It's not like I'm Kudo or Hattori…

So many questions flitted through my mind before I could even establish their meaning. All I wanted to do was turn around instead of walking through that airplane door, make _him_ turn around and explain…but how could I? I couldn't even understand _myself_, much less what I had said.

There was no way I could apologize over the phone…but there was also no way I could show my face to him. What was I supposed to do? Just ignore it?

Time passed so quickly as I thought this through – sort of – and I hadn't even noticed that the flight was over until the lady next to me asked me if I was going to leave, so she could get her bags. I hurriedly grabbed my small carry on before I nearly sprinted out of the airport in search of a way to the Mouri Detective Agency. Not completely sure why it was suddenly so important to get there, I kept glancing around for a clock, wondering what time it was and where Ran and Conan would be. It was Sunday, right? Or was it Monday…

I squeezed my eyes shut, telling myself to relax. Now, why do you need to see them so badly? I tried to calmly sort through my thoughts to pass the time. First of all, I need to explain to Kudo about the antidote. I also needed to pass that message along to Shiho…Something else was itching me, but I couldn't remember what it was.

Oh, right. The Ichiro thing. Wait a minute…was I in need of advice? Is that the reason I'm running to see Ran? Surely not…Who said I needed help?

I sighed. You _do_ need help. Now, how to get it…that's the problem. The people are always the problem. No, no, no…Kokone doesn't ask for help. Ichiro's Kokone isn't a coward, I told myself, hearing his harsh voice in my mind.

Then again…maybe asking for help would lead to less hiding, as Ichiro put it. I could…try. I'd bring it up, and if it doesn't work out, then so be it. I silently hoped Ran would be too busy for me to explain the situation, or that Kudo wasn't going to be listening…so embarrassing.

Before I knew it, I had reached my bus stop. I impatiently waited for an old oba-sama to get off before I hopped out, starting into a run before I even hit the ground.

I ran the few streets back to ours, where my apartment building and the Agency were. Not stopping, I continued as fast as I could up the steps and to the door, nearly pounding it down in my effort to see if anyone was home.

"Hai, hai, coming!" I heard Ran's surprised voice hurrying to the door, but I continued to pound on it anyway. Once she opened it, she took in my appearance, her eyes widening, then her face broke into a smile. "Kokone-chan! I didn't know you were returning today." She invited me inside before asking me why I was breathing so hard. I took a seat, leaning over to catch my breath.

"There's something…I needed…to talk to you about…" I panted, then stopped to look around the room, checking for anyone else. Conan sat across from me, a book in his hands. Instead of reading, he was curiously looking over the pages at me. I noticed Kogoro wasn't there though, so if there was any opportune moment, it was now.

"Really? Don't tell me you rode a plane all the way back to Tokyo just to ask me something!" She chided jokingly, giggling to herself.

"Er-well…" I kind of did without realizing it, I thought, but didn't say out loud.

"Well then, what's wrong?" She sat next to me expectantly, reminding me of how patient Ichiro was.

"I…" Suddenly, I lost all the rushed bravado that had gotten me to this point. How do I even begin?

"It must have been important, if you ran all the way here…" She said, cocking her head to the side. Conan closed his book. I cleared my throat nervously.

"Well…yeah, it's kind of important…" I started, thinking about how to continue. "I was at the airport in Osaka, with Heiji, Kazuha and Ichiro? And I – I need some advice." Ran raised her eyebrows curiously. "I guess…I said some things to Ichiro…things I didn't mean. Well, we both did. Actually, I think he meant what he said, but I didn't. Or maybe I did? I'm not sure, I just -" The words were pouring out before I could think, as usual. I was rambling on an on when Ran stopped me.

"Wait…you're having a fight with your friend, Ichiro-san?" She clarified. I nodded.

"Have you ever…have you ever had a serious fight with Kudo-kun? You know, not the ones where you shout 'Ahou!' back and forth, the ones where you say things like…'I never asked for your help' or 'you're a coward'?" Ran blinked, completely lost.

"Ah…well…I don't think I've ever called Shinichi a coward…I had a big fight with him once though, when I was in middle school…? I still can't remember why we fought though…" She trailed off, thinking.

"So…how did you fix it? Did you apologize? Face to face? Did he apologize? I'm going to be completely honest here and say that I was the idiot that said the most hurtful things at the time…Why did I say that?" I started talking to myself. "All those times…and I had to come back and -" I shook my head, lowering it into my hands. Ran and Conan were quiet.

"I can't just take back what I said. And I can't go back to Osaka – at least, not for a while. I can't apologize over the phone. What do I do? He probably doesn't even want to talk to me. Or look at me, for that matter."

"There was a song." Ran said suddenly, interrupting my random monologue.

"…What?" I stopped, confused.

"Amazing Grace, remember Conan-kun? Reiko-san sang Amazing Grace at that concert? She also sang that song once, while Shinichi and I were passing a lake on our way home from school. I remember we were so mad, but as soon as we heard it, everything was fine." I blinked a few times, trying to understand what she had just said.

"No apologies? So, what, I'm supposed to find a recording of Amazing Grace to play in front of him?" I said in disbelief. Ran frowned a little.

"W-well, no, I'm just saying that…if it's anything like our fight, and you and Ichiro-san are as close as you seem, then you shouldn't have to worry too much. It will sort itself out. At the same time though, hearing Amazing Grace with him would probably clear the air." She smiled, remembering. "Right, Conan-kun?" Kudo was kind of red, but he nodded with a noise of approval. I let this information sink in. An idea sparked in my head, but I kept it to myself.

"Thanks, Ran-chan." I said happily, getting up.

"Oh, you're not staying for dinner?" She asked worriedly.

"Nah, don't worry. I need to go settle some things out first. Oh, uh…Conan-kun, do you need to go to Agasa-hakase's house? I needed to head over there…I could walk you over." I tried to convey the urgency in my look. After a minute he picked up on and nodded.

"I'll be back for dinner, Ran-neechan!" He said cheerfully, hopping off the couch to join me.

"O-oh. Okay, bye!" She said, a bit suspiciously. As soon as we were on the sidewalk he started asking questions.

"How long have you had this antidote? Do you know how hard it's been for me not to try it while you were gone?"

"Oh, hush. You wouldn't have been able to figure out how to take it anyway. It's not like a pill or anything, I have to hook it up like an IV and keep it pumping into your system for at least a few days…I've only had it for a few…weeks." He gaped at me.

"You could have at least told me about it…" He grumbled.

"You can't take it. Not until this whole mess is over. You know how dangerous it would be for you or Shiho to change back now, of all times?" He looked away.

"…Yeah, I guess. Which is why we need to somehow get control. I told you about all that FBI stuff that went on, with Mizunashi Rena and everything, right?"

"Yeah. Don't worry, Kudo. I think I know how we could approach it, if we ever run into them again." I felt my face spread into a slow, sinister smile as I looked straight ahead, thinking of my plan.

"And what would that approach be?"

"I'll be the bait. Heck, I've been bait before. I can do it again."

"Absolutely not! No. There are other ways." He objected immediately.

"Just listen. I'm not talking about just sticking myself out in the open, but if we ever run into them…I could bribe them. I hear they may be in the market for a new scientist."

"But what if they aren't?"

"I know too much already. They'd either have to kill me or keep me in their custody. If I could have a sort of…diplomatic discussion with them, say, at that abandoned construction site, then you'd be able to round up Jodie-sensei, the police, whatever. More than enough people. The problem is, I don't know how you'd explain the situation to anyone that doesn't know already…so maybe only FBI agents…"

"You're absolutely insane. The Black Organization would never fall for such a trap. They have too many people – probably more than we know, hiding around keeping watch. We also don't know their leader yet…" I was sure he could come up with a huge list of reasons for why I was wrong. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not talking about _actually_ cornering them there, we'd just pretend to. Oh, hey. I need to stop by my apartment really quick to drop this bag off." Conan nodded and followed me up the ramp. I dug around in my bag to find my key, and opened the door. As soon as I stepped inside, I froze. Something was off.

"What is it?" I heard Conan say behind me, coming closer. I hushed him.

I walked over to the desk, immediately reaching for the ruler in one of the drawers. After only a few measurements, I had concluded: someone had been in here, and that someone had been looking through these papers. Well, can't stay here anymore, I decided. I headed to my bed, picking up the few outfits I had lying around, shaking them out in case they were bugged, and stuffing them into my bag. I quickly went back to my desk, sticking everything hurriedly into the many binders I had taken, then putting those binders back in the box I had taken when I first arrived. I handed Conan my bag, taking care of the box myself as we shut the door.

"What's -" Conan started.

"Open that bag, and see if there's some money in one of the pockets." He regarded me suspiciously, but obeyed, pulling out some money. I held out my hand to receive it.

"Someone was in there. It's possibly bugged in some way, hopefully not with a camera, but I'd say it's pretty likely that they have a microphone of some sort hiding in there now."

"How can you be sure they were in there? Maybe it was your landlord or something, after realizing you hadn't been there in a few days."

"That's ridiculous, I don't even think he knows I exist anymore. But we need to find him, I'm leaving."

"And going where?" Conan countered. I shot him a look.

"I-I don't know. It doesn't matter right now, I'll just stay with Agasa-hakase tonight, figure something out."

I finally tracked the landlord down, finding him smoking while watching TV in his office. It didn't look like he knew what an office was for.

"Oi, I'm moving out. Here, for this month's rent. Here's the key." I handed him both of the items. He grunted in surprise, but didn't object. As we were leaving though, he spoke.

"Oh hey, someone came by looking for you. He asked if I knew where you'd been, or when you were coming back. Basically your schedule. I thought it was kind of strange, but he told me he knew you pretty well, and was worried about you, since you're only 17. Is that why you're leaving, huh? You figured out that I know you're a minor?" He was counting the money, glancing up at me suspiciously every few seconds. This was the most he'd ever said to me.

"Uh, n-no. Who was it, looking for me?" I was wary of his answer, not sure if I wanted to hear it or not.

"Some guy with all this hair. Said he was a good friend of your father's or somethin'." The man hiccupped. I felt my face pale. A lot of hair? A lot of…blond hair?

"Th-thanks. I'll be going now." I left before he could say anymore. Conan didn't speak as we continued to the professor's house.

"They found me." I finally mumbled.

"You don't know that."

"A 'good friend' of my dad's with a lot of hair? My dad didn't have friends, other than some people in Osaka, and they didn't have a lot of hair. No one would come and ask for me, either." I could feel my voice going into hysterics.

"It's fine. You'll be safe at Hakase's place."

"Are you crazy? I'm not like you and Shiho, Kudo. I'm not in some child's form, I have no way to hide myself. I'm stuck the way I am!"

"…That's true. But you've been working at the Professor's place late into the night anyway, right?"

"That was before they knew where I was." I grumbled. My stomach felt like ice. I mentally told myself to calm down, just to be more careful, maybe get a new haircut or something…

"You'll be alright. We're not going to let anything happen." I heard Kudo mumble to the ground. Then he looked up, a childish grin on his face. "Trust me." This made me feel so sad for some reason. Ichiro was right; I was hiding. I was afraid. I could feel the fear eating me from the inside out. This hadn't been what I had originally wanted. I didn't come to Tokyo for specially provided protection, didn't come to put other people in danger. Why is this so hard? I thought.

"It's not that I don't, it's that I don't want to have to." I said quietly. He didn't respond, but I could tell he understood me perfectly.

Once we got to the Professor's, I explained the situation, and it was decided that I would live with the Professor, only leaving for school for the most part. I wouldn't have to work at that horrid place anymore, wouldn't have to sell my dignity. I could also continue to research and improve my antidote, though the results could never be completely accurate until the Black Organization is brought to justice.

If it ever is.


	35. Chapter 35: Peace Offering

"Kokone-chan! Wait up! Are you not going home?" I turned to see Ran coming towards me along with Sonoko.

"Not today. At least, not yet. I have to take care of something. I'll see you later." I continued even as she called after me, towards the small music room off to the side of the school. I held my books closer to me, concealing the thing I had borrowed from the same guy that had informed me of my job offer – Tanaka Hachiro. There were only about 2 weeks of school left before we let out for summer break.

For the most part, I kept to myself. I could tell I was slowly starting to return to that state before I went back to Osaka, where I was staring at nothing for hours on end, not responding to much. I was visiting Kazuko once a week at the social service place that she and he sister were being kept at. Sometimes, I'd go by and stay in the waiting room, watching her play by herself or with other children, although only occasionally, careful to not let her see me.

I told Heiji that he didn't need to visit regularly anymore, as I was living with the Professor and Shiho. He made his concerns known of course, and still came occasionally, but after seeing for himself that everything was okay for the most part, his visits grew farther apart. He never mentioned the thing that went down between Ichiro and me, and neither did I. Truthfully, I thought about the whole situation at least once a day. It constantly poked me at the back of my mind, letting me know that the problem still existed, and that it was my fault. But I intended to do something about it. It was now or never.

I let myself into the dark choir room, taking in the empty risers and the piano.

"Hello?" I called, just to make sure no one was, I don't know, hiding under a table. Silence replied, so I stepped further into the room, closing the door and lowering the shade. Hopefully no one would walk in while I was doing this, talk about awkward. I took a moment to steady myself before moving one of the tables to face the piano, where it could be viewed easily from the device I held in my hand. Once everything was set, I put the small video camera on the table, setting it up to where I would be in view if I sat in front of it, on the piano stool. I planned on maybe editing it later, because honestly, I had no idea what I was going to say once I hit record. After the button was pushed, I walked around and sat myself on the stool, facing the camera, taking a deep breath.

"Hey, Chiro. It's been a few weeks. I've been planning on doing this for a while but…you were right. I'm a coward. I'm hoping that you aren't too angry to watch this…and I'm also hoping that you know me well enough to understand that sometimes I do before I think?" This sounds so stupid, I thought. He's going to think my IQ is that of a doorknob.

"So anyway. I…I'm so sorry. I can't…I can't tell you how sorry I am. You were right – you always are. I'm just too stubborn to admit it sometimes. I'll probably never admit it again, so you'd better enjoy this…" I kind of threatened, before getting back to the point. "I also…really wanted to tell you that…" I swallowed and looked down at my hands. "You mean a lot to me. I think I would quite honestly be dead without you, and not just because you keep me out of trouble. Sometimes, I would wish that I had been left to die that night. But then I think of you, and I…I want to get up and live, you know? Which is why I have to stay here until everything sorts out. I promise I'll explain everything when I can. But right now…all you need to know is that it isn't safe, Chiro. You won't be safe if I stay in Osaka, with you. With that said…I hope we don't ever fight like this again. And I hope you forgive me. And also, I hope this ends soon, so that I can finally come home. So anyway, I have this song, which is why I snuck into this choir room at school. I guess…I hope you like it? It doesn't really matter I guess…but here we go." I could feel my face flushing slightly as I realized what I was about to sing. This was ultimately as close as I was going to get to telling him that I loved him, most likely for a really long time. I felt my fingers do the playing for me, slow and sweet as I began to sing:

_Here I am,_

_Standing here I am._

_Here I am,_

_Not hiding anything._

_All of me is here._

_Here I am,_

_Standing here I am._

_Here I am,_

_Risking all I am,_

_All I have for you._

_All of me is not enough,_

_Even if I threw myself away._

_Oh, you'll never know how much_

_This heart of mine_

_Burns for you._

_You'll never know how much_

_I love you._

_Here I am._

_All of me is not enough,_

_Even if I threw myself away._

_Oh, you'll never know how much_

_This heart of mine_

_Burns for you._

_You'll never know how much_

_I love you._

_Here I am._

I got up from the piano slowly, feeling a weight inside of me dragging me back down. I felt myself sit back down, lean forward over the piano and cover my face, suddenly feeling like I was about to cry. Taking a deep breath, I sat back up, wiping my eyes quickly before getting up to shut off the camera. Before I hit the stop button though, I spoke with tear filled eyes.

"I miss you." I almost whispered, watching as my vision got blurrier with every passing second. "But I won't say goodbye." And with that, I pushed the stop button, letting the tears fall quietly for a few minutes before I collected myself in order to go home.

I decided after all to not edit the video. It seemed more real to me, that way. As I uploaded the video to the Professor's computer, I was glad I had spoken in Korean for this, excluding the song, which was in English. I burned it onto a disc, deleted the video from both the camera and the computer, and resolved to give the video camera back to Tanaka-san the next day at school.

"Ja ne, I'm going to go see Ran-chan and Kudo-kun before they leave." I threw over my shoulder at Shiho, who was reading a magazine. She replied with the same "ja ne" as I was closing the door.

Once I reached the Detective Agency, I knocked on the door, the DVD in a thin case. It was warm now, but I always wore long sleeves regardless. Conan opened the door.

"Hi, Kokone-neechan!" He said in that innocent voice. I gave him a look before I held out the DVD that simply said "Ichiro" on it.

"Take this to Osaka with you and give it to Ichiro. Or give it to Heiji, telling him to give it to Ichiro."

"…What is it?"

"Just a video. Since I'm not going with you guys, I decided I should send something along, seeing as how I still haven't apologized and all…" I muttered. "Anyway, just take it and make sure he gets it, okay? Well then, have a nice trip! I'll see you guys when you get back." I smiled, turning to leave.

"O-okay…bye, then…" He called after me.

Please watch this, Ichiro. Please understand. I prayed silently.

I also prayed that the Black Organization would find me so that we could get this over with soon.


	36. Chapter 36: Idea

_Ogawa Ichiro's POV:_

"Chiro-kun!" I heard my mom call up the stairs. "Your friends are here!" I sighed, knowing that she was going to say that at some point or another, as Hattori and Kazuha came over basically every day to drag me outside.

"Coming." I responded half-heartedly, slumping out of my desk chair, where I had been working on a rough draft for an apology letter to Kokone. No matter what though, the words didn't seem like they could completely convey what I was trying to say, which resulted in a trashcan overflowing with wadded up paper balls.

When I got downstairs, my mom was making pleasant conversation with…who was it? I hadn't heard that voice before…As I rounded the corner, my eyebrows raised as I registered that there was a girl around my age that I hadn't ever seen before, along with some kid. Heiji and Kazuha were nearby, absorbed in the conversation.

"…I used to live in Tokyo. I loved it there! But this is where I met my husband, and he's lived here all his life so we decided to stay here." My mother was explaining to the girl, who nodded, completely interested. Then they noticed my presence.

"Ah, good! You came down. Well, I have some errands to run before your dad gets home tonight, Chiro-kun, so I'll leave you all. It was nice meeting you, Ran-chan, Conan-kun." She said sweetly, picking up her purse as she went. They smiled back.

"It was nice to meet you as well!" The girl replied excitedly, bowing slightly. So these were the people Hattori had been talking about…According to Kazuha, he and that kid have some sort of bond going on, though I had never seen Heiji show any interest in children whatsoever. After my mother left, it was my turn to be introduced.

"Ahh, Ichiro-san! This is Mouri Ran and Ku-K-Edogawa Conan!" Hattori fumbled nervously over the last name. I raised one of my eyebrows at him with mild interest before glancing at the boy, who just looked disappointed in him.

"I'm Ogawa Ichiro. I hear you've been going to school with Kokone." I said conversationally.

"Mhm! Kokone-chan's fitting very well into our school, I think. At least, she seems to be ahead of everyone else…I've always wondered where she finds the time to excel in everything." The soft girl thought aloud. I hmphed humorously in response. That was Kokone, alright. She strived to be the perfect girl, if only to gracefully distract herself, making it seem like nothing was wrong when really her world could have been falling apart. That, and she's wildly competitive.

"Uh…did you guys want to go somewhere else or…" I semi-asked awkwardly. I didn't really know what they expected to do at my house.

"A-ah, iie. We actually came because this kid has something to give to you or whatever, then we're going to go catch a movie. We figured…you'd be busy…but I'll come by later tonight, if you want to join us then." Heiji said. Too much explaining for him, what's going on? I knelt down to the kid's level though to respond to him instead.

"Nani, kid? What is it you have to give me?" He held out a thin CD case. Knitting my eyebrows together in confusion, I reached out and took it. In slanted handwriting I recognized, my name was spelled simply across the cover of the CD cover in Romanji: Ichiro.

"W-what's this?" I asked hesitantly, though I already had an idea.

"It's a video Kokone-neechan made especially for you!" The boy said in a small, child-like voice.

"A video?" So that must have been why Heiji was going to leave me be for the afternoon…

"Yep!" The boy said cheerfully. I stood back up, regarding the DVD case carefully as I tried to imagine what would be in the video.

"Well thanks, kid. I appreciate it. I guess I'll see you guys later then." I said, not really paying attention to them anymore as I headed upstairs to stick this in the DVD player.

"Yep, we'll leave you to…that…" Heiji said. I could hear the smirk in his voice.

"It was nice meeting you, Ogawa-san." Ran said happily. I looked up if only out of politeness and nodded.

"You too. I'll see you all later." They all left and soon I was parked a foot away from the TV upstairs – a room designed specifically for me, so I wouldn't get in my father's way – and was in the process of carefully taking the disc out of its case, sticking it in the DVD just as deliberately.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. There she was, right in front of me, while at the same time she wasn't. She looked guilty, rubbing her hands together most likely without even realizing it in nervousness.

"Hey, Chiro." Her Korean startled me at first, and I struggled to keep up for a few minutes, if only because I hadn't spoken or heard Korean in a while. "It's been a few weeks. I've been planning on doing this for a while but…you were right. I'm a coward. I'm hoping that you aren't too angry to watch this…and I'm also hoping that you know me well enough to understand that sometimes I do before I think?" This made me chuckle to myself. Anyone that's met you understands that, I responded to her in my head. What counts is that I tolerate it.

"So anyway. I…I'm so sorry. I can't…I can't tell you how sorry I am. You were right – you always are. I'm just too stubborn to admit it sometimes. I'll probably never admit it again, so you'd better enjoy this…" She said, getting off track, her eyes seeming to penetrate me even through the camera. This made me smile. Only Kokone would throw in a cynical comment into an apology.

I was choosing not to focus on the apology part of this video. It honestly didn't seem necessary. She was completely right in this situation. I had used her guilt against her, hadn't used the real reason I wanted her to stay. I had only been thinking of a way to apologize in a way that could accurately convey my honest point of view, but it seemed impossible without being face-to-face, and even then…

Leave it to Kokone to figure something out, I thought. She always seemed to be one step ahead, forever prepared for any situation. I could tell though that she kind of winged the video, didn't try to make it formal or exact, which only made it more perfect.

A look of anxiety crossed her face as she continued. "I also…really wanted to tell you that…" She rung her hands, looking down and away from the camera. That…? I asked in my head, leaning forward unconsciously.

"You mean a lot to me. I think I would quite honestly be dead without you, and not just because you keep me out of trouble. Sometimes, I would wish that I had been left to die that night. But then I think of you, and I…I want to get up and live, you know? Which is why I have to stay here until everything sorts out. I promise I'll explain everything when I can. But right now…all you need to know is that it isn't safe, Chiro. You won't be safe if I stay in Osaka, with you." I felt myself growing concerned with every word she said. Won't be safe? What was going on? And did she just admit to being semi-suicidal? I felt the itch to get up and run to Tokyo.

"With that said…I hope we don't ever fight like this again. And I hope you forgive me. And also, I hope this ends soon, so that I can finally come home. So anyway, I have this song, which is why I snuck into this choir room at school. I guess…I hope you like it? It doesn't really matter I guess…but here we go." She seemed jittery all of a sudden, and my heart leaped in my chest at the chance to hear her sing, especially to me. A part of my mind noted that she had been forgiven only days after she had left, but she didn't need to know that.

Also, she needed me to live? I felt a small flush creep across my neck and face. Though it was kind of disturbing, it was also nice to know, in a sick way.

As soon as the song began, I recognized it immediately from one of the Korean dramas Kokone had been watching once while we were alone at her house, though she was singing in English. My face got hotter with every passing phrase that was sung by her effortlessly beautiful voice, as I knew what was coming.

"…_You'll never know how much_

_I love you._

_Here I am._"

The words seemed to echo in my mind. She…loves me? Was this happening? I thought about ramming my head into the wall to see if I was asleep.

_I love you too!_ I wanted to shout feeling myself burn from the inside out as I thought about all the chances I could have had to tell her while she was here. Maybe then…maybe then she would have stayed. _I love you more than you may ever know._

I thought back to that last night when she so unexpectedly leaned over and fell asleep on my thigh. This movement was so casual between us though, so why had the last time startled me? After hearing her breathing slow, feeling her heart relax when the pulse in her neck slowed to a somewhat normal rhythm as she fell into a form of sleep, I had placed my hand on her head, removing the stray hairs from her face. So peaceful, unguarded, I couldn't help but stare for a long while as I gently stroked her cheek, careful not to wake her. Soon enough, I was fast asleep, more comfortable there than I would have been in my bed, regardless of the hard backing of the outdoor sofa.

After she finished the song, she attempted to get up, but a sudden expression of pain wiped over her facial features, and she sat back down. Leaning forward over the piano, she seemed to be composing herself, as when she sat back up, she quickly wiped her eyes in her attempt to get back to business. Don't tell me…she wasn't crying…was she?

She got closer to the camera with every step, reaching out to hit the stop button I presumed. Her face was so close at that moment, to the point where I could see tears slowly welling up in her eyes as she spoke once more.

"I miss you," she whispered. "But I won't say goodbye."

And with that, the video was over. I didn't want it to be, as I sat in front of the TV for at least another 5 minutes, hoping she'd pop back onto the screen, tell me she was kidding, that she was coming home now. But of course, that didn't happen.

Why did it have to be like this? I thought to myself bitterly. I was supposed to take that first step. And even though she did, could it have really counted? It was through video that she said it after all…If she had been here a day longer, I thought, I would have told her. I knew this was false of course, but decided that I she came back to visit again, I'd tell her.

No, it can't wait that long…I have to tell her as soon as possible. But how? It was still obvious that she didn't want me to come and find her. I had a feeling that if I did, she would either be really upset or relieved, though she'd never outright show the second option.

How can I tell her…how can I –

An idea popped into my head the moment I glanced out the front window, across the street at our neighbor's house.

Perfect.


	37. Chapter 37: Flower Language

_Kokawa Kokone's POV:_

It was two days later that Ran, her father and Conan returned from Osaka. I hardly noticed however, as I had recently begun to feel so exhausted that I could hardly offer any signs of friendliness to anyone, which wasn't such a bad thing I guess. I knew that they had come back, but I hadn't intended on visiting them since school was the next day anyway. I had been sitting at a desk in the basement of the Professor's house, pretending to be completely focused on research while I was really staring at the wall mindlessly, when Shiho, or Haibara I guess, walked in.

"Kokawa-san. You have a phone call." Her small, dull voice broke the silence, but hardly broke my gaze. She cleared her throat impatiently after I didn't respond. I blinked a few times before I turned to face her. "Well then? Are you going to come and get it?" She taunted, already heading back upstairs. I guess so, I thought inwardly.

Once I was upstairs, I picked up the receiver and held it to my ear. It took me a minute to realize that I was supposed to say something.

"H-hello?" I muttered cautiously.

"Kokone-chan? Are you alright?" I heard Ran's motherly voice echo in my ear. Not particularly, I thought. Out loud, I said:

"Yeah. Did you need something?" I tried to make myself sound perkier, but it sounded dead to my ears.

"Well, Conan-kun and I just got home with Otou-san…and about an hour later someone delivered something for you." She said in a bit of disbelief.

"A delivery? Is it a box?"

"N-no…they're flowers…" she trailed off. "It doesn't say who it's from, but when I asked the delivery man, he said that someone all the way from Osaka had called in to have them delivered today by the time we got back…" I tried to swallow without success.

"They're from Chiro-kun then?" My voice sounded hopeful, even to my ears. I gripped the phone tighter.

"I'm pretty sure. He also asked for our address while we were there, too. Conan-kun usually isn't wrong about these things…"

"I'll be right there." I interrupted, slamming the receiver down as I hurried to the door, slipping on my shoes. "Oi, I'll be back soon." I called over my shoulder to Haibara, who was reading a fashion magazine.

"Ja ne." She responded simply without looking up.

I basically ran the whole way to the Agency, but when I was about to knock on the door, it opened.

"Ah, Kokone-neechan! I saw you running from the window." Conan smiled innocently. I glared at him.

"Oh you did now…where are the flowers?" I asked, following him inside as I scanned the room. I spotted them lying on the table and nearly dove for them.

It was a very strange bouquet, that much was true. While the individual flowers themselves were beautiful, I had no idea why he chose to arrange them this way.

There were 7 flowers in total, each a different kind. In the middle was a big, beautiful yellow daffodil, surrounded by the other flowers. I instantly recognized all of them without hesitation, but still couldn't figure out the strange combination. There was a simple yet splendid blue bellflower, along with small branch of exquisite forget-me-nots. A stunningly blue hibiscus stood out next to a single, white tulip while white rues blossomed from a twig-like stem. Last but not least, there was a light blue, radiant primrose. Overall, I could see the color scheme was white and blue with a single yellow daffodil in the middle, but the combination of such contrasting flowers still baffled me. I breathed in all their combined scents anyway, feeling myself be lifted for once, as if I were on a high that could only be provided by floral arrangements. Then I remembered.

Had he watched the video? If he hadn't already, then he may never do so…

"Ah, Kokone-chan! I see you found your flowers. Aren't they beautiful? Such a unique arrangement…" she cooed, coming over to inspect the flowers once more.

"Indeed…Some of these flowers don't even grow in the same season as the others…" I commented, completely mystified. Ichiro always had his mysterious ways.

"You noticed that too, Kokone-neechan?" I heard the boy say brightly from my right side. I looked down at him as he continued. "The arrangement is strange, don't you think? I wonder if it has something to do with a code…" he noted out loud, giving me a side glance. All of a sudden I understood, and my cheeks began to burn as I decoded each flower.

Flower language was definitely an interest of mine growing up, as my mother had had a huge, never ending garden in our backyard before my father died. It was one of the only places I had ever seen her happy, where she and my father and I would inspect her work every year after she insisted she was finished with arranging and planting her specimens in unique patterns. After my father was murdered however, she let the flowers die, and soon enough, when I came home from school one day, she had cleaned the whole backyard out, the brown decaying limbs in garbage cans out front to be thrown out.

As I thought through each flower in my head, my heart felt lighter than it had in a while. If I had recalled correctly…

Daffodils meant "the sun always shines when I am with you."

Bellflowers meant "thinking of you."

Forget-me-nots meant "true love."

Hibiscuses meant "rare beauty."

White tulips meant "forgiveness."

Rues meant "regret," or "sorry."

And primrose…what did primrose mean again? I fished my brain for the definition.

"What is it, Kokone-chan?" Ran asked quizzically.

"I…I don't remember what primrose is in flower language." I admitted, looking at the flower as if it could give me some answers.

"Flower language? Oh!" Ran gasped, her hand flying to her mouth. "Is that why they're arranged this way?" I nodded. "Hmm…primrose, primrose…" Ran said thoughtfully, thinking to herself.

"Primrose means 'I cannot be without you.' Ne, Kokone-neechan?" I flushed furiously. So this kid knew flower language too?

"Y-yeah…I think so…" I mumbled, looking back all the flowers.

"How sweet!" Ran whined, completely absorbed by the flowers now. "I wish someone would do something like this for me!" I closed my eyes, breathing in once more as I smiled slightly to myself.

"Yep." I said quietly, mostly to myself. "I'm a lucky girl."


	38. Chapter 38: Hallucinations?

It had been about a month since I had received the flowers, so, as all things eventually do, they died, along with my sense of hope. I was completely out of it, could hardly hold a conversation with anyone long enough to fully understand what the other person was saying. Why is it so hard for me to be normal? I questioned myself constantly. Why can't I function without Ichiro? Every time a dramatic girly girl would exaggerate, saying she simply could not live without her significant other, I'd always scoff and tell her in my mind to grow up. Who knew it was really like this?

I wondered constantly what he was doing, how often he thought of me, and if he really loved me as much as I loved him. There was no way to tell of course, as we had only semi-encountered the men in black once since I came back.

I had been walking home with Ran, Conan and Sonoko one day, tending to be behind the others as Conan occasionally glanced behind him to check up on me. One of these occurrences left him with a rigid stare in disbelief. At first I thought he was responding to me, so I snapped "What?" but then I realized; he was glaring at something behind me. I turned my head slowly, but didn't see anything completely out of the ordinary.

"What is it?" I asked again. Kudo only reacted this way to potentially dangerous situations.

"Ahhh, Ran-neechan! Kokone-neechan promised to take me to buy manga today, I just remembered. We'll be back for dinner though." The boy said hurriedly, turning to grab my hand.

"Ah, wait, Conan-kun! We can take you, I'm sure Kokone-chan…has…things to do." She said cautiously, knowing I wasn't in the best shape of my life.

"No, it's fine. I'll take him. We'll be in time for dinner." I argued. This surprised Ran, who hadn't heard me say a complete, original sentence in, oh, a month.

"O-okay…See you, then…" she responded carefully, turning back to join Sonoko.

"Now, what is it?" I asked earnestly. In response, Kudo dragged me to a nearby alleyway, then peered around the corner.

"That black car…you see it. Right?" He whispered, focused on the strange foreign car. I peeked around the corner and spotted it. It was empty, parked on the side of the street.

"Uh, yeah. Is that…significant?" Conan shot me a look.

"That's Gin's car." He said almost inaudibly. I felt my breath hitch. Conan glanced back to make sure I wasn't having a heart attack of sorts.

"Y-you mean…the guy that…the guy that -" I couldn't finish my sentence. Of course it would be the guy that killed my dad.

"Yeah."

We continued to watch the car for a long while. The fact that the men in black – the man that killed my father – were in Tokyo should have scared me out of my wits. To be completely honest though, I felt like I was ready to take the whole organization on my own. I had had enough of hiding, enough time without Ichiro. Just – enough.

This was stupid to assume of course, that I could take down this terrible syndicate by myself. There was no way. But I knew that when the time came, I'd be able to do some damage.

Eventually, way past dinner time by Ran's standards, Gin returned to his car. He was lighting a cigarette as he stood outside his car, then unlocked the door. I felt my stomach lurch, telling me to go beat his face in right then and there, but Conan gripped my forearm, holding me back. As if sensing this, Gin looked up and over in our direction, but Conan had me and him flat against the wall in a flash before he could spot us. The next time Conan peeked, he gave me the signal that the coast was clear. I craned my neck back around the corner in time to see him drive off, holding his cell phone to his ear. At that moment, I knew I was going to be sick. I covered my mouth, trying to hold it in, but found out this was impossible, so I turned quickly just as Conan said "Oi, what-" and heaved, barely throwing anything up since I didn't eat lunch. I took a deep breath, still leaning over, my hand steadying myself against the brick wall. Did I really just let that awful, cruel person get away? I wiped my mouth, trying to compose myself. When I felt a small hand touch my shoulder carefully, I froze.

"I know it's hard. Someday, they'll get their punish -"

"I have to go. You can get home by yourself, right? I have to get back. Haibara's waiting." I used as an excuse, but it was completely false. I had a feeling Shiho had no reason to like me, let alone wait up for me. I didn't pause though as I shook him off and started to head home.

Thinking about this made my stomach burn. That guy would definitely get his ass kicked if I was ever given the opportunity again. Off to the side, I wondered if they were still in Tokyo…

"Kone-chan? Kokone?" I heard a familiar voice that felt so far away, except it wasn't. I glanced around the dark basement of Agasa-hakase's house, but there was no one there.

"H-hello?" I whispered.

"It's me, Kone. What are you doing? Go get something to eat, sleep, do something good for yourself. For my sake, at least." That's when I knew who it was, but the sudden joy I felt was replaced by remorse.

Because it was Ichiro's voice I was hearing. That should have been a good thing…until I realized:

There was no one there.

"…Shut up. You're not supposed to be here." I responded quietly, feeling completely stupid. It had been a few weeks since I had first heard his voice. I had somewhat grown accustomed to it, but that didn't mean I was able to ignore it. Right at that moment, Haibara chose to interfere.

"Kokawa-san, you have visitors. Who are you talking to?" I flushed, but hurriedly got up.

"No one. Who is it?"

"Hattori-kun and a few others." She eyed me carefully before heading back up the stairs. I sighed, collecting myself before going up there. If Heiji ever found out I was hearing things, he'd take me back to Osaka and have me committed faster than I would be able to curse his name.

Once I reached the top of the stairs, I was almost ambushed by none other than Kazuha.

"Kokone-chan! I've missed you SO much, how are you? You look so skinny, have you been eating? And what's with these circles under your eyes?" She scolded, looking me over before she hugged me completely once more.

"I figured you could use a few extra friends…that, and Kazuha practically begged me to take her." Heiji interjected, rubbing the back of his head nervously, as if he expected me to slap him. After he figured I wouldn't, he stepped a foot closer, prepared to hug me, but I didn't offer, so he didn't push it. He stepped off to the side, and what I saw nearly caused me to pass out.

Because standing behind Heiji was Ichiro, his sweet face examining me with concern. No way, I thought. Had it really gone this far? I was _seeing_ him now? I swear, my mind only existed to torture me. I grabbed my head with both hands, squeezing my eyes shut as my breathing rate increased by a wide margin.

"Nonononono…" I started saying to myself.

"Kone? Oi, open your eyes, is it your heart?" I heard Ichiro ask.

"Stop it, just STOP." I heard myself say. I didn't feel in control anymore.

"…Stop…what?" He questioned quietly. I knew he was close by, could feel his presence. Why did the hallucinations have to be so real?

"I can't take this anymore. Heiji, I have to tell you something, but you aren't under ANY circumstances allowed to take me back to Osaka, got it?" I threatened. I opened my eyes, and they twitched slightly. I could feel the craziness that was overwhelming me, as I was sure everyone else could see it since Heiji's eyes widened as he backed away a bit.

"…What is it?" Ichiro asked, reaching out. "Kokone, I'm here to help." He offered gently, approaching me as if I were some kind of rabid animal.

"NO." I screamed in fury, turning back to Heiji. "Heiji, I'm seeing things. It used to just be auditory hallucinations, but now I see _him_. I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy." I whispered to myself, trying to calm my racing heart. Heiji regarded me carefully.

"Kokone-chan…" Kazuha muttered sadly, sounding like she might cry.

"You mean Ichiro? Kokone…" Heiji said just as sadly. I looked him in the face, wondering what he could possibly say to make this any better. "He's…he's right there." He gestured toward the Ichiro I was seeing.

"…You see him too?" I whispered. Ichiro was looking at me like he was being forced to watch me die slowly.

"W-we see him, Kokone-chan. We brought him here, after that little girl called Heiji for help." Somehow I knew she was talking about Haibara.

"You're…hearing things?" Ichiro asked gently, stepping closer. I was still wary of his presence.

"I…" I bit my lip, not sure how to respond. If I told the absolute truth, Ichiro would probably not leave, or would take me back with him against my will. If I lied…that would only make me sick later…

"I'm not sick," was my response. This didn't seem to clarify anything, especially since my voice sounded hoarse and garbled.

"No one said you were." Ichiro responded quietly. I felt like I was being herded by animal catchers. I resolved myself, taking a deep breath, before attempting to smile.

"Don't worry about it. Well then, I guess you guys should be going right? Show Ichiro around Tokyo, preferably on the…other side." I suggested, trying to sound casual. It hadn't been long since we witnessed my father's murderer in the flesh, who knew who else could be lurking around? Ichiro looked a bit hurt though, causing me to regret what I had said a tiny bit. _If only I could explain, Chiro_, I thought. _If only you could understand._

"I didn't come here to see Tokyo." Ichiro objected.

"Good, then you won't be disappointed if you leave it. I know it doesn't make sense now, but please. Just listen to me. You can't be here, and you know as well as I do that I want to come home with you, but I can't." He hesitated, a stony look on his face. Off to the side, Kazuha, Haibara and Heiji stood by, trying not to stare blatantly.

"You're not…well." He stated simply. I shot him a look.

"He's right. There's a difference between hiding and wallowing, Kokawa-san." Haibara said in that flat voice of hers.

"You're one to talk." I spat, instantly regretting it. I rubbed a hand over my face, wishing everything would disappear, including me.

"The point," she responded with more inflection. "being that you recover every once and a while from this depression of sorts until everything settles out."

"No, the _point_ is that I'm hiding so no one else has to." I said angrily. Why couldn't everyone just cooperate for once?

"I agree with the uh…girl." Ichiro said uneasily.

"I don't care what you agree with, you need to leave. TODAY." I demanded, trying to express everything through my eyes. He regarded me carefully, unsure how to proceed.

"Alright. Fine." He finally responded curtly. "I guess we should go back to the airport, Kazuha, Hattori. Ja ne, then. Please don't die." He said casually, already heading toward the door. I felt terrible at that moment, pushing him away like that. This was how he reacted when all he wanted to do was argue.

"Chiro…" I groaned.

"No, it's fine. I'm leaving, we're leaving. Whatever. When you decide to come home, come home." He was at the door, waiting for Kazuha and Heiji, who were slowly making their way towards him, careful not to interrupt.

"It's not something I can decide!" I said desperately. He just didn't understand.

"…Okay," was all he said, and then he was out the door. Kazuha followed, while Heiji stayed where he was. She turned back to him.

"Heiji?" She questioned nervously, shaken up by what had just happened.

"I'll join you guys later. You and Ichiro-san head back to the Agency and wait for me there. I just need to talk to Kokone for a while." He said diplomatically. Kazuha looked at me, then Heiji, then me again, as if debating whether it was safe or not.

"O…kay." And that was that, she was out the door.

"…Well then. I should meet up with the Detective Boys. They'll be expecting me." Haibara said in her small voice, getting up to leave as well. Dammit, I thought, now Heiji has more incentive to yell at me. "Hakase should be back in a few hours."

After she was gone, Heiji turned around and just looked at me, a frustrated look on his face. I finally cracked, sighing.

"I know, I know. This isn't what was supposed to happen, but if you had called ahead of time, you would know that Kudo and I spotted one of _them_ on a street not far from here." At this, Heiji gaped before covering himself.

"I…Really? Damn." He said, rubbing his chin in thought.

"Yeah. And you brought him. You BROUGHT HIM." My voice was rising with each word. Heiji held out his hands in a "calm down" symbol, almost defending himself.

"I guess that wasn't the best idea…but obviously, you are not well, as Ichiro-san said -"

"Who cares! We're getting closer to taking them down every day!" I countered.

"Ichiro-san cares!" He fired back.

"I already know that, but the more you do this kind of stuff the harder it is for him to see that I care too! You saw what I had to do back there, I had to basically tell him off, tell him I didn't WANT HIM."

"You don't have to though! If what you said is true and that organization is in Tokyo, wouldn't it be smarter to move BACK to Osaka?" I groaned in irritation.

"NO. You know what I had to do? When Kudo pointed out that black, foreign car, and when that blond-haired MURDERER walked up to it? I had to stand there!" I yelled.

"SO WHAT?" Heiji said at an equally loud decibel.

"I HAD TO WATCH THE MAN THAT KILLED MY FATHER DRIVE AWAY. THAT MAN RUINED ME. HE'S THE REASON THAT I AM THE WAY I AM." My teeth were gritted, and I could feel my awkward, uneven heartbeat in my head, causing my balance to sway slightly. I could tell that this made Heiji back down a little.

"Okay…so why can't you -"

"Because I have to be one of the people that stops that Organization. I'll never be able to make peace with the fact that I couldn't save my father, or any of the other people that were killed if I can't watch it fall." I tried to explain.

"No one expected you to save anyone from something like that. Especially at the age you were." Heiji said quietly.

"Even so. I'll never be able to function in a completely normal way – even if that organization is put to justice. But if I can fix a part of that…you have no idea how much that would help me live."

"No, no I have an idea…" he looked at me like I was a psychopath, and I guess I kind of seemed like one anyway, but still.

"Okay then. Anything else before you…leave?" I stressed the word, making it clear that I meant leave the city.

"Uh…I guess not…but Kone-chan. You really do need to take better care of yourself. If that girl – the one that doesn't seem to care much of anyone – called ME to fix YOU…that's when you know you've got problems." He cracked a jeering smile, despite the situation. I rolled my eyes.

"Shut up. I don't need fixing done by you. I'll be fine after this is all over."

"Hm, it's a good thing it just about is, then." A chilling, deep voice that didn't belong to Heiji said from behind us. I knew even before I whipped myself around who it would be:

Gin.


	39. Chapter 39: The Beginning of the End

I had no idea what to say. I was completely frozen to the spot, my eyes stuck wide, mind completely blank other than what was being registered at that moment: Gin is _here. _Slowly though, I gained some of my wit back and began to think through the situation, as well as how to respond. Instead of some smart comment though, this came out instead:

"G-Gin." He was holding a pistol, pointing it straight at me.

"It's amazing how memories serve us, isn't it Kokawa Kokone? I haven't seen you since you were…hmm, were you 10?"

"I was 9," I enunciated each syllable, suddenly angry at the mention of that horrid night.

"Still a touchy subject? And here I thought it was going to be a topic of discussion. Well, no matter, you and this…boy. It's time to go for a little ride. But first – Vodka, raid the house for her research," he commanded, and a bulky minion of his popped out of the shadows, somehow knowing to start in the basement. I swallowed uneasily. Just how long had they been watching me?

"Let Heiji go. He has nothing to do with this," I protested, suddenly realizing that I had my hands raised in surrender, though I had no idea when this happened. I glanced to my side and saw Heiji was in the same position, though his eyebrows were knit together like he was thinking of how to get us out of this.

"Tsk, tsk, Kokone-chan. You and I both know that once you're in," here he paused, sneering evilly at me. "There's no way out – alive." He started to take slow, leisurely steps toward us, the pistol still raised. His partner, Vodka, came huffing up the stairs with two boxes in his arms, his face hidden behind them. I grimaced. They could do a lot with that kind of research – if they had the right people to decipher it.

"Well, it looks like we're ready to go. Load up the car and get ready to drive fast." He was only 2 feet away from me now, the pistol aimed at my chest. "I'll take care of these two."

I honestly thought that I was going to die right there. What could I do? There was no way out of this without risking Heiji in the least. At the same time, I was sure someone would come looking for us sooner or later, so the sooner they could get out of here the better…

Wait a minute…did I just think about giving up completely? Especially with Heiji here? This was Hattori Heiji, someone I had grown up with. He had someone – Kazuha needed him. If I was going to do anything, it had to be for him. And just like that, I had my source of motivation.

With a growl at the back of my throat, I knelt down and swung my leg out, spiraling. The move surprised him enough, as I had successfully knocked him off his feet. He was quick though – quicker than me, even as I leapt forward to hold him down. With the gun still leveled at me, he reached out and grabbed my ankle, bringing me to the floor harshly as he stood up, brushing himself off. As soon as I got back up, he swatted me across the face with his gun. It felt like the harsh metal had collided directly with my cheekbone, and when I looked up I met the barrel of his pistol: right between my eyes.

"It would be a shame to ruin this valuable source, but if it's necessary…You," he spat at Heiji. I looked over to see him reaching for a rod that could have been used as a katana. "I have no use for you. I should kill you now." He raised the gun straight at him, keeping an eye on me as he took a few steps closer to him. Heiji raised his hands again, cursing under his breath.

"Don't touch him," I grumbled. Something warm was touching my cheek; when I reached up, I discovered that I had a huge gash on the right side of my face. My hand was coated in a layer of my own blood, but I ignored it and focused on the present situation.

"I see you're quite fond of this boy. What an advantage. Vodka!" The horrible man called.

"Yeah, nii-chan?" The man appeared from somewhere in the back. Where was the car parked anyway? How did they even get inside?

"Tie the girl up. I'll handle the boy," he said in a sinister tone as he approached Heiji. The man named Vodka responded with a "hmph" and started towards me. I wasn't about to go easily. As soon as he touched me I got ready to smack him, but he grabbed my wrist with one hand, pulling a matching pistol out of his suit with the other. This is impossible, I thought, there's really no way out. He also pulled out some rough looking rope, preparing to tie my ankles and anything else that could be some sort of threat. Pushing me to the ground, he kept his foot on my back, holding me down with force as he somehow began to tie me up. I thought about thrashing around but decided I'd better not risk Heiji; obviously, they were after me for some sort of information, Heiji however was useless as far as they knew.

What do I do? What would happen to Heiji? Would Kudo figure it out fast enough?

It seemed to me like we were pretty much screwed at this point.

As soon as my wrists had been tied, I waited for them to drag me out to their car, but was unexpectedly smothered with a cloth that had been soaked in chloroform. My vision faded slightly as I looked over at Heiji one last time to find him struggling against Gin. He was saying something, but I had no idea what. Possibly my name, but I was gone before I could completely figure it out.

_Ogawa Ichiro's POV:_

This was just…frustrating. There really was no other word for it. What made me mad was that I knew this was a high possibility – that she'd freak out and tell me to leave – but I didn't know she was that bad. It was worse than the last time she came home, made even more apparent as some child she was living with had called Heiji for help. And hearing things? She was sick, whether she wanted to admit it or not.

But at this point, how could I help her? She wasn't going to listen until this…phase, I guess, wore off. Now…if only I could find out how long this phase was going to last. What was so unsafe? Why did she literally freak out, thinking she was seeing things when I arrived?

"Ichiro-san?" I heard Kazuha say, breaking me from my reverie.

"Mm?" I responded halfheartedly.

"I-I'm sorry this happened…I'm sure Heiji will be able to help…maybe…" she seemed to be trying to convince herself rather than me, but I appreciated her effort.

"It's fine. I guess I expected as much," I admitted.

Soon we arrived at the Agency and were served tea by Ran as we waited – sort of patiently – for Heiji and possibly Kokone to arrive.

But they didn't. We waited for 30 minutes. When an hour had gone by, I decided it was time to mention something.

"Uh…shouldn't Hattori be back by now?" I asked curiously.

"Hmm…I would think so…" Kazuha said nervously, looking out the window. "I'll call him." She held her phone to her ear for a few rings and then her face became alarmed. She pulled the phone away and looked at it as if it were diseased.

"That's weird…It says the line was disconnected in the middle of the third ring…"

"I'll call the professor's house, Kazuha-neechan," the intelligent boy volunteered out of nowhere. I had forgotten he was even there. He held the phone with a serious expression on his face, all business and concentration while Ran, Kazuha and I watched him, waiting for reassurance.

"No answer. I'll go down there and see if Haibara knows where they went. Don't worry, I bet they're on their way or off somewhere else. Ja ne, then!" The boy said happily, but I caught his expression as he was running out the door – something was wrong.

"We're going too," I muttered as I followed him out the door. I didn't check to see if Kazuha or Ran followed me. I followed close behind the boy, who looked back and grumbled when he noticed I was there but didn't stop me from coming along. We ran the whole way back, and soon I discovered that Ran and Kazuha were following behind as well. Once we arrived, the kid knocked on the door sort of impatiently, glancing around nervously. Only seconds later, a yellow beetle pulled up, catching our attention. An old, balding man stepped out of the car and greeted us happily.

"Ahh, Conan-kun! Is Kokone-chan not answering the door again? I forgot Ai-kun had plans today -"

"Hakase, we need to get inside. _Now_," The boy said seriously, catching the scientist by surprise.

"Conan-kun…?" Ran said in disbelief, in a way scolding him.

"I think something happened to Kokone-neechan!" He protested. "Hurry!" The old man hobbled faster up the walkway and unlocked the door. We hurried inside to get a grip on the situation.

There was no one there, but I felt goosebumps rise on my arms, as if I was suddenly breathing colder air. There was a rod lying in the middle of the entryway, as if it had been dropped there accidentally.

"Kokone?" I called, paranoia creeping into my voice. The boy was already heading towards the basement stairs that Kokone had come out of just an hour before. Ran and Kazuha stayed behind nervously. I was about to follow the kid when something caught my eye behind the farthest couch.

"Someone call the police!" I shouted after a minute of stunned silence. I walked over to the smeared, bloody handprint along with another misshapen smudge of blood and knelt down. Soon enough the kid was right next to me, examining the spots.

"Hakase!" The boy shouted in frustration. "Call Jodie-sensei!"

"A-ah. Hai!" The man responded hurriedly as he bolted for a phone.

"Jodie-sensei? Wait…I-is that…?" Ran said shakily.

"Someone's blood?" Kazuha finished.

"I think it's Kokone-neechan's," the boy offered urgently. "the handprint isn't big enough to be Heiji-niichan's."

"Shouldn't we call the police?" Ran asked shakily.

"Hakase is taking care of all that. Ran-neechan, Kazuha-neechan, you two go home and wait there. I'm sure the police will find them in no time!" He smiled with effort, but it didn't convince the girls. They exchanged glances.

"Heiji's in trouble," Kazuha muttered to Ran as if confirming the situation. Ran's eyebrows pulled together as she observed her friend's far away face.

"Right. We're not going anywhere. We need to find them." I was taken aback by her sudden source of bravery, but decided that that wasn't the most important thing to focus on now. Could this have been what Kokone wanted to prevent in the first place? This couldn't have been a coincidence…

"Ran-neechan," the boy whined slightly. "Go back and tell Kogoro-ojisan! Wait for him to get back. I'll stay with Agasa-hakase. And Kazuha-neechan, Heiji-niichan wouldn't want you to get hurt trying to save him, right? He doesn't even need saving, he can – handle himself." He seemed to be struggling to get the words out. "So just go back and for the Great Detective Mouri, okay?" He finished brightly.

"Heiji needs help. He could be _dying_." Kazuha responded, staring at the bloodstain. The kid stayed silent this time. The professor returned only seconds later.

"Jodie-sensei said…she said she's already on the case." He seemed bewildered for some reason. I was having trouble keeping up.

"Who's Jodie-sensei? What is even going on? Where exactly ARE they?" I fired questions left and right, but there wasn't exactly a reason. I wasn't even sure who I was asking.

"Hakase, wait here with the girls, okay? We'll got get Kogoro-ojisan." The boy started running before they could really respond, gripping my wrist and pulling me along until I got the message: I was coming too.

"W-wait! Conan-kun!" Ran shouted behind us, but we kept going.

"Isn't the Agency back that way?" I panted as we sprinted in a completely different direction. I had no idea where we were.

"We're not going to the Agency. We're going to find them. I'm not sure if I should tell you this or not, but I guess at this point there's not much left to lose." His voice was deeper and more serious than I had ever heard, and suddenly I had the impression that he was much older than a 7 year old.

"What do you mean?" Conan stopped at an intersection and looked back and forth rapidly, as if trying to remember where he was going. We continued before the light even turned red.

"Kokone and Hattori fell into the hands of this Organization. That's why Kokone has been gone this whole time, because she didn't want the Organization to find you, but apparently that backfired -"

"Wait, what? Slow down, what Organization?"

"There's not enough time to give you all the details at this very moment, but I can tell you that I'm really 17, and that I'm really Kudo Shinichi. This Organization brought me to the position that I'm in right now, and it looks like we're about to witness the end of it all." He looked back carefully at me as we kept running. "But it could either end badly or…"

"…You're _17_?" I was struggling to keep up, but this finally registered. "Wait…Kudo Shinichi…I think Kokone was keeping track of him for a few weeks a while back. It was right before she left, but she wouldn't tell me what she was checking up on when she kept sneaking into that police station -"

"We don't have time. We're almost there – see that abandoned construction site?"

"…It looks like an empty building."

"Exactly. The perfect place to hold captives for a short period of time. I told Jodie-sensei and her other agents to keep tabs on this place and they're already on it. We can't go in though, got it? You should stay behind nearby an agent. This Organization could finally be taken down."

"_What_ in the _hell_ are you _talking_ about? And I'm _not_ staying behind anywhere, Kokone's in trouble!"

"Just stay here, that's Jodie-sensei over there. Don't make a scene, or they'll notice." We casually walked over to a blond woman in a sort of obvious disguise that was leaning against a black car, on the phone while drinking coffee like a perfectly normal woman on the street. She spotted us and made eye contact for only a few seconds before directing her gaze towards the building.

"We have people watching from all different angles, ready to move in whenever possible. It seems they just parked their car inside from a back entrance," She whispered almost inaudibly. Conan nodded subtly.

"This is it. This could be the end," he said with a hard gaze in the direction of the building. I felt as if my mind were coming apart at the seams. _Kokone_, I thought, _please be alright._


	40. Chapter 40: Shot

_Kokawa Kokone's POV:_

I was floating. Though the description may seem like a comforting experience, it definitely wasn't, just because I couldn't control the fact that I was floating in the first place. My mind was empty, and yet it wasn't. And then I felt as if something was helping me focus, pulling me back with a gravitational pull.

Or a gravitational kick.

"Aishhh…" I hissed, squeezing my eyes shut tighter in response to a sharp jab in my left thigh.

"Kokone. Kone-chan, wake up," Heiji said from somewhere very close by. I blinked my eyes open to see….nothing. It was very dark, wherever we were, but as my vision adjusted, I could tell we were in some sort of concrete, enclosed space. I tried to sit up, but it took a lot more effort since my ankles and wrists were tied with coarse rope that dug into my skin.

"…Do you know where we are? How long has it been?" Everything was flooding back in that moment, and I suddenly remembered that I had been knocked out with chemicals by that brute, Vodka.

"I'm trying to figure that out, but as far as I can tell and hear, no one else is…nearby?" He seemed to question himself, and I finally made out his figure off to my right. His ear was pressed against the wall, but he sat straight again and shook his head in frustration. "It's cold, hard concrete. I can't hear anything."

"Well there has to be an opening somewhere -"

"Why would they leave the only way in here open for us to escape?" He spat. "The door's locked."

"Well _excuse_ me for coming up with ideas," I muttered angrily. "No, no. Enough," I said before he could retaliate. "Are your hands tied in front of you or behind you?"

"Behind. Yours?"

"Behind. Damn. This will be more difficult than I thought. Is there a lock on the door that you can feel? If I could somehow get a friggin bobby pin out of my hair…"

"I don't think there's any way for you to pick the lock from the inside…" He sighed.

"Alright, well, let's get back to back." I said, since it seemed like our only other option.

"…you want to untie me?" He grumbled. "I doubt the knots are that easy to undo…"

"Would you cut the pessimism? I need you to untie _me_, by the way. I don't trust you to save yourself," I responded as we scooted ourselves into our back to back formation.

"WHAT DID YOU -"

"SHHH. God, you want them to kill you now? They have no use for you, Heiji, it's not an insult, it's a fact. They'll deal with you before anything else – most likely to bribe me into something."

"Bribe you? Into doing what?"

"I haven't exactly figured that part out yet, okay? Now, I need you to feel the knot and see if you can identify -" I was cut off by the sound of the door unlocking slowly, as if whoever was opening it was making sure we knew he was coming.

"Well. Seems as if we can't leave you alone for too long now, doesn't it?" Gin said in a deep, foreboding voice. I shivered internally, but my teeth gritted in anger.

"What is it that you want, Gin?" I grumbled.

"Vodka, pull them out here so we may discuss, if you will." His blond hair seemed to shimmer slightly as he turned, and for a moment I noticed that there were traces of sunlight where he was. It was still day time but…was it even the same day? Soon enough, Heiji was being dragged out of the room by Vodka, who came back to get me. Now, we were sitting in a dimly lit room, though it was rather large, and looked as if it hadn't been completely constructed yet.

Wait a minute…

"Why did you bring us here, to this abandoned construction site, of all places?" I asked suddenly, without even thinking.

"Hush," he silenced me, turning his piercing eyes in my direction. "Now then, are you willing to compromise?" He knelt down to my level and took my chin in his hand, lifting my head to meet his eyes completely. I spat in his face, which caused him to slap me hard enough to fall onto Heiji's lap, almost as if it were an involuntary response.

"Now, now, Kokawa-san. No need to be so unladylike. As you seem to have figured out, we've been looking for you. Any source of relevant and agreeable scientists has been depleted."

"So you've come to recruit me," I panted, struggling to lift myself off of Heiji.

"I'm glad you understand. Will you join quietly? Or shall I have to make a few adjustments to this boy's poor, handsome face?" His tone got darker with each syllable.

"Leave him out of this. Completely. Don't even _touch_ him," I threatened. As I kept them busy, I felt the knot tying my wrists the best I could without making any sudden movements. The only problem was the material the rope was made out of: once it was tied, it would be very difficult to get the rope to shift even slightly. I decided my best bet was to try and stretch the rope out to achieve enough space to slip my small hands through.

"It seems as if our old acquaintance wants to be untied. Vodka," he snapped. "Cut the ropes. There's nowhere for her to go." He smiled evilly at me for a moment before turning his attention to Heiji. Vodka stalked over, whipping out a small pocket knife, and began to cut the ropes.

"Well? What's your purpose?" He inquired. Heiji's scowl deepened in response.

"You're not going to get away with anything," was all he could come up with. Suddenly my hands and ankles were freed, and I stood up, rubbing my painful wrists.

"I told you, he has nothing to do with this. He doesn't know anything at ALL," I insisted, to which Heiji responded with a "HEY."

"My dear Kokone. You should know that being here alone is too much knowledge within itself." I grimaced.

"Well I'm not going to join whatever sick organization you're running, and there's no way you'll be able to figure out any of my research without me. Let. Him. Go," I spoke through gritted teeth.

"I suppose the only way to compromise is if you pledge to us then, hmm? I'm not sure what's so appealing to you about this boy, but I suppose I could recruit him as well…We'd have to keep a rather close eye on him, though. Such a pain."

"You're lying. You don't compromise. As soon as I'm in your grasp you'll kill him." Gin was great at saving face, but I caught that glint in his eye that proved I was right before he turned back to Heiji.

"I think you'd make a great addition to our team, Kokawa-san. You have all the characteristics of a classic Organization member."

"What characteristics are you referring to exactly?" I inquired, slightly insulted.

"We've been watching you, Kokawa-san," He said in a smooth, yet rumbly voice. "You're cruel and cold-hearted, you succeed in nearly everything you do, and will take down anyone that gets in your way."

"That is NOT true," I spat back at him. Was I really that competitive?

"And yet…I would never be able to trust you because of it. I supposed it'd be more of an inconvenience to force you into our Organization…that's just too bad." He reached into his jacket casually and pulled out a gun, aiming it for Heiji.

"NO. I'll do it – I'll join or translate or WHATEVER you freaking WANT." I took a step forward, holding my hands up.

"Kone-chan, DON'T," Heiji warned. "Don't under ANY circumstances give in to this bastard!" His deep green eyes bored into mine, and I was amazed to find that there wasn't a single trace of doubt – he would rather die than sell me into this Black Organization.

"You have someone that needs you, Heiji. Multiple people, actually. You're not dying today."

"On the contrary, this trigger is about to be pulled," Gin said so calmly, you would think he was talking about the weather or something. I leapt forward so that I was between Heiji and that gun. There wasn't even a voice telling me that my decision may not have been the smartest one. All I could think about was that I needed to get him out of there as soon as possible. Hadn't someone noticed our disappearance by now? What was I supposed to do?

"Step out of the way, Kokone-chan. If I must, I'll kill you too, since you seem so adamant to avoid your destiny. What's that saying…? Ahh, yes. Like father, like daughter." I growled in the back of my throat.

"Appa wasn't a ruthless killer like you. Ever wonder why that drug doesn't work? That was on purpose, but I suppose imbeciles such as yourself wouldn't be able to figure that out."

"It doesn't work, eh? Even more reason for you to join."  
>"Only if Heiji goes, completely free, no followers or stalkers after him…" I listed. His eyes narrowed.<p>

"Kokone, get out of the way. Don't do this, I'll be fine," Heiji muttered from behind me.

"Listen to your friend, Kokawa-san. You should step aside before I create an even bigger mess than I intended."

"…No," I responded coolly. I began to notice traces of anger and frustration on Gin's face before he composed himself once again.

"I suppose we could find someone else, then. It's really such a shame. You could have become my adoptive daughter," he mused, as if the idea seemed plausible to him.

"You'd never be able to live up to my father," I grumbled. Gin's gun clicked as he got ready to shoot, but then there was a noise off to the left. I noticed Heiji was shifting uncomfortably for some reason out of the corner of my eye, and wanted to stop him from moving around, but decided the strange sound was more important at the moment.

"Is that Vermouth?" Gin asked. Vodka shrugged as he examined the darkness.

"Well? Go check it out," Gin commanded. Vodka nodded as he ventured toward the sound. I noted that there were various crates that stacked up and led into the darkness, and wondered if someone had been hiding within them the whole entire time. Gin, meanwhile, turned his attention back to us, his gun still pointed at my chest. Vodka returned momentarily though, looking confused.

"There's nothing there, Nii-chan."

"Check with our scouts to see if they noticed anyone outside. I'll take care of these two so we can leave." I braced myself for what was to come. Heiji shifted onto his knees for some reason, but Gin didn't seem to think anything of it.

"Don't shoot her. Kone, get OUT of the WAY," he shouted in his classic argumentative voice. I pretended I didn't hear him.

"This is it, Kokawa Kokone. You've been waiting to see your father for a while, haven't you?" And then that was it. I unconsciously closed my eyes, waiting for the trigger to be pulled, for it to all be over. There was scuffling around me and I distantly heard Heiji's voice at the back of my mind, but paid it no mind as I thought of the chance to see my father once again, if there was such a thing as an afterlife.

I heard the ear-blasting bang as the gun was shot, could smell the gunpowder as it was released, and could even feel pressure as if the sound waves were trying to push me over.

But there was no pain.

There was no shot.

But there had been a noise, hadn't there? I opened my eyes to clarify what I was thinking, wondering if I had already died painlessly, and found something I never expected to see.

I began to shake violently as I moved forward. Surely I was still asleep, right? This wasn't happening…right?

But no – it was.

His back was to me, but I would have recognized him from any angle. Ichiro had taken the bullet.


	41. Chapter 41: Cardiac Arrest

I didn't know how to react. Was this even real? Surely it wasn't; I had a history of detailed and violent dreams…but somehow, this seemed to go way too far. For a moment, the world froze and nothing happened, but then everything flew back into motion as time seemed to pass faster than it had been before. Gin was frustrated, Heiji was yelling something at me, but then stopped, and then, Ichiro was slumping backward toward me.

"ICHIRO!" I screamed, catching his back with my palms. The bullet had to have been lodged inside of him, as there wasn't a sign of it exiting through his back. I tried to lower him to the ground as gently as possible, and when I watched the blood soaking through his shirt, I suddenly felt sick. My hands fluttered over him, because for once, I was completely unsure what to do.

"KOKONE, WATCH -" Heiji yelled from somewhere. He was struggling against his ropes, and only then did I realize that he had been working at them with a piece of glass this whole time. They were fraying as he desperately tried to get up to help, but just as he tried to warn me, I was struck over the head with an item I couldn't place. My vision blurred and my eyes crossed for a moment before I fell forward, as if the weight of my head had suddenly increased with that blow to my skull. I felt wetness spread across my scalp.

"Ko..ko..ko-n-ne…" Ichiro rasped.

"How many boyfriends do you have, Kokone-chan? Would your father be pleased with your actions?" I heard Gin's voice, calm as ever, behind me.

"Nii-chan!" Vodka appeared, surveying the scene as if it were completely normal. "Someone spotted an FBI agent not far from here, we need to leave."

"Is that so," Gin responded blandly. I reached up and touched the left side of my head, feeling the blood pulse out as if there were an extra heart in my brain. Everything seemed fuzzy, and again I focused on the fact that Ichiro had just been shot, and tried to think of something I could do until someone could help. In another completely unexpected hit, I yelped as Gin kicked me – hard – in my right side, causing me to fall and actually skid towards Heiji, who yelled in protest as he continued to desperately thrash the glass through his ropes. The kick had turned me to face him instead of Gin, and I looked at him with earnest, trying to get my bearings. Gin appeared above me and yanked me up by the arm to a somewhat standing position.

"So you went to the FBI about this, huh? You realize how many more people are going to die because of you? Such a shame." He let my arm go and reached into his jacket to grab his gun once again. Once I was let go, I swayed slightly, then fell down to the ground again just as Heiji came out of nowhere with a metal rod, knocking the gun out of Gin's hand and across the room.

"O-oi!" Vodka said, about to retrieve the gun. Out of nowhere, a voice over a loudspeaker appeared, and I heard a loud buffeting sound – almost like a helicopter.

"Put your hands in the air and step away from the hostages!" the voice called. Gin cursed under his breath.

"We've been outsmarted, Vodka," he grunted quietly. He didn't obey by raising his arms, but he didn't go for his gun either. There was a tiny sliver of hope when I realized that we were being saved, but then I remembered once again that Ichiro had been shot. Why was it so hard for me to focus? I tried to sit up and find him, only to realize that he was just a foot away. Dragging myself closer to him, I said urgently:

"Ichiro. Chiro. Chiro, open your eyes." He lay there, his eyes closing for a few seconds at a time. There was blood all over him, and he was getting paler by the second.

"Ko…?" He tried, turning his head in my direction slightly. I bent over him, placing a hand over what I thought was the bullet wound.

"Stay awake. You have to stay awake. Do you hear me? DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES!" My voice was shaking as I tried to keep his attention. I couldn't get the image of my father lying in this same position out of my head. After a few more seconds, a swarm of police officers and FBI agents entered the abandoned building, guns aiming towards the criminals. They also had some of the other scouts, such as Korn and Chianti, in custody already.

"They're here, Chiro. They're…they're going to…" Despite my demands, I felt my eyes closing as I leaned forward.

"Kone-chan, come on, we'll get you both ambulances. Is anything broken?" Heiji was holding me up, preventing me from falling on top of Ichiro.

"I-I don't -" At that moment, there were at least 5 paramedics with portable gurneys. They tried to get me onto one of them, but I protested.

"No, Ichiro needs -"

"They'll take care of him, Kokone, you need to cooperate. He'll be okay," Heiji promised.

"Chiro?" I called over to him. He was being loaded onto the gurney, his face beaded with sweat and pale as a ghost. "Chiro, wake UP. WAKE UP RIGHT NOW, DAMMIT." I screamed, suddenly flooded with anger.

"They'll take good care of him, okay? What's your name, sweetie?" A kind paramedic asked me in a gentle voice, pushing me down onto my gurney.

"I'm fine. Chiro's – he needs – he's going to -" I couldn't completely come to terms with the fact that Chiro had just been SHOT, like my father had.

I also couldn't accept the fact that when my father had been shot, he had died only minutes later. My vision got fuzzy again and I passed out temporarily despite my fight to stay awake. I woke up only a minute later, when we were being loaded into our separate ambulances.

"HEIJI, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HANDS?" I heard Kazuha shout off to the side. "Are they going to be okay?"

"They will," he said surely, but more like he was trying to convince himself.

"Oh my – Kokone-chan?" Ran called. I blinked my eyes open, trying to find her. They were just about to lift me into the ambulance when I tried to sit up, only to be greeted with a terrible shooting pain in my side.

"AAACK…" I made a frightening noise, even to my own ears, as I gripped my torso and fell back, writhing on the gurney. A paramedic felt my side, which only made it worse, then lifted my shirt slightly to expose some pretty intense bruising.

"Alright, looks like she has some broken ribs that may be causing some internal problems, we should definitely get her to the hospital as soon as possible. Sit back, ma'am, relax."

But I couldn't. I needed to reach Ichiro, but the pain kept me down every time I tried. Somehow though, we were in the ambulance, bumping along the rough street. When did we start moving?

"Kone-chan, can you hear me?" It was Heiji's voice, but I was having trouble focusing. Had I responded already? What was I even looking at? I knew I was in an ambulance, and I even knew what an ambulance looked like from previous experience, but somehow I couldn't put two and two together.

My mind started to clear a little when we reached the hospital. They unloaded me from the ambulance, and soon I felt cold air that smelled of rubbing alcohol – my nose stung. I picked a voice out of the many around me in what I assumed was the E.R.

"We're going to take you into surgery now, Ogawa-san, just hold on for a little bit longer, okay?" A kind, doctor-like voice said reassuringly. That was enough to fully awaken me from my confusion. I thrust myself up and was met by multiple pairs of hands that tried to hold me down, but I somehow found the strength to fight against them. Adrenaline pulsed through my veins as I cussed my way out of there.

"Kokone, lay. Back. DOWN," Heiji commanded from somewhere. I whipped my head around, grimacing as the pain in my side ached. He had a stern look on his face, and was struggling with all the other doctors to push me down. With a shake and a flinging of my arms, I threw myself off the table and out the door. Heiji wasn't far behind.

"Kokone! Kone-chan! Nee-chan, stop her from going over there!" I was running now, breathing hard through the pain. Off to the side, I spotted Ran, Kazuha and Conan, who all nodded at Heiji in response, but didn't do much to stop me. Then I saw him being rolled into a wing of the hospital that was off-limits to normal people.

"Wait!" I called. "WAIT! CHIRO!" The doctors wheeling him through the doors stopped for a moment and looked up at me, their eyes widening as they took in my gruesome appearance.

"Uh, can we get someone to…take care of this?" One of them said to no one in particular. It didn't look like anyone wanted to stop what they were doing to deal with me. Once I reached Ichiro, who was even paler if it was possible, I reached out and grabbed his cold, lifeless hand.

"Chiro? You'd better not die on me. You hear me? If you die I will _never_ forgive you." Even now, I was threatening him to stay alive. But what else could I say? One of the doctors reached for Ichiro's neck, feeling for his pulse.

"We're losing him, come on," he said with earnest, and they started to wheel him away once again. I felt like I had just been shot by his words, my hands limp by my side.

"Kokone, come on. That thing on your head is getting _really_ disgusting." I hadn't realized it, but Heiji and everyone else were standing right behind me.

"Kokone-chan, please go back to the doctors. They need to help you," Kazuha tried shakily, reaching out to touch my shoulder.

"My…heart…hurts…" I said dully. And it did – hurt, that is – but I hardly noticed. My senses were diminishing with every passing second, something I didn't register as a bad sign until I was falling.

"Kokone? Kone-chan! OI, WE NEED SOME HELP OVER HERE," Heiji yelled. He was holding me up, but everything was fading too quickly for me to be completely aware.

I had the impression that we were going to win. But I was wrong.

My heart was stopping. I had lost.


	42. Chapter 42: Waiting

_Hattori Heiji's POV:_

What the hell? What? The? Hell?

That's all I could think through all of this. Why would this all happen? I've been in some pretty tough situations before, but this was beyond ridiculous.

Now, as I held Kokone, waiting for the doctors that were rushing over to take her into the trauma room, I wondered if it would all be for nothing. She couldn't just _die. _That'd just be too selfish. She freakin' wouldn't live at home for almost a whole year for THIS?

"Kokone-chan!" Kazuha said pleadingly. "Heiji, what's happening?"

"I – I don't know, okay? Just stay out here," I responded, frustrated. She looked a bit hurt, but decided to pipe down.

After what seemed like a really long time (it was only about 5 seconds), the doctors arrived, helping me transport Kokone into the next room, where they started hooking her up to all sorts of machines. I stood back, feeling completely helpless.

"We have no pulse, let's get a bag on her please?" one of the doctors said as she listened to Kokone's heart with her stethoscope. Another got an oxygen bag and placed it over Kokone's mouth, squeezing artificial air into her lungs.

"She's not…she's not dead, is she?" I had a feeling I knew the answer, but wanted a straight answer. They ignored me, and continued to bustle around in complete chaos.

"Charge to 250," the woman commanded, reaching over to take the defibrillation paddles. A nurse unbuttoned Kokone's shirt in preparation for the shock. After the woman placed the paddles in position, she called "Clear!" and all the nurses lifted themselves away from Kokone. They all stared fixedly at the heart rate monitor, where the initial shock was shown, but then there was a flat line once again.

"Wait, her heart isn't even BEATING?" I yelled. They ignored me once again. "OI, I WANT SOME ANSWERS, WHAT'S HAPPENING TO HER?"

"Will someone get him out of here please?" The female doctor asked in a bored voice as she prepared to shock Kokone again. A nurse approached me.

"Sir, if I could ask you to -"

"NO. SHE'S – SHE'S MY SISTER," I cried in protest. Another male nurse came over to help and started urging me out the door. "NO. KOKONE, YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP FOR ICHIRO. HE'LL BE WAITING, YOU IDIOT, SO YOU'D BETTER WAKE UP."

And then I was shut out of the room. I looked through the thick glass of the window and watched. Kokone's face was completely still, her eyes closed.

"Heiji, is she…dying?" I jumped when Kazuha's voice whispered from right behind me.

"I'm not sure yet," was all I could manage. "Come on, let's go sit somewhere else. They'll let us know more later." I grabbed her arm and pulled her along with me, passing Ran and Kudo as they stared worriedly at the trauma room. They followed after realizing we were walking away.

"But Heiji, we can't leave her by herself!" Kazuha protested.

"She'll be fine. She has to be. Let's sit and wait for a report on Ichiro-san."

We went to the waiting room and, well, waited. It seemed like it had been hours, but I had no idea how much time had really been passing by. Kudo sat on my left, Kazuha on my right. After a long while, we were approached by a surgeon.

"You're waiting for Ogawa Ichiro-san, right?" We nodded. She was wringing her hands – probably new to the job, maybe an intern.

"He had a few complications during surgery -"

"Like what?" I interrupted.

"Uh…well…his heart stopped once. But he's recovering now if you'd like to see him. He should wake up soon. Do you know where his parents are?"

Shit, I completely forgot about calling them.

"Uh – yeah. I'll try to get their numbers for you." The young woman nodded nervously, then began to lead us to the elevator and up to Ichiro's room.

"Uh, excuse me? Do you know anything about Kokawa Kokone?" Nee-chan asked.

"No, I haven't. I've been in the operating room all this time, but I'll try to find something out for you. No one else has come to give you a report yet?" We all shook our heads forlornly. When we reached the right floor, we were directed to Ichiro's room, where he lay in his hospital bed, sound asleep. His color was back, at least. The heart monitor harshly beeped beside him. A doctor was filling out some sort of form while standing next to the bed.

"I'll call my parents and get his mom's number," I offered, then realized my phone was gone. Stupid blond bastard, I thought as I cussed aloud.

"Uhh…Kazuha, do you have your phone by any chance?" She was looking away though, her face full of worry. I looked in the direction she was.

"Is that…Kokone?" I wanted to confirm out loud, but decided I'd go check it out anyway. Everyone followed. As we got closer to the room, a doctor came out of the door, shutting it behind him. When he saw us, he asked if we were with Kokone.

"She has a few broken ribs, but she didn't need surgery for anything. We finally got her heart to restart but…she hasn't woken up…as for the head wound…" He looked away with regret before continuing. "That may have something to do with it. We're not sure if she'll ever wake up. And if she does, we can't be sure what may have been affected by the wound."

"She…may not wake up?" Kazuha clarified, the words seeming to squeak out of her throat.

"We can't be sure yet. But we'll wait for a while longer. Where are her parents?"

"…In Osaka," I barely responded. I was looking through the window of the room the whole time he was talking, taking in Kokone's bandaged head, a tube sticking out of her mouth connected to some sort of breathing machine.

_Kokone_, I thought, _why did this have to happen?_


	43. Chapter 43: Eternal Sleep

_Kokawa Kokone's POV:_

I knew I was dead. There was just some sort of certainty within the aspect – I just knew. There was no argument, no confusion. I was just simply – dead.

What was disorienting was that it wasn't what I expected. I was in what seemed like a garden, but it was one I remembered from somewhere. For a moment I just stood there and looked around, completely fine with the fact that I wasn't really alive.

Wait, so does this mean…

"This could be heaven. Or it could be hell. I prefer to think of it as just death, though. After all, it's only a matter of perspective." A voice speaking in Korean that would have made my heart ache with joy had it been beating came from my left, and when I turned, my father stepped through the bushels created by a dangling willow tree.

"Appa?" Was all I could say. He smiled warmly, yet cautiously, as if he was expecting me to freak out at any second. We stood, at least 5 feet apart, in silence for a few minutes – or did minutes even exist anymore? Time seemed irrelevant at this point; a year could pass and it could only be minutes in the real world. Finally, he spoke.

"My, it's been a long time. You've grown so much. Actually, I'd have to admit that you look just like your mother did when I first met her." He started to walk toward me, the sun glinting off of his glasses and black hair. When he was right in front of me, he reached out and stroked my cheek.

"Such a striking resemblance. And I've never been more proud to call you my daughter. But it's too early for you to be here, so you should cooperate, alright? Go back to your mother and make things right." He had his hands placed steadily on my shoulders, willing me to understand.

"But…if I could stay here with you…" I have to admit, it seemed like a plausible idea. There was no danger here, there were flowers…but there was something missing.

"You can't have everything you want here, despite the atmosphere. I'm not your future, Kokone. You have so much ahead of you. You don't have enough stories to tell – well, good ones anyway."

"I…I miss you, Appa. I've missed you so much. And Omma…Omma's been -"

"Difficult, yes. She was a bit like this after her father died. I loved her very much, you know that, right?" I nodded. "It will be better with time…though it has been 9 years. Just be patient with her."

"…Did you try to live?" I asked quietly. He smiled slightly, but his eyes were filled with sadness.

"Yes. I did try. But you have to understand, it's not always possible. This may be a place of no worries, but there are still certain boundaries that I could not cross."

"Now then, concentrate hard for me. What do you feel?" He asked. I must have looked confused, but then I felt it: a slight lurch in my chest. The perfect world blurred for a second, then reappeared.

"Ah, you felt it, yes? They're trying to restart your heart. You have to have the will to return, now. Try harder – oh? Is that really you, Chiro-kun?" He randomly switched from Korean to Japanese, and with the mention of Ichiro's name, my eyes widened and I spun around.

There he was, perfectly…well, perfect, in every way. His dark hair moved slightly with the gentle wind, and his piercing eyes bore into mine with overwhelming feeling behind them. He looked completely healthy, as if he had never been shot.

"Chiro…" I whispered. His eyes widened, and I imagined he felt the same lurch that I had just moments before.

"It's a shame that you're both here, but I feel like you can make it. Now, both of you, focus on your heartbeat. Don't let anything distract you. But first," he turned me to face him, and then pulled me into a hug. It was a weird feeling, after not having seen him, let alone hugged him in such a long time, but even when he was alive, we hardly exchanged these sentimental moments.

"I love you, Kone. Make me proud, and I will see you again, hopefully in the far future. Chiro-kun, take care of my daughter, would you?" He winked at Ichiro, as if they had some sort of understanding behind this statement. Ichiro smiled and nodded once.

There it was again, the lurch. Ichiro had one too, but he must have been focusing enough to return, because only a moment later he was gone.

"I love you, Appa." I stepped back, raising a hand to wave as I smiled with tears in my eyes. He smiled back, raising his hand as well, and with one last lurch, I was returning.

…But I couldn't open my eyes. I felt myself being pulled back into a sort of reverie, but I was unable to wake up.

_Well_, I thought, _at least I know I'm not dead._

Just as it was in that perfect world, time seemed irrelevant. I had no idea how much time was passing, or if any was passing at all. I couldn't pinpoint where I was, couldn't hear anything, even when I knew I was awake – in my mind, at least.

Soon enough, I felt like I was making progress though. Over how long a period of time it was, I didn't know, but suddenly I was becoming more aware of my surroundings. I could hear everything when I wasn't sleeping, though I still couldn't move or respond in any way. One day (or night, I wasn't sure), I was able to listen to everything for God knows how long.

"Ah, Hattori-kun! Good to see you again," a voice I didn't recognize greeted, I guess Heiji, cheerfully.

"You too. Any changes?" Heiji asked. I realized that if I had chosen to die, I would have missed that distinctive voice so much.

"It doesn't seem like it. When is her mother coming again?"

"I think she said Wednesday, right?" He asked someone.

"That's what Ichiro-san's mom said, I think…" It was Kazuha. She sounded pretty down about something.

"Well, you're welcome to stay for a while, as always. Is Conan-kun with you today?" This lady seemed delighted by the idea of that kid.

"Y-yeah. He's with Nee-chan down the hall. I think they're visiting Ichiro-san with his parents."

"Ahhh, I should go say hello then. Such a cute kid, he reminds me of my little brother. I'll leave you two then, ja ne!" I heard a door open and close as I assumed the lady took her leave.

"You want anything? I'm starving." Heiji asked.

"Geez, Heiji, don't you think of anything besides your stomach?" Kazuha grumbled.

"What?" He responded as if it was perfectly fine. "I skipped breakfast this morning! Anyway, I'll be back." And with that, the door opened and closed again, leaving Kazuha. There was the sound of a chair being moved across the floor, coming closer to me. Then I felt her hand on my arm and heard her take a deep, shaky breath.

"Kokone-chan…I wish you'd wake up. I'm so sorry all of this happened…Heiji won't tell me everything. He said he wants to wait for you before he talks about it."

She was quiet for a few moments.

"I just can't believe this happened to you. Why does this sort of thing happen to such good people? I used to be so jealous of you, Kokone-chan. I envied you so much. You and Heiji are pretty close, huh? I used to think you two were, uhm…but that's ridiculous of me, right?" she chuckled humorlessly. Her next statement and tone of voice nearly broke my heart.

"If I had known…If I had known about all of these things that had happened to you, Kokone-chan…I'm so _sorry_. I should have been a better_ friend_." I wanted to tell her she couldn't have done anything, but was stuck the way I was. Now she was in tears.

"And I used to be _jealous_ of you." I felt wetness on my bare arm. She wiped it away with her finger before continuing. "Please wake up, Kokone-chan. Wake up!" She whimpered in a thick voice.

Even I hadn't noticed, but at some point, Heiji had returned.

"Kazuha…" He said sadly. Kazuha sniffed. "Kazuha, she can't hear you."

"You don't know that!" She protested. Then she broke into sobs. They suddenly became muffled, but I couldn't figure out by what.

"They said she could just be recovering. She'll wake up," he assured her gently. Kazuha continued to weep.

_I'm awake!_ I wanted to say. _I'll be okay! _But I still couldn't move, as if my brain were completely disconnected from my body. For the first time, I noticed I wasn't breathing on my own. So how was I awake then? I guess I wasn't, but this couldn't be normal…I wasn't able to take a full deep breath; in fact, it felt like something was pumping air into my chest for me the way a manual respirator would, every pump of air measured and refined.

I became aware of the obnoxious beeps that belonged to various different machines around me. Or maybe it was one machine…

"Aho, you don't need to cry so much over this. Everything's going to work out." I felt like I was unintentionally intruding on a tender moment, because even when Heiji called her an idiot, he said it kindly.

"How can you not! Don't call me an aho for having feelings, aho!" She seemed to be composing herself now, and I felt like they'd get into one of those verbal brawls right in my hospital room. _Only Heiji and Kazuha_, I thought. But instead, it was quiet.

"Have you visited Ichiro-san today?" Kazuha asked finally. One of the constant beeps, I assume it represented my heart rate, increased at the mention of his name. I heard Heiji chuckle.

"Should we call the nurse…?" Kazuha started worriedly.

"No, no. This is just proof that she'll wake up soon." If I had been awake, I probably would have blushed furiously.

"Anyway, Ichiro-san is doing better today. His incision is healing well from surgery. I expect he'll try to jump out of his bed and visit Kokone's room in no time." Kazuha giggled.

"I'm glad! Now we just need Kokone-chan to wake up…"

"She will. Let's go say goodnight to Ichiro-san before we leave. Visiting hours are almost over." Kazuha made an approving noise and I heard the door open, followed by a scuffle of sorts.

"Heiji! You should have let me open the door, you idiot! The doctor said to let your lacerations heal!"

"Ahhh, Kazuha," Heiji groaned in frustration. "Lacerations is just a fancy word for cuts. They'll be fine, I have them bandaged and everything, see?" Kazuha hmphed once more before they took their leave.

Soon enough, I was completely asleep.


	44. Chapter 44: Awake?

Not much happened during the few moments that I was aware of my auditory surroundings. I felt mentally exhausted all the time, and still couldn't move anything, could hardly feel by touch of anything unless it was a completely different temperature. As I lay there pathetically, listening to the chorus of beeps and automated breath sounds around me one day (though I'm not sure what day it really was), something felt off. The air almost sounded different, if it were possible. Soon I found out why.

"How long has she been this way?" I heard my mother's cold voice ask as if she were required to.

"Five days," Heiji answered formally.

"…and she still hasn't woken up." She stated this as if it were just so inconvenient. (How _dare_ Kokone not recover completely from her almost fatal injuries by the time I get here!) I would have snorted if I had had the ability to.

"…Not yet. But she will." I had heard this phrase from Heiji so many times already, and that was saying something considering my current condition. My mother scoffed.

"So naïve. All you teenagers need to face reality before it smites you. Though I guess never-ending hope could be worthy of envy in certain situations…" She seemed so blasé about it all, as if this was just a normal meeting at a normal place, like a coffee shop of sorts. An uncomfortable silence ensued for a few moments while Heiji figured out how to respond.

"…Yes ma'am," he finally said. "Well then, I'm sure Ichiro-san would be happy to see you after you're done here. We'll all be in his room around the corner." Somehow, Heiji was able to keep his cool. It was unlike him to carefully select his words, let alone to speak in a respectful tone when he was frustrated.

"Fine then. I won't be long," my mother responded curtly. I wondered why she was even staying for any length of time at all. I heard the opening and closing of a door, and then it was silent for what seemed like a _really_ long time.

"You always were the troublemaker. Getting Ichiro into all sorts of dangerous situations. Just look what you've done this time! He's over in a hospital bed recovering from a _gunshot_ wound to the _chest_!" She sighed, then continued. The next time she spoke, her tone was much softer. So much softer, in fact, that I questioned whether this was really my mother or not.

"And here you are. This is exactly why I had someone follow you…I was trying to _prevent_ this. You just don't know what's best for you, and you never have! Just like your father…According to the men I hired though…it didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped. Don't worry, I _paid_ them to hurt you if you got too close."

_Gee, thanks Omma. That helped me out so much._

"But it looks like that scared you away rather than the alternative…I don't know much about what happened the night your father died, but I know enough. I may seem a bit…harsh, sometimes, but I…" She stopped here, as if unable to find the right words. Her next few sentences would have made my breath catch.

"I just miss your Appa so much," she nearly whispered. "And I miss him, with you. It was so much easier to love you before he died."

So much for a touching moment, I thought. Until she continued, anyway.

"Now though, you're just a constant reminder that he died. You may look exactly like me, but that just makes it worse. You have his drive, his need for risk – you are both one in the same. And I just can't handle it. It would have been much easier if you had both died. I could have left that house, could have returned back home. But starting completely over would have been a bit scary, huh? It seems like you've done pretty well here, with the exception of being terribly wounded…" I felt something cold touch my head lightly through a layer of what I assumed were bandages.

"I have to live up to your father's expectations, okay? I hope you figure this out, but hopefully after I'm long gone. It would be a shame to lose my power at such an early age."

And there it was, she was back to her old self – mostly. There was still a touch of tenderness in her voice, as if we had some sort of understanding now.

"Wake up soon, nae jag-eun kkoch. And if you don't…tell your Appa that I love him." With that, she left, and I was alone to think by myself, as I did when there was nothing to listen to.

_"My little flower,"_ huh? I was her little flower? But she loved flowers…

So did that mean she loved me?

My mother never returned to my room, but then, I hadn't expected her to in the first place. I began to feel the empty loneliness set in, even though I was pretty sure someone was in my room 24/7. I was also aware that this was a parallel to my behavior before Gin showed up, but somehow, I hadn't noticed before.

That got me thinking about the Black Organization. What had happened to them? There's no way Gin and Vodka could have gotten out of there without some sort of mass murder, but even then…How many people out of the Organization did they catch? Were there still ones they didn't know about? Had they tracked down the head of this treacherous group?

In a way, I felt like I knew that everything was fine now. While there was anticipation to have the answers confirmed, it was almost like this huge worldly weight had been lifted off of my back just by being in this hospital.

It would be nice to be able to speak and move though.

One day, I had suddenly become aware of an argument that was taking place in my hospital room.

"Aho, she likes _daffodils_, not _tulips_."

"Says who?"

"Ichiro-san! You remember when he showed her those daffodils in that obaa-sama's garden?"

"There were tulips in there too! And Kokone-chan liked them just fine. Besides, there were no daffodils to choose from."

"And _roses_? You really don't know Kokone _at all_."

"SHE LIKES ALL KINDS OF FLOWERS, AHO. SHE'D APPRECIATE ANY TYPE OF FLOWER THAT WE SET BESIDE HER BED."

"BUT SHE HAS FAVORITES."

"SO? YOU HAVE FAVORITE FOODS, BUT YOU'LL EAT _ANYTHING_!"

"THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS." There was a frustrated and rather loud sigh, I assumed coming from Kazuha.

"She has to like them. And even if she doesn't…it's not like she'll ever see them before they die," she whispered somewhere nearby.

"Why say that? I told you, she'll be -"

"I know, I know. We've all heard you say it. But it's almost been a week Heiji…she hasn't even _moved_."

"She needs time. I saw that bastard hit her over the head with the barrel of his gun - it was _definitely_ a hard hit. Someone doesn't just spring out of bed after something like that, especially when that someone has a heart attack after the fact…"

This just made me sad. They were all waiting for me. Even Ichiro – he had to be wondering about my condition, right? They had said he was awake and still in his hospital bed but…

Suddenly something changed. I smelled something. The smell of pollen and sweet roses. Which meant…

I was breathing. I was breathing on my own. I tried something else out, and found success after a few attempts – my hands stretched out, by my own will, and I heard a few bones crack as I flexed my stiff fingers. There were gasps, as I assumed Heiji and Kazuha noticed, and then there was chaos.

"Did you just -"

"She just -"

"HER HANDS!"

"Go get Dr. Kichida! Kokone? Kokone-chan! Can you hear me?" Heiji was asking frantically. It was as if my senses were slowly refilling in my body, one infinitesimal part at a time. I continued to move my hands slightly, then I was able to open my eyes slowly but surely, to what seemed like a brand new, colorful world, even though I was in the bland, white walls of a hospital room.

"Kokone!" Heiji breathed in relief, appearing in my field of vision. I wanted to smile and take a deep breath, but when I tried, my gag reflex kicked in.

How long had I had this tube down my throat?

I started to thrash around, unable to breathe properly because of the stupid freakin' tube down my esophagus. Sputtering and coughing in desperate need to get rid of it, Heiji ran to the door and yelled down the hall: "SHE'S AWAKE, SHE CAN'T BREATHE!"

After an entirely too long minute of anguish, the doctor rushed in, all flustered and looking half asleep, followed by Heiji, Kazuha, Ran and Conan. She tried to calm me down so she could take the tube out, but it was difficult. I whimpered a few times, trying to tell her that it needed to go, NOW, which eventually required Heiji's help as he held my arms down. The doctor removed the tape and tube carefully, so as not to rupture anything important.

After the tube was out, I lay back, breathing rapidly in an effort to replenish my oxygen supply. The doctor took out her stethoscope and placed it against my chest, listening intently. Glancing around, I noticed everyone had looks of hope and relief on their faces.

"Hey, sleepyhead!" Heiji grinned at me. I was about to return the smile when I realized: I didn't know how to respond. My eyebrows furrowed in frustration.

"Ihaega andoeneun deyo," I tried, which meant "I don't understand" in Korean. They all stared at me with confusion. The doctor performed a few more tests on me with her tiny flashlight, then addressed the current situation.

"Kokawa-san, can you understand what I'm saying?" I nodded.

"Well that's good then! …Right?" Heiji said.

"…I'm not sure yet. Does she speak multiple languages?"

"Korean, primarily. Then Japanese and English. Is something wrong?"

"Jega ilbon-eoleul molla!" I protested, trying to get the message across that I could understand, but couldn't respond.

"…I don't think she can speak Japanese."


	45. Chapter 45: Communication

"But…but she just nodded. She can understand you!" Kazuha insisted shakily after a somewhat lengthy silence.

"Yes, well…in certain cases, there are times when the Broca's area of the brain, that is, the part that controls speech, can become damaged to a point where one can understand but cannot produce the right words. That is, of the right language. Does anyone know Korean then? She could be emitting random sounds that have no meaning, for all we know…"

"Aniyo!" I protested. Then stopped myself. Why couldn't I say it? What was no in Japanese? I couldn't think of anything outside of the Korean language.

"You know any Korean, Kudo?" Heiji whispered, leaning towards the small child. Conan's eyes widened when Kazuha noticed Heiji's mistake.

"Kudo? And why would he know Korean, idiot? He's only in elementary school!"

"I was just making sure! Sheesh, you haven't noticed how much this kid seems to pick up just from TV?" Heiji's cover was pretty good on such short notice, I decided.

"Ichiloneun eodie issseubnikka?" This seemed to be the most important problem to focus on, despite the fact that I wasn't even able to communicate correctly: where was Ichiro?

"…Did she say something about Ichiro-san? I think I heard Ichiro in there…You want to see Ichiro, Kokone-chan?" Heiji tried, leaning in to inspect my face. I diverted backwards a bit in response as I nodded.

"See! She's fine! And Ichiro-san can speak some Korean, right?" He turned towards me again. I nodded instead of answering aloud. Everyone was still regarding me with concerned looks. "Then we'll take her to see Ichiro-san. Does he even know she's awake?"

"You can't. We'll arrange for it later, but for now, both of them need to rest in their respective rooms. I'm assuming her mother will know Korean, so we'll contact her once again. Kokone -" the doctor turned to me gently, speaking slowly as if I were demented. "Everything. Will be fine. Okay? We have. Speech. Therapists. They can help you. For now, we'll just get your mother to come back so she can help settle things out, alright? You understand?" I leveled a cold, dull look straight into her soul before I decided I could use my sudden disability to my advantage.

"Naega babolo chwigeub haji masibsio," I spat. "…Michin yeoja…" She looked at me curiously before she turned to leave.

"…Right. Until then, yes or no questions only, okay everyone? Don't cause too much excitement." Everyone made noises of approval. Once the doctor had left, Heiji took a few steps closer, his hands in his pockets, with a smug look on his face. I regarded him suspiciously.

"Mwo?" I asked.

"I _knew_ you'd wake up. See? I told you ALL." He was grinning, so proud of himself. I rolled my eyes. Kazuha and Ran stepped forward.

"Would you like something, Kokone-chan?" Ran spoke up.

"Mul jom juseyo," I said bowing my head slightly. Then I remembered she couldn't understand me. I bit my lip, trying to find the words. They had be stored somewhere, right?

"Oh…yes or no questions. Remember Ran-chan? Would you like…something to drink?" Kazuha suggested. I nodded once. "…Water?" she guessed. I nodded enthusiastically.  
>"Mul," I translated, hoping she'd understand.<p>

"Mul…? Ah! Water? Mul is water in Korean?" She seemed so delighted by this discovery, I couldn't help but smile slightly before I nodded once again. She returned the smile before she went to locate my request.

"Ne, Kokone-neechan!" Conan called cheerfully from right next to me; I had forgotten he was even there. When I saw his face, I lost my composure. I flung the thin, standard hospital sheets off of me in a frenzy and nearly threw myself off the bed. This series of actions was met by numerous protests from around the room, but I bent down and lifted him off the ground anyway, holding him high above my head as if he really were a child. His face was priceless: eyes wide, mouth frozen in a slightly distorted agape position.

"Uliga haenaess-eo! Uliga haenaess-eo!" I repeated a few times – we did it! We did it! – before I hugged him close, rocking side to side in a sudden jolt of happiness. Conan was okay, and hopefully, once this language barrier was solved, I could get him back to his normal self. Everything could finally be okay now. I took a deep breath and just stood still for a silent moment, my eyes closed as I let this wonderful sense of relief sink in.

"Uhh…Kokone-neechan?" Conan said cautiously, breaking my train of thought. My face heated just barely before I placed him back on the ground.

"Kone-chan, get back into bed already. I'm not gonna be the one to catch you if you die again," Heiji said cynically, crossing his arms. I wheeled around and hissed a Korean curse at him before I stubbornly sat back on my bed. Soon Kazuha came back with my water, and only a few minutes after that, someone else arrived.

Someone I definitely hadn't expected.

When he walked in, everyone stood there and looked back and forth between us, as if trying to guess our relationship to each other in silence.

"…Kokawa Kokone?" Han Hyo Yeoung asked, glancing around him curiously as he awkwardly shoved his hands in his pockets. I wasn't sure what to say.

"Han Hyo Yeoung-ssi," I muttered. A part of me noticed that I didn't know half of his name until now. "Why…why are you here?" I felt more comfortable, but at the same time not, because Hyo Yeoung was able to understand Korean while no one else could.

"I came with your mother. She contacted me just this morning. What happened?" He was legitimately concerned, which I guess was sweet, but I couldn't help but feel irritated towards my mother.

Who just happened to walk in.

"Kokone-ah!" She said in a scolding voice. I automatically recoiled, even before she came over to give me a disciplined slap on the shoulder. "You know how much trouble you've caused? Nearly killing yourself. Rotten girl…"

"Omma!" I protested. Even though only one person could understand what she was saying, it was still embarrassing.

"I should never have let you out of the house! I have Ichiro's parents asking me what the hell happened and why _I_ hadn't had you under control, for God's sakes!" She was yelling, each harsh, Korean syllable piercing my soul like daggers.

"You don't even know what happened! And why did you bring Hyo Yeoung-ssi? He has nothing to do with this _at all_," I seethed. Hyo Yeoung cleared his throat.

"I came of my own accord, thank you very much. Who wouldn't be worried? Your mother told me you almost _died_? Why didn't you contact me? I thought we had an understanding!" He seemed strangely frustrated, not like the Hyo Yeoung I met at the house party at all.

"And look at this, you worry even our strong Han Hyo Yeoung!" My mother interrupted. Heiji, Kazuha, Ran and Conan all tried to follow along with blank, unknowing expressions on their faces.

"Generally when you're being kidnapped, you aren't able to call someone you hardly know, let alone someone you _do_ know," I retorted. My mom, not so lightly this time, slapped my shoulder.

"Nappeun nom!" she scolded me. "Someone worthwhile cares for you and this is how you _thank_ him?" I growled in response and clasped my hands over my ears, squeezing my eyes shut as I tried to yell over her.

"OMMAAA!" Just then, the doctor returned.

"What is going on in here? There are way too many people, shoo! Shoo!" She flipped her hands toward the Japanese half of the room, and they reluctantly followed each other out the door.

"You both speak Korean and Japanese, right?" the doctor asked once the door was closed. "Kokone's mother and…you are?" She directed this question towards Hyo Yeoung, who blinked before answering.

"Just a family friend," He responded in Japanese.

"Ah. Well, as you may have figured out, Kokone understands Japanese, but is having a hard time speaking it. Right, Kokone-chan?" She smiled slightly at me, as if this were an inside joke between me and her. I sneered in response.

"She has to re-learn Japanese?" My mom almost yelled. Why couldn't she talk like everyone else? Everything was always so loud with her, especially when she was already fired up.

"Not necessarily. Since she already understands it, we just have to work on getting her to speak it again. We have speech therapists that deal with this sort of thing frequently. A good thing to hope for is that once she starts to speak it, Japanese will come back to her easily."

"Aigoo, this girl," she grimaced in Korean, then continued with her Japanese conversation. "How long will that take?"

"It's hard to say before she starts, but we can set her up with a speech therapist right away. I also recommend a general therapist. Her heart attack was likely caused by trauma, and a good way to prevent such dangerous incidents is to deal with them." The doctor gave me a leveled look, as if willing me to cooperate, but my jaw dropped. I wasn't about to pour my heart out to a complete stranger.

"Omma, I don't need a psychiatrist! Just take me home and I can get the speech therapy there!" I protested. The doctor looked to my mother and Hyo Yeoung for a translation.

"Hush, you'll start it here and then we'll move you back. I have things to take care of before you return," my mother shushed me harshly.

"Erm – Kokone wants to return to Osaka and then start speech therapy. She also doesn't want a psychiatrist." Hyo Yeoung spoke up.

"Hm. Well, I'm sorry Kokone, but it's up to your mother since you're still a minor." I harrumphed and crossed my arms, looking away in a pathetic pout.

"That's right, listen to your Omma," my mother seethed in a saccharine sweet voice. I grumbled in response.

"Well then, let's talk outside about setting this all up, huh?" The doctor suggested, holding the door open for my mother and Hyo Yeoung as they bowed slightly in thanks. I was alone.

Okay, I thought, next problem to deal with: finding Ichiro. They had said he was around the corner right? I tried to get up and walk to the window of my room to survey my surroundings, but multiple wires held me back; I could only move about 2 feet away from my bed, like I was some sort of dog on a leash. No one appeared to be around that I knew from the view I had from my bed though, so with a snap decision I ripped the numerous wires and tubes off – some of which were painful – and leapt out of bed. I was out the door in 2 seconds, looking back and forth to see which corner was closest. I also noticed that I was extremely stiff and sore, close to falling over just from this small surge of energy, but decided it was more important to find Ichiro.

To my left was the closest corner, so I immediately began what seemed like an endless trek toward it, ignoring the alarms from the machines I had left behind. Once I rounded the corner, I was able to point out Ichiro's room immediately, and my breath caught as I watched him for only a mere second.

He appeared to be sleeping, his face relaxed and yet not, and there was no one in his room that I could see. His parents and everyone else must have been getting something to eat or just weren't there, but I thanked whoever brought this luck upon me before I thrust open his door and stepped inside. Closing the door quietly behind me, I approached his hospital bed. His arms were limp at his side as he breathed slowly, almost in time with the heart monitor beside him.

I kneeled over and placed my hands over one of his, and for once, he was colder than me. This alone brought tears to my eyes – it was my fault, after all. As I lay my head over our hands, letting a few of the tears fall silently over them, I felt the entire weight of my body, and suddenly felt so tired.

Sure, it was over. The Black Organization likely wasn't around to bother anyone anymore.

But it had come with consequences.

"Mm..? Kone?" Ichiro mumbled sleepily, flexing his hand. My head snapped up and I quickly wiped my cheeks.

"H-hey. I don't…I can't speak Japanese." That seemed like a good way to start. Not. He processed this for a moment.

"…Wow. That kinda sucks." He must have been doped up on pain killers or something, or maybe he was thoroughly exhausted, because his speech was garbled and sloppy. I fought the urge to giggle at his Korean.

"I can understand it fine, but I guess…speaking it is different. Anyway. I just woke up a few hours ago."

"I thought I heard Heiji yelling something about that earlier. But I can hardly differentiate between sleep and reality; I've been sleeping so much."

"_You've_ been sleeping so much? I've been asleep for like 6 days straight!" I teased lightly. His cracked a small smile, his eyes light with humor, yet dull with sleep. But then I sighed and stood up.

"And I'm still exhausted." My legs were shaking a little and I thought I was going to fall down, but instead, I managed to keep the mood buoyant. "Scoot over a little, would ya?" It took him a minute to understand, but then he shifted slightly to where there was enough room for me to lay beside him, and so I did.

We both lay there on our backs, looking out the window in silence. There were nurses and doctors bustling about, everything so busy and chaotic, but in here, everything was quiet and refined.

Sleep overcame me then, but I let it. I had a feeling I would sleep comfortably, but certainly not as long as I had before.


	46. Chapter 46: Salanghe

There was an irritating noise. So annoying and intrusive in fact, that I had to fight the urge to wake up groaning loudly like a bear, though I did make a noise that was only slightly weaker.

Finally, I was actually waking, and came to realize that the obnoxious noise was Ichiro's heart rate monitor. Why the beeping was so obnoxious now instead of the whole time I was in here, I wasn't sure. I took a deep breath, feeling my lungs extend to their fullest before I exhaled slowly. When my eyes opened, it seemed…dark.

Because it was. The room was dark, and even the hospital hallway was dimly lit compared to the harsh brightness that normally haunted the place. I could see a lamp on at the nurse's station, a woman quietly typing on a computer beside it. She yawned, covering her mouth, then picked up a hidden coffee cup and took a drink from it.

Ichiro began to stir beside me, which brought me to the realization that we were laying, side by side, in his small, cramped hospital bed. If I had been a normal sized person, we wouldn't have fit, since we were shoulder to shoulder. Ichiro coughed once, then mumbled something.

"Ichiro?" I whispered.

"Hmph-mumble-frrgl…" He responded – sort of.

"Hey. Ichiro, wake up." I hoped he was able to understand me in his present state, since I knew Korean wasn't a language he was used to waking up to.

"Mmm?" He was starting to become more aware, I guessed, so I nudged him carefully with my right arm.

"Come on, wake UP," I demanded.

"Ughhhh…I'm awake…" He grumbled sleepily. "But I'm going back to sleep."

"No! Stay awake." This phrase caused a slightly awkward silence, and we both knew why, but chose not to acknowledge it.

"…Fine. What?" He finally replied cautiously.

"Did you…see me?" I asked. I wasn't sure how to approach this subject – maybe I had just been crazy or something, and seeing Ichiro or my father had never happened. I couldn't be sure.

"Uhm…you mean -"

"You died, right? During surgery? I think…I think I saw you. Did you see me? Did you see my dad?"

"Uh…yes?" He was still drowsy, and I guess the sudden bombardment of questions wasn't helping much.

"Okay. That's it. That's all." I whispered. My head shifted slightly towards his shoulder.

"I wasn't there for that long. Were you? How long were you…" He seemed at a loss for words.

"Dead?" I finished for him. He was silent, so I took that as a yes. "I'm not sure. But I had a conversation with my Appa." It was quiet, but then I snorted as I recalled it.

"He told me to not hate my mother." Ichiro snickered for a second.

"Of course he did. He was the living peace settlement, right?" I smiled to myself.

"Yeah. I guess he was. Do you by any chance know when you're going back to Osaka?"

"I'm supposed to be discharged in about a week. What about you?"

"I'm not sure…my mother wants me to stay here to go through speech therapy and actual therapy…well, actually, no. She just wants me to stay here because Han Hyo Yeoung-ssi is here." I grimaced at this, and heard my voice take a turn towards disgust.

"…Is that the guy she set you up with a few months ago?"

"Yeah. He apparently lives in Tokyo or something. Ugh. He almost got mad at me for not telling him I was in the hospital. As if I had a choice! I was only unable to move for a week or two, but I guess that's nothing serious -"

"I didn't know you were even in contact with him…" Ichiro mused, mostly to himself.

"Well I'm not, which makes it even more obnoxious." I felt Ichiro shake his head and chuckle to himself at my stubbornness.

"So…do you have to do therapy too?" I asked, silently hoping the answer was yes so I wouldn't be the lone freak that needed a psychiatrist.

"Yeah, I've had a few sessions. But apparently I'm not a hard person to read, so my therapist says I should have just a couple sessions a month for the next few months to stay sane." He sounded like he was trying to play around, but I could tell her was telling the truth – and wasn't completely happy about it.

"Ugh. I don't need a therapist," I grumbled.

"Uh, if you can't speak Japanese and continue to live in Japan, you're going to need a therapist."

"No, not about that," I sighed. "An actual psychiatrist. They're talking about setting me up with one for a while…maybe even a long while. I don't need it, it's completely unnecessary." I reasoned.

"Kokone, you might…feel better. If you go to one. Just try it, it's not so bad after the first few sessions."

"But I don't know if I _can_," I sighed in frustration.

"Can what?"

"You know me better than anyone, Chiro. I'm not…the easiest person to talk to." This seemed like the most accurate assessment of myself that I could give without making it obvious that I hated talking to people I hardly knew.

"Well the only way to fix that is to do it." We sat in silence for a few minutes as I contemplated this, the beeping of his heart rate monitor seeming to grow fainter and more peaceful with every announcement of itself.

"You want to know something?" Ichiro asked. It sounded like he was genuinely curious as to whether I wanted to "know something" or not.

"Tell me," I stated.

"You remember that night when I asked you if you would want to watch that one meteor shower with me instead of going home? You know, since you kept saying that you were worried about your Dad?" I felt my body turn rigid as I recalled this night; it was the same as the night my father had been killed. It was a distinct memory that I had: the air was a biting cold and the bare trees swayed awkwardly in the wind that had ushered us home from school that day. It was true, I had been telling him about my father's late nights that were filled with a silent tension, as if he were trying to keep an inevitable explosion from taking place. But I had rejected Ichiro's offer, if only because I knew if I didn't go home my father wouldn't make dinner, for me or for himself, though when he did, I usually would slide bits of my meal onto his dish when he wasn't looking.

"…I do," was my choked answer.

"Well," he proceeded carefully. "did you know that I was the one that found you and your dad?" He took my stunned silence as a no before continuing. "Yeah. For some reason I felt like I knew something was off, and as I was sitting outside waiting for the meteor shower to start, I thought I heard weird noises. Now that I've been through it up close and personal, I'm pretty sure what I heard were gunshots." He was just talking and talking, something he did when he ventured into a special kind of nervousness.

"So…so that was your jacket then? They told me that someone had saved me by wrapping it around my chest…" I nearly whispered to myself, trying to remember what the jacket may have looked like now that I knew who it had belonged to.

"It was mine," he confirmed, letting me absorb this information.

"You saw it."

"Mhm."

"And you never told anyone?"

"I had to tell my therapist. But other than that, nope."

"Huh."

"Is that…okay?"

"What do you mean 'is that okay?'"

"Well I don't know…you're not really saying anything."

"Because I don't know _what_ to say! You've basically saved my life officially two times, not counting all the times I've gotten into trouble on my own accord."

"Well…I mean, not really -"

"Not really, my ass. Why do you do this?" I covered my face with my hands and took a deep breath, then sat up, looking back at him for the first time.

"Do…what?"

"You're too modest. It drives me insane. And I can't say much about what I've done for you. What have I done…your homework once or twice? Jesus." I started mumbling to myself in fast Korean.

"Hey, slow down, I'm not _that_ fluent. And relax, what was I supposed to do? Let you die just because you haven't saved my life? No, that's not even an acceptable answer, you understand?" He was sitting up a little bit now, his expression serious and fierce as he stared into my face like it was all he had to hold on to. "I wasn't going to watch while some psychopath pulled a trigger on you. Speaking of which, you have a LOT of explaining to do…"

"I know, I know. Whatever. We'll get to that later when I can actually speak Japanese again."

"Even Heiji wouldn't explain hardly anything to me, and he's one of the biggest loudmouths we know!"

"Yes, I know," I sighed. "But he can't explain it that well anyway. He doesn't even know the half of it. Or maybe he does and is just being a jerk about it.." I grumbled. Somehow this had turned into a halfhearted argument of sorts.

"Hattori wouldn't do that, even though he's stubborn as a bull. Come on, Kokone. What in the _hell_ has been going on?" His voice softened slightly, and I turned to him in response. "I don't understand why you couldn't just tell me, and stay in Osaka -"

"Because otherwise you would have been killed for sure! And if you hadn't of been in Tokyo that day everything would have been fine!"

"Fine! You call that fine? You could have been killed for all I would know! I'm just the lone idiot that's out of the loop completely -"

"Don't try to make it sound like I'm calling you stupid. This has nothing to do with your intelligence and you know it."

"Then what DOES it have to do with? You not being honest? How long has this been going on? Just for the time you've been away or…"

"This isn't about honesty either! It has absolutely nothing to do with trust or anything of the sort!" He was getting up to follow me as I started to pace across the room. "Hey, get back into bed."

"I've been fine for like a whole week, don't even worry about it. Anyway, are you going to explain or not?"

"Can it wait? I have to take care of a lot of things first. Didn't I promise to tell you one day? I did, didn't I?" I stopped to clarify with him.

"…I guess so?" And all at once, things seemed to be dying down.

"Okay. Then I'll tell you later." I staggered back away from him a little and the back of my legs hit a chair in the corner of the room, causing me to fall into with utter exhaustion.

"…Maybe you should go back to bed." He was sort of kneeling in front of me.

"That is the LAST thing I need. Why do you think I keep getting so tired? I've been lying down for like 2 weeks or something."

"Because you're still recovering. What happened to you anyway? Heiji wouldn't tell me that either, and at the time I was a bit…foggy…" He treaded his last words cautiously.

"Well. If I remember correctly…I was hit over the head with something…hard…" Just thinking about the impact of whatever Gin had hit me with made me wince. I rubbed my head and realized it was still lightly bandaged.

"…A head injury caused your heart attack?"

"Oh, no, you did that. Jerk." I playfully swatted his shoulder, but his eyebrows only drew together curiously.

"What did I do?"

"You don't remember me talking to you right before they took you into surgery?"

"Uh…well…" I sighed.

"I don't know. I guess I couldn't handle it. They started saying something like 'we're losing him' and I just…I don't know. I panicked I guess. But I didn't…" I was trying to find a way to describe what had happened, but there was nothing. Meanwhile, Ichiro had inched closer, observing my face closely, which caused me to glance around the room nervously under his scrutiny.

"You panicked but…you didn't. Because you thought I was dying?" He tried to clear it up, but even from him it didn't make much sense.

"More or less. I bet Heiji would be able to tell you that story…He said something about catching me or watching me die...something like that. I don't know, Japanese is a lot more confusing now."

"So really, in the end, I was the one that nearly killed you. Isn't that ironic?" There was a look I didn't recognize in his eyes, and it made me extremely wary for some reason.

"I…suppose…" He kept looking at me like that for a few extended seconds, then looked away.

"Hey, I never got to apologize really…" he started.

"For?"

"That fight. At the airport? I don't know what got into me. So…I'm sorry."

"I figured as much." I said softly, willing him to look at me. Even though it was dark, I could make out the pink tint in his cheeks.

"Meaning?"

"I got your flowers. And I'm sorry too. I didn't mean what I said -"

"I know. Don't worry about it. You were right, though."

"No, I wasn't. I was out of line. But it doesn't matter anymore, right? Things can go back to normal after all this hospital crap is over…"

"How normal is normal?" This caught me by surprise, but I answered as carefully as I could.

"Well...whatever your definition of normal is is fine by me," I hinted. I wanted him to bring up our somewhat secretly exchanged 'I love yous,' as if it were some sort of challenge I would have to inevitably face.

"My definition, huh?" I nodded, smiling slightly. Unfortunately for me, he didn't make any moves that I had wanted him to make, instead just standing there, appearing to contemplate some intense and deep thoughts. I sighed, then braced myself as I stood up to go back to my room.

"Well," I started, stifling a yawn. "I'm gonna go back to my room now. I'll see you tomorrow -"

"You're not going to stay in Tokyo right? Or go somewhere else? You can come back home, to Osaka now…right?" He seemed hesitant, and still didn't look at me straight on. I paused and walked back to him until I was right in front of him, looking up and into his face. His hair was a bit disheveled, but to be honest, I liked it that way. He still wouldn't look at me though, so I reached up and placed my hand over his cheek, gently pushing it back to center so he would be looking at me.

Without realizing it though, I left my hand on his cheek. He didn't seem to mind that much, but I could feel his skin growing warmer by the second.

"I won't leave again. I promise. I -" I bit my lip and looked away for a second. Ichiro stood there, completely motionless. In order to steady myself, I took a deep breath, and looked back at him with a heightened amount of courage.

"Salanghe." His eyes widened only slightly before he reached up and placed his hand over mine. After a moment, he pulled my hand off of his cheek and held it in his own before letting go to reach forward and caress my face gently with both hands. I naturally leaned into his touch, my hands automatically lifting to grab his wrists. As he leaned in, I closed my eyes, and let myself enjoy with excessive inner delight our first kiss. He was extremely hesitant at first, as if he expected me to reject him completely. Hungry for more, I linked my hands around his neck and pulled him closer, deepening to kiss with fire and energy that he happily responded to. Still holding my face, he pulled away, but kept his forehead to mine as he repeated:

"Salanghe. I love you. Salanghe."


	47. Chapter 47: Antidote

After I returned to my hospital room, I was unable to fall asleep, all things considered. I felt buoyant and carefree, as if everything was suddenly loose and flying around my head like tiny doves fluttering around an olive tree.

So there I sat. In my bed. All night long. I was doing some deep thinking that passed the time, but really, all I wanted was the opportunity to speed things along so I could return to Osaka with Ichiro.

But wait…I had completely forgotten. Conan still needed help. And surely the Black Organization stuff wasn't completely taken care of…right?

My thinking was suddenly interrupted by an obnoxiously loud voice.

"Oy, what's making your eyebrows so twitchy?" Heiji teased, taking his right pointer finger and sticking it right smack in the middle of the eyebrow crease I had been previously unaware of. I swatted his hand away and blinked, realizing that I hadn't in a while. "And what're you thinkin' about?" I just looked at him. It's not like he would understand my response anyways. He had this wildly smug grin on his face, as if willing me to ask him about it even though he wouldn't understand.

"…What are you smiling about?" I asked. He raised an eyebrow.

"Hmm..I should get Ichiro in here," he muttered to himself. I sighed, then reached up and poked a corner of his mouth a few times until he got the idea, his eyes lighting up like tiny light bulbs.

"Ah! Why am I smiling? Because we caught you!" He leaned forward, and I leaned backward, already feeling a flush creep up my neck. They had seen us kissing? How could I play this off skillfully? There wasn't a possible way, unless –

"You freakin' set off all these alarms, you know that? We heard the heart rate monitor stop beeping and assumed your heart stopped again! So careless…but then you were missing, so we had a whole new problem on our hands." He paused here, rolling his eyes at my apparent absurdity. "Then we found you, sleeping next to Ichiro. But Ichiro-san told us to just leave you be for a while, so we did. His parents were pretty nervous about it…" I gave him a questioning look.

"How should I know why they were anxious? Either way, they left. Ichiro-san's dad had to go to some business thing but his mom is out and about during non-visiting hours. She might even be here now…You want to see her? I'll go get her right -" I grabbed his arm and pulled him back before he could get to the door, shaking my head violently.

"Uh…okay. Maybe later." Just then, Han Hyo Yeoung walked in, but I kept my hand gripped around Heiji's forearm. Hyo Yeoung eyed us suspiciously, but proceeded to ask me in Korean:

"Are you well today, Kokone-ah?" I just looked at him. He cleared his throat before continuing.

"The police are here to ask you about everything. I wasn't sure if it would be best for you though, but I'll translate if you would like?" I felt my eye twitch; I was definitely not in the mood to talk about what had happened.

"Is Officer Sato here?" I asked.

"…Is that the assertive female officer?" He asked cautiously. I had to stifle a giggle. He smiled in response.

"Yeah. Do you think you could ask her about a girl named Ka…Ka…" I couldn't say it. "Ka…" I tried again. I bit my lip, then grabbed my head in frustration. "Ka…zu? Ka -"

"Hey, it's fine. You're asking about those two little girls right? One's a baby? They're here too. That officer said you'd want to see them, and that they'd been begging to see you too."

"Really?" I didn't hesitate to jump out of bed, and then I pushed past Hyo Yeoung to fling the door open. Looking back and forth frantically, a little girl caught my eye off to the right.

"Kokone-neechan!" Kazuko said so cheerfully, causing warmth to course through my veins. I smiled widely and knelt down, my arms wide. She ran into them, jumping up and down, saying my name repeatedly.

"It's good to see you up and moving, Kokone-chan," Sato greeted me happily. I looked up at her before releasing Kazuko. I nodded in gratitude.

"So…would you mind answering a few questions?" She asked. I felt my smile fade, and my blood turned to ice. "It's okay if you don't want to, we can wait a little longer. However, in order to actually place this organization of sorts behind bars…we need solid evidence." I bit my lip.

"Aniyo. I'll do it," I finally concluded. Sato looked to Hyo Yeoung, who had followed me out of the room along with Heiji.

"Ah, right – she said she'd rather do it now."

"Okay then. Come this way. Don't worry, Kazuko-chan and Kazumi-chan will be with our social worker waiting for you until after we finish. Okay?" I nodded, and she led me to an enclosed space where multiple officers were ready with notepads and voice recorders.

I didn't particularly want Hyo Yeoung to know all of this stuff about me. It seemed unfair that he should be able to know virtually everything about me without hardly having to know me first. But I answered all of their questions, even the painful ones, and soon my story was out in the open.

After we finished, I went out and sat with Kazuko and Kazumi for a while, listening to Kazuko's stories about a certain friend in her playgroup. Thought I couldn't respond coherently, she didn't seem to be too bothered by it.

Soon after that, I had my first speech therapy session with a doctor that didn't even speak Korean, so again, Hyo Yeoung had to assist. This dependence was beginning to make me itch; when would I be able to fend for myself again?

It went on like that for the next week or so. I visited Ichiro often, usually we would play checkers or something, humming tunes in harmony with one another. Things felt normal, despite the circumstances.

Japanese was coming easier to me with every session. Though I wasn't completely fluent yet, I was able to make at the very least basic conversation with people.

My mother returned to Osaka without saying goodbye. Typical.

Hyo Yeoung unfortunately lived in Tokyo, so there was no way to get away from him.

Now all that was left was…Conan. Ichiro would often ask me what I would be thinking about when I got too deep into these thoughts. How would the antidote work on him? I hadn't exactly tried it on anything…however, there was no possible way for it to kill him…right?

Within the next week, Ichiro and I were discharged from the hospital. I sent Ichiro off to the airport by himself though, telling him I'd return to Osaka shortly. Kazuha and Heiji stayed for some reason, saying they had been meaning to spend a few summer days – peacefully, of course, or as peacefully as Kazuha and Heiji get – with their friends in Tokyo.

I also wondered randomly about Hyo Yeoung and Kazuha. Did she even notice that it was him? Did he think about her often? I had no idea why it would remain in the back of my mind, let alone why it would bother me when I actually got to thinking about it.

Once we returned to the Agency after the trip to the airport, Ran offered to make us all tea, which Heiji, Conan and I politely declined, saying we had to go pay a visit to Agasa-hakase and Haibara. She willingly accepted this excuse without knowing that her childhood friend would most likely be the one returning.

Once we were all on the sidewalk on our way to the Professor's house, I spoke up.

"Hey, Kudo." He looked up, an excited light in his eyes with the anticipation of knowing he could return to his original form. "What about Ran?" He frowned.

"I uh…haven't exactly figured that out yet…" he said evasively, rubbing the back of his head and looking away. I rolled my eyes, preparing to scold him.

"Well you better figure it out quick. I'm not going to do this if you don't have a plan. And what about your little friends? What will they think?"

"I already took care of that. Haibara and I are moving away; we said goodbye yesterday."

"…Are you planning on telling her the truth?" Heiji asked. Conan shot him a look.

"I don't know! Sheesh…"

"It's a legitimate question! What do you think she wants to hear? That Edogawa Conan suddenly disappeared without saying goodbye and that Kudo Shinichi suspiciously returned right after? Or that you were Conan the whole time?"

"…The only problem with telling the truth is the fact that I have been lying this whole time though. How do I explain that?"

"What's the thing you always say when you get cocky…there's only one truth? Something like that…anyway, you should probably tell her. It'll get out sooner or later, and when she doesn't hear it from you?" Heiji paused, a smirk appearing on his playful face. "You're in for an ass kicking."

"Baka! I'll figure it out for myself."

"Whatever you say…" I thoughtfully listened to this conversation, which actually lasted the whole way to the Professor's house.

Once we were inside, I greeted the Professor wholeheartedly, and he was extremely pleased to see me alive and well, telling me that my antidote samples were still in the fridge, where Gin and Vodka hadn't thought to look.

Haibara seemed bored as ever with my arrival, but at the same time, something was different. Almost as if she was nervous about the possibility of becoming her old self again. When I offered for her to go first, she immediately declined, preparing herself if anything were to go wrong with Conan.

"Gee, thanks, Haibara," Conan said with oozing sarcasm, but then he was unbuttoning his shirt so I could start with the needles.

Having a powerful father has its benefits.

Anyway, I stuck one of the needles into his right arm, like an IV. As I drew up the correct dosage for him, I watched him carefully.

"Are you sure you want to try this? Right now?" I asked.

"Of course I do. It's been too long." He flashed a childish smile at me, swinging his small legs around while he sat on the table. Heiji was off to the side while Haibara sat in a chair, quietly observing.

"Alright…but wait. Before I do this, I need to know what you're going to do about Ran-chan." Conan sighed with impatience. "What! She needs to know, Kudo, you can't just not tell her!"

"Don't you think I know that? I'll take care of it, alright? But in order to do that, I need this antidote." He used his large, pleading eyes to get me to give in and set up the actual injection of the antidote.

The reaction was…nonexistent, at first. We sat around in silence for about 15 minutes until finally, he nearly fell off the table with the first jolt of expansion spasms. The antidote was working.

It was a bit painful to witness, but Conan finally turned back into Shinichi. The awkwardness that ensued however, was completely unexpected.

We hadn't even thought about extra clothes. Haibara and I just stood there, looking elsewhere while Heiji tried so hard not to laugh, but to no avail. As Shinichi cursed him, yelling at him to get some clothes from his house next door for him, Heiji just cackled like a hyena. Trying to distract myself from this situation, I focused on Haibara.

"Well? Would you like to go next?"

"…I'll wait and see" was all she said before she got up and shuffled out of the room.

So much for a distraction, I thought. But Heiji was luckily back before we could fully encounter the absurdity of the situation, and soon Shinichi was in some normal clothes. Once he gave me the okay, I turned around and couldn't believe my eyes.

"…Wow," was all I could say. He straightened his collar while looking at me quizzically.

"What?"

"You…look really old." This made Heiji laugh even more.

"Oy, Hattori, that's enough out of you," Shinichi grumbled. "Well then, should we go tell them?"

"What other choice do you have?" I asked, grabbing the needles and trash to dispose of them properly.

"Ugh…I guess I don't, huh. What did you say to Ichiro?" I hesitated with the sharps container, but stayed silent as I carefully lifted the lid and stuck the needle in. "Oh come on, I could really use some advice here!" He groaned. I turned around defiantly, my hands on my hips.

"Oh, I guess finding you an antidote isn't enough, huh?" Once I passed him as I headed for the door, I silently prayed he wouldn't figure out –

"Wait a minute, you haven't even explained yourself yet? And you're the one scolding me! Sheesh, Kokone-chan." I stuck my tongue out at him as I opened the door for him and Heiji.

"I'll figure all that out when I get back. However, YOU need to deal with this now. Just tell her the truth."

"By saying what? 'Hey Ran, I'm finally back! Oh by the way, I've been living with you all this time'?" I rolled my eyes at him in response. He paused and looked at me for a second, causing me to ask him if there was something on my face.

"No, no. I just…thanks a lot, Kokone-chan. I literally owe you my life." He was rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. Heiji came up behind him and shoved him out the door, as always, totally ruining the moment.

"Oy! Watch it, Hattori!" Kudo called. I just snickered and followed them out the door.

To be honest, I was pretty worried for Shinichi, if only because the way Ran would react would most likely be a general ballpark for how Ichiro would react. The whole way back, I hoped to God that Ran would be reasonable about all this. But how can you, honestly? How can someone be completely fine with going through all that worry and trouble, only to find the person that they've been pining for has been there all along in secret?

This definitely wasn't going to go well.


	48. Chapter 48: Only Forgiveness

"…You go first."

"Uh, no. How would it look if _I_ were the one to present you to her? No way."

"Come on, please?"

"No."

"Hattori, help me out here."

"What, you think _I'm_ getting involved with this? I'm pretty sure Nee-chan isn't as vicious as Kazuha. If she found out just how involved I've been this whole time, she'd skin me alive! Plus, I'd rather watch…"

"Gee, thanks, _friend_."

"No problem."

"Shut up, boys. What are we doing about this?"

Heiji, Shinichi and I were standing in the stairway of the Detective Agency, trying to figure out how to proceed. Obviously, we hadn't exactly planned ahead.

"…Should I just walk in? No, no, that'd be insane…"

"I'm pretty sure 'sane' has been out the window since you were shrunk by an evil syndicate, Kudo," I interjected.

"Well then, Miss Know-It-All, what's your plan?" He snapped back at me.

"Why am I the one that's supposed to have a plan? This isn't my girlfriend that I'm preparing to confess the biggest lie I've ever lived to!"

"She's NOT my girlfriend, for the last time!" Just then, the door a few steps above us opened.

"Oi, what's going on out here?" Kazuha said before she could completely grasp the situation. Once she spotted Shinichi, her eyes nearly popped out of her head. Apparently, there was nothing to say, as we all stood there judging the situation. Finally though, Shinichi spoke up.

"Uhm. Ahem. Uh, hey Kazuha-chan. Is R-Ran home?" Kazuha just stared at him, then shook her head as if to physically rid of her thoughts before she waved us inside.

"Uhh…Ran-chan is upstairs making tea. What…how did you get here? Have you been in Tokyo very long?"

"Uhm, kinda…" he responded awkwardly, trying to turn his attention to something else.

"Well, Kazuha, I suppose it's time we leave for a little bit huh? Kokone-chan, you should come too -" Hattori started to say, but then the door opened. "…Shit." He said under his breath.

"Kazuha-chan, do you think they'll be back soon? I brought down a few extra cups just in -" Ran had now fully opened the door, a tray with a presumably full teapot and multiple cups and saucers in her hands. It only took her mere seconds to recognize the boy she'd been waiting for out of all of us.

All at once, things started to fall. Her eyes widened, her jaw dropped, and then…so did the tray. Somehow, I was able to dive forward and keep the cups and the teapot from shattering and spilling everywhere, but soon I found out I would have rather not of done that, since this basically put me in the middle of everything.

"Sh-Shinichi?" Ran questioned, cocking her head to the side.

"H-Hey, Ran…"

"You didn't…you didn't tell me you were in town." She swallowed once, her eyes narrowing slightly.

"Oh well, you know. Busy and all. I uh, have something -"

"Where's Conan-kun?" For some reason, I felt like Ran already knew. The way she asked could have been described as suspicious, if she didn't have that sunken look on her face.

"That's kinda what I need to talk to you about…"

"Is he okay?" she asked immediately.

"Yeah, yeah. He's fine. But -"

"Then where is he?"

"…Right here." Shinichi took a step toward her, but the gap between them was still a bit large. I, unfortunately, was standing somewhere in between. Ran's face didn't change, almost as if he hadn't said anything at all.

"…I don't understand," she answered dully.

"I don't expect you to," he replied.

"Well good. Because I don't." Her voice was rigid, sharp.

"Look, Ran, I would have told you, but -"

"Told me what?"

"…That I've been here this whole time. Living here. As Edogawa Conan." He seemed pretty partial to spelling it out for her, as if just one more word would cause everything to explode.

"What are you talking about," she stated. Her voice was flat and her hands were shaking.

"I've been here -"

"No! Don't say it again!"

"Uh…okay…what should I -"

"NO!" She screamed. Out of nowhere, she turned towards me and grabbed one of the empty cups, using all that she had to chuck it at him. He expertly ducked, causing it to fly across the room and into a filing cabinet with an extremely loud shatter.

"Ran, calm down -"

"DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN, SHINICHI. YOU. STUPID. JERK." With each of the last three syllables, she took either a cup or a saucer and flung it at him with surprisingly good aim, and he dodged every one of them, though with some difficulty.

"YOU'VE BEEN HERE THE ENTIRE TIME? I knew I wasn't crazy. YOU MADE A FOOL OUT OF ME. IS THIS SOME SORT OF GAME TO YOU? I'VE BEEN WAITING, AND WAITING, AND WAITING," She proceeded to take another cup, then stopped, her expression turning to absolute surprise as she realized something. Then, all at once, her anger was completely unbridled and was extremely evident on her face. Shinichi looked quite a bit frightened, and Heiji and Kazuha just stood on the opposite side of me, snapping their heads back and forth as if they were watching a tennis match. I had no idea what to do.

"You've…seen…me…" She seethed.

"…Pardon?"

"You've. Seen. Me. NAKED, YOU DISGUSTING PERVERT. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" She threw the cup she had in her hand at him and this time it bounced off of his shoulder while he stood there in complete surprise. Heiji and Kazuha's jaws both dropped in synchronization.

"Woah, hey, it's not like I remember stuff like that! Or at least, I don't try to…" he mumbled. Ran nearly roared in outrage, causing me to flinch.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVER TRUSTED A JERK LIKE YOU." She reached for the tray again, only this time, tried to grab the teapot.

"Omo, OMO! Ran, don't - !" I tried to stop her, not sure if I should drop the tray or not in order to, but then that wasn't necessary, as Shinichi had appeared next to her and grabbed both of her wrists. She froze, and for the first time, I saw tears in her eyes.

"Ran. It's okay. I know, I screwed up, but just hear me out, okay? You saw what happened to Ichiro-san and Kokone-chan. I was trying to prevent that from happening to _you_. Don't you understand?" She ripped her hands out of his grip.

"No. No, Shinichi, I don't understand." She appeared as calm as ever, only the tears that had welled up had spilled over. She sniffled and reached up to wipe them off her cheeks, then turned around and ran out the door and up the stairs. We all stood in silence as everything sunk in.

"…I'm thinking that it _may_ have been a better idea to lie – OW?" Heiji cried, rubbing the spot Kazuha had just elbowed.

"Kudo-kun…" Kazuha evidently had nothing else to say, but the look on her face even saddened me. She looked almost…_disappointed_ in him.

"Hey, it'll get better. She'll come around. She can't hate you forever…" There was a trace of doubt in my voice that I hoped he wouldn't notice. Shinichi slumped over to the couch and put his head in his hands, groaning in frustration.

"If she would just understand…"

"…Well, see you guys later!" Heiji said happily and nervously at the same time.

"Aho! I need to stay with Ran!"

"Actually, Kazuha, I think we should just let her cool down for a while. Why don't you guys go for a walk or something? Get something to eat?" Kazuha mulled this over for a second before nodding.

"Alright, Heiji, let's go."

"Taku, always being dragged around by this girl…" Heiji grumbled.

When they were gone, I went and sat next to Shinichi.

"This definitely isn't a good situation," he said. He had that look on his face that meant he was thinking.

"Not right now, but it's better that she knows, trust me." He looked over at me and nodded.

"Thanks."

"I'll go try to talk to her, alright? Wait here, things could clear up by the end of the night." I tried my best to sound cheerful, but…let's face it, I don't do cheerful very well.

"What about letting her cool down."

"I'm not Kazuha. Kazuha wouldn't have just listened. That's all Ran needs right now, I think. Or at least…if I were her, that's what I'd want…?" My logic didn't seem to really satisfy him, but he waved me off anyway.

"I hope her dad doesn't come home before this is figured out…" he was mumbling to himself, so I gave up trying to hear him and started for the upstairs part of the house.

I decided not to knock on the door, instead tried to open it, and it was surprisingly unlocked. I wondered if she did that on purpose for a moment, but then decided that wasn't the most important thing to focus on at the time. Cautiously, I pushed the door open, and found Ran sitting at the little table that was in front of the TV, though she had her head laid on it with one arm limp by her side while her other hand was sitting in front of her face. Silent tears rolled down her face, and I had to admit that this scared me. I quietly and carefully tiptoed over and took a seat beside her, laying my head down on the table in the same position she was in.

She didn't seem to notice my presence at first as a few more tears shimmered down her caring face. I was overcome with sympathy, unsure what to do, so I just sat there, looking at her. An empty silence reigned.

Maybe I shouldn't have come here, I thought to myself. Maybe it would have been best just to leave her alone…

"I was so worried. I worried for no reason." Her voice was like that of a mouse, if a mouse could speak, and had a peculiar whimper behind it caused by her tears. I just sat there and watched her as she continued.

"He didn't trust me enough to tell me. He was gone…and yet, he was doing everything with me. _Everything._" I blinked once, wondering if she even knew I was in front of her. She was looking straight into my eyes, but there was no recognition at all.

"He completely abandoned me. He didn't even realize that I am dependent on him. What do you do then? When you worry so much, anticipate the day he returns, only to have everything you've ever known shattered before your eyes? I can't trust him anymore. He…_broke _it." More tears slid down her face while I continued to observe.

"And yet…I can only forgive him." I nearly jumped when she actually started to make crying noises. "I feel so pathetic. I've missed him so much, and I'm so angry at him but all I can do is forgive him. Why? Why do I do this? What's wrong with me? I've – missed – him – so – much," she cried, starting to hiccup with her sobs. With this, I raised my hand and rested it on the one that was in front of her face, gripping it tight so she would know I was there.


	49. Chapter 49: Breakthrough

It took her awhile, but Ran was finally quiet again, this time without any tears at all. She continued to keep her head on the table, staring at me while I stared back.

"So you're going to forgive him then?" I whispered after a while, not wanting to cause anymore tears, but not exactly willing to sit there all night in such an uncomfortable position.

"What choice do I have?" She laughed once without humor. "I'll forgive him. But I'll keep him guessing for a while. Don't tell on me." She smiled slightly, but it looked broken with her saddened face that was still a little red from crying.

"Of course not." I smiled back. "Make him sweat a bit. He deserves it. But still, Ran-chan…"

"Hmm?"

"You should understand. I mean, you should be willing to understand, anyway. It's pretty complicated, and he has some good points too. I'm kind of in the same place…ugh, which reminds me, I have to explain myself when I return to Osaka." I sighed once, then opened my eyes again to see her listening to me thoughtfully.

"I've always had to give him the benefit of the doubt. Besides, this could be used against him in the future, ne?" She winked once.

"Geez, Ran-chan, I didn't know you were so devious…" I mumbled, my eyebrows drawing together. She giggled, her eyes closing.

"I have to try to be…some…times…" she yawned, and then her eyes didn't open again. Soon, her breathing evened out and she even started to exhibit a slight snore. I sat up in surprise; how could someone fall asleep this way? My back and legs were aching just from sitting there for however long we had been. Just then, there was a light knock on the door. I turned to watch as it opened very slowly, as if whoever was opening it didn't want to be noticed.

Of course, it was Kudo. He surveyed the room once his head popped in, and caught us sitting at the table, his eyes widening as he took in Ran's position. I made a motion for him to be quiet by putting a finger to my lips.

"She just…fell asleep," I whispered quietly.

"…Oh. Is she uh…are things -"

"She's fine. But you're going to be spending the rest of your life making it up to her." I smiled encouragingly, but he just grimaced. "Anyway, you handle this, alright? I'm gonna go." I stood up and started for the door, waving once as I passed him, and he grabbed my arm.

"Hey…thanks. Here, you can stay in my house until you go back to Osaka."

"…With you?" My eyebrows were raised. He rolled his eyes.

"Yes, with me. Don't make such a big deal about it..." he mumbled, embarrassed. I nudged his shoulder with my fist and passed him to leave, saying quietly over my shoulder:

"Take care of her, Kudo-kun." He didn't answer, but there really wasn't a reason to at that point.

I began to stroll down the street in the general direction of Kudo's house, completely carefree as my arms swung by my side weightlessly. It was a great feeling, but I had no idea what was causing it really. It was just about to get dark, and I was pulled out of my reverie unwillingly when I heard Heiji's voice.

"Oiiiiii, anyone in there?" He knocked on my head gently as if it were a door. I slapped his hand away. "Hey, don't make that face at me!"

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes. "So you guys going back to the Agency then?"

"Mhm. I wanted to check on Ran-chan. How's she doing?" Kazuha asked eagerly. "Is Kudo-kun with her?"

"Yeah. I think she'll be alright. Why don't you guys walk to Kudo's with me?" I winked. Heiji had that grin on his face.

"Ahhhh, does that mean - ?"

"Don't intrude, Heiji. It's rude." They both laughed as we began to walk as a trio to Kudo's house.

It had already been about 3 weeks since I had left the hospital, only about 2 since I left Tokyo with Heiji and Kazuha. I was nervous about seeing Ichiro, since we hadn't exactly discussed anything yet…

And we still hadn't. Neither of us wanted to broach the subject, big surprise, so we just hung out, though maybe we were a bit closer than usual, if that was possible. It was good to be this way though, sitting in his backyard on those summer nights, listening to him pluck randomly at his guitar. Heck, I was happy just to be alive with him.

My mother and I were on…better terms. Or as better as our relationship could get, I guess. She seemed to wonder about my life more, asking me where I was going and when I was coming back instead of just letting me go and do whatever the hell I wanted.

I mean, I still did whatever the hell I wanted, but still. It's nice that she noticed.

The only bad thing about coming back to Osaka? My new psychiatrist. Every time I had a session with her I ended up storming out in frustration as she accused me of numerous things that I supposedly did unconsciously; it drove me up the freaking wall.

I thought about this as I walked as calmly as possible to my psychiatrist's office. Every time, my mother, who was unfortunately backed up by Ichiro, would force me to return, and every time I promised myself that it would get easier, better, that I would be nicer, more open to new ideas.

That was not the case, as usual.

"How are you today, Kokawa-san?" my psychiatrist, Dr. Ito Takara, offered a friendly enough greeting. I always wondered what kept her so joyful all the time; it was almost sickening.

"Fine." I took a seat on the opposite chair, pulling my feet under me Indian-style. According to Dr. Ito, this was a place of sanctuary and relaxation, a place where I could spill anything without it actually being spilled.

What a load of crap, I thought, but I took this as an invitation to sit however I wanted.

"So. Where shall we start today?"

"…Where we left off? I dunno…" I answered lazily, leaning back to look at the ceiling.

"Alright then, describe the relationship between you and your mother." I grimaced.

"Next question, please."

"Kokawa-san, you can't avoid this for forever. You should feel comfortable enough to talk about it – at least here. If we're going to make any progress, that is…" She said this as if I were some kind of broken toy that needed fixing.

She often used that analogy, actually. Only when she used it, it was usually followed by something like "Now Kokawa-san, how can you expect to be fixed when you don't have the willpower to fix yourself? This is all up to you."

And indeed it was, but it certainly didn't feel like it. I relented.

"Fine. Uhm…well. My mom and I…aren't close. At all."

"Define 'close.'" I just looked at her for a minute.

"We don't ever interfere in each other's lives. I don't know, apparently that's how teenage girls and their mothers are? Isn't it?"

"It all depends on your perception." I rolled my eyes. Ask a legitimate question, get a stupid answer. Perfect.

"It's just that…I've noticed other families have that interference. Maybe interference isn't the right word…maybe it's something like…" I fished my brain for some sort of accurate synonym, but there didn't seem to be one.

"Love? Interest? Control? Respect?"

"…Well sure, I guess…"

"Alright, so you see other families that have these things…does that mean you and your mother don't?"

"I…well, I mean…it's not that we DON'T have those things, it's that they aren't as…evident I guess?"

"Okay, give me an example." I sighed.

"My mother generally doesn't want anything to do with me unless it benefits her, though it oftentimes doesn't. Like there's this Korean guy that she knows, some nephew of a friend or something, I don't know, and she already tried setting us up – twice."

"Do you think you're the only one that's had this happen?"

"Well no, it's not unknown for Koreans to have arranged marriages, but -"

"So what about that bothers you then? What benefit does she get?"

"…She doesn't want anything to do with Japan, even though she lives here."

"Why does she live here?"

"Because of my father?" I scoffed. I shouldn't have been so surprised by this question, but the answer was so obvious to me that I automatically expected anyone to know that.

"He had a stable career then, I assume?"

"Not necessarily. Researching is pretty tedious. But he did well with it, I suppose…"

"Was your mother around a lot when you were young?"

"Occasionally…she went back to Korea a few times and stayed for a while because of relatives…when her father got sick, she went back for a long while when I was…about 8 years old." She was scribbling something on her notepad.

"8 years old…that was how old you were when your father died, right?" She approached this cautiously, but it didn't really bother me as much anymore when she asked these kinds of questions. I mean, it did, but if I reacted every single time she asked one similar to this I wouldn't be here for more than 2 minutes.

"Yep."

"What kind of feelings do you have for your mother?" I just stared at her with a skeptical look on my face. "Maybe…resentment? Something similar to hatred?"

"I could never _hate_ my mother," I protested. I had to admit to myself, sometimes I honestly thought I did, but didn't every teenager have those moments where they would shout "I HATE YOU" from their room that they would be grounded in for whatever reason? I supposed this was a completely different circumstance, but I don't think I've ever truly despised the woman…she was, after all, the only family I had left.

"And why not? You talk about these horrible things she says or does to make you feel miserable. Nothing stems from that?"

"It's always been this way though, nothing caused it. Except for my birth…" I trailed off.

"Don't try that one on me, you know it wasn't because of your birth." I blinked once, twice. Was she kidding?

"I don't hate my mother. _She_ has resentment for _me_, not the other way around. And it _was_ because I was born, because my father didn't want to get rid of me but my mother wanted a son." I crossed my arms, daring her to object to this statement. She only sighed.

"I'm trying to get you to realize something, Kokone-chan. This is on a much deeper level than you realize. Now, are you saying you don't get angry at your mother when she treats you this way?"

"Well, no. We always have little spats, usually because I get mad at her."

"So…you could say…you feel a bit of resentment."

"…Sure. If you want it that way."

"I don't _want_ it that way, I'm asking you. Do you feel resentment for your mother, or don't you?" I threw up my hands in exasperation.

"Yes! Yes, I feel resentment for my mother sometimes!"

"Alright. When do you think this resentment started?" I sat back, sighing with frustration as I tried to think. When did I start to resent her, really? When I was young, and especially when my father was around, she was just morally strict. As I got older though, it seemed more fitting for her to degrade me, but I had no idea why.

"…I'm not…entirely sure. She wasn't this bad when I was younger, I suppose…and when my dad was around, she would teach me better manners, sometimes harshly, but never in a way he would openly disapprove of…"

"…Do you think it could have started after your father passed away?" I hated when people used that phrase. Passed away just seemed so…peaceful. It always seemed to me that death was never peaceful in the least; what's so tranquil about all your organs and systems shutting down, causing you to never take another breath of life again? Passed away…my father hadn't "passed away" in his sleep like all those old people usually do, he had been murdered.

"N-no," was my answer, though I was unsure for some reason.

"Why not?"

"Because, she couldn't have done anything. She wasn't even there." Dr. Ito stared at me, willing me to understand something. I thought I was starting to, but that didn't mean I agreed to it.

"Oh, no no no. Are you trying to tell me that I blame my mother for my father's death?"

"Is that what you're thinking?" She countered, almost playfully. I growled, my fists flexed into tight balls as I got up to stand over her. She merely leaned back, not nearly as frightened as she had been the first time I had done this.

"No! How could you assume something like that? She had nothing to do with his murder!"

"Could that be the reason?" I froze. Could it? No, there was no way. Well…unless…

No. This was absurd. I went to grab my shoes as I silently decided to take my leave. Dr. Ito didn't say anything, didn't even try to stop me like she had the first time.

"You have absolutely no right to accuse me of these indecencies. I'm done with this. My mother loves my father, she would have done anything if she could have." My voice was shaking in a low, grumbling timbre that surprised me as I flung the door open and strode down the steps.

Where should I go first? I thought. I didn't really want to talk about this, but for some reason, I felt like I was suddenly in search of something. Should I go to Ichiro? Or should I just go…

Where? Who else would I talk to? It's not like I could talk about something so familial to Heiji or Kazuha…I loved them to death, but there was just no way.

I didn't even know where I was going for sure until I got there. It was getting dark, and the streetlights had suddenly come on as the air turned from humid to just tolerable. There I was, hesitating on my own doorstep, afraid to open the door.

What would I do when I got inside? Should I just turn and leave now?

Without thinking it through though, I reached for the handle and pushed the door open. I dropped my bag right next to the door, kicking off my shoes without even thinking about it.

"Omma?" I called. My voice broke, and I wasn't sure if she would even answer.

"Ah?" She answered, walking into the foyer while wiping her hands on a towel; the house smelled of tojangguk…or maybe it was malgeunguk? "What's the matter with you?" She asked when she saw my face. I wasn't sure why I said what I said next, almost as if my head were completely detached from my body while I watched myself come undone.

"Why were you gone?" She narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

"You're the one that's been gone all day, what are you talking about? Crazy girl…" she mumbled as she turned to go back into the kitchen.

"Omma!" I cried after her. She turned again.

"What! What, what is it?" she responded at the same volume. She had this look on her face of exasperation, as if dealing with me right now was just about the most frustrating thing she had to do all day.

"You went back to Korea. Because of Harabeoji? Remember?" She nodded slowly, signaling for me to get to the point. "Why were you gone for so long?"

"…Because he was sick. Why are you asking such ridiculous questions? You already know the answer. Aigoo…"

"No I don't! You weren't here, Omma! You were gone for almost a year! Nobody leaves their family for a year without coming back to at least visit!" My eyes stung, and I sounded especially whiney, even to myself. I hated this side of me, the weaker one that struggled to hide from the world as I suppressed these stupid emotions and questions until it was too late. She seemed genuinely surprised by me, cocking her head to one side in confusion.

"You know how expensive it was to fly back and forth? Appa wasn't making as much at the time, I couldn't waste all of the money just to come back and visit for a few days!" Instead of sounding harsh, she seemed more sincere, as if she were actually trying to prove her argument.

"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE US WITH YOU?" I screamed, and finally a tear dropped onto the wood floor. My mother stared at it in bewilderment, as if it were about to come alive and possess the house or something. She eventually looked up at me with the same look, her mouth open as if she were going to respond, but couldn't find the right words.

"Appa could still be here," I wavered. "Appa could be here, and things wouldn't have to be like this all the time!" She continued to stare at me in shock. "If you had just taken us with you, NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED!" I swiped at my face in frustration, willing the tears to go away so I wouldn't have to be as humiliated, but it was too hard to stop once it had started.

I turned and ran to my room, locking the door behind me as I struggled to breathe. My heart ached, but it was more of a dull background pain. I hugged my torso, trying to hold myself together as my ridiculous and pathetic sounding sobs shook my whole body. There I stood, in the middle of my room, just standing there. As I whimpered to myself, I slowly turned to my bed and carefully laid myself on top of it, curling up into a ball, as if that was all it would take to keep me from coming apart at the seams.


	50. Chapter 50: Will You Sleep With Me?

I was running, and I was running fast. That much I knew. But why wasn't I moving? Or better yet, why was my destination of interest moving further and further away from me? I was trying to stop something from happening, but even I wasn't sure what. There was a ringing sound in my ears as I tried to get to Ichiro, who had a stable and innocent look on his face, though he was confused as to why I was so freaked out.

"You're going to die!" I shouted, but my voice came out as thick syrup, causing Ichiro to cock his head in further bewilderment. All of a sudden, my view was completely blocked by a ginormous Gin, who held an equally large pistol in one of his hands while his teeth and devilish eyes gleamed at me in the darkness. I shivered in fear, but all I could do was watch as he turned and shot Ichiro point-blank at least 5 times, each bullet going straight through, the holes rather large to begin with as they grew and grew until Ichiro's torso was one giant chasm. Gin's bitter, cold laughter rang in my head as I cried and screamed in agony.

I woke up to the sound of a horrifying noise that sounded an awful lot like a rasping animal of some kind…then realized it was me screaming, and decided to stop. I shot up and twisted around me, checking to make sure Gin wasn't there anymore and that there was no dying Ichiro within my presence. It was extremely dark, the digital clock on my dresser reading 00:24. I had been asleep for approximately 3 hours.

I had these horrible and terrifying dreams pretty often, but they were the worst when my mother wasn't home, or when I was completely alone. Ichiro didn't even notice that I was using his house as mine when my mother would go to her little Korean get-togethers that lasted way too long to be considered normal.

Ichiro. Something told me I needed to go see him. Something also told me that my house was dangerous in the dark, and that any corner could conceal Gin or one of his goons carrying a pistol or a knife. I hadn't even realized that I was shaking violently, but my attempts to calm myself were futile. Ichiro. I had to see Ichiro.

I threw myself out of bed and sprinted down the hallway, trying to ignore the nagging voice that told me that death was right around every corner of my house. Not even stopping long enough to put shoes on, let alone actual clothes (I was only wearing shorts and a tank top to sleep in), I sailed out of my house and made way for Ichiro's.

My breath was ragged in my ears, and then I realized there were tears streaming down my cheeks. Why was I even crying? Come on, I told myself, Kokawa Kokone used to be afraid of nothing, what the hell is wrong with her now? I thought of how only hours earlier, my mother had come to my door to tell me she was leaving for the night. She sounded bothered, as if it was a chore to tell me that she would be gone for the rest of the evening. I hadn't answered her out of fear, and pretended I was already fast asleep.

I reached Ichiro's house soon enough, leaping up the porch steps and almost right into the door, only catching myself at the last second. I pounded my fists on the door as hard as I could, grunting pathetically as I did so, feeling my cheeks flame with my hot tears. He has to be here, I thought. His parents aren't home tonight, what if something happened to him?

This in turn caused me to scream with rage and anguish as I slammed my fists into the door harder than before, if that was possible. I saw a frame through the window: a dark shadow that was holding something high above its head.

Could it be? Someone was really in there? I yanked on the door handle, but it refused to budge. I was going into hysterics now, noises I couldn't even control escaping from my throat, which felt like it was closing up with every passing second.

"Whoever you are," a muffled voice that sounded a lot like Ichiro's said from inside. "I'm about to call the police! You'd better leave NOW!"

"CHI-CHIRO…" I whined helplessly. My hands ached and burned from hitting the hard surface of the door so hard. I sniffed, trying to take a breath.

"…Kone-chan?" The shadow dropped whatever it was holding and opened the door in a fluster, turning on the porch lights in the process. Behind him, on the floor, was a baseball bat. His eyes widened, and he rushed forward to catch me before I fell into his house.

"Kokone - !" Was all he could say.

"I – I can't st-stay in that house by my-myself," I cried, feeling heavy as he supported me at the elbows. "I can't do it! Not alone! Not anymore!" I was getting louder and louder until Ichiro shushed me gently.

"Hey, come on." He helped me inside, turning on the lights in the living room while turning off the porch ones. I sat on the couch and cried there, my shoulders shaking miserably as he went to close and lock the front door. He was wearing his customary pajama pants with a grey t-shirt, his hair all mussed up from sleeping. He knelt down in front of me, placing his hands on my knees.

"Hey. Hey, Kokone. Shhh, what's going on? Are you okay? Are you hurt?" He was desperately trying to get me to calm down, but I couldn't. Instead of answering, I leaned forward and rested my head on his shoulder, hiccupping uselessly. I felt his arms fold around me as he rubbed my back with care, whispering "Shh, shh, you're okay" while I just sat there and cried.

We were there for God knows how long, but finally, I was reduced to only a few sniffles. I felt completely empty and exhausted, but knew that if I even attempted to sleep alone, I'd soon throw myself out of a 2nd story window.

"Okay. You want to tell me what's wrong now?" He leaned back to look at me. I groaned, leaning forward again, back onto his shoulder. He sighed, then continued to rub my back comfortingly.

"I'm afraid," I whispered.

"Of?"

"Death. You dying. Gunshots. People with blonde hair. And…the dark." He chuckled warmly.

"Well that's understandable, but why so suddenly?"

"I had a horrible dream."

"I figured as much."

"Then why'd you ask?"

"Because you're unpredictable sometimes, believe it or not." I sighed.

"So what happened in this dream?" I hesitated.

"I couldn't help you. You died, and I couldn't do anything about it." My voice broke a few times, but I managed to keep my cool – whatever it was now.

"Hey, you know I'm okay now, right? I'm not going anywhere."

"But I still have them!" I hiccupped.

"Well, it's understandable. That's just how some people view fear sometimes. You can stay with me when your mom's not home, or any time for that matter."

"Thanks," I mumbled. I was so tired, but still so afraid.

"Don't mention it. Alright, time to put you to bed -"

"Stay with me," I objected.

"…What? I'm not leaving, I'm right here -"

"_Stay_. With me," I insisted. I grabbed the front of his shirt with my hands, as if that would somehow convince him. He didn't say anything for a moment.

"Uh – alright. Sure. Yeah. Well, come on then." I followed him up the stairs, feeling fragile the whole way. That crippling moment of fear and weakness had really taken it out of me.

"Alright, get some sleep," he said, pointing towards his bed as he rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. He turned towards the not-so-comfy chair in the corner of his room before I stopped him. I just looked at him, and he looked back.

"…Is there something on my face?" He asked, pointing to himself.

"What? No, nono. I'm just…will you sleep with me?" I blurted out before I could stop myself. His jaw dropped as he tried to gather his thoughts, his cheeks flushing.

"Uhhh…" I swatted his arm.

"You _know _that's not what I mean. God."

"I do? Oh – uh, uh yeah. I do." We stood there in an awkward silence as I watched him deliberate something. Finally, he spoke. "…So…what _did _you mean…" I rolled my eyes.

"Aigoo, aigoo. Will you just sleep with me – _literally _– for tonight? I don't…like to sleep alone." I was wringing my hands, looking at anything but his face as I spoke. When he didn't really answer, I looked back up at him, semi-hiding my gaze under my eyelashes. He seemed completely dumbfounded. I released a heated, frustrated breath and stomped over to his bed.

"Fine, whatever. Forget I said anything. Goodnight." I was curled up next to the wall, the sheets pulled tightly around my shivering body. I still had my eyes open, willing him to respond, though I was too stubborn to turn and face him to see if he actually would. I sighed when the lights were suddenly clicked off, expecting to hear the familiar creak of his chair as he settled into it. I closed my eyes, waiting.

Suddenly, the sheets were completely off of me, causing me to curl even more inward as the colder air washed over my skin.

"What the -" I mumbled, ready to turn around to see what the big deal was. Before I could though, there was an extra weight on the bed – right next to me. My heart rate increased slightly, an uneven thump that seemed to bounce around in my head. I was propped up on my elbow slightly, but still stared at the wall as Ichiro's body heat began to warm the bed almost instantaneously. Soon the sheets settled back onto me, and I chose that moment to turn my head slowly, just to take a quick peak.

There he was, a respectively close distance away from me, his head lying in the spot where it probably had been before I had stormed his household. His eyes were closed, but it was almost like he could feel me looking at him, as he snapped one eye open. I jolted a bit in response.

"What?"

"N-nothing." I shook my head for a second before turning back to the wall.

"Ne, Kokone," Ichiro stated sleepily.

"Hmm?"

"You're really small. Like…itty bitty. I knew you were short, but I never realized just _how _short…" I took one of my arms and brought it down with a fist onto what I hoped was his arm.

"Gee, thanks. I love being degraded for my size."

"Okay, maybe short isn't the right word. But you are pretty tiny."

"Would you go to sleep?"

"Did you have a session today?" He asked politely, as if we were making small talk.

"…Yes," I grumbled.

"I did too. I hope you didn't come looking for me or anything, if you were to have gotten mad, I mean."

"I didn't. I ran home and screamed at my mother instead."

"Oh, well that's very considerate of you," he said in a light, buoyant voice.

"I just had to ask her why! My stupid psychiatrist won't leave the mother-daughter shitty relationship thing alone, so she basically told me that I blame my mother for Appa's death."

"…Do you?"

"Ugh, not you too!"

"I'm not asking as a psychiatrist, just as a friend! Sheesh. Anyway, I didn't think you would go to your mom instead…"

"Instead of you? I know, I kind of surprised myself…it was hard. To ask her about it, I mean. She didn't really answer me. Then again, it's not like I gave her _time _to answer…so I went to my room. And then I had that horrible dream…" My spine shook involuntarily, and my blood began to run cold.

"Do you have these dreams a lot…?" He asked suspiciously.

"…Maybe," I relented. "Who cares?" He sighed.

"You know I hate it when you ask me that."

"Okay, fine, you do, but you shouldn't."

"Why not?"

"Because it doesn't matter."

"It does too," he said softly. I became distinctly aware of how close he was to my back, which was still a good few inches away, but still.

"Nah," I waved him off casually as I yawned. "All I know is that when it's dark and I'm alone, the dreams are about ten times worse. I can deal with the ones that just have violence in them, but the ones with you?" I took a breath, closing my eyes. "I can't handle those." He was silent.

"…Did you fall asleep?" I whispered.

"No. I'm still right here."


	51. Chapter 51: Changes

_Ogawa Ichiro's POV:_

Though I was extremely tired beyond belief, I couldn't sleep. It could have had to do with the fact that I just hadn't been sleeping well these days, or maybe that nap I took after my therapy session had been too long.

But it was most likely because of the perfectly proportioned girl that was sleeping right next to me.

She had fallen asleep in maybe 10 minutes, if that. The poor thing was probably exhausted; I hadn't seen her so hysterical since…well, ever, to be honest. I wondered how long this had been going on, but decided it didn't necessarily matter since she _always _bottled these kinds of things up until they somehow found a way out. Instead, I remained on the subject of whether or not she blamed her mother for her father's death…

It was certainly a plausible idea. Maybe it was subconsciously true, but I knew Kokone would never be able to say it was out loud. I also knew that she loved her mother, regardless of their constant fights and arguments. Either that or she felt obligated to love her because she was all Kokone had left, family-wise. This brought me to another disturbing thought: how would Kokone react when her mother died?

I shook this thought out of my head just in time for Kokone to turn away from the wall and onto her back, her face turned towards me. Her hand rested on her flat stomach that was barely covered by her rising tank top. I was stunned by just how beautiful she was – even when she was looking "her worst." Her face was completely peaceful, though it was stained red from crying, her cheekbones showing ever so slightly as her lips were parted just barely, her eyelashes sweeping the area beneath her eyelids. Her hair was a wild mess, but it was anything but unattractive. Her tank top showed off the curves she had as it gently hugged the upper half of her torso, causing a very noticeable dip right in the middle -

Sweet Jesus, I thought, get ahold of your thoughts before they go too far…Which only reminded me of that kiss.

What did it mean? It's not like I was going to ask her about it…how could I bring it up? There was just no way. It was almost as if some sort of understanding came between us immediately after that launched a pact not to discuss it. I couldn't help but wonder what other things would feel like, especially if the kiss alone had felt like _that._

Just then, Kokone got this look on her face: one of protest, as if she were trying hard to get rid of whatever was in her head. I thought that she could possibly be having a nightmare, but decided I'd wait it out and see. Her eyebrows were drawn together to create that cute bump right in the middle of them, and her nose was scrunched up like a bunny's. I smiled to myself, and involuntarily reached up to stroke her little nose.

It immediately relaxed with the rest of her face, and she turned automatically to the direction I had come from, rolling closer and closer to me until -

…I was basically holding her. My breath caught, but I maintained my position with one arm supporting my head like a pillow, while the other was partially in the air, since I had no idea what to do with it now that Kokone was in the spot it had originally been in.

She made a small noise, snuggling even closer so that she was actually touching my chest. One of her palms, in fact, was resting against my scar. My body was completely rigid.

See, when we were in that hospital bed, things had been different. We hadn't kissed yet, and we had been sleeping shoulder to shoulder, whereas now…Well, now was _after _the kiss, and she was pressed against me like her life depended on it.

I took a deep breath to loosen up a little, letting my arm down even though part of it rested on her perfectly shaped hip. Dear God, I thought, these hips…

No, no, no. Stop that right now, I scolded myself. She moved _even closer _if that was possible. This was absolutely killing me. I could feel her body expanding with every breath she took.

Suddenly, she shivered, pulling in towards herself, and I was again struck by how tiny she was.

Okay, I thought, get over it. It's just Kokone. I was trying to reassure myself before I finally embraced this arrangement, as well as her, completely, my arm hugging her closer to keep her warm.

_Kokawa Kokone's POV:_

So warm, I thought. Soooo, so warm…

I snuggled closer and closer with the thick blanket that was supposedly covering me, thinking about how I had never been so warm in my life. I had slept really well too, especially since my dream had been about virtually nothing. There had only been warm, vibrant colors that spun around my head like one of those pinwheels that little kids used to carry around with them on beautiful summer days. All I wanted to do at that point was return to this dream, so I kept my eyes closed as my nose rubbed against the soft blanket that was evidently around my head or something.

But that feeling of being awake was washing over the sleepiness that had previously existed. I sighed, about to turn onto my other side except…the blanket around me tightened. I also noticed that there was a strangely familiar, comforting smell…something like the warmth of a kitchen, if that was an appropriate way to describe a smell…

My eyes snapped open. I was staring at something grey. Was it the blanket? I didn't remember Ichiro having grey sheets on his bed…no. This "blanket" was breathing. Why was it breathing? The blanket sighed contentedly and pulled me closer.

"…Oh my God," I stated. I lifted my head just slightly to confirm my suspicions, and yep, sure enough. There he was, holding me.

How was I going to get out of this gracefully? I came to the conclusion that there was just no way. My face was hot, and I was biting my lip viciously. I reached up slowly and poked Ichiro in the chest with my index finger. He didn't respond at first, then made a humming noise.

"…Ichiro?"

"Hmm…"

"Could you uh…let me go?" He immediately became more aware of himself, as his eyes popped open wider than even mine had. He looked down at me, blinked, and then began to release me, rolling himself off the bed in order to hide his blush.

"Y-yeah. Sure." I sat up and carefully unfolded my legs from the sheets, setting myself steadily onto the ground. He was busying himself with putting away some socks that had been lying on the floor, but once that was done he had no choice but to face me. He was biting his lip too.

"Uhm. So…I'd better go tell my mom where I've been. Not that…she really cares but – you know what, I'm just gonna go -"

"Yeah, okay, I'll see you later then." I raised one of my hands as a sort of waving gesture, but it was more awkward than anything else.

"Bye." I started for the door and opened it, but then I stopped. He didn't say anything as I turned around and approached him, feeling a fire of determination in my chest. I reached up and hugged him tightly, and he eventually did too after hesitating for a moment.

"Thanks. Really," I whispered. Then I pulled away and left as soon as possible.

Once I got home, I called for my mother, searching the rooms to see if she was anywhere to be found. Nothing turned up though, so I ended up foraging through the refrigerator before I sat down to watch some K-TV. For some odd reason, I fell asleep, despite the fact that I had just been sleeping an hour before, only to be woken up by my mother smacking me on the head with my chopsticks.

"Aish…" I hissed, still half asleep. I opened my eyes to see her standing over me, her hands on her hips with a stern expression on her face.

"Ya! Why are you sleeping on the couch with all this food! Quit being a slob and get off your lazy -"

"Ommaaaaa…" I groaned.

"Hyo Yeoung-ssi is here to see you. Don't be rude now, go change and visit him."

"Mwo?"

"You heard me! Go!" She shooed me out of the room, and I encountered Hyo Yeoung, who was standing patiently in the entryway. I bowed slightly, muttering an "annyeounghaseyo" as I passed.

Once I was in my room, I quickly threw off my clothes and put on a normal shirt with equally normal pants. Obviously, I was not one for dressing like a girl, but I didn't care as I bolted out of my room to greet Hyo Yeoung. He nodded at me when I stood in front of him, and I nodded back.

"How are you, Kokone-ah?"

"I'm fine. What are you doing here?"

"Kokone!" my mother spat from the kitchen. Soon she popped out, greeting Hyo Yeoung with a sweet smile before she turned to me with a grimace. "Remember your manners!"

"A-ah. Are you visiting your family, Hyo Yeoung-oppa?"

"Hey, don't call me Oppa. I'm not that much older than you…" My mother laughed, completely delighted by this guy.

"Well, you two go for a walk and catch up. I'll stay here and finish lunch, okay? Okay." She ushered us out the door, and that was that. We stood there outside the door in silence for a moment. I took a deep breath, then started down the steps alone, turning back to see if he was following.

"Well? Are we going for a walk or not?" He blinked, but hurried down the steps to get to my side.

We walked in the quiet for a while as the thick, summer air enveloped us. I guess he couldn't stand the silence any longer and decided to speak up.

"Are you alright?" He asked tentatively.

"Mmm, why?"

"Just wondering. It seemed like you were in pretty bad shape in Tokyo. Your mother tells me you've started some sort of therapy…ah! And you've gone through some speech therapy too, huh? How's that all going?"

"I'm still working on my Japanese, but I do it more on my own now. The therapy itself is…eh." I shrugged half-heartedly. He chuckled.

"I imagine you aren't the type for talking things out to a stranger."

"Really? I suppose I'm not…" A comfortable silence reigned.

"Hyo Yeoung-oppa?"

"Hey, quit calling me oppa!" I ignored him and continued.

"Does being set up with me…bother you?" He took a moment to think about his answer.

"Well, being set up bothers me, but I don't really mind since it's…uh…nevermind. It's no big deal."

"No, what? What were you going to say?" I pleaded, looking up at him. He was pretty tall, I guess, and his hair wasn't shaggy, but it wasn't short. He appeared to be a very clean cut person. He looked away nervously.

"Uh…just that…I don't really mind since it's just you," he muttered. This kind of surprised me a little.

"O-oh…well that's…that's sweet." I patted his shoulder, hoping it would make him less self-conscious.

"What about you? Does it bother you?"

"Well…I have to admit it does, but it doesn't have to do with you in particular. I just don't like being set up in general."

"I know what you mean," he nodded. I had to admit to myself: Hyo Yeoung really didn't bother me. He was a really sweet guy, very gentleman-like; there was nothing I could outright complain about other than the whole being set up in the first place thing. We had the same perspective, except he seemed to be a bit more attached to me than I was to him, but I knew he had other crushed…like…

"Kazuha," I said out loud.

"Huh?"

"Kazuha. Do you see her whenever you come back to Osaka to visit? Or was that just a one-time thing?"

"…We already talked about this."

"I know, I know. I'm just curious. I'll tell you something if you tell me," I winked. He rolled his eyes, but smiled.

"Alright. Uh, no. For the most part, I don't see her. The last time I actually talked to her was at the hospital in Tokyo, right before I left, and even then we didn't talk about anything really. I just asked her how she was, she asked back. Pretty standard conversation."

"You better watch out though," I warned him playfully. He raised his eyebrows. "Heiji's a demon when it comes to other men flirting with his girl."

"Are they…together now?" He asked incredulously.

"Well no, but it's bound to happen sometime. Does that bother you a lot?"

"…You know, I'd say yes, but it's not really a big deal. There was no future there anyway. She doesn't even know I exist."

"I'll have to ask her about you sometime."

"You wouldn't." His voice was flat while vaguely threatening. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"It would be anonymous of course, sheesh. I would give anything away."

"Pfft. Well anyway, it's your turn. What about that…is his name Ogawa?"

"Ogawa Ichiro," I responded automatically, then blushed slightly. "His name is Ichiro. What about him?"

"You like him a lot?"

"…Yes." I wasn't about to lie…not when he was being so honest.

"How much?"

"Uhm…enough to be able to say that he's more important to me than my own life." I wasn't looking at him, couldn't bring myself to do so. "Or is that too dramatic?"

"If it's true, then by all means." He seemed pretty open to these kinds of conversations, despite the fact that we were supposed to be dating.

"Ya, have you ever wanted to change something really drastic about yourself?"

"…Personality-wise?"

"No – well, I guess that could count, but I'm talking about something on the outside…like, hairstyle, for instance?"

"You think I should get a haircut?"

"No! I'm talking about me. I feel like something needs to change…is that normal? I figured cutting all my hair off would do the trick."

"…You are so random," he stated, giving me a weird look. "But I don't necessarily think it's a bad idea…" I smiled at him widely, grabbing his arm to drag him to the nearest hair salon.


	52. Chapter 52: Broken Dish

It was eerily quiet as I found myself elbow deep in soapy water at my kitchen sink, the only real sound coming from the clinking of the dishes as I scrubbed them. My mother was out – only God knows where – and I was trying to pass the time with distractions.

I was beginning to notice that any time my mind drifted towards anything that was even remotely related to my therapy sessions, I would suddenly decide to do something. I had always been that one girl that makes rash decisions, whether I wanted to admit or not, in short spurts of thought, but this seemed different somehow. As if maybe changing something completely would also change the past.

Too bad it didn't work that way.

I looked up at this thought, out the window where I could see our bland backyard that had once been vibrant with life. Since it was getting darker now, I could sort of see my reflection. My hair was past my jawline by only an inch now, whereas it had previously been just past my shoulders. It somehow accentuated how wild my hair was, and I almost thought there was fire in my eyes as a result. I felt like a rabid animal.

Okay, it didn't look _bad._ But it was still such a drastic change that I didn't even know what to think after. _I _personally liked it. It was definitely easier. Maybe getting it straightened would smooth it out, make me look more mature…

"Kokone?" Up until that moment, I hadn't realized that I was no longer washing the dishes, but I was holding one plate tightly in both of my hands, sort of stepped away from the sink as I stared at myself in the window. I gasped and whirled around, dropping the plate in my hands in the process. It crashed into itty bitty pieces when it came in contact with the wood floor. My heart was hammering in my chest. Then I realized…

"Oh…Ichiro. It's just -" I looked down, as if just now realizing the broken plate at my feet. "…shit."

"Sorry, sorry! I didn't mean to scare you, it's just that…well, I saw a light was on but no one was answering the door…Your…your _hair._" He had been about to bend down to help me pick up the shards, but then got back up and stepped toward me, examining me with wide, unbelieving eyes. I ran my fingers through it unconsciously, suddenly nervous under his scrutiny.

"…Does it look bad?" I prompted when he didn't speak again. He shook his head slowly, still looking at me with his mouth agape.

"N-no! I mean…it's definitely…different. I've never seen you with short hair. When did you do this?" He reached up to touch it, as if to confirm its length. I just looked at him.

"Today. With Hyo Yeoung-ssi. Except he had to leave so I guess I did it by myself…" Hyo Yeoung had gotten a call right as we were about to reach the salon, apologizing fervently as he left with urgency. Ichiro frowned before looking me in the eyes.

"He's back in town, huh," he stated. I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, and it was due to my mother that we were even together at all, so don't even worry about it."

"Well. I like it." He smiled at me widely, then stooped down to being picking up the pieces of the plate I had dropped. I joined him after a second.

"So. What're you doing here?" I asked conversationally.

"Oh, nothing much. I just thought I'd drop by. So we could…talk. Or something." He busied himself with the shards, grabbing the trashcan nearby as he plopped them inside of it.

"Talk. About…?" I prompted. I looked up and all of a sudden he was so close. He had looked up at the same time, our faces literally only inches apart. He blushed slightly and turned his attention back to the floor.

"N-nothing much. I just wanted to check up on you. You seemed pretty upset last night and all…"

"Oh. Right. About that, I -" I frowned, trying to come up with a logical explanation. "I guess it was out of the ordinary, huh?"

"A little bit." He looked up at me again from underneath his black hair that hung above his eyebrows somewhat wildly. His usual treatment for his hair was rubbing it violently with a towel right after his shower, after that, there were no promises of how well groomed it would look. "I've never seen you like that before."

"Yeah, I know. But don't worry about it, it was just a one-time thing. I don't have those kind of dreams…that often…" I sort of lied. It was at least partly true; while I had dreams that didn't involve Ichiro, they almost always involved Gin and some sort of firearm.

"Really."

"Yep."

"Don't lie." I rolled my eyes as I stood up to unplug the drain, letting all the soapy water wash down.

"I'm not, it's just - Okay, I have them sometimes, but the one last night was the worst. Is that a satisfactory explanation?" I huffed.

"Well sure. I guess." I heard him put the trash can back where it had been. "Is there a broom…?" I turned to face him, leaning against the sink as I pointed towards the cupboard to the right of us. He tiptoed towards it, carefully avoiding any of the invisible sharp pieces that could be left, and pulled the broom out, sweeping around the entire kitchen.

"What about you then?" I started. "Don't you have dreams like those?" He thought about his answer for a moment.

"I suppose…but I don't have them that often. When I do, it's usually me not being able to breathe or something. And it'll be really dark. Those are the worst, when I can't see anything? Ugh." He shivered, but seemed entirely comfortable discussing this. I just stared at him incredulously.

"What?" He asked, sweeping the last of the shattered plate into the garbage can. I sighed.

"…Maybe this is why you don't come home and yell at your mother after one of your therapy sessions…"

"What, because I talk about things openly?"

"Because you're blunt and talkative, more or less."

"So you come home and yell at your mom? That can't be helping anything…"

"Actually, we're on better terms than we've ever been before, which makes absolutely no sense."

"Really? Meaning what?"

"Meaning…she seems to be more respectful of my existence. She's aware when I'm gone, most of the time. She doesn't _always _scoff at my presence…"

"Then what do you yell at her for?" I bit my lip. I had really only yelled at her once, and I still didn't want to admit that the reason I had come home screaming was a valid reason. Did I really resent my mother because she had simply not been there to witness the tragedy?

"…Kokone?" Ichiro was standing right in front of me now, leaning over while waving a hand in front of my face. "What are you thinking about?"

"Oh-uh. Nothing. Just something my therapist brought up."

"Which was…?" I hesitated, biting my lip again. "Come on, it's not like I'm going to accuse you of anything like _they _do." I sighed. He was completely right, of course.

"…I apparently resent my mother for being in Korea when Appa was murdered. Or, more because she didn't take us with her. But-" I broke off, turning away in frustration. How could I defend myself? The more I thought about it, the more this theory seemed plausible. Ichiro seemed to deliberate about this for a moment.

"…Do you?" He finally prompted carefully.

"I don't know!" I shot back, throwing my hands up in the air with exasperation. I started to pace around the room. "How can I blame my mother for all of this? She had nothing to do with this stupid organization in the first place! She didn't even _know _about it! How would it seem if I were to blame her for something she knows nothing about? She has every right to curse me because she doesn't know what the hell was going on and she thinks that I did!"

"Did you know what was going on?" He responded calmly.

"Well…kind of. Not really. Only a little bit, but still, I knew enough to know who murdered my father and why. If anything, I should be blaming _myself._"

"Now that is just as irrelevant, and you know it. Blaming yourself doesn't make any more sense than it does to blame your mother. You were 8 years old, alright? Slightly knowing about the cause is completely different from _being _the cause." I stopped pacing and looked at him, deciding how to answer. He was right, damn him. Then I sighed, and shook my head back and forth. He waited patiently, as always. Now I was looking out the window again, watching as the reflections grew stronger with every passing minute as the sun sank further and further past the horizon.

"I just…my mother doesn't deserve that. The blame of it all, I mean. But…why? You know? Why didn't she take us?" I was mostly talking to myself now, completely unaware until Ichiro spoke again.

"Yeah, I know." I turned to face him, and we stood there in silence for a moment.

"But hey, I uh…there's actually something else I wanted to talk to you about…" He seemed nervous all of a sudden.

"What about?" I asked, curiously raising an eyebrow.

"…You never did tell me everything." It took me a moment to understand what he meant.

"O-oh!" I said in surprise, realizing that I had been putting it off unconsciously. "Right. Uh…why don't we sit down for this…" I pointed to the small kitchen table and we both took a seat, him sitting adjacent from me rather than across.

"So," I started. "Where to begin…"

**Author's Note ~ Hello peopleee! I apologize for the slow chapter updates; school is keeping me pretty busy. Also, for those of you that seem particularly fond of the idea that Gin and Kokone should be in love are…unfortunately going to be disappointed. BUT, Gin will be in at least one of the next few chapters, so I guess you'll have that to look forward to.**

**Also, I plan on ending this story soon, but already have a sequel pretty well mapped out. The only thing I need to make a final decision on is Kokone's future occupation. So after you read this chapter, reply in a review or an email which one you think would be best:**

**Police officer (handles violence, etc)**

**Forensics specialist (lots of chemistry involved)**

**Social worker**

**If you have another REASONABLE occupation in mind, feel free to share your ideas!**

**Okiedokiee, that's all. Thanks for reading! I really appreciate the reviews~**


	53. Chapter 53: Will You Testify?

I told him absolutely everything. It was kind of nerve racking, to be honest. All he did was sit and patiently listen. I couldn't bring myself to look at him until the very end, which was about 2 and a half hours later. The hard parts were just that: hard. But I somehow managed to keep myself calm rather than throw myself into another hysterical fit. The finish was really abrupt; how do you end a story like this? So we both sat there in silence for a long while until I finally decided it would be okay to look at him. He was staring at the table as if I hadn't even spoken about anything other than the weather.

"…Uh. I hope you're not like…freaking out or something?" I prompted, leaning forward a bit to get him to look at me. He blinked as if he just realized he was awake, and then shifted his gaze to meet mine.

"Kokone… I -"

"Kokone-ah?" my mother called sharply. I hadn't even heard the door open. Both of us were startled almost out of our chairs, and we each turned to the sound of her voice. "Kokone-ah! Come out of your room now, we need to -" She stopped once she was in the kitchen, noticing us at the table.

"Ah. So you're here." I wasn't sure if she meant me or Ichiro, but Ichiro raised one of his hands in greeting and said sweetly:

"Annyeounghaseyo, Eomeoni." She nodded, muttering an "annyeounghaseyo" in return.

"Well, I guess I'll get going. I'll uh…see you tomorrow, Kone-chan." I smiled and waved slightly as he got up to go. Once the door closed, I turned to the current issue; my mother never called me out of my room to talk.

"Omma, what is it we need to do?" She had busied herself with putting away the dishes I had set out to dry on the rack, and now turned to me as she held one. Her face looked tired, still strikingly beautiful, but exhausted all the same. I cocked my head in confusion.

"Is everything alright?" I asked cautiously. We never emitted this question to each other – EVER.

"Mm…well," she sighed before continuing. "It's about Hyo Yeoung-ah."

"…What about him?"

"His aunt died this evening." I felt my jaw drop and my eyebrows come together in confusion.

"You don't mean…not Han Cho Hee?" My mother hissed at me.

"Just because she's dead doesn't mean you can go around saying her name with such disrespect. Aish, you wicked girl…" She shook her head and turned to the sink to wash her hands.

"…She…died? Just like that? Have you seen Hyo Yeoung-ssi?"

"He was at the hospital. I've never seen him in such a horrible position before. All that trouble with his father back in Korea, and then his mother dying…His uncle isn't as fond of him as his aunt was." I was at a loss for words.

"Wait…_what?_ His mother is dead too? I thought his parents lived in Kyoto -"

"Ah, they moved here soon after his mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. If I recall correctly, his father moved back to Korea afterwards…"

"They just _left _him here?"

"Mmm…" she hummed as she filled a teakettle with water to boil for tea. I noted in the back of my mind that this was the longest conversation I'd ever had with my mother in a looooong time…

"That's terrible…is there going to be a funeral?"

"Well of course. I hope Hyo Yeoung-ah shows. The poor child…" she started mumbling sad words to herself, which struck me as odd, but then again, she could apparently only feel sympathy for children that weren't hers.

"…Well. Let me know about it then. I'm going to bed." I got up and started for my room, still dumbfounded by this newly discovered information.

"Kokone-ah!" she called after me.

"Mm?" I turned back just so I could make eye contact. Her back was facing me though.

"…Will you go to the funeral in my place?" She nearly mumbled. I struggled to hear her.

"Huh?"

"The funeral. For Cho Hee-ah. Will you go in my place? I made my peace with her already." Her tone struck a chord somewhere inside me, but I wasn't sure why.

"Uh. Sure, I guess. Why?" The water was now boiling, so she took the kettle off of the stove and poured some of the water over the tea bag in her little cup. Picking it up gently, she turned to head to her room, snapping the kitchen light off as she went. Before she completely passed me, she stopped and said a bit morbidly:

"I can't stand funerals."

I didn't sleep that night; I was way too afraid to. Something told me that this problem should be addressed in some sort of way, but at the same time, it seemed like admitting it existed would only make it worse. Not _everything _in my mind needed to be shared…I shuddered at the thought of someone actually knowing my every thought.

So I just lay there all night long, either staring out my window or at the ceiling, occasionally getting up to pad around the house quietly and swiftly – just to make sure.

I had to make sure I never had another one of those fits with Ichiro again – no matter what.

When my clock finally turned to 4:26, I couldn't stand it any longer. I figured since the sun was at least rising that it would be alright if I pretended to have gotten up early, throwing together my gym bag as I silently hoped the local training facility was open at this time.

It was cooler in the morning, but I could almost feel the heat that was inevitably to come. Only a few weeks left of summer though, I told myself. Soon I'd have to start back at school again, most likely be regarded with careful and suspicious eyes for at least a few months before everyone got used to my sterile silence once more.

Luckily, the gym was 24 hour, something I hadn't even thought of even though I had been coming here for years. It seemed like it was always open, I guess because it was, but usually when I went, it was never at a regular time of day. I never had a schedule, usually just went when I felt like it, usually at night. I found that if I attempted to beat the stuffing out of the training dummies, I would sleep deeper, and thus had less violent or sometimes nonexistent dreams. This time however, I was just trying to relieve the stress that seemed to elevate my shoulder with every passing second of the night.

After about an hour and a half, I decided to shower at the gym rather than return home. I wasn't sure how to approach my mother now after she asked me to replace her at her friend's funeral. I knew it must have been hard for her, but it just showed what my father's funeral had done to her.

Now…where to next? I thought. There really was no other place to go but home…unless Ichiro was awake. That was possible, but even so…it seemed entirely too early. But at the same time…

I suddenly felt the weight of my tiredness as I slumped down the sidewalk. It became apparent to me that I needed to lay down before I passed out, so I supposed I could just let myself into Ichiro's house and wait for him to wake up.

This sounds creepy, believe me I know. But it was definitely not out of the ordinary if Ichiro came downstairs one morning to find me sprawled out on his couch downstairs – especially when his parents weren't home.

Shoot…his parents, I thought. Were they home?

Eh, who cares, my mind sleepily quieted the more aware part of my brain. I trudged in the general direction of Ichiro's house, and when I finally made it there, I dug around for the key and was barely able to get the key in the lock as I fought to keep my eyes open.

Sheesh, not sleeping shouldn't have had this much of an effect on me…right? I used to be able to handle this kind of stuff and now…now I felt like a wimpy, weaker version of myself.

Despicable.

I dropped my bag on the ground next to the nearest couch, then nearly threw myself onto it. Oh, Jesus, I thought, did this couch ever feel so comfortable before? I curled up in the corner of it and soon feel asleep with my arm dangling off the side.

_Ogawa Ichiro's POV:_

There was nothing there. Absolutely, positively, _supposedly_ nothing there. It was pitch black, blacker than closing yourself in one of those caverns that archaeologists discover as they go. I was able to advocate to this claim that wherever I happened to be was darker than death itself.

This would have been fine, in fact, preferable, had I been able to breathe. It was almost like the emptiness was consuming me whole, and no amount of fighting could get me through it to the other side. I knew what this feeling was.

The feeling that I would be dead in a matter of seconds, and that I wouldn't be able to save the ones I loved.

I sat straight up in bed with a gasp once I came to, feeling like I had been underwater the whole time I was laying on my bed. I looked around me to verify where I was, and then was finally able to get my breathing back under control. I wiped my forehead as I shoved myself off the bed and towards the door, deciding that maybe breakfast would help me think more clearly.

I slumped down the stairs and glanced at the clock; it was 7:15. With time, I came to notice that I was sleeping longer and longer with each night, but I wasn't sure if this was a good thing or not. I sighed and turned towards the kitchen, then stopped when I noticed the familiar black gym bag that was only half zipped lying just past the other entrance to the kitchen. Kokone, I thought. I poked my head just into the entryway and sure enough, there she was, tiny as ever, curled up on my couch. Her hand was hanging precariously off the arm of it, while the other was resting under her head as a sort of pillow. She seemed peaceful enough, so at least she was most likely not having some horrid dream…

I stepped forward and knelt down so that I was at eye level with her – or, would be I suppose, if she was awake. Part of her hair was in her face slightly, so I reached forward and tucked it behind her ear, feeling her satiny soft cheek grazing my fingertips. There were goosebumps on her arms.

In one fluid motion I stood up and grabbed the afghan that was on the other side of the couch, flipping it out and over her carefully. She reacted naturally by snuggling closer with it, and with this I decided she could probably save herself some bad neck pain by changing positions…

I lifted her head carefully, bringing her dangling arm back over to where it was sitting in her lap. She was still asleep, so I took another chance and scooped her legs up slightly to stretch her out a bit more, moving the pillow so that she now lay in a more comfortable and natural position on the couch.

Alright, I thought, heading back for the kitchen, I'll just make breakfast…and when she wakes up, everything will be normal…right?

When she told me everything last night…I was positive I was having some sort of calm nightmare, if that even made sense. But how could this have all happened to her? And how could I not have known? I opened the fridge and grabbed the carton of eggs, lifting 3 out carefully before replacing it.

But seriously, it was unbelievable. Just…how? I was baffled to even begin thinking about all of this at the same time.

First her dad is involved with some syndicate because he was threatened. Then he was killed for not wanting to finish creating a drug that would silently kill people. Kokone was almost killed. Almost a decade later, she had a hint about some kid named Kudo Shinichi that had disappeared, and felt like she was being watched. She left. Then she found Kudo Shinichi and another girl that was in the same state as him – that of a child because of her father's drug – who was from a family that was associated with her father. She spent her time researching, learning. She was attacked by a guy with a camera that had nothing to do with the syndicate. She came back after she was getting sick. We spent a few days together. She left, we fought, we made up, she found the antidote, then the whole thing with Heiji and her getting kidnapped…and that's where I came in.

A fairly basic and frank summation, but more or less, it still sounded insane. I wasn't sure if it was a real story or not.

I shook my head and hissed under my breath in frustration. She had kept _all _of this from me. She could have _died._

But what could I say? I couldn't get mad at her for it exactly, not without feeling like an ass. She knew she was next on that organization's list and she was right…which is why she didn't want me to be a part of any of it. I looked up at the ceiling, as if looking to it for an answer to all this madness. Something sizzled, and when I looked down, I realized it was my hand, burning on the metal part of the frying pan handle.

"_Shit._" I said, immediately taking my hand off and shaking it around. "Ow, ow, ow, ow…" I turned to the sink and flipped the water on, letting it run over my throbbing hand. "Shhhhhhhhit…"

"…Ichiro? What are you – hey, what did you do? Something's burning in here…" My head snapped up and over to where Kokone was standing in the archway of the kitchen. Her eyebrows were scrunched together as she came to inspect the situation.

"..You can smell that?" I asked, completely mystified. I hadn't left my hand on the searing pan for that long…

"Yeck. Why are you letting the eggs burn so much? Of course I can smell that." She picked up the pan and turned off the stove, coming to meet me at the sink, where my hand was still being treated with cold water. The skin on it was an angry pink, and I swore I could already see the burn blister appearing.

"What are you doing? Let me put this pan in the sink. Oh. Woah, Ichiro, what the hell did you do? Did you burn yourself?" She quickly put the pan in the other side of the sink and grabbed my hand to get a closer look. I cringed; my hand was turning redder by the minute.

"Aishhh, Chiro…" she said in an almost scolding voice. "What did you do? This is gonna have a bad blister…I'll go get something for it, hang on." She disappeared upstairs before I could get a word in. It only took her a minute to come back down with the small first aid kit we kept in the upstairs bathroom. She set it on the counter and opened it up, scavenging through the contents.

"Let's see, let's see…Ah. Here we go." She dabbed a bit of inflammatory ointment on her finger, then looked at me for approval. "It might burn a little bit. I won't push too hard, alright?"

"Uh – sure…" I mumbled. I felt like an idiot. She nodded, then ever so gently started to spread the ointment over the red area of my palm. It did burn at first, but then it started to get a little bit better. She turned again and retrieved a giant Band-Aid from the box, unwrapping it and placing it carefully on the main part of it, then took actual cloth bandages and wrapped them around my hand, as carefully as could possibly be.

"There," she piped, looking up at me with a light smile. She was still holding my hand with both of hers until she patted the back of it and then let go to put the first aid stuff away. Why was I unable to say anything?

"Uh – th-thanks," I muttered. She turned to me suspiciously.

"…No problem. What's got you so worked up this morning?" She raised an eyebrow curiously.

"N-nothing really. Just forgot that that pan…sucks." What? How does a pan suck? Oh Jesus, Ichiro, you're such an idiot.

"…You're being really weird."

"I'm not. Just making breakfast. I'm allowed to burn myself sometimes, right?"

"I suppose but..that's a pretty big one, all things considered…why'd you leave it to burn for so long? Were you just distracted or something."

"Mmmm." I answered, turning to the fridge to get some orange juice. Well, really I was just searching for an excuse not to have to face her, but still.

"…Is it because of everything I said last night? We never really got the chance to actually _talk _about it…"

"Uh. Well, I was thinking about that, yes."

"I hope I didn't…" I waited for her to finish, but she never did. With my glass of orange juice in hand now, I had no choice but to turn and look at her. She was staring at the first aid kit, contemplating something with a sad look on her face.

"Didn't what?"

"Huh? I uh…Well what I meant to say was…I…uhm." She bit her lip nervously.

"…yes?"

"Basically…I hope I didn't mess things up. I uh…hope I didn't…hurt you, or anything." Her cheeks were pink as she focused on the assorted Band-Aids. I wasn't exactly sure how to respond.

"Hey, don't worry about it," I said. "It's just…a lot to take in. I'm fine. Are you…fine?" She looked up with this question, then sighed.

"I suppose…just tired is all."

"When did you get here last night?"

"Uhm…it was actually at about 6 this morning."

"Oh. So you were only here for what? An hour and a half? Did you wake up with a bad dream again or something?"

"N-no…" She was picking at the first aid sticker anxiously. "I never exactly went to sleep…" I almost spit out my orange juice.

"So you only slept for as long as you've _been _here? Go back to sleep right now! You're going to hurt yourself, sheesh." I took another sip, waiting for her to respond.

"Maybe. Or maybe it's better not to sleep. In any case, I'll sleep later anyway, alright? Is that acceptable? I have things to take care of today…"

"Like what?"

"My mom wants me to go to a funeral for her. I have to find out when it is…aw crap, I also have to find something to wear. Can you believe that my mom got rid of all my black clothing while I was gone? Unbelievable. She thinks if I wear more colors I'll be more appealing to Korean guys." She snorted. "As if only Koreans notice colors or something." I had to stifle a laugh.

"That's funny."

"I guess it kind of is, huh." She looked up at me with that sly smile that I had missed so much. Up until that moment, I hadn't realized how long it had been since she smiled that way; the way she does when she's either about to do something exciting (dangerous) or when some sort of sarcastic argument was running through her head. I smiled back, and then there was a knock on the door.

"Coming," I called. When I reached the door and opened it, there they were. Of course.

"Yooo, Ichiro-san! We weren't sure if you'd be awake yet, but we decided to come over anyway."

"We? I told you we should have waited longer, Heiji!"

"Well we obviously didn't _have to. _See? He's awake!" I sighed.

"Come on in, then." After kicking off their shoes, they followed me into the kitchen, where Kokone was now sitting at the table after having helped herself to some toast. She waved as she chewed, smiling slightly with her legs folded under her, giving her the appearance of a child.

"Ahhh, Kokone-chan's here too? Hmm…" Heiji raised his eyebrows at me suggestively. I hit him on his shoulder. "Oi! I was just kidding…"

"Hi, Kokone-chan! How are you? We haven't seen you guys in a few days, huh?" Kazuha said as she took a seat across from her.

"I'm fine, thanks. How are -"

"Do you want to go shopping later with me? I don't have anything to wear for this Farewell Party thing..."

"What farewell party thing? Aigoo, Kazuha, I hate shopping…"

"Hey, you did say you needed something black right? Just go with her," I urged, taking a bite of my toast.

"Yes, yes! Come with me Kokone-chaaaaaan, pleeeeeeease?" Kokone rolled her eyes.

"Fine. But it can't take _too _long. Now what is this Farewell Party you're talking about?"

"Oh! Heiji's taking me as his guest. Someone from the police force is retiring and Heiji's dad wanted Heiji to come. They can come, right?" She turned to Heiji hopefully.

"Yeah, of course." I noted that Heiji seemed to be awfully quiet for once, but pushed that thought aside.

"When is it?" I asked.

"Tomorrow night."

"I can go, I guess. What about you, Kokone?"

"Hm? Oh, I suppose I can…well actually, I need to check on something first, but for now count me in. Who's retiring?"

"Hayashi Hikaru-san. He's been with on the force with my dad for years. Hard to believe he's calling it quits." Heiji shook his head in disbelief.

"Is that why you're being so quiet?" Kokone asked. So I wasn't the only one who noticed…

"Ah, no…not exactly. See, I came here to uh -" His phone started ringing. "Excuse me for a second." He pulled his phone out, checked the ID and turned to answer it.

"Ahh. Kudo! I was wondering if I should call you back or not." He listened for a minute. "Actually, she's right here. They both are, as a matter of fact, I'm at Ichiro-san's house. You want to talk to her? Oh? Then you want to talk to Ichiro-san…? Oh, alright. Sure, I'll pass that message along. In 2 weeks? Alright. Ja ne!" He hung up and stuffed the phone back in his pocket.

"What did Kudo-kun want?" Kazuha wondered aloud for us.

"Well…he called to confirm the date of the trial. He wants you guys to testify. Particularly you, Kokone-chan."

"The trial? Against the whole organization?"

"No, just against the blond guy."

"Gin," Kokone stated for clarification.

"Right. Him." It was silent for a moment.

"…Are you testifying?" Kokone finally asked him.

"I guess I should, huh?"

"Well I'm sure as hell not going up there by myself…Ichiro, what about you? Are you okay to do that?"

"…I guess. If it puts this guy in jail for life, then no doubt. I'll go with you." Kokone nodded with a determined but shaky smile.

"Then it's settled. We're testifying against Gin in 2 weeks."


	54. Chapter 54: Funeral

_Kokawa Kokone's POV:_

After about _4 hours of nonstop shopping, _I was finally allowed to leave. I had what I needed after maybe 20 minutes. Kazuha, on the other hand…

"Kazuha," I sighed with frustration. "Just buy a damn dress."

"Don't get all huffy with me! The dress has to be nice, but not too nice. It has to be sophisticated, but show that I can have fun. Know what I mean?"

"No, I have absolutely no idea what the hell you're talking about. You know, Heiji will like any one of these dresses. What's his favorite color again? Green?" Kazuha blushed a furious shade of red.

"I'm not buying one to impress Heiji, geez! I've told you that a million times…" She busied herself with a purple dress that had a peculiar collar and a rather short skirt. I sighed once again, checking my watch.

"Here. Pick this." I lifted a lightweight white dress off the rack nearby. It had a black belt along the waste, was modest, as it went down to the knees and covered up cleavage, and was sleeveless. "This will look nice on you. Now I need to go, I've got to meet up with someone."

"Ah? Not Ichiro-kun?" She asked curiously, taking the dress and looking it over with a look of approval.

"No, actually someone else. I'll see you later, Kazuha-chan." I waved over my shoulder as I left the store.

And now I was sitting at home, staring at the phone as it waited in painful silence in front of me. I had called Hyo Yeoung at _least _four times… My foot was tapped against the floor with impatience. Finally, I decided I had to do something to keep myself busy, so I got up to go to Ichiro's.

When I opened the door, I almost ran into my mom.

"O-Omma! I didn't notice -"

"Ahhh, don't insult my height you terrible girl! You're even shorter than I am. Where are you going?"

"Uh…" I said stupidly. "Ichiro's…"

"Aigoo, aigoo…" she shook her head as she pushed past me to get inside. "Oh, the funeral is tomorrow in the afternoon. It's at that place near the graveyard…you've been there before." I had unknowingly been pushed out of the house and watched uncomfortably as my mom shut the door in my face. Well then, I thought, guess that settles the actual time frame…

Once I got to Ichiro's house, I decided knocking would probably be more courteous, and scolded myself mentally for letting myself in so much. Ichiro's mom came to the door, smiling warmly and embracing me before letting me in.

"It's been a while, Kone-chan! Getting all these new restaurants set up I've been so busy with all these trips, and I've been traveling with Masaki on all of _his_ business trips…in fact, he's in Kyoto right now. Ahhh, I wish I was able to go on this one with him, Kyoto is such a beautiful place…"

"Er, right. Uh, where's Ichiro?"

"Oh! Ichiro!" She called behind her. "He's been upstairs with his guitar all day, that lazy child…" She playfully scorned his name, but I could tell this pleased her for some reason.

"Ah?" He answered back.

"I need to go pick up some groceries, so I'll leave you two here. I'll be back in an hour or two, alright? He's upstairs, just let yourself in." She smiled once again to me and then picked up her purse, slipped on her shoes and left. I still wasn't completely used to this woman's charm; it dumbfounded me every time. I shook my head, as if to wake myself up, then started for the stairs. As I got closer to Ichiro's room, I heard the plucking of strings, Ichiro humming along. I knocked on the doorframe of his room.

"Knock knock."

"Oh? Hey. What's up?" He looked up from his guitar where he was sitting cross-legged on his bed. I sighed tiredly and walked over to take a seat as well.

"Nothing much I guess. I bought a dress. Kazuha _finally _bought one after I practically shoved it down her throat…" Ichiro chuckled. I pulled my legs under me to sit the way he was so that we were directly facing each other. "What have you been up to?"

"Oh…nothing. Just…thinking."

"About?"

"The trial. Do you think it'll be difficult?" He asked reluctantly.

"Maybe," I admitted. "You'll probably have to keep me from being a potential hazard to humanity, though."

"Don't I always?" He smirked that adorable smirk at me, and I couldn't resist smiling back. Then I thought of something and pulled my phone out, checking to see if I missed any calls. Nope. I bit my lip.

"Something wrong?"

"No, not really…it's just – well. Hyo Yeoung's aunt died yesterday. He left our…encounter early because of some emergency, and I haven't talked to him since. He won't answer any of my calls…" I stared at the screen of my phone, willing it to ring.

"Ah. So that's the funeral you're going to then?"

"Mmm," I hummed.

"That's too bad. Are you nervous?" I looked up at him and swallowed.

"…Yes." He nodded. "How are you supposed to act at funerals?" I asked him, honestly curious.

"…how are you supposed to _act_?" He clarified. I nodded, crossing my arms after feeling a sudden chill. "Well…generally people cry. Or they just mourn in their own way. People place flowers, attend the viewing, go to the burial -"

"I know the general _process, _what I need to know is what I'm supposed to do. I didn't know this woman very well…and even if I did…Ichiro, I didn't even cry at my _dad's _funeral. What if they think I'm rude or something?" I said quietly, looking down at my hands. He thought about his answer carefully.

"Well…be honest. Be caring. Be…I dunno, just be the way you are now."

"The way I am _now?_ Are you _joking?_" He rolled his eyes.

"Obviously not. But you care, right? You want him to answer, to call you back. Because you care. Just act like that tomorrow and everything will be fine." I thought about this answer and decided it couldn't get any simpler than that.

"…Is it bad to not cry at funerals?"

"No? Not necessarily…"

"But that's what people do, right? They cry. They mourn. They -" I broke off, turning to look out the dark window. "They react normally." Ichiro was silent for a few minutes.

"People do cry. People do mourn. But what's normal and what's…abnormal? Those things don't have an absolute definition. You think I'm weird because I hate strawberries, right? I happen to think _you're _weird for liking them. There are hundreds of thousands of points of view."

"How can you hate strawberries!" I said in exasperation. But I realized he was right. I sighed. "That makes sense though, I guess. I just wish that other people would see it that way. You know what I mean? After Appa's funeral, my mom's friends were always saying stupid things like 'Hana, how can your _child _not react with a single tear? What's wrong with her?'" I looked down at my hands, holding my phone loosely.

"There's nothing wrong with you," Ichiro objected.

"That is definitely a false statement, and you know it."

"Well alright, so no one's perfect. That's how this world works. But your flaws don't necessarily equal what's wrong with you. I happen to like your flaws." I looked up at him in confusion.

"…Which ones?"

"Well…let's see…" His cheeks were just barely pink. He looked down at his guitar and strummed the strings lightly as he thought. "When you get into fights, whether they're physical or verbal. You're very argumentative, as you probably know, so I guess that could be considered a flaw. But it's extremely entertaining to watch, even though I have to pry you away just to keep you from getting into trouble. I kind of like that job." I snickered.

"What else? That can't be the only one…"

"…You hide things a lot. Sometimes you lie. Even though you usually don't lie to me, when you do, I know it's because you're trying to protect someone from something." Some cheerful chords came from the guitar as he spoke.

"Ah…?" I said thoughtfully. I was looking at him, observing how his hair stuck up like duck feathers but still looked attractive in that way. He was wearing his plaid pajama pants from that morning, a grey t-shirt on.

"See? I _love _your flaws. Among other things, of course." He looked up and grinned at me, and I smiled back as I leaned onto my palms, leaving my cell phone sitting in front of my legs.

"I'm glad someone does." I started to get up. "I should go. Big day tomorrow and all. I'll meet you at that party thing, maybe a bit late, so don't wait up, alright? The funeral's in the afternoon but it should only last a few hours, I suppose…" I was leaning against the doorframe now, looking back at him. He nodded.

"Okay. I'll see you then. Go to sleep," he almost scolded. "I mean it. If you don't, I'm taking you home as soon as you arrive at the party." I raised my eyebrows at his threat, then giggled slightly.

"Alright, tough guy. You win." Surprising even myself, I took a few steps forward and leaned over slightly to kiss his cheek. Smiling as I left him completely bewildered, I shut the door behind me.

I didn't, however, sleep that night. Again. I stayed up all night watching Korean dramas, even though I wasn't the biggest fan of them. There was usually too much going on in them, and of course they were usually pretty unrealistic, but I figured TV was TV, and that having to focus on the characters' lives was better than focusing on my own.

My mother didn't seem particularly bothered by this, just reminded me to get myself up in time to go to the funeral as she shut her bedroom door behind her. I often wondered if she even slept. There had been a TV in there at one point, but now it was just a simple bedroom. Or was it? I would never know; I _never _under _any _circumstances went into her room, much less her bathroom or her closet.

Now that the sun was rising, I figured I could get up and arrange what I was going to wear, maybe pick up some flowers, cook something. I snorted at that thought – like I could cook anything that anyone else would eat besides myself.

My dress wasn't all that fancy. Actually, it resembled the dress I picked for Kazuha, more or less, except it was completely black. I pulled out my black heels and a thin, gold necklace with pearls evenly distributed along the chain.

After my shower, I went to the kitchen to find something to heat up, or eat cold, it didn't really matter much. I sighed as I pulled out some left over kimchi and ate it cold.

It was only 11 in the morning by now. I went to get dressed, then headed out the door in search of a decent flower shop. I already knew there was no way for me to get a flower stand, a traditional sentiment for funerals such as these in Korea, but hoped they would consider the whole "it's the thought that counts" thing.

With my newly bought bouquet of chrysanthemums, I started to make my way to the place where the funeral was said to be. My mother had said I'd been there before, and indeed I had, but not since Appa's funeral.

It was eerily quiet inside. There were a few flower stands along the entrance, all from the small population of Koreans that had been associated with Mrs. Han. Some people were seated already, dabbing their eyes with tissues. I wasn't sure whether I should sit or not. I only saw one couple I recognized, but evidently they didn't recognize me. The Jeoungs passed me in silence, and I bit my lip and followed them.

I took a seat in the very back, placing the flowers next to me. Hyo Yeoung was nowhere to be seen, at least from where I was sitting. I stared at the all the way in the front for a long while; I had apparently missed the viewing, but silently was grateful for this.

And then there he was. He had stood up from the very front, with a man that was presumably Mr. Han as they approached the casket, placing a hand on it to say a prayer.

I swallowed, feeling the need to leave and move around, a restlessness that naturally developed soon after my father's funeral. I knew I couldn't just leave though, and got up, despite how I knew people would react.

As I tried my best to walk proudly up the dark aisle towards the casket, I could feel critical eyes glaring at me from every direction.

"That's her," one of them said. "That's the girl that disgraced her own mother."

"Really? I never would have guessed. I hear Koreans raised in Japan are more accustomed to those habits though…" This woman sighed in a 'what can you do' kind of way. I didn't bother to look to see who it was – what did it matter? It wouldn't have been hard to find out, given the amount of Koreans my mother was associated with. And so what if I was a disgrace? I felt rage simmer behind my eyes.

But before I could really think of what I was actually doing, I was at the casket, standing behind the two men. Mr. Han was mumbling something, maybe a farewell, while Hyo Yeoung stayed silent. Alright, I thought, here goes nothing.

I stepped up next to Hyo Yeoung and placed my hand over his on the casket. I felt him look at me, but I kept my eyes on the wood grain in front of me.

We waited for Mr. Han to finish the prayer, and then it was time to deliver the casket to the burial site not far away. I rode in silence with Hyo Yeoung and his father; neither of them seemed to acknowledge my existence, which was perfectly fine with me.

However, I decided to stand in the back during the actual burial. There were only 5 people including myself: Mr. Han, Hyo Yeoung, and the Jeoungs. Soon it was time to leave, but I wasn't sure if I should just yet.

Surprisingly, Mr. Han was the first to leave out of all of us. He passed me with a small nod, his face pale and beaten, and the Jeoungs stared after him in wonder. They discussed something quickly, then took their leave as well. That left Hyo Yeoung and I, me standing 3 feet behind him as he stood perfectly still, staring at the burial place.

I waited patiently. It took maybe 25 minutes of him just standing there, and I wondered if I should do something, but eventually he turned around. He hadn't expected me to still be there, but didn't make an effort to speak. He did the same as Mr. Han, passing me with a nod. But instead of heading home, he was going towards one of the benches that was concealed under the shade of a giant cherry blossom tree. Confused, I followed him.

By the time I got there, he was already seated on the cement bench, leaning over with his elbows on his knees as he stared at the ground. I stood in front of him for a few minutes.

"I'm so sorry, Hyo Yeoung-ssi," I said quietly. He didn't answer me. I took this as an invitation to sit beside him.

"You never answered my calls yesterday. I was really worried." Again, no response.

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked, placing a hand cautiously on his shoulder. He raised his head slowly.

"She was a mother to me. She took care of me. She held this family _together._ I -" His eyes were tinged a slight red as he raised a hand to cover his mouth. He cleared his throat, leaning back over again to stare at the ground.

"I know. Believe me, I know. Why didn't you tell me about your parents?"

"Because you don't typically discuss that with someone that has the potential to be in your future."

"A-ah. I see…" I honestly didn't.

"Nothing ever prepared you for this. You know? Why did this have to -" he broke off, turning his head away again. Only seconds later his shoulders started to shake. He brought his hand to his face to cover his eyes. I felt myself inhale sharply; how do you handle these kinds of situations? He unconsciously leaned toward me, and I did what came naturally, though I never would have expected it to feel so normal. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and laid my head against his, willing him to stop his tears. I hated it when people cried, especially when I couldn't do a thing about it. We sat like that for a long while, and I watched the sun begin to set as I stroked his head with one hand while holding him together with the other.

Soon he was back to normal – or as normal as you could be during the funeral of a close relative – and started to pull away to sit up straight. He rubbed a hand over his face before turning to me. I watched him carefully.

"I'm sorry my mom didn't come. She would have but…I don't think she can handle funerals after my father's. You'll be okay? I'll stay if you want me -" I hadn't noticed what he was doing until he had actually done it.

He was kissing me.


	55. Chapter 55: Lighting the Fire

As soon as I realized what was going on, which really only took about 2 seconds, I tried with immense effort to push him away. He was holding my face in his hands as he fiercely kissed me like there was no tomorrow, and I just wouldn't have it.

"Hey!" I protested as I finally got him to realize I was pushing him off. "We can't do this. This is wrong." I sounded a bit flustered to myself, but could you blame me? Then I was able to taste it – something sour and strong, like alcohol. "Are you DRUNK? I have to go. I'm sorry, I just -" I was already getting up to leave when he grabbed my wrist and turned me back around.

"_I'm_ sorry. I don't know what…I'm sorry. But thanks."

"THANKS? This can't happen, alright? I can't do this, especially not right now. And what's wrong with you, getting drunk on your aunt's funeral?"

"Hey, calm down, it's not like we _did _anything…"

"That's what the arsonist says when he's caught LIGHTING THE FIRE."

"Aishhh…" he rubbed his hand over his face, as if suddenly tired. "Alright, you're right, I'm sorry. It was inappropriate timing. I'd better get going." I was too dumbfounded to speak, noticing that my jaw was slightly open as I watched him walk away.

What…just…happened?

I arrived at the party in a daze, my feet aching after all that walking in heels. I only got to glance around the well lit room bustling with jolly people for about 5 seconds before Ichiro found me.

"Hey, you made it." He smiled buoyantly, looking absolutely adorable in his blue dress shirt with a green necktie.

"Barely," I winced, bending slightly to take off one of my shoes. I was still in the entryway, so not many people were around. I groaned as I stretched out my foot.

"Have you been wearing those all day?" Ichiro asked, concerned.

"Unfortunately. I hate funerals by the way. Oh, and people too." I sighed, feeling that overwhelming feeling of frustration that was a result of Hyo Yeoung's near-assault.

"..Uh…did something happen?"

"Yes. You know what, I think I'm just gonna go home actually. I'll say hi to Heiji and Kazuha first though, where are they?"

"Eh, over there somewhere flirting. I dunno." He shrugged, completely unconcerned with their whereabouts.

"Oh. Well in that case…nah, I'm too lazy to go searching for them on second thought. I'll see you later, alright? Goodnight -"

"Hey, wait. I'll walk you home." I glanced up after putting my shoe back on.

"Are you sure?" He gave me one of those "duh" looks.

"Honestly, I've been waiting for you to show up all night. I don't know any of these people and have no idea why I came," he complained in a dull voice. I giggled to myself.

"Well look on the bright side: without me here, there's no possible way you could have gotten into trouble." I winked at him with a smile, then started for the door. He grinned broadly, following close behind me.

We had only been walking for maybe 2 minutes when I started to groan again. I stopped walking abruptly and Ichiro continued on for a second before he realized I had halted, turning back to look at me curiously. I sighed a heated sigh, then reached down to take my heels off once again, this time for good.

"Long day?" Ichiro asked. I caught up, but was moving much slower now. I nodded.

"_Very _long day…" I wasn't sure if I should bring up what the worst and most confusing part was. Probably not, I decided. Only if he asks.

"Was the funeral…alright?"

"Was it alright?"

"You know what I mean…did everything go smoothly?"

"I…suppose…"

"Meaning…?"

"…Hyo Yeoung tried to make out with me." Ichiro almost tripped over his own feet.

"Wh-what?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. It's no big deal, he was just really messed up with his aunt's death and all…he apologized, so don't make a big thing of it."

"Did you crack his skull for it?" Ichiro asked eagerly. I shot him a look.

"Of course not! I set him straight, told him that we weren't going to go that way, _ever_, and then he left."

"Damn."

"Chiro!" I scolded.

"What? He has no business kissing you!"

"It meant absolutely nothing, so whether he did or not is irrelevant," I protested defiantly. He rolled his eyes.

"If he does it again I'll have to…" he grumbled under his breath. I chose to ignore him. We walked in silence for a few moments.

"Hey, Chiro."

"Hm?"

"…Can I get a piggy back ride?" I asked tentatively. He laughed.

"Are you crazy! You want me to carry you all the way home? On my _back?_"

"Well sure, how else would you?" I shot back. "Pleeeeeeeeeease…" I pleaded. He sighed.

"Alright, fine. Hop on." He had his knees bent a little, his arms stretch behind him to catch me. I hitched up my skirt slightly, then jumped on. His hands were extremely warm as they held me under my thighs, causing goosebumps to rise all over my skin. My arms were loosely around his neck, and I let my heels dangle from one hand carelessly as I leaned my head against his.

"I always forget how light you are…"

"What's that supposed to mean!"

"N-nothing! It's just…when you think of carrying a person, doesn't that sound heavy compared to…I dunno…carrying a box of something of reasonable weight?"

"Don't try to come up with some lame explanation, you just called me fat, jerk!" I teased, laughing along with him.

"I'm not, I swear."

We continued to joke like that until I got home. I was able to go to bed peacefully that night.

"…So what you're saying is…you are _anxious_ to testify. _Excited _even."

"Yep."

"Are you lying?"

"Now, Ito-sama, would I lie to you?" I asked in a sickly saccharine voice. She shook her head as if to say "what am I going to do with you."

"The sooner Gin and his stupid partners are put in the big house, the better. I think I'll be able to sleep once I know he's finally in his place. I mean, I would be better if he were dead but _I'm_ not gonna be the one to murder him…"

"Do you think you'll be able to respond effectively during the trial?"

"Effectively? Sure. I'm the proof, right? It'll be a piece of cake," I waved her off nonchalantly.

"Well, if you're sure…I guess I can clear you to go to Tokyo. You'll be going with your friends that were there too, right?"

"Like I'd ever go by myself again…" I muttered sarcastically. She ignored me.

"Alright. I'm giving you the go ahead then. Be safe. Don't get into trouble."

"Haiiii," I answered lazily, getting up to slip on my shoes.

"See you in a week, then." I nodded, but didn't return the smile she was giving me as I took my leave.

It really didn't matter whether my therapist wanted me to go to Tokyo or not; we were leaving tomorrow regardless. And I really was _excited _to take part in the end of that horrible organization but at the same time…_would _be able to answer the questions they fired at me? It wasn't a matter of knowing the answers really, but being prepared to _give _those answers was a whole other thing…

And what about Ichiro? I knew that everything that had happened – him being shot, him not being able to do anything about me being attacked – wasn't just some boring even that he could casually throw over his shoulder in an effort to forget. We were both suffering from that experience, but I had to wonder if he was going through it with more trouble than I was…I knew him well enough to know that he doesn't like to trouble people with his problems. He was undoubtedly nervous about this trial, and I was afraid that it could quite possibly break him.

Of course, that could also happen to me but…oh well.

The next morning, I had my tiny carryon suitcase ready as I hurried to get out the door. I had woken up late after having only fallen asleep 2 hours before my alarm was supposed to go off, and the only reason I slept at all was because I hadn't for the past two nights. My mother came out of her room, completely dressed and composed for the day as I rushed past her with a toothbrush hanging out of my mouth while I was hopping on one foot to pull my sock on. She raised an eyebrow at me lazily, but didn't say anything, heading into the kitchen.

I can do this, I thought, I can still get to Ichiro's place on time to meet up with everyone, I just have to –

The doorbell rang. I sighed heatedly as I quickly spit into the sink, rinsing my mouth out sloppily before I wiped my face and ran into my room to grab my suitcase. I called out "coming!" as I rushed down the hall to the front door. My mom was just about to open it when I nearly ran into her to get to it first.

"Aigoo, you annoying little -" Just as I opened the door she smacked me on the back of the head. "Don't be so irresponsible!" I winced, rubbing the back of my head in front of my audience of Ichiro, Heiji and Kazuha, who all watched with caution.

Well actually, Ichiro was trying not to laugh, but Heiji and Kazuha didn't exactly know what was going on.

"And don't get into trouble while you're there! If I have to spend another 13,000 yen just to see you lying almost dead in a hospital bed again you'll have more than death to worry about!"

"Ommaaaa," I groaned. "I'm already late. I'll be fine." She made one of those "tch" noises of disgust at me before she returned to the kitchen. I shook my head and sighed as I pulled the door shut behind me.

"Alright. Are we ready to go?" Heiji asked carefully.

"Yeah…sorry I'm late, I woke up like 20 minutes ago."

"Sheesh, we waited for you for forever!" Heiji complained noisily.

"Shut up, aho! You only arrived 5 minutes before we left to find her! Ichiro and I were gonna go find you first!" Kazuha defended me indignantly. I hmphed and took the lead to the bus stop proudly as Ichiro laughed.

Once we were seated on the plane, I felt my stomach lurch uncomfortably. We were really about to do this. This could be it.

"Are you alright?" Ichiro asked as he buckled his safety belt.

"Hm? Oh, yeah. I'm fine."

Author's Note: If you haven't done the poll, please do it either as a review or an email if you can. I'd like a few more answers at least before I finally decide what her career should be :] Reviews are also appreciated of course! Thanks for readingg~


	56. Chapter 56: Simple Promises

"Kazuha-chan!" Ran greeted her joyfully as she reached forward to hug her. We were all huddled around the door like a pack of stray dogs. "Hattori-kun, Kokone-chan…ah, and Ogawa Ichiro, right?" Ichiro nodded with a friendly smile.

"Yep. How are you, Mouri-san?"

"I'm doing well, how about you? Oh, you know what, let's go inside and talk, hm?" She led us into the Agency, offering to take our bags to put them aside.

"Everyone have a seat, alright? I bet you haven't eaten lunch yet, right? I'll go make some sandwiches and tea."

"Ah, I'll help you, Ran-san!" Kazuha gratefully offered and followed her out the door and up the stairs. Heiji went over to the two couches to greet Shinichi, who I just noticed was there.

"Ah, Kudo!" Heiji boomed. "Man, it's great to not have to worry about calling you that, huh? How's it goin'?"

"It's _great._" Shinichi said, smiling widely. He looked up at me and stood up to greet me properly.

"All thanks to this _genius_ right here." I rolled my eyes.

"Are you drunk or something? Calm down." I sat down.

"…Alright. Hey," he turned to Ichiro. "I'm Kudo Shinichi, nice to meet you."

"Uh…you're the one…that used to be a kid, right?" Ichiro seemed completely dumbfounded but it was kind of understandable.

"Uh – ahem. Yeah." Ichiro just kind of stared at him for a second.

"Oh – oh right. I'm Ogawa Ichiro. Nice to meet you too." Shinichi nodded, presenting the seat that Ichiro proceeded to take next to me.

"So? Have you made a move on your girl yet or what?" Heiji prodded as he nudged Shinichi with his elbow.

"Baka! Quit being so intrusive…"

"So you have, then! Wowww, Kudo! Has she forgiven you yet?" Shinichi shot him a look.

"I don't see how that's any of your business!" I snorted. Heiji shrugged.

"Alright, alright, whatever." Then the atmosphere got a bit more serious.

"So is everyone here ready for the trial tomorrow?" Shinichi was looking at me specifically as he said this. I made a "tch" noise at him.

"Of course I am. This guy is going behind bars if I have to put him there by force."

"You don't necessarily _have _to go on trial, you know that right? They just invited you to. If Hattori and I go, that would be enough to -"

"No. I can go. Don't worry about me, sheesh. It'll be fine."

_Third Person, Ran and Kazuha POV:_

"Could you hand me that knife, Kazuha-chan?" Ran asked. Kazuha smiled as she handed the knife over, then watched as Ran cut the ingredients for the sandwiches neatly on the cutting board. Ran looked up to see that Kazuha was still staring at her with a ridiculous smile.

"Ne, Kazuha-chan…why are you staring at me like that?"

"Huh? Oh, no reason, no reason…"

"…Are you sure?"

"Well…has Kudo done anything yet?" The words came out like a waterfall, so much so that Ran almost didn't understand. But then she blushed as she remembered…

_ "Then what! What do you want me to say? I can't do anything about it if _you _don't accept what happened and get over it!"_

_ "GET OVER IT? How can I just get over it! It's not like it was just some embarrassing mishap! You're so dense sometimes, Shinichi." Ran and Shinichi were fighting again, for maybe the fourth time that week. The arguing was getting more frequent as time passed, and it was also getting more verbally violent._

_ The first couple of weeks were very…uneasy, to say the least. Shinichi walked on tiptoes anytime he was around Ran, and never brought up anything that could possibly lead to the whole dilemma. This was what had upset Ran in the first place, what the first fight was about; the fact that things just weren't the way they used to be._

_ Now though, they were fighting over the whole trust issue. Shinichi was supposed to meet Ran for a late lunch that was technically dinner, and therefore almost a date. The only problem was that neither of them could agree to that term. Date. That was just impossible. Dating? Sure, both of them wanted it, but neither of them knew about the other's opinion over the matter…_

_ Ran waited for 6 hours. She sat and she sat on the wooden bench that was less than a block away from the restaurant they were supposed to go to, the clearly stated meeting place. Ran could feel herself grow weary with a new sense of impatience that hadn't ever been present before she found out that Edogawa Conan was Kudo Shinichi. But still, she waited. And waited. And waited. She even thought about crying, but found that she was too angry to._

_ Just when she was about to get up and personally track him down to slaughter him, Shinichi showed up, completely breathless. Ran just stared at him fixedly, her arms crossed tightly across her chest. She was wearing a white, summery spaghetti strap dress that showed off her toned arms and legs nicely. All of this, she thought, and for no good reason._

_ After a minute of attempting to catch his breath, Shinichi spoke._

_ "Ran…Ran, I'm so sorry. There was this case, down by the…the thing. Your dad knows about it, you can ask -"_

_ "I don't want to listen to this." Shinichi's eyebrows pulled together with concern. This wasn't how Ran normally acted. Sure, she got mad, but this was different. Her tone was completely off, as if she were a different person. Ran turned and started to stalk away._

_ "Hey! Let me explain, would you?" He called after her. Ran froze, then slowly turned with a simmering anger._

_ "Let you EXPLAIN?_ _You had PLENTY of chances to explain EVERYTHING to me, and you never did, so why should I give you the benefit of the doubt now!"_

_ "Taku, quit using this against me! I already apologized a million times!"_

_ "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU APOLOGIZE TO ME. I can't trust you anymore! I thought it would get better, Shinichi, I really did, but I can't wait any more! I DID MY FAIR SHARE OF WAITING, SO YOU'D BETTER WAIT FOR ME TO FORGIVE YOU, ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU CAN'T KEEP A SIMPLE PROMISE TO HAVE LUNCH WITH ME. No, I just DON'T want to listen to your lies and apologies anymore."_

_ "Then what! What do you want me to say? I can't do anything about it if _you _don't accept what happened and get over it!"_

_ "GET OVER IT? How can I just get over it! It's not like it was just some embarrassing mishap! You're so dense sometimes, Shinichi."_

_ "Would you calm down? You're making a scene."_

_ "THERE'S NO ONE HERE, SHINICHI. YOU KNOW WHY THERE'S NO ONE HERE? BECAUSE IT'S FREAKING 11 O'CLOCK AT NIGHT."_

_ "Alright, alright! I know! I tried to call you but your phone was off! I'm really sorry, okay? I didn't mean for this to happen!"_

_ "This isn't even about tonight, you idiot!" Ran's eyes started to fill with tears. "Why do you always lie? If you can't keep your word, then just stay away from me!"_

_ "Ran," Shinichi said softly. "I didn't try to lie intentionally. I was trying to protect you, you know that."_

_ "Protect me by hurting me? Why should I be surprised? You did it while you were 'gone' and you're doing it now!"_

_ "Doing WHAT now?"_

_ "YOU'RE KILLING ME, SHINICHI." Shinichi had no idea how to respond. Ran wiped furiously at her eyes before continuing. "Who deserves to live like this? Always worrying, always unsure. I actually started to think that you had left me again. I waited for SIX. HOURS. Who waits that long for someone? Any normal person would go home after one, maybe even two if they're patient, but I just HAD to wait. I HAD to wait when you were busy being a child, and here I am, still waiting. You dragged me into this!" She pointed at him in accusation as the tears ran down her face. "YOU MADE ME THIS WAY!" Shinichi took a step toward her._

_ "I…I'm so sorry, Ran. I just – I don't know what to say." He watched her for a second, a part of him aching as he was forced to watch those beautiful blue eyes cry. "If I had known this would happen…I would have told you in a heartbeat. But you have to understand something okay? In order for us to get past this, you have to do your part too. A friendship takes two people." She waited as another tear slid down her cheek._

_ "I was never, under any circumstances, going to let you be anywhere near the whole Black Organization situation. You know how pathetic I was as a little kid? There's no way I would have been able to protect you from something so vicious if they had ever advance on you. I knew there would be some consequences, but I still believe that not telling you was the best decision at the time. I understand that it will take a while for you to forgive me, but I'm going to wait. I will wait for as long as it takes, and I won't make you wait anymore."_

_ "You're doing it again." Ran mumbled. Her voice was thick with the tears._

_ "…Doing what?"_

_ "I don't think you can keep that promise."_

_ "I can. And I will."_

_ "How can you be so sure? You can't just expect me to believe you every time anymore, Shinichi. I'm done." She turned and tried to leave, but Shinichi grabbed her wrist, pulling her back again._

_ "Because dammit, Ran!" She was still facing the other way, pulling uselessly at her wrist. "That's what happens in this kind of situation. I'm sure because I know that I will do anything for the person I love." Before he could stop himself, this secret slipped right of his mouth and into the open air, where it remained for a minute while Ran stopped moving and continued to stare, disbelieving, down the street._

_ "Shin…ichi?" Ran whispered, slowly turning to face him. He had this determined yet cowardly look on his face. Though she was sure she wasn't actually crying anymore, a lone tear slid down her face as she watched him carefully. His face softened ever so slightly as he reached up and wiped the tear away gently._

_ "I don't want to hurt you, Ran. I never wanted to in the first place. Do you know that?"_

_ "You'll wait for me…because you…l-love me?" She was unsure with her words, positive she had heard him wrong and was quite possibly about to embarrass herself._

_ "Why is that a surprise to you?" He smiled almost sadly. "You've done the same thing for so long, and sometimes I fail to realize it. I just wish I never made you wait in the first -"_

_ "Because I love you," Ran blurted out._

_ "…what?" Shinichi was taken aback, the breath almost knocked out of him with this statement._

_ "I wait for you because…I love you. And I always will for that reason." She reached up and hugged him tightly, as if at any moment he could disappear. Shinichi hesitantly returned the hug._

_ "So will I," he whispered contentedly into her hair, glad the worst was over – maybe even for good. Ran pulled away, but slid her hand down to meet his, where they remained intertwined until they parted ways for the night…_

"Ran-san? Hellooooo?" Kazuha waved a hand in front of Ran's pink face, eager to know what she was thinking about.

"O-oh. Hm?"

"What're you thinking about? Did something happen with Kudo-kun?"

"Nothing important, really." And honestly, it wasn't that important, at least not the way Kazuha would see it. There wasn't a kiss or anything – yet. "But he's keeping his promises, so far."


	57. Chapter 57: Trial and Error

_This is it_, I thought. _The moment I walk through this door, I will see him._

_ Gin._

I swallowed uncomfortably, despite myself.

"…Kokone-chan? Can you hurry up and open the door?" Heiji asked impatiently. I blinked, then stepped back.

"Go ahead." He raised an eyebrow before doing as I said, mumbling something along the lines of "I told you so." Shinichi followed him through the door, though hesitantly, and Ichiro stayed behind, observing me quietly. He was just as nervous, but didn't want to make me any more so by talking about it. A moment later, Heiji pushed the door open again and poked his head out to look at me.

"Hey, he's not even in here yet. So come on, already." I looked up just in time to see the 'he' we all knew Heiji was talking about. He was being led down the hall by a group of rough and tough police officers that didn't look like they took crap from anyone. His hands were cuffed behind him, and despite his situation, he smirked when our eyes met. An involuntary shiver rolled down my spine.

Calm down, I told myself. Nothing could possibly happen. Look how tight security is?

But then I realized that wasn't what was making me feel sick to my stomach.

What if there was a possibility of him _not _being guilty?

My insides twisted violently at this thought.

"Hello there, Kokone-chan. So glad you could make it." Gin's velvety, cruel voice slid through my ears with the texture of a venomous snake. Ichiro and Heiji turned toward this sound just as I was bolting for the nearest bathroom.

Once inside, I threw myself into one of the stalls, not even bothering to lock it as I sat myself next to the toilet, rasping and sputtering in an attempt to breathe.

"Oh God," I whispered to myself. "OhGodohGodohGodohGod." I begged my stomach to right itself, hugging my torso tightly as if that would somehow keep my breakfast inside of me. I knelt my head back and closed my eyes, taking quick, sparse breaths as best as I could. The nausea was subsiding little by little, but I remained there anyway, fearing the return of it if I moved even a centimeter.

"Is she in here?" I heard Heiji ask as the door to the bathroom creaked open. "Kone-chan?" He called loudly into the small, enclosed space. He must have heard my rapid breathing, as he came over to my stall and swung the door open. I kept my eyes closed.

"She's in here!" He hollered. No I'm not, I thought. Just stay away. My chest ached dully, as if was giving up on trying to kill me with the usual fire-like pain. The door creaked open again as someone else came in. I heard a slightly relieved sigh.

"Damn," Ichiro said. "did you get sick?" I could feel him get closer as he knelt down to my level.

"I need to go back in there. Don't take too long if you're going to go through with the trial, alright?" Heiji said. Your voice is too loud, I thought towards him. Everything is too loud. That obnoxious door creaked again as Heiji left. _Someone had better oil those hinges._

"Are you going to be alright? Did you get sick? Huh? What about your heart?" Ichiro asked, not sure what was going on. I wasn't quite certain about the situation either. My voice failed to answer.

"Maybe you shouldn't do this," Ichiro decided. I could hear the uneasiness in his voice, and knew it was because the last thing he wanted to do was go in there and testify alone. He took my wrist and felt my pulse. For some odd reason, it started to slow with his touch, along with my breathing. I opened my eyes slowly and took a deep breath.

"I didn't get sick. I'm okay now."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm fine. Why do you keep asking?" I sounded irritated but was silently grateful that he bothered to in the first place.

"…Well, for starters, you're in the men's restroom…" He trailed off, and I turned to see a crooked smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

"I am?" I asked in disbelief. He nodded.

"We checked the women's restroom first. I guess this one was closer or something."

"Huh. That's…kind of embarrassing."

"Just a little bit." I elbowed him and told him to shut up, but even as I did these things I was smiling.

"Come on," he grinned. "We can do this together." He held out his hand after he stood up, and I gladly took it so he could pull me along with him to the courtroom.

"The defense calls Hattori Heiji to the stand." Heiji got up and clumsily made his way to the aisle, where he proceeded to advance on the elevated stand for everyone to see. I was sitting on my hands in an effort to keep still, biting my lip as I stared fixedly at the lawyer that was on Gin's side.

He was grisly and horrid, as a human being. Though my point of view was slightly opinionated, his hair was greased back, and he reeked of smoke. When he glanced at me every once and a while on account of the staring, I didn't hesitate to stare harder if it were possible. This made him a little bit nervous, but not enough so to stop doing what he was doing. Who does that? Who tries to defend someone that is so obviously guilty? And with _murder_?

"Tch," I snapped under my breath. Ichiro glanced at me. His posture was stiff, but he actually seemed pretty composed about all of this. Shinichi sat on my other side, and he was busy, oh, knowing him, probably observing every last detail of this God forsaken room.

"I automatically hate this man." With this statement, I was completely alert, almost alarmed by it. Ichiro never said this kind of stuff, and the fact that he said it in Korean in an effort to keep it a secret between us was another thing entirely.

"…I know," I responded shakily. I turned again to glare at the sorry excuse for a man that was the defense lawyer. Once Heiji was sworn in, the questioning began.

"Hattori-san. Are you able to point out our defendant? The one that calls himself Gin?"

"Hai," Heiji answered, reaching up to stick a finger towards the general direction of the blond snake.

"Very well. Let's see, Hattori Heiji, Hattori Heiji…you're a man of your word, I suppose? You solve unbelievably tricky murder cases, regardless of your age. Am I correct?"

"Hai."

"So you would call yourself a credible source then?"

"Sure."

"Yes or no answers, Hattori-san."

"…Hai," Heiji said through gritted teeth.

"Then do tell me why exactly you have been proven wrong by other seemingly _better_ detectives. Hmm?" Uh oh, I thought. Heiji wasn't one for taking insults without a fight.

"_Better?_ Kudo isn't better than me because he pointed out a mistake I made once or twice!"

"Ah, Kudo, is it? As in Kudo Shinichi? So you admit that this boy is more capable than you are?"

"Objection!" the prosecutor called, standing up fiercely. He was a lean, decent looking man that was maybe in his early 30s. "Your honor, what does this have to do with _anything_?"

"Do tell us, Matsuda-san," the judge said almost lazily. This was probably just another case to him. Nothing special. The stout defense lawyer got…well, defensive.

"Simply proving that this young man can't be trusted with truth." He stuck his fat nose in the air as if this statement somehow made him superior to us all.

"So if someone makes a miscalculation in a simple math problem, does that necessarily mean they should never be trusted with similar equations again?" the prosecutor countered. Matsuda crinkled his nose in disgust, not able to respond immediately.

"Agreed," the judge called, bored. "Do you have another witness to call up instead, Matsuda-san?" The prosecutor, of whom I still hadn't learned the name of, adjusted his tie proudly as he sat down once again.

"Yes, your honor," Matsuda sighed. "The defense calls…" he took a moment to sort through his papers. If that wasn't a sign of how truly uninvolved he was in this case, I don't know what would be. "Kokawa Kokone." Even though I knew it was coming, I still found myself sitting there, pondering what would happen next. Ichiro elbowed me, causing me to nearly jump out of my seat. And yet, through all my nervousness, I was surprisingly confident. This shouldn't take too long, I thought.

It started innocently enough. He asked the standard questions, I answered calm as you please. And then…

"Kokawa-san, you claim to have witnessed two attempted murders, one of which was successful, am I right?" He was sorting through files, absently looking up at me in between for answers.

"Because I _did_ witness them."

"Yes or no."

"…Yes?"

"Is there a reason we should believe you?" I wasn't sure how to answer.

"Well, first of all," I said, feeling my insides begin to simmer slightly. "There was more than one witness, so if you're suggesting that all of us – Kudo Shinichi, Hattori Heiji, Ogawa Ichiro and myself – are lying with the same stories, I'm not entirely sure what you would be able to accomplish by asking this question. Second of all -"

"That's quite enough. I didn't accuse you of anything – yet." I waited impatiently.

"You've gotten into quite a lot of trouble over the past few years, hmm? Intrusion into a boys' kendo camp, multiple fights, refusal to speak with the police following your father's death-"

"Since when is that a crime?"

"…Anyway. You even ran away from home and committed truancy."

"I was enrolled in Teitan High School the entire time!" I protested.

"You _illegally_ worked at a rather…suggestive club. Dancing, singing…_entertaining?_" He raised his eyebrows, and almost looked at me as if I would be a good stripper. I narrowed my eyes at him instinctively.

"You'd _better _not be suggesting what I think you are," I threatened. He gave me a pathetic look, as if to say "don't be so immature."

"Do you deny this?"

"No, but I had my reasons."

"A simple 'no' would suffice. Now, if you were _my _daughter, I would have a hard time having faith in you after all of this. These increasingly deceptive and suspicious actions of yours aren't putting you in a good position, Kokawa-san."

"Am I allowed to ask you a question?" I wondered allowed.

"No." He answered immediately. I decided to anyway.

"How does it feel to attempt to defend someone that is so obviously guilty of the butchering of human life?" I asked innocently. He reproached me with a twitchy eye that suggested anger.

"…Pardon?"

"I hope you're getting paid a lot to do this. After all, some people believe in the idea that dignity can be bought with high sums of cash."

"…I'll be asking the questions, here. What I'm getting around to, I suppose, is whether or not you have sufficient, circumstantial evidence. Do you? Or is this just another secret of yours?" It seemed like he was almost teasing me. My stomach boiled with rage.

"You want _proof?_ That's what you're looking for?" I stood up and started to unbutton my shirt, which pretty much set the whole room into motion. Ichiro started to get up, Heiji's jaw dropped, Shinichi sighed and shook his head, and the judge was now more alert and suddenly _very _interested in this case. "You see this? HUH? You see this scar? This scar is from that _devil_ of a man!" I jabbed my own chest where my jagged and noticeable scar was. "And I suppose if you shaved my head you would be able to see where he _beat me over the head with the barrel of his gun, _causing me to go into a short-lived but still _dangerous _coma. Is that in your case report, Matsuda-sama? AH?" My teeth were gritted; I was spitting mad now.

"I AM the proof. You hear me? HUH, BABO? TOEJORA!" I yelled. There was a pounding noise coming from the judge's bench.

"Young lady!" he scolded. "Button up your shirt and get ahold of yourself!" I was breathing madly. I didn't really see what the big deal with the shirt was; after all, I had only unbuttoned 3 of the buttons, but then I realized I was pretty close to telling this man off with considerably colorful language. The courtroom went silent though as they all turned their attention to the lone sound that remained.

It was Gin's laughter. At first it was a quiet, dark chuckle, but then it turned to this vicious and almost frightening cackle that made my eyes water because of the suddenly spicy taste at the back of my throat.

"That's enough," He said between laughs as he calmed himself down. "That's _quite _enough. Let these kids go. Their lives will inevitably end anyway. That's correct, I confess. This was just too easy."

"…_Easy?_" I grumbled. He chuckled again.

"You've always been a feisty one. Let's go then. I'd better have a decent jail cell. You will visit me, won't you Kokone-chan? I delight in our visits."

"Go screw yourself, asshole," I muttered. The judge was saying something about refraining from coarse language, but I was already leaving. I stalked over to the row that seated my little group of witnesses, my friends, and grabbed Ichiro by the hand. He didn't say a word as I yanked him out of the row and out the door, all the while shutting out the voices that were telling me to stop. I didn't bother to see if Heiji or Shinichi were following.

What else could they do? I reasoned. There's no way that they can continue with this trial when he confessed so _easily._

"Ah…Kone-chan…?" I heard Ichiro start hesitantly. I was nearly dragging him down the sidewalk. "Where are we going?" I came to the conclusion that I had absolutely no idea.


	58. Chapter 58: Clarity

Step. Step. Step. Step.

Not paying attention. Just stepping.

Step. Step. Step. Step.

"Kokone? I'm relying on you to know where we are…"

Step. Step. Step. Step.

"Oi, you've been quiet long enough. Where are we going?" I continued to stroll at a leisurely pace, Ichiro's wrist still secure in my firm grip. I distantly wondered if this looked odd to anyone else, as we weren't even close to holding hands.

Step. Step. Step. Step.

"Kokone!" Ichiro almost yelled, halting immediately as he jerked me to a stop as well. This seemed to wake me up from whatever weird dream state I was in.

"Are you going to listen now or what? Do you even know where the hell we are?" Ichiro was frazzled. Why was he so wound up? I felt like I was part of the air: light, fluffy, carefree.

"Eh…" I surveyed my surroundings as if for the first time. "Not really."

"What do you mean '_not really?_' You know how big Tokyo is?"

"It's not any harder to navigate than Osaka?" I pointed out diplomatically. It was as if we had switched roles completely; he had become the wild and unsure spaz while I remained competent and composed.

"But we're _from _Osaka."

"…It'll be fine. We can stop at the next general store and ask for directions or buy a map."

"It's been an hour since you yanked me out of that courtroom. My cell phone is still there, actually. Where's yours? Why are you being so calm about all of this now?"

"Hmmm…" I hummed thoughtfully. "I think it's back at the Agency. And as for your second question…I don't really know."

"Perfect."

"Everything will be fine," I assured him.

"God only knows where we are."

"It'll work out eventually."

"Would you _quit it? _You're freakin' me out. How is everything fine?"

"Because we're free. _I'm _free." I took a deep breath, as if for the first time in a while.

I had actually been doing a lot of thinking as I steered Ichiro around corners and down random streets. At first, I had been boiling mad because of that defense lawyer, and then somewhere along the way it hit me:

That was it. It was over.

"Kokone?" I stared at Ichiro, confused. He looked pretty confused too – after all, it wasn't his voice that said my name. We both turned to find none other than Hyo Yeoung.

"H-Hyo Yeoung-ah? What are you -" He sighed.

"I go to school here, remember? I only visit Osaka sometimes."

"…Right." It was awkwardly silent for a moment as I pondered what to say next. "Oh! Uh, this is Ogawa Ichiro. Ichiro, this is Han Hyo Yeoung-ssi." They nodded at each other, and that's when I noticed I was preventing them from shaking hands by maintaining m fierce grip on Ichiro's right wrist. My cheeks flushed as I quickly let go and clasped my hands behind my back.

"Anyway, what're _you _doing here?" He asked. I swallowed before answering.

"Uhhh, well. The trial thing was today and everything…now we're just trying to find our way back -"

"Would you like to be pointed in the right direction?"

"…That would be nice, thanks," I muttered sheepishly.

"Where are you guys trying to get to?"

"Hm? Oh, uh…where are we going?" I turned to Ichiro. He shrugged.

"The agency, perhaps?"

"Oh! The…Beika District then? If I can get there I'll know where I'm headed…"

"Ah, well then. All you have to do is head in the _opposit_edirection you were going in for 4 blocks, then a left turn to the bus stop that should take you there," he directed us effortlessly.

"Right. Thanks. I'll see you around, Hyo Yeoung-ah." I waved and then grabbed Ichiro's wrist again as I pulled him away. He had been semi-glaring at Hyo Yeoung the whole time we were talking…

"A-ah. See you, Kokone-ah." Once we were a safe distance away, Ichiro started grumbling.

"So that's him? That's the guy who tried to kiss you?"

"…Yes."

"No wonder. He looks like a creep." I twisted slightly to slap him on the shoulder.

"He does not! Cut him some slack, his aunt had just died." He kept quiet, but had a look on his face that suggested he had a whole lot more to say.

We eventually found our way back to the Agency…only to find that we were locked out, and no one was there.

"Kazuha and Ran went shopping," Ichiro sighed. I nodded, having just remembered.

"And who knows where Kogoro is." I went to sit on the steps, and Ichiro copied.

"So what do we do for school?" Ichiro asked after a while.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…what do we say?"

"Ah. Right."

"It'd be kind of exhausting to have to explain everything over and _over _and _over_ -"

"Yeah I get it. Well…you can do what I do all the time."

"You mean not talk to anyone and isolate myself from the world? Hm, not sure if that's the best way to go."

"Tch," I snapped, jabbing him with my elbow. "Not _complete _isolation. Sheesh."

"Well okay, so what _do _I do?"

"Just tell them it's complicated. And you know what? I don't think they'll have the courage to ask. You saw how people reacted to _my _situation, right? No one approached it. Ever."

"Yeah but…your dad _died._ No one died in this situation, I just got…shot." He had a hard time saying this, so I instinctively leaned closer to him.

"Well if you make it clear that you don't want to talk about it, then just don't. Even if they don't understand…I do." He grinned a little bit.

"I guess that's good enough." I returned the smile buoyantly before turning my attention back to the street. It was a pretty calm day, though it was a bit sticky and warm for my tastes.

"Wow, you guys are back early! Oh? Where are Shinichi and Hattori-kun?" Ran said suddenly as she and Kazuha returned from their shopping trip, bags upon bags of purchases dangling off of their arms.

"We left before they did. You might wanna call them though…they may not know that we're back already," I said, not really wanting to go through the whole story of _why _I left early in the first place.

"Huh. Well sorry about you guys being locked out! You should have called us."

"We don't exactly have anything to contact people with, so it's alright. It's nice outside, anyway." There he goes again, I thought. Always on the bright side of things.

Once we were inside, everyone went about their business in quiet routine; Kazuha gazed out the window at nothing in particular, Ran was moving about, probably dusting, though I wasn't paying much attention, and Ichiro was reading some book that Heiji had lent him.

I don't even know what I was doing, but it was apparently so boring that I fell asleep right there on the couch, just like that day so long ago, and yet so different.

My dreams were relatively calm, as if taking on the personality of the day. There was a moment where I was scared of something, but that subsided, as I figured there was nothing to fear. Towards the end though, things got a little sticky. I had my eyes closed in the dream, and something, or someone, was choking me. I opened my eyes in panic to see that it was just another one of those black forms, and that it was almost identical to the night I had first been set up with Hyo Yeoung.

I thought through all of this, despite the situation, and was even able to distinguish this dream from reality as it was coursing through my brain, but awoke only seconds later after the whole not-breathing thing got too uncomfortable. I sat bolt upright on the couch, causing Kazuha, who had at some point taken a seat next to me, to jump nearly a foot off the couch. I had gasped as I did this, but was quickly able to establish myself regardless. I noted that Ichiro was watching me carefully over his book.

I need to call her, I thought.

"…Kokone? Everything alright?" Ichiro approached me cautiously, as if I were some type of rabid animal.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." Honestly, I was, but I was in a hurry to get to a phone. "Ran, where's the phone? Wait, never mind." I spotted it on Kogoro's desk and proceeded to nearly pounce on it in my attempt to call my mother.

"Oi, Kokone-chan! You keep scaring me near to death! What're you doing?" Kazuha asked, I glanced up at her from behind the desk as I dialed. She had a hand over her heart, and I could imagine it racing because of my sudden jolt of energy.

I listened to it ring as everyone watched me with wary eyes once, twice, three times. And then –

"Yeoboseyo?" My mother answered tiredly.

"Omma," I stated. She waited a minute before responding.

"…Yes?"

"You hired them, right? Those people?"

"What people." Her tone was already cynical and bored.

"The guys with the cameras. There was one in Tokyo, and then one in Osaka. He was in our house. You hired them right?"

"W-What are you talking about?"

"They _attacked _me. Come on, don't play dumb now," I urged.

"You lousy little – calling me stupid, asking ridiculous questions…"

"Omma!"

"MWO?"

"Would you just tell me, so I can be sure?"

"…yes."

"Yes you hired them, or yes you'll tell me?"

"It was only because you are careless and hazardous to your own health! I told them to keep you in line and set you in your place if you ever crossed them. But see now, you're completely fine and it only made you stronger, nehhhh? I have to go now."

I stared at the receiver as if it had a virus. "STRONGER? I COULD HAVE -"

…She hung up? I groaned, then put the phone back in its place before I got up to lay back down on the couch. I felt numerous pairs of eyes following me as I did so, but knew only one of them semi-knew what was going on.

"…I don't like sitting next to you," Kazuha concluded. She got up and sat next to Heiji, whom I just noticed had returned at some point. I looked for Shinichi and found him skimming the bookshelf in the corner before I responded.

"Great. More room for me." I stretched out my legs and put my hands behind my head, closing my eyes once more.

"You missed it."

"Huh?" I opened my eyes once again to meet Heiji's.

"You missed the official cuffing," He said. I sighed.

"Don't worry, I didn't miss a thing."


	59. Chapter 59: Impasse

"Haibara, open the door!" Shinichi called as he pounded on it. It was just me and him this time, but I felt a shiver roll across my shoulders as I remembered another time I was at the Professor's house.

"If she doesn't want it, she doesn't want it. I'm not going to stab her with a needle and make her use the antidote, Kudo." He glared at me.

"This is what she _needs._ She needs closure. If she knows that Gin and the other members have been put behind bars, maybe she'll -"

"What is it?" We both jumped at the sound of her small yet sharp voice.

"A-ah, hey Haibara…"

"Hmm, lost your confidence, I see…" I muttered. He ignored me.

"We've come to share the news." She just looked at him. "Of Gin's arrest? The trial went…pretty well." He had to struggle to say these words, but all he was trying to do was make everything sound a-okay.

"Really." She opened the door a bit more. "You know, the Detective Boys really miss you. They don't have as much luck without you around."

"Go figure. Wait, this isn't what I came to talk to you about -"

"What am I supposed to do? Just leave like you did? We've affected their lives permanently. They'll always remember us, always want to seek contact with us. What if they try to track us down once they grow older?"

"Uh…Well…"

"I can't leave them yet. See you later." She started to close the door, but I stuck my hand out and kept it open.

"Look, Miyano-san," she flinched at her real name. "I know that this is hard to come to terms with. I understand that you're still afraid of that Organization, alright? I still have dreams and all that. But the fact of the matter is that they're _gone._ They're gone now, so I can help you get back to real life. You don't have to be associated with them anymore." She wouldn't look at me.

"How can you be sure?" She murmured.

"I saw them put Gin away myself, today," Shinichi spoke up. "And a few weeks ago, it was Vermouth and Vodka, plus all these people I'd never seen before." She still looked unsure, but then I thought, doesn't she always?

"Exactly. Listen to him! You can always trust Kudo-kun, right?" I reasoned. "Akemi wouldn't want you to live this way either." With this statement, she looked up at me, and for once I saw something other than the harsh dullness in her eyes.

"…Okay."

"What?" Shinichi and I both blurted out at the same time.

"I said okay. Don't make a big deal about it. But Kudo-kun has to stay outside." She turned up her nose and left the door ajar as she turned to leave for the basement.

"Uh. Alright. I guess…we'll be back in a bit, Kudo." He nodded, slightly embarrassed, and I left him there on the doorstep.

She was waiting in the basement downstairs, a vial of my antidote sitting idly next to her on the table. There was a pile of clothes neatly folded on the chair nearby; needless to say, she was prepared. I followed suit and brought out the needles and tubes necessary, then used rubbing alcohol to prepare the site of injection on her right arm.

"Ready? Here we -" I was about to stick the needle in when she stopped me.

"Kokawa-san."

"..Yes?"

"…I'm sorry about your father." This statement was so random, but it seemed like she thought it was absolutely necessary to say.

"I'm sorry about your sister." She nodded, as if we had come to some sort of impasse, and let me inject the antidote.

"I really want you to meet someone before we go back," I said in a fluster, as I had just plopped myself next to Ichiro while he was in the middle of reading. He looked over his book at me suspiciously.

"Who?"

"Someone. Come on." I grabbed his book and dropped it on the coffee table, then grabbed Ichiro's wrist and yanked him off the couch and out the door, calling a "We'll be back later!" as we left.

"Jesus, what's the hurry?"

"We have to leave in 3 hours. And visiting hours don't last as long as they should…"

"Visiting hours? Oi, Kokone -"

"Just hurry up!" I commanded as I pulled him faster.

Once we made it there, I approached the front desk and nearly demanded to see who I had planned on seeing for the entire day.

"Listen, I know visiting hours are kind of close to over, but I _really _need to see her."

"I'm sorry, ma'am, we have strict policies over these types of things. Come back tomorrow."

"We won't _be _here tomorrow! This is urgent!"

"Kokone, maybe we should just -"

"KOKONE-NEECHAN!" I spun around faster than lightning to see the little girl I had been hunting for. She came running now, abandoning the social worker that had been holding her hand. I knelt down and held my arms out for her to jump into; she very nearly knocked me over.

"Hey there, you!" I said affectionately.

"I've missed you so much! Guess what I learned to do!" She pulled back and prepared to show me whatever it was she had to show me.

"Did you…learn how to fly an airplane? How to end world hunger? How to -" I smiled, playing along.

"No, no no!" She smiled back, giggling with excitement. "I can spell your name! Come, come, come!" She reached up and grabbed my hand, pulling me along. I looked back and saw Ichiro with a bewildered look on his face, and grabbed his hand as well, creating a pretty humorous train of people.

Kazuko led me to a little play area, where a notepad and a pencil lay on the ground, presumably from where she had been practicing before.

"Lookie, lookie, lookie!"

"I'm watching," I promised as I sat myself next to her on the floor. I was still holding Ichiro's hand, I absently noticed, but if he did, he either didn't care or was focusing on the present situation. He sat down next to me, still confused. Little Kazuko took the pencil in her hand and with an extremely determined face, began to write carefully on the notepad. Her characters weren't as sloppy as I expected them to be, in fact, could even pass for Heiji's handwriting now.

Once she finished, she held up the notepad and grinned, waiting for me to take notice. There it is indeed, I thought, there's my name. I returned the smile.

"Wowww, Kazuko-chan! You're becoming an evil little genius all by yourself!" She giggled happily, then turned her attention to the random guy holding hands with me.

"Who's that?" she asked, cocking her head to the side.

"This is my friend, Ogawa Ichiro. Chiro, this is Morita Kazuko." Kazuko stuck out her hand, something I had taught her to do when she met new people. Ichiro, surprised, took it and shook it gently.

"Yay! A new friend! Ichiro-niichan, come play!" She pulled on his hand in an effort to get him to move. I nudged him and smiled in reassurance.

"I'll be right back." I got up and went out to the hallway, where the social worker in charge of Kazuko and her sister was waiting.

"How's she doing?" I asked.

"She's doing remarkably well for someone in her position. We have two families waiting right now to hear if they'll be able to adopt the two of them."

"That's great!" I was a little unsure, but deep down I knew it was better for them to have an actual family to call their own.

"One resides in Osaka, actually. We're taking a good look at their file." She winked at me, knowing I was from there. This made everything infinitely better.

"That's…I'm _begging _you to choose them."

"That's what I thought you'd say." We both turned and looked in the room, observing the little girl as she buried Ichiro in stuffed animals. Ichiro lay there lifelessly for a minute as she carefully rearranged the assorted animals, and then proceeded to spring to life, emitting a roar as the stuffed animals rolled off of him. Kazuko screamed playfully as she was attacked by Ichiro, who used tickling as an effective method of torture. Look at him, I thought. He's known this girl for maybe 2 minutes, and it's like they're the best of friends.

"He's good with kids," the social worker commented. "Is he a good friend of yours?"

"He is," I responded simply. "He really is."


	60. Chapter 60: The End

_Ogawa Ichiro's POV:_

"Oi, haven't you noticed?" Heiji hissed at me from his desk, not far away from mine. "What's wrong with her today?"

Indeed I had noticed. I had noticed the moment Kokone walked into the classroom that morning, and not just because she looked exhausted and careless, but because she hadn't been at our usual corner that morning before school. The only problem really was that she didn't even appear to be in deep thought, just not…there.

She sat two rows away from me, near the windows. Kazuha sat in front of Heiji, while I sat somewhere in between. This meant that I would unfortunately have to wait until lunch to talk to her.

It wasn't even just me and Heiji that noticed either. The teacher interpreted it as laziness, the other students thought it was some sort of pent up anger that shouldn't be tested. I had to admit that the latter was a plausible assumption, but this wasn't even anger. She was just…missing.

"Kokawa-san!" Our teacher snapped now. We were studying math for this period. Kokone was looking out the window, her chin in her hand. It was like she didn't even realize her name was being called. "Kokawa-san? Is there a reason you're being so disrespectful today? Ah?" The teacher put her hands on her hips and stalked over to Kokone's desk. Once she was inches away, she slapped her hand onto her desk, twisting a paper around that was on it so that she could read whatever could have been written there.

"This paper…this paper is blank. Kokawa-san, have you been paying attention _at all?_" Kokone looked up, as if just taking notice of the steaming teacher next to her.

"Ah? No ma'am. No, I haven't been." With this seemingly standard answer, she turned her attention back out the window, causing Heiji to snicker. The teacher tapped her foot for a few moments, and then turned sharply to take her place back at the front of the room.

"Stay after class, Kokawa-san. Now students, let's open the textbooks found under your desks to page 247…"

This kept me pretty distracted throughout the class. Once it was over, everyone headed for the door, where Heiji, Kazuha and I met up with Kokone, who was so obviously unaware that I couldn't help but wonder how the hell she made it to school that morning.

"Kokawa-san! Didn't you hear me earlier? Stay after class. We need to talk." I willed Kokone to look at me so I could tell her we would be waiting outside, but she didn't; she continued to stare at the wall. She did manage to stop walking however, in response to our teacher's demands that she remain after class.

"Is Kokone alright?" Kazuha asked worriedly once we were in the hallway.

"I'm…not sure," I answered.

"Well you should probably find out quick," Heiji said matter-of-factly. "She doesn't see her therapist until next week." I shot him a look.

"Heiji!" Kazuha scolded, slapping him on the back of the head.

"Really, Hattori? Really?"

"Okay fine, that was a bit harsh, but seriously, what's going on with her? It's like she's on autopilot or something."

"Yeah, I don't know. You guys go eat, I'll wait for her here."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, go ahead." Heiji shrugged, and Kazuha reluctantly followed him down the hallway, turning back every few seconds to see if Kokone had returned.

Kokone came out of the classroom a few minutes later, and when I acknowledged her, she didn't even notice, instead passing me and starting down the hallway.

"Kokone? Kone-chan!" I called after her, jogging to catch up. There were two guys coming down the hallway towards her, though this didn't seem problematic in the least, as they were just talking animatedly as they made their way down the hallway. Kokone however, completely oblivious, ran right into them, causing a few colorful cuss words to start flying towards her. She seemed to come back to life for only a moment, but then continued on her way. By this time I was still trying to catch up, and only made it to the guys before they were about to lay a hand on her for not apologizing.

"Oi, what's your freakin' problem? Why don't you watch where you're going, you crazy bitch!" I expected Kokone to whirl around and dish out a can of whoop ass on him, but nothing happened. The guy reached for her shoulder, but I grabbed his hand and thrust it away.

"Hey," I barked sharply. "You'd better watch it." The guy rolled his eyes at his friend, then turned to continue down the hallway, muttering a few unnecessary words under his breath.

"Kokone!" I tried again as I caught up with her. She stared straight ahead. "Are you feeling alright?" She didn't answer, didn't even know I was there. I decided I'd just hang around and figure this out after school, where no one would be listening.

Heiji, Kazuha and I had to struggle to meet up with her after school. Kokone had started home by herself, and we had only just noticed as we were waiting for her at the usual place. We all called and hollered her name as we ran to catch up, but she either was ignoring us or just didn't notice…again. Once we reached her, out of breath, Heiji started with the complaining.

"Oi, what's – your problem? Why – didn't you – wait – for us?"

"Kokone-chan – are you – okay?" Kazuha wondered breathlessly. I stayed silent. So did Kokone.

The walk home was awkward, needless to say, but Heiji and Kazuha tried endlessly to keep the conversation going, which only led to one of their obnoxious AHO battles. We all turned once we reached my street, our now regular routine since the beginning of this school year – everyone except for Kokone. She continued straight, presumably towards her street. We all stopped at watched her go for a moment, but then Heiji shrugged it off and made some remark about how complicated women are before starting towards my house again.

Once we got to my house, I opened the door and called out "Judoooo! Judo, here boy!" My new dog came bounding around the corner to welcome us home.

Yes, I now had a dog. He had been waiting for me when I returned from that trial during the summer. My mother, being the person that she is, constantly worried now while she was gone, either with my father or somewhere else, and so decided that getting me a dog would be the best solution.

I supposed she was right. Sort of. At first though, he seemed like just another thing to clean up after, an inconvenience if you will, but then I warmed up to him. He was a pretty protective dog; we figured that out after he attempted to attack Heiji the first time he visited after the trial. He had taken nicely to Kokone though, of all people, and she thoroughly enjoyed having him around, but like me, wasn't too fond of the idea of actually _owning _a dog.

Anyway, we hung out and discussed the day's events, as well as our homework assignments, and we all managed to safely stay away from the subject of Kokone. Eventually, they decided it was best to leave, and I immediately took to the street after they were at least a block away. I didn't hesitate to run to Kokone's, and was slightly surprised to find the front door open ever so slightly.

I carefully took the knob in my hand and pushed the door open. Should I call her name? I asked myself. I found out that I didn't really need to once I was inside.

She was sitting on the floor, hugging her knees, right there in the entryway. I followed her gaze, which was directed at the large portrait that hung on the wall that led to the living room.

Oh _shit._ I thought. How could I forget something so important?

"It's been 10 years." Her voice made me jump; it was dull and lifeless, and yet sounded so loud in the space around us. I responded by taking a seat next to her, following her position as I looked up at the beautiful painting of Kokone and her parents from so long ago.

This had been created when Kokone first moved to Japan. She had been 4 years old, but she looked much older, at least in the face. Her eyes had this spark of maturity that remained throughout her childhood even until now, and her cheekbones were prominent and serious, suggesting an adult-like aura since she was missing the chubby cheeks that normally dominated childlike features.

Her father looked like her in subtle areas, such as the dimples they shared, but other than that, the only reason you would assume they were related is because they were both Korean. He had short, black hair and a friendly face that already had laugh-lines all over it, though he had only been in his 30s when this was painted. _"Take care of my daughter, would you?" _I heard him ask me in my head.

Her mother was so strikingly similar to Kokone that I sometimes caught myself mistaking one for the other completely. The only differences honestly were the eyes and the hair length. Even today, her mother looked remarkably young for her age, though there were a few signs of aging after the whole murder thing…

"Everything is so different," she mumbled. I didn't have to ask what she meant. Usually when this day passed by, she would blow if off with a classic Kokone-esque distraction, hardly acknowledging it in the least. I guess that's why I hadn't noticed this year, despite everything that had happened. But I really _should _have, I told myself.

"I didn't even realize…10 years. What have I been doing for all this time?" She sighed tiredly. "I miss him."

"I know." She abruptly got up at this time and offered her hand to pull me up with her. I must have looked confused, because she started to explain.

"I don't want to be here right now. Let's go somewhere else."

"…Alright. We can go to my place? I still have some of that hakusai soup left." She nodded, and headed out the door.

Once we reached my house, she sat at the table and stared out the window, just as she had at school. I wasn't sure if I should make conversation or not, but then she eliminated this question by getting up to turn on the radio in the corner of the kitchen. As I heated up some soup for the both of us, I watched her carefully. She turned though, finally taking notice of this.

"What are you looking at?"

"Nothing. You know it's okay to cry, right?" This must have startled her, but she responded coolly anyway.

"I don't want to cry. I had a shitty day already. The last thing I need to do is _cry._"

"What was so bad about it?" She gave me a look. "Well I mean, besides the obvious…" She sighed.

"I had a fight with my mom this morning. I stopped to look at that picture before I left for school but…I guess I had been there longer than I thought. She told me that if I had time to stare at a painting, then I was wasting time I could be using to make something of myself." She made an annoyed face. "I still haven't done anything useful, according to her."

"Our teacher told me that I needed to get my priorities straight, and she even asked me if this is how I would treat my parents. _Parents._ And those guys in the hallway? They had been talking about me earlier, saying that if I was half as friendly as I was beautiful, one of them would ask me out." My skin prickled with anger.

"None of those people know you. And your mom doesn't know about your involvement in the whole antidote thing, and what about Kazuko? Trust me, you don't need approval from those people." She smiled sadly at this reassurance.

"You're sweet," she said. "But if someone has to _really _get to know me to have any reason to respect me, doesn't that mean something as well?" She had a point, but…that didn't matter at the moment. I sulked towards her, hanging my head as if I were depressed. She smirked at this.

"What, are you sad now too?"

"Indeed I am. Do you know what would make me happy?"

"…what."

"If you would dance with me. That would make me very happy." I felt like a child, but what better way to make her laugh? All I wanted to see was that breathtaking smile…

"_Dance _with you? Ichiro, I am _not _going to dance with you."

"Come on, I'll show you how." I extended my hand, which she stared at, completely unsure.

"You'll show me how to dance? What kind of dancing are we talking about?" As she spoke, she took my hand, and I swung her into a traditional ballroom dancing position, grinning like there was no tomorrow.

"Like this." I put her right hand on my shoulder, then placed mine on her hip.

"You _can't _be serious."

"Kone-chan, don't make me upset. I finally get the chance to dance with the most beautiful girl in the room and she shoots me down with her words…" I feigned irrepressible sadness while I looked to the ceiling as if for answers. Kokone giggled and smacked me lightly on the chest.

"Shut up. I'm the only girl here." We were stepping back and forth now in a lazy box pattern around the kitchen. Surprisingly enough, the song on the radio fit the mood entirely; it was slow and sweet, as if encouraging us to waltz around peacefully.

"Well _obviously _I don't want to hurt other girls' feelings…but I'd have to say that assumption goes beyond this room."

"You're ridiculous. Hey, since when do you know how to dance like this?"

"I'm offended. It's part of being a perfect gentleman."

"Chiro, seriously. Where did you learn this?"

"…My mom. A few years back."

"Hm." We swayed for a few moments of silence before I decided it was time to fit in a few twirls, just to show off. As if she had no control over anything that was happening, I spun her out and then back in, causing her to laugh happily. I chuckled too; who knew this would be so fun?

Judo chose this moment to prance in, if only to join the fun. He barked a few times as he circled around us playfully, and we laughed along with him as I continued to lead her around the kitchen as gracefully as possible.

"I'm…" She trailed off after we had stopped talking for a few minutes.

"Huh?"

"Well – I…I'm really glad, Chiro."

"Glad?"

"Glad. I'm glad that I have you. And I'm glad that you tolerate me."

"Ah, what you _mean _to say is that you're _lucky _you have me to tolerate you. Hey!" I grinned after she gave me a nice smack on my shoulder, shooting me a threatening look that altogether failed.

"I'm being serious here! I know that I'm not the _easiest _person to deal with…I just wanted to thank you, I guess."

"Well, in that case, I'm glad too." She smiled at me fully, with the dimples and the sparkling eyes and everything. I chose that moment to dip her, bracing her lower back with my hand while holding her hand with the other. For some reason, she didn't seem all that surprised; more like delighted, it seemed to me.

So I leaned in and kissed her softly, thinking of how we both had been through hell and back – quite literally – and yet, had been able to fight through it all to end up here, this moment, right now.

This girl had taught me many things over the years, such as how to stand up for myself, or the seemingly less important things like my newfound ability to sleep through class unnoticed. But what I found to have the most gravity was the aspect that time, and everything within time, will always be changing. Any second could mean the difference between being miserable and being blessed, between feeling hatred and feeling love.

Which is why I can speak for Kokone and myself and say that we were both going to take advantage of every sunny moment.

The End

AN: Okayyy! I finally finished :D wow, this story is REALLY long huh? I never expected it to turn out this way. Anyway, if you still haven't done that poll from a few chapters back, pleeeease do so I can put the finishing touches on my plot plans for the sequel~

So yes, I do indeed had a sequel lined up and basically ready to go, so check up on that if you enjoyed this story. :]

Reviews are appreciated! And heck, readers are appreciated even more than reviews. Thanks, everyone!


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